mattchewie
Main Eventer
The following nostalgic 90s-ish moment has been provided by the Chewie World Order
Posts: 198
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Post by mattchewie on Jan 21, 2024 20:10:05 GMT -6
The scene cues in on "Ravishing" Rick Rude at yet another photo shoot. This time, UWF fans are present for the photo shoot. Rude is reclined on a set of folding chairs as he begins to speak.Rude: Alright, ladies. Let’s just cut the chatter for a bit and let me make something clear. There isn’t a soul that is announced, nor surprise entrants for this match that stand any chance of eliminating me from this match. I mean, I’ve covered every aspect of the match and how there isn’t anyone that even compares to me, right? And then, there’s the guys who are out here saying that they’re just going to toss people over the ropes, left and right. I know that this match is more than that. This match is a test of endurance and ring presence. I’ve shown time and time again that I’ve got the ring presence, as well as the ability to go the distance. You can talk all the talk in the world about how the world has been taken over by people with some class, but the truth of the matter is this, the world has been taken over by sensitive crybabies. I’ve been around for a few of the “Women’s lib” movements that you mentioned, and that hasn’t change anything. These women still chant my name and cheer every time that I take off my robe. Is it just jealousy that gets you to bring that up? I mean, you can play this nonchalant attitude all the livelong day, but anyone with any bit of common sense will be able to see straight through it. You give it this apathetic routine just to mask the fact that no one would have batted an eye at you otherwise. I wonder if that same apathetic attitude is used to mask the jealousy for the other guys that have made it based off of their looks and natural talents?
Rude chuckles before he continues.
Rude: I expected much more and much better from you, Cass. I expected you not to fall for the same tricks that everyone else always has fallen for. Attacking my vanity and attacking my age. I mean whenever you’ve got nothing else to attack, strike wherever you can, right? Rude raises an arm and flexes before continuing.
Rude: I mean, let’s match up either of your reigns against mine, why don’t we. How many times have you defended your title? Oh…that’s right…you still haven’t been able to successfully defend that title, have you? Meanwhile, I was able to defend it a record 6 times. Hell, who knows. I may just disqualify myself after I have the match won, just to prove a point that by disqualifying myself is the only chance in hell that you would ever have for beating me. I’ve repeatedly said that I want you to come at me with the best that you’ve got, but all I’ve got thus far is an Orange Cassidy that has trouble focusing on the task at hand. If you have the gumption to be able to go another round, I’d like to see you come back with something that actually has some merit to it, rather than just lightly batting the birdie back over the net like this is some lackadaisical game of badminton.
Rude wipes the sweat from his abs and flicks it at the camera.
Rude: And since you asked, the whole point of me planting the midget through the table on Revolution was to show the world exactly what is going to happen to you come Royal Rumble. Considering that any attempt at a rebuttal from you has been disappointing and sad thus far, I don’t see how you can confidently sit there and believe that you stand any bit of a chance of actually defending that championship. Rude stands next to the fans.
Rude: If my mind doesn’t change, I’ll just go ahead and take that disqualification just to wait on a time in which you actually put up more of a fight for this championship, because as of right now, it feels as if I am simply walking in and picking it up and claiming ownership of it.
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Post by Cwalker on Jan 22, 2024 12:44:04 GMT -6
After all this rambling on, LA Knight can be seen just looking around confused. Doesn't take long for the Million Dollar Megastar to snap back into things and speak.
LA Knight
'Ya got to excuse ol' L...A....Knight, but...did someone leave the backdoor open?
Again, Knight looks around.
L...A.....Knight asks that because seemingly out of nowhere, there's a lot of nobodies just poppin up, saying thinking they got a chance to win L...A....Knight's match. What L...A....Knight recommends is that all of 'ya go back to wherever it is that 'ya came from and stay there. I mean, who in the hell is Matt Sydal and why is he talking about friendship? Who the hell is Trick Williams and why is he the hype man for someone that claims to be him but is nothing more than a loser?
Eddie Guerrero is out here reading bedtime stories, not realizing that he's putting everyone to sleep by simply being on our screens. Listen to L...A....Knight Guerrero, 'ya were handed a World Championship match because the boss felt sorry for 'ya. He knew 'ya weren't gonna win; just like everyone else here. 'Ya had 'ya shot and that's the closest that 'ya or any of 'ya "hermanos" are going to get that Championship. Speaking of a crew of flunkies that won't be getting close to the Main Event again...
Knight turns to look at Bayley, O'Reilly and Joey Janela.
Sweet cheeks, L...A....Knight couldn't help but hear 'ya when 'ya called the lot out here in this ring a bunch of, what did 'ya say? Midcard Mooks? And as L...A....Knight looks around the field, he sees Rick Rude, Tommaso Ciampa, Steve Austin and a Viking, and L...A.....Knight couldn't help but agree more. But what 'ya seem to be forgetting here is that 'ya and 'ya brother ain't nothing more than the pot calling the kettle black. 'Ya brother lucked into a tournament victory because L...A....Knight wasn't around, but this time he isn't that lucky. L...A....Knight has all the tools to take care of Kyle O'Reilly and he, 'ya and 'ya brand new, slimy little brother knows it. Face it, Kyle is going to have another Road to WrestleMania, and this time L...A....Knight won't be there to make it so interesting.
Knight then turns his attention back to Steve Austin.
Austin, 'ya so dead set on making sure L...A....Knight doesn't win this but let L...A....Knight pose 'ya a question. How do 'ya know that 'ya still gonna be in the match by the time L...A...Knight makes his grand entrance. 'Ya see, L...A....Knight has his spot locked up. There's no secret when L...A....Knight is entering the Royal Rumble. The coveted Number 30 spot. But 'ya on the other hand, 'ya don't know when 'ya are coming out. And Austin, 'ya ain't really a spry chicken anymore. L...A....Knight doesn't know if 'ya ever had a prime, but L...A....Knight can rest assured that 'ya ain't in it now. So 'ya might be long gone before L...A....Knight even graces the ring with his presence. And wouldn't that be a shame. All this talk just to fail. But that's the story of 'ya career, isn't it.
And speaking of being Number 30...
Knight then looks at Tyler Breeze who is still resting on the ropes nonchalantly.
'Ya keep telling L...A....Knight that 'ya Sasquatch is the reason why he's Number 30. Like L...A....Knight should be thanking 'ya or something. L...A....Knight's Number 30 because 'ya not smart enough to see the forest beyond the trees. 'Ya let 'ya little issue with O'Reilly cloud 'ya judgment. 'Ya gave the best spot in the match to the most dangerous man in the match. 'Ya gotta realize something Breeze, that little selfie stick can't help 'ya this time. But rest asssured, once L...A....Knight dumps whoever is left and officially moves onto WrestleMania, he'll make sure that 'ya get that Thank 'Ya are waiting for. 'Ya caught L...A....Knight slipping once, but L...A....Knight guarantees 'ya that lightning won't strike a second time.
Last year, L...A....Knight made one mistake. He walked into the Royal Rumble with a backup plan...
Knight turns back and looks at O'Reilly and company once more.
L...A....Knight walked into the Royal Rumble knowing his path WresteMania in case he didn't win. This year, there is no backup plan. Because this year, there is no other option other than winning. L...A....Knight is going into this match one-hundred percent focused on the Main Event of WrestleMania. The Main Event that nobody else here deserves. The Main Event that nobody else here has worked so hard for. L...A....Knight hasn't had it easy like Orange Cassidy. L...A....Knight isn't a relic trying to relive his best days like Rick Rude or Stone Cold Steve Austin. L...A....Knight isn't delusional like Finn Balor or wet behind the ears like Dominick Mysterio. L....A.....Knight has had to pull himself up from the bottom twice now and L...A....Knight will not be denied. Sunday ends with a Million Dollars worth of fireworks going off and the announcement of "The Winner of the 2024 Royal Rumble Match" with EVERYBODY saying...
LA Knight spells it out for the world one final time.
L...A....Knight! YEAH!
And with that, Knight tosses his mic on the canvas. He exits the ring and walks up the ramp, leaving all his opposition in the dust. As Knight reaches the top of the stage, he throws up his signature "LA" hand sign before disappearing into the back,
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rawisrey
Freelance Writer
Forever
Posts: 254
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Post by rawisrey on Jan 22, 2024 12:52:15 GMT -6
Breeze has a overtly disgusted look on his face, almost as if he's confused. He swallows down holding back vomit before he looks at Bayley and raises his microphone.Tyler Breeze: Can't you keep THAT thing on a leash? Ugh.Breeze puts his hand to his face, as if wiping the sweat away as he tries to regain his composure form overexposure to uggo. Bliss pats him on the shoulder caringly to get him through it as she raises the mic to speak.
Alexa Bliss: I'm sorry, but was that a Serious attempt at um...You...Talking? Because that was almost as abysmal as you're whole look, and stench. You want to try those baseless sexist remarks on me, like it's some kind of insult at all when it's coming from nowhere. When Granna and Manuel getting strange is the only reason these two are together, she's come out of several locker rooms On camera, and Kyle shacked up with a Japanese luchador. Funny how Bayley and yourself throw so much shade my way, when you people only seem to exist to get in bed with one another. Oh but speaking of bed, you seem to want to throw these threats at Tyler because of him mentioning dear Despy...Well you know, I had a fɿiend, who got real close and friendly with Despy. Gave him a vacation from this company actually, and then gave his boss and mentor a vacation as well. So hee hee, Sowwy if we're so familiar, With so much play and pain in the past...Despy practically is an old friend...I was always there afterall-Bliss' voice changed considerably as she sounded eerily upbeat and creepily cheerful, Omos uncrossed his arms and looked down at Bliss with a weird look almost as if he instinctually felt like something bad was happening but Breeze was non the wiser as he's simply staring at himself in his phone as Alexas demeanor returns to normal as she blinks a couple times and clears her throat regaining her composure.Ahem...Threaten all you want Joey. Fact of the matter is, you trying to help and speak up for your friend over here has only proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that he's beaten already. He's looking this way thinking up ways to hurt Tyler, figuring out ways to cause pain even taking in your little suggestions and dreaming them up for when the night finally comes. But for all that Want, and Need in him to do it...What has it made him now? A man out of control standing in the corner. A man who needs his sister, his friends, and his...whatever you are to him Joey...to fight for him. It's okay to need help, Tyler needs help managing his goings on because he's that busy. But I'm talking as the woman who helps him do what he does, while you're talking because Kyle can't anymore. He's frothing at the mouth so Bayley needs to be concise and direct and Joey needs to be though and confident, you're the waving flags trying to distract from the crumbling scene before us as proven superstar who is known for his jokes, quips, and long winded interviews. Can't even say a word for himself for the past couple minutes. Are you listening closely now Joey, do I need to write this down for you so you can understand it clearly. That is why Tyler Breeze is Different, not because he can manipulate the peons in the crowd that you so eloquently belittled, but because he can turn a multiple time champion, King of the Ring Winner, and master technician...into just another hot headed, angry, common member of the faceless crowd. At this point, he's contributed to this matchup about as much as any one of the people watching, all because of my man. Do you know the best part Joey? Since you seemed so thrilled and smiley to speak to me like I don't know what I'm talking about. Is that this match, is the most dangerous match your boy has ever been in, and none of you three bozos see it. All Kyle can do is think about ways to hurt Tyler, all you can do is confidently without question believe that Kyle is going to destroy Tyler, Bayley is so sure she's clocking out once the bell rings. The only worldview available to you three is one in which Kyle O'Reilly submits Tyler Breeze. I've worked with a lot of varying minds, and I take the good lessons I learn from them to my job now. One of the best lessons I learned is the best way to break someone is to shatter their worldview. Doing that, it changes people. It makes people switch alliances, change demeanor, or even just quit. Which path do you think each of you will be taking, when what you can't even fathom as a possibility...happens? There in lies the danger, not because you might get some stitches, or perhaps are stuck in a cast for a while... But because you're so devoted to this one point of view, that when it's totally and utterly ripped from you...by a man you can't help but see in a specific light. It will mentally change you each. No one has ever been, THAT kind of threat, to Kyle O'Reilly or his family before. Breeze steps up to the center of the ring, side eyeing his opponent and company before beginning to speak.Tyler Breeze: The light you see me in, it's the one I choose. Most people don't realize, Modeling is all a work of perspective. Challenging what the eye finds interesting and good, and building a world out of a couple steps and look. We need to convey everything in a still image, turn a raised floor in a cold building into beaches, parks, night outs, and parties by drawing you into what we wear and how we wear it. To dumb dumb dodos like you, that may sound pretendious Alexa Bliss: Pretentious.Tyler Breeze: Like being really really good looking is all there is to it. But as a Male Model, I understand emotion better than anyone because I need to convey it through my gorgeous eyes. So it comes easy to change that in people, to make you feel how i want you to feel in order to get what I want. It's so easy in fact, like Lexi has proven in the past, that I can tell you what I'm doing and it'll still work. So just with Eye smiles, and eyebrow waves I've got Kenny so mad he's ready to bring me doom, Ouch I'm so scared Lexi get me a band-aid. Which means all he can think about is the ways he'll hurt me, the armbar he's gonna put on me, and not the plan on how to get to that part. I've got him in tunnel vision, and that tunnel leads directly into Cuteville where I reign supreme, which means he won't even think about grabbing anything to use as a weapon cause he'll be running towards me instead. Third Guy is so confident he won't realize until it's too late what's going on, and should he try and save the day I've got 7 feet of "violence" standing behind me to check him. And the last piece of the puzzle, has been brow beaten and exhausted over time by what I've gotten her brother into for months that she's going on vacation when the bell rings which of course means she won't be a factor when big bro runs headlong into a mistake. Did I recap everything you guys proved nicely there?Breeze smugly looks at the Good, The Bad, and The Diabetic crew with an eyebrow cocked and a smirk that even a mother would punch. To top off the condescending attitude, he raises his phone and looks into it as he continues talking. Totally belittling and ignoring three different people who want to bring him pain to their faces.Sweet and Sour, NWO, World's Strongest Men, This thing you got going on right now. Kenny is a tag team wrestler in a company that has no tag teams, and he struck out on his own and won the King of the Ring and everyone was proud of him. But a couple weeks go by and all Kenny is begging for is a tag, I mean just look at the company he keeps now. He went into the actual gutters, drained them a little, and pulled out some of that Mid Gutter slop to be friends with. You may be a Prince of Uggos, but you are not 'Common' People pigtails. Common people don't get their entire wardrobe from a Gas Station, Common people don't look like they mainline nerds candy and huff duct tape. Because you look like you do drugs, but also like you're too dumb to know what drugs are and do your best with what you've got. Anyways my point is This is what Kenny is resorted to being around now, you might say I surround myself with people as well but the agenda is clear here...It's all about me, and Kenny needs it to be about more than just him. And now he's so far gone, that this match is going to be a show of Mercy. Because at the Royal Rumble, you're finally going to be given the Tag out you've been dying for. And when you're depressed and beaten go ahead and Call all your old friends, visit some of them in the hospital, play pattycake with Third Guy, kiss your fugly hubby, and most importantly: stay out of My spotlight. I'll even send you a Wrestlemania care package once I'm the main event, just try not to get too jealous when your significant other can't help but hang up that Gorgeous poster of me on your ceiling. After all, I'm just a model... aren't I?Breeze licks his lips as he slides his finger across the edge of one of his eyebrows before giving his pretty looks to the camera, taking a couple good selfies.
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Post by Danny on Jan 22, 2024 20:44:16 GMT -6
Becky Lynch: Now hold on. Just take a step right here and...
Becky Lynch comes out on stage with Sami Zayn in a blindfold. She takes off the blindfold and Sami's music starts playing.
Becky Lynch: Welcome to your surprise Royal Rumble celebration party!
Becky starts dancing in place and Sami looks around at everyone, looking teary eyed that they would all come out here for him. He quickly wipes away any tears and Becky hands him a mic, yelling out "Speech! Speech!". Sami raises the mic to speak.
Sami Zayn: Wow! You like me, you really like me!
A classic Sally Field misquote but we won't get into that right now.
Sami Zayn: So happy to see all of you out here to celebrate my Royal Rumble win! It just really goes to show you that despite all of our differences and the extreme disbalance of our quality as wrestlers, that we can all come together when it really matters. Supporting the one true hero of UWF.
Sami looks to the heavens with a big smile on his face. The arena of course is filled with boos. There are more evil men, more arrogant men and more successful heels but no one is as hated as Sami Zayn is by the crowd.
Sami Zayn: While it's so good to see some of today's top stars gracing the ring to honor me, I'd say it's even greater to see some of the legends come out and pay their respects. Stone Cold, you are considered one of the greats of an overrated era and I'm so happy to see you here because you can be a first hand witness to my greatness. You were there when Dean Ambrose went from #1 all the way to winning the Royal Rumble and main eventing Wrestlemania. I out classed and embarrassed that chump when he returned two years ago but everyone thinks it was just the coma that he came out of that was hampering him. You on the other hand will be able to truly see just how much I outclass him when I go from #1 to all the way to the main event of Wrestlemania. And no need to ask me, the answer is yes, I'll do your little radio show so we can go in depth about how I should be all 4 faces of UWF's Mount Rushmore.
Stone Cold looks like The Undertaker with how badly he's rolled his eyes at the Forever Champion who starts to make his way down the ramp.
Sami Zayn: You know it's such a shame I don't see LA Knight out here. I guess with a man who has as big an ego as him, it's hard to share the spotlight. I get it though, he's embarrassed about how he utterly failed to make any successful Prime Time Medal defenses and just how quickly I snatched it off of him. It's OK buddy, not everyone is as great as me. Half of the people out here have lost to your Forever Champion and the other half are about to experience it. Plus who knows what surprises are in store. The Royal Rumble always brings a few surprises and guess what? I may have a few surprises up my sleeve as well but I'll never tell.
Sami zips his lips and throws away the key. He realizes he still wants to talk though and goes back to pick it up and zips his mouth back open.
Sami Zayn: I was about to stop speaking but then I forgot, this party is all about moi. I guess that's why I don't see Ciampa out here. After I sent him packing at last year's Wrestlemania, he probably couldn't bare to see me face to face.
Zayn smirks, clearly fine with not bringing up the fact that Ciampa just defeated him a few weeks ago.
Sami Zayn: Actually it's a shame that some of my real friend's couldn't make it. While I appreciate that some on my co workers are stand up guys, the lack of any real quality people is a bit disheartening. I mean I'm pretty sure Tyler is just here because his publicist told him it's a great way to get his name out there. God knows he needs to leech off of something and what better way to get publicity than to be seen at Sami Zayn's celebration party. But I'm only going to say this once. You and Kyle better keep your hands off of each other. I will not allow you to ruin this party for me. If you two wish to be taught a lesson, you'll have to wait until January 28th just like the rest of these people.
Sami motions to everyone and scans around the arena, taking in who all is out here.
Sami Zayn: Hmm. Now I could have sworn I heard some other voices out here earlier and-
Becky Lynch: Oh they were on the titantron speaking.
Sami Zayn: But I heard them multiple times?
Becky Lynch: Yeah they pop in and out.
Sami Zayn: So what are they just sitting at home listening to people speak and then they go live again? Why not just stay online? Seems idiotic?
Becky Lynch: I don't know that's just what some people do.
Sami Zayn: Well regardless, I think it's time for some speeches. Sydal, talk about how I kicked your head clean off your shoulders that one time! Or no you Randy, talk about how I embarrassed you so bad, you stopped your vampire act. Oh no Kyle, how about you bring up how I forced to and Sweeney out of the tag team division! Go on tell everyone!
Sami waits with baited breath for Kyle to speak up.
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mattchewie
Main Eventer
The following nostalgic 90s-ish moment has been provided by the Chewie World Order
Posts: 198
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Post by mattchewie on Jan 22, 2024 21:27:49 GMT -6
Rude: Well, ladies…they’re calling for last call….what do you say we order one more round?
Rude motions to the bartender to deliver another round.
Rude: Now, I can’t remember which of you asked the question, but I’ll answer it, regardless. What makes me think that I’ve got what it takes to win this match? That one is an oddly simple question to answer. What other participant has anything that even remotely measures up to anything that “Ravishing” Rick Rude has to offer?
The bartender delivers the tray of shots as Rude takes one and downs it.
Rude: I’m just going to go ahead and call it, the final two will be myself and LA Knight. That kid is full of piss and vinegar, as well as completely full of himself. But I’ve never been up against an opponent this many times and not had a clean victory. Granted, he’s got the only victory over me…but even with our last encounter, he wasn’t able to actually beat me. We had to call it a draw. How I imagine it going down will be that he gets his head stuck too far up his own ass and gets all proud and confident, which will get the wool pulled over his eyes and blind him from me taking advantage and tossing his ass over the top rope, giving me the sweet victory and the chance to go on to challenge whoever holds the title come Wrestlemania.
Rude hands out shots before taking another shot of his own.
Rude: You see, ladies….it doesn’t matter who will be the surprise entrants into this match, it doesn’t matter how many former winners of this match will be there, it doesn’t matter who the other frontrunners are for winning this match…the simple fact of the matter is this, they’re not “Ravishing” Rick Rude. While my name alone may not be enough to win this match, but the legacy that I lead will be what guarantees my victory. Sure, I’ve got an alliance with Kyle heading into this match, but that isn’t the only thing that adds to the certainty of my victory. Since I’ve returned, name one person that’s had a clean victory over me? Exactly! There isn’t one. Any loss that I’ve been handed upon returning has come from cheap underhanded tactics, and for that reason…I’ll have my eyes peeled for anyone attempting to pull any shortcuts on me. There won’t be any surprise schoolboys in this match, there won’t be anyone using the ropes to help them with their pins. What will be required is someone actually matching and besting my raw strength and muscular structure in order to toss me over that top rope….but it just ain’t going to happen. There is one person on this entire friggin’ roster that even compares to my muscular structure, and I don’t even think Adonis is in this match. Even if he is, he’ll be an afterthought. Hell, I’ve even heard that there are a few ghosts from the past that may poke their heads into this match. Eric has been able to keep his ear close to the ground to learn that Austin is set to make an appearance at this Rumble. If Austin couldn’t keep me contained or hold me down even when he had administrative power, what chance does he think he has of matching my in-ring prowess?
Rude reaches down, takes another shot. He looks at one of the ladies giving him “the eyes”, rares his hand back and gives her ass a firm smack.
Rude: Now, I’m sure there will be a cacophony of those who would tear into me for what I just did there…but, who cares? I’m the friggin’ franchise of the UWF, I’m just built differently. Sure, the world is a different place than what it was back in the 80s, and I’m sure that several of my opponents over the past few months or even in this match have tried to highlight that point, but the question that I want you to ask yourselves is this, does it friggin’ matter? I don’t answer to society, I don’t answer to anyone. I do what I want, when I want to. And what I want, right now is to win that Royal Rumble. The question that I have for each of you is this: When has “Ravishing” Rick Rude not got what he has wanted? Exactly my point. I came back to this sport and wanted to prove that I still had it, what did I do? I broke friggin’ records. My one and only reign as Intercontinental champion, and I’m already deemed as the greatest Intercontinental Champion of all time. Imagine what I would do as the World Champion? The only people that would pose a threat to me in this match don’t even work for the UWF anymore! Everywhere I go, I break records…and I’m not even anywhere near finished with breaking more records. The name on everyone’s lips for this match is “Ravishing” Rick Rude. Why? Because I’m the biggest damn threat to everyone in this friggin’ match! Meanwhile, all the other names attached to this match can’t even hold a friggin’ candle to me. Everyone else is busy trying to even get their candles lit, but they just keep blowing out in the meantime. The best chance that any of you have at even eliminating me in this match would be to band together and make me fight the numbers, but I could easily handle the lot of you, barely even breaking a sweat. The fact is simply this, “Ravishing” Rick Rude wins this match, while the rest of you are left in broken piles on the outside of the ring.
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Post by Fauche on Jan 22, 2024 22:05:43 GMT -6
Kyle comes out from the corner like Rocky Balboa getting off the stool for that definitive twelfth round in any given fight he's ever been in. The Diabetic Dragon looks like he's ready to start swinging, and sure enough, Joey and Bayley are right there to hold him back again. He steps past them - through them - to take control of the center of the squared circle.
There's no fighting though. Not yet. His finger is on the trigger but he ain't pulling it. Instead, O'Reilly lifts his mic on more time. Seeing that Kyle's gonna do some talking now, his step-sister and best pal back off just a little, giving him space to say what he has to say.KO'R: It feels like frigging forrrrrrrrrever me and you have been going back and forth now and what have we even figured out? Huh? KO'R: You put me down once. Once. And you had to cheat to do it. And that was months ago. And you're still wearing it like a badge of honour because between that and some title you won like a million years ago, you've accomplished exactly TWO things in the UWF. All this talk all the time about how great you are, just nothing to show for it. Even a "tag team guy" like me's done better than that.
But no matter how man times I try and tell you or beat it into your head like I did at Slammiversary, you just stick your fingers in your ears and run away singing like "LA-LA-LA-LA! I CAN'T HEAR YOU! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!" and if you and your psycho personality-disorder girlfriend can't figure out why I gotta restraining order myself in the corner over there whenever you're talking, its because you're the most unreal annoying, over-entitled, under-talented, bottom sucker I've ever seen in this sport... and dude... I've seen a lot. O'Reilly's analysis of Breeze gets some serious applause from the fans.KO'R: I have been stuck looking at your mangy rodent face since September knowing that there's everything I want on the other side of it, and every time I take an honest swing, you just manage to get out of my way. What's less than millimeters? Whatever it is, that's the difference between life and death for you. You haven't proven a gosh dang thing since you got back except that you've got all the same skillset as a cockroach when it comes to surviving a nuclear level threat.
So Tyler, man, what's gonna happen is that at some point in this match, maybe in the first ten seconds, maybe five minutes in, maybe after I've had to chase you around the whole entire arena - whenever - I'm gonna get on top of you. I'm gonna hold ya down cause I'm a better wrestler. I just am. And its like Bayley says - its gonna be more brutal than its ever been allowed to be. And its like Joey says - its gonna be a hardcore massacre. I'm gonna punch your face over and over and over again and the only thing that's gonna keep your modeling career alive is if you tap out and they send all the security it took to break up that brawl on Revolution to drag me off of you in time. As the trash talking gets more violent, its looking like Kyle might toss the mic aside any second now to get to fighting. He lifts his free hand up, but not to strike, though. No, instead, he points to back - a vague indicator towards the rest of that locker room as a whole.KO'R: Everyone around here always goes into their matches asking the same stupid question. They go up to the guy they're facing and they're like "Duh... uh... what are you gonna be saying after I beat you though?" Kyle's impression is cro-magnonesque in delivery.KO'R: Its literally the worst thing. So I'm not gonna ask you that. I'm gonna tell you that after this match is done, you won't have to worry about what you're gonna say, cause your mouth isn't gonna work. And it won't just be cause I broke it, it'll be cause they'll put you in a medically induced coma to deal with all the brain trauma. The doctors and the nurses and surgeons and the specialists are gonna look at the scans and they're not gonna know which parts of the irreversible damage are from me hurting you and which parts you were born with or you gave yourself from huffing too much hair spray.
Somewhere in between all that mess, though, waaaaaay deep down inside that big nap you might never wake up from... maybe... just maybe you'll be able to dream still. And just like it is with you right now, you won't be able to even tell that your imagined version of your life has nothing to do with the real world. Yeah. Yeah I hope you're happy in that tiny little shred of flickering brain function you've got left to live in, cause that's all I'm leaving you with.
Your Wrestlemania fantasy isn't coming true. Your Royal Rumble moment isn't happening - not the one you came back for where you beat everyone, and especially not this one you've got with me first. Good health, "good" looks, fame, fortune, whatever else you got - I'm ripping it all to shreds with my bare hands. Then when... or if... anyone talks about Tyler Breeze again in the future, it'll just be when they're telling people why Kyle O'Reilly isn't the kinda guy you fuck with!Bayley gasps as Kyle drops that hard eff. Joey's all smiles all over again. Lethal swear use. Kyle is as unhinged as he is laser focused and its a deadly combination.
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Post by crann on Jan 23, 2024 5:55:47 GMT -6
You know the drill. The 'tron fires up and we once again see some B-roll to set us up with a location. This time, it's the City of Sails.Next, we are taken inside the Sky Tower, where the Champion of the Intercontinents is standing by. On this very rare occasion, he actually has his title on his shoulder and not in the backpack.Orange Cassidy: If I can be perfectly honest for a minute, you're all really just starting to bore me. From Dick "flappin' my jowls" Dude to Loser Anthem "screaming won't make me any more accurate but it's worth the effort anyway" Knight to Kyle "I don't know where I am because I was hit one too many times on the head so I'm just going to threaten everyone" O'Reilly to every other pretender down in that ring or elsewhere in my Intercontinents, all I've heard is a bunch of nonsense. You know why it's all nonsense? Because each and every single one of you, to a man, has said you're going to win the Royal Rumble when you all know it's not true. The only person who stands a chance of winning this thing is me, and it's because I'm in it and have the life-affirming power of Vitamin C on my side. Cassidy shakes his head, then looks to his shiny belt.That's why I decided to bring the title out of my backpack for once. I decided to be generous and give all of you people a chance to look at some gold. This isn't the gold you'll all be scratching and clawing to try and get your undeserving mitts on in the Rumble. It's better than that. But I figured with the possible exception of the Viking cosplayer, the rest of you probably had no idea what a real championship even looks like. So here it is. The UWF Championship of the Intercontinents. The most prized and sought-after title in the history of the UWF. More prestigious than any belt before or since. My title. This is the kind of belt you couldn't win or lose an opportunity to just by losing some stupid 30-man scramble, either. I wouldn't want my challengers to debase themselves to that extent, or tire themselves out that much before they come face to face with me – it's shameful. And it's a big part of the reason why the UWF Championship has lost so much prestige. No. The only way to earn a shot at this 10 Pounds of Gold is to prove you're deserving by beating at least three other men in straight-up wrestling contests. I did it. Dick did it, too. Which puts the two of us on a level beyond the rest of you – and since I hold the title, that puts me on the top of the heap.Cassidy smirks as he runs a hand through his meticulously coiffed hair.But it's okay, because it's almost time for push to come to shove and for the Royal Rumble to be contested and the winner finally revealed to the world en masse. I already know who it is, and deep down all of you do, too: Me. Orange Cassidy. "Freshly Squeezed." I'm the only man who walked into this company and on the first day back was given the golden opportunity, because I'm the only man that Carter knows will come through in the end, Hell or high water. And just as I've elevated the undesirable Intercontinental Championship and refreshed it as the Championship of the Intercontinents – a global sensation that has drawn millions of new viewers from around the world – I will once again bring the UWF Championship to good repute. That is my mission, and with an armada of L'il Oranges holding their thumbs partially up, I will rise to the occasion. Because that's just how I do – and I dare any of you to try and stop me.
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Post by crann on Jan 23, 2024 6:23:51 GMT -6
Establishing footage shows our intrepid Champion of the Intercontinents has landed in The Armpit of Canada.Cassidy is shown next, flashing his signature lackadaisical thumbs-up and wearing a disposable surgical mask.Orange Cassidy: I know what you're thinking, and no, I didn't expect to be stuck here in the land of the Jets and not much else. If there is one city on the face of this planet that I dislike more than Detroit it might be Winnipeg. I mean, they don't even have a proper airport. But here I am, stuck on an unexpected layover, forced to breathe the same air as these Winnipeg troglodytes, with my Championship of the Intercontinents and other belongings already in Toronto, so I guess I'd better make the best of a bad situation.Cassidy shakes his head. He's digressing. The Champion of the Intercontinents takes a moment to refocus and circles back to addressing his Royal Rumble challenger.Dick, I'm sure you made some real good points in all of that hot air you just expelled but frankly I just don't really care at this point. You can keep talking about how you're better than me, but if you were, you'd already be Champion of the Intercontinents. You're not, though, and you never will be. That title is like a symbiote and I am like Tom Hardy, you know? We're inseparable. So when you say you're going to walk up into that UWF ring and give me a Rude Awakening and that'll be it, you fail to realize one very important fact: a Rude Awakening isn't anything special. I've taken lots of guys' signatures, and not a single man has ever put me down for a three-count since I came back to the UWF. At best it's taken at least two men, or one woman because I didn't know I was allowed to hit a girl. So take a moment to stew on that while you question my bona fides and say that I haven't proven myself or that I'm just a slacker or what have you. Take a moment to remember all of the other men who have made the same mistake and what it cost them.Cassidy grins widely now. Confidently. He's in his groove. He's feeling himself. His grip is tight on that Championship of the Intercontinents. Figuratively, anyway. It's 940 miles away in a literal sense.I get it, though. Just like my plane an hour ago, you're fresh off of all of those Prime Time defenses and the old boy thinks he still has some vim in him yet. You're flying high. But just like my jet, you're about to be grounded by a cold, hard truth. And that cold, hard truth is that you're just not strong enough, just not fast enough and just not smart enough to overcome the X factor that I bring to the table. You keep talking about your record-setting reign, but you omit the fact that your third defense was a loss by count-out to some loser who isn't even in this company anymore because he doesn't cut the mustard. I mean, who even is Brian Lee? Really, that just makes you like Loser Anthem Knight, who knew he couldn't beat me so he ran away in his first Prime Time Medal defense. Or how about Maximum Jerkoff Fistman, who thought he had me beat until he had to bring in his buddy to clock me from behind because nothing he did to me could keep me down?Cassidy laughs confidently.You want to talk about how I haven't done anything to prove myself, but every name on your list of defenses is a nobody who isn't even with the company anymore. Meanwhile, I've literally beaten the UWF Champion, the former UWF champion, multiple Prime Time medalists – the list of names of men in the company today who haven't lost to me is short enough that I can count them on one hand and I'm about to fold one of those fingers at the Rumble when I put you down for a three-count, bud. So instead of acting like you're so high and mighty, like you're better than I am, why don't you do what a challenger is supposed to do and try to convince the UWF Universe that you stand a snowball's chance in heck of beating me? It's not my job to convince you that I'm better. I've got the gold to prove it. What have you got except a whole bunch of hot air?With that, Orange considers his piece spoken. He turns to his assistant.Get me out of this dump, pronto. No. I'm not signing any autographs.And the Champion of the Intercontinents wanders off as the 'tron flips back to the UWF graphic.
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Post by shiny on Jan 23, 2024 17:52:33 GMT -6
We cut to the dimly lit UWF backstage area, where JD McDonagh's expression remains inscrutable as he takes in his surroundings. This is his first time in a UWF arena, his first look at the studio in which he will mount his easel. His eyes are sharp and analytical with an intensity but also a calmness. His lips curl into a sly grin, a subtle acknowledgment of the chaos unfolding both in the ring and backstage. There’s nothing like a Royal Rumble match to make people start prematurely bragging about what they have yet to do. JD McDonagh: My head is spinning. All these faces showing up on the screen, all these names appearing in the ring, all these superstars declaring their intentions. Rick Rude says that he’ll win the Royal Rumble, then LA Knight says that he’ll win the Royal Rumble, then Swerve Strickland says that he’ll win the Royal Rumble. Rinse and repeat with Tyler Breeze, with Kyle O’Reilly, with Adrian Neville. Joey Janela. Orange Cassidy. Chad Gable. Roman Reigns. Hell, even my partner in crime Finn Bálor is joining in the fun. After a while, it gets a little tedious watching a bunch of people taking turns saying they're going to win the Royal Rumble match ad nauseam, but do you know what? I don’t mind it. He chuckles at the thought of all these repeating proclamations of victory. At least there isn’t a shortage of confidence in the ranks of UWF’s roster. Only one person can win the Royal Rumble match though, which means all but one of these promised victories will never come to pass. Still, McDonagh is impressed that all these people have the guts to appear before the world and claim to be that one. JD McDonagh: After all, what’s the point in doing a match as big and as important as the Rumble without building up a little excitement beforehand? It’s all about the anticipation! The days leading up to a big match are something truly special. It’s like the second before the lips touch in a first kiss… or the moment before your fist connects with an opponent's face for what you know will be a knockout blow. When you can see it in their eyes that they know they’re getting knocked out but there’s nothing they can do to stop it because there’s not enough time to dodge or raise their hands to block. The panic, then the dread, then the resignation. If only we could slow down time to make these moments last forever. When McDonagh shifts his focus to the Royal Rumble and the excitement that has been building up for it, a spark of anticipation ignites in his eyes. For him, it is five minutes to midnight on New Year’s Eve. He has been waiting for this event for a long time and now his wait is very nearly over. There’s nothing more uplifting than having something to look forward to. JD McDonagh: Arriving in UWF is a big moment for me. It would be under any circumstances, but to make my debut in the most exhilarating match of the year is just ideal. I make art out of violence and my debut piece will be a collaboration with pretty much all of the roster. All those stars coming together for a spectacular display of glorious violence. Moments like this are what I live for! After the match is over, when my hand is being held up by the referee, there will be a lot of broken bodies at ringside, a lot of medical staff working overtime, a lot of nasty little bumps and bruises, torn ligaments and broken bones… but oh what fun I’ll have along the way! The demeanour of JD McDonagh changes as he discusses his UWF debut. His body language exudes a thinly-veiled excitement as he talks about inflicting injuries on his many opponents. The mention of broken bodies and medical staff bring him pleasure. After all, this is the medium through which he expresses himself. JD McDonagh: If we’re doing this dance where everyone on the roster takes turns coming out to the ring or showing up on the screen and saying that they’re going to win the Royal Rumble match, then who am I to break a pattern. Ladies and gentlemen, my name is JD McDonagh… and you guessed it, I’m going to win the Royal Rumble match. As the final declaration echoes through the backstage area, McDonagh’s grin returns, this time accompanied by a raised eyebrow, a challenge to anyone daring to doubt his intentions. The confidence in his posture remains unshaken, embodying the unapologetic arrogance of a man who sees the Royal Rumble as nothing more than a canvas for his twisted art.
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Post by Dres on Jan 23, 2024 19:32:41 GMT -6
While the others have been talking, Stone Cold has moved to ringside and started enjoying some frosty Steveweisers. As he puts another one away, he raises his microphone to respond to what he’s heard one more time.
Stone Cold: What was the name a’ that sumbitch? Jay Dee McDonald’s? (What?) Or was it McDumbass? (What?) Fact a’ the matter is, ol’ Stone Cold listened to ‘im like he did all a’ these other bottom feeders and looked at ‘im and came to the conclusion that he’s just another sorry carcass with a punchable face and a whippable ass!
The crowd pops as Austin continues.
See, Stone Cold has made his purpose in this match-up entirely crystal clear, but some a’ ya have a hard time understandin’ somethin’ if you don’t have yer hand held so here it is again. Me, Stone Cold Steve Austin, is gonna enter this here Royal Rumble and not only beat the hell outta anyone standin’ in the ring when he gets to it, but toss their sorry asses out of the ring! Now I know what yer thinkin’, if I’m not in it to win it, surely I’m openin’ myself up ta’ gettin’ thrown out ma’ damn self. Well ta’ that I say don’t call me Shirley, but also yer right. Someone is gonna end up tossin’ ol’ Stone Cold out, but the bottom line is I’m goin’ out swingin’ and I’m takin’ as many a’ you sumbitches with me as possible!
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