Post by Danny on Nov 18, 2020 18:22:32 GMT -6
As the opening video finishes, things go live to the inside of the arena as pyrotechnics go off from the stage and the camera pans around to get a shot of the Revolution fans in attendance before panning to the commentary table where Corey Graves, Mauro Ranallo, and Tom Phillips are standing by.
Tom Phillips: Hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome to another great edition of Revolution. I’m Tom Phillips.
Mauro Ranallo: I’m Mauro Ranallo.
Corey Graves: And I’m Corey Graves.
Tom Phillips: In singles competition, Chris Jericho faces Hornswoggle.
Mauro Ranallo: In tag team action, The Mexicools take on Sweet ‘n Sour Inc.
Corey Graves: Also in tag team action, the Dangerous Tekkers face the team of Ikeman and Kodama.
Tom Phillips: Cedric Alexander goes up against Bray Wyatt.
Corey Graves: And in our main event, Minoru Suzuki versus Killer Kross in a non-title match.
Mauro Ranallo: But first it's Pete Dunne going up against Roman Reigns and that match starts now!
We head back to the ring to see Roman Reigns standing by with Nia Jax.
As the Marilyn Manson banger "The Fight Song" hits the arena PA, the fans settle into an awkward silence, waiting to see whom this theme heralds. They take to their feet and boo loudly as the former UWF Prime Time Champion, Drew Galloway, emerges from the back in his signature cape, marching slowly toward the top of the ramp with his head hanging and face obscured by his dark hair. Behind him emerges a man less familiar to UWF audiences in the form of the Bruiserweight, Pete Dunne. The younger wrestler steps up alongside his taller compatriot and lifts a fist to his jaw as Galloway throws his hair back in a roar, then the two look at each other and nod before heading down to the ring.
Tony Chimel: Weighing in at 207 pounds, the "Bruiserweight" Pete Dunne!
The booing grows louder as Dunne glares with disdain at fans seeking high fives while he walks past their outstretched hands. Galloway's focus is locked totally on the ring. As the pair ascend the ring steps, they move along the apron perpendicular to one another before scraping their boots on it and stepping in. Galloway eyes the fans with an intense and angry expression as they boo, while Dunne mean-mugs the referee as he awaits the contest.
VS 
DING DING DING
Pete and Roman walk right to the middle of the ring and start brawling like non one's business! The smaller Dunne doesn't back down one bit as he strikes at Roman but the larger man is able to take control with some clubbing blows to the back or so it seems. Dunne falls to a knee but uses his lower center of gravity to push Roman into the corner and drive his shoulder right into his abdomen. From there he starts ramming his shoulder in multiple times before standing up straight and grabbing Roman's hand. Reigns already knows what Pete is trying to do and he ain't having none of that! He stiff him right in the face causing Dunne to let go of the hand and stumble backwards. Roman comes out of the corner and hits a jumping clothesline to take down his opponent. Rather than give him any time to recover, Roman bends down and picks him up, placing his head between his legs. He lifts him up for a powerbomb but Dunne starts raining down punches to the top of his head causing him to drop him. Roman is on Jell-o legs as Pete hits him with a step up enzuigiri to knock him flat on his face. Dunne turns him over to make the pin.
1 . . .
2 . . .
Roman kicks out! He tries to pick himself up off the mat but Dune steps on his right hand and starts grinding it down with his boot. Roman puts his hand on his boot to try and take it off but Dunne uses his other foot to stomp down on it. Roman removes his hand but Pete just starts grinding it with his other foot before jumping up and stomping both feet into the mat. Roman yells out in pain and hugs his hands close to his chest before rolling out of the ring.
Mauro Ranallo: Smart move there by Pete Dunne to effectively remove the Tribal Chief's most dangerous weapons from the game.
Corey Graves: Of course it was a smart move, especially when compared to a dumb oaf like Roman. Hopefully he keeps at it and breaks them so we don't have to see a Superman punch for a long time.
Dunne sees Roman trying to recover and so he decides to run right at him, diving out of the ropes with a forearm smash to the face to knock him back int the barricade! Dunne starts stomping away at him from there when Nia Jax comes around the corner. He stomps and just straight up gives her the finger before picking up Roman and tossing him back into the ring. He stares at her for a bit before sliding back in but Roman is already up and he nails Dunne with a dropkcik as he coming into the ring. Roman stays on him and starts beating him as best as he can but it's clear he's in pain every time he swings his fist. He decides to pick Dunne back up and lifts him onto his shoulders in a samoan drop position but Dunne grabs at his face and is able to break free behind him.
Roman turns around and goes to superman punch him but Dunne shoots his head forward and just straight up headbutts Roman's fist. Both men are feeling the effects of it as Roman grabs his hand and Dunne is wobbling around grabbing his head. Dunne reacts quicker though and grabs Roman's hand, quickly taking it with both hands and snaps his fingers! Roman falls to his knees while holding his hand in pain but Dunne grabs it once more, this time only using it to hold in place while he starts kicking him in the chest. He backs up and goes for a big kick but Roman hoisting him up in powerbomb position before laying him out with the sitout powerbomb! He stays there for the pin!
1 . . .
2 . . .
Dunne kicks out! Roman backs away to the corner and gets in his stance for the Spear. Dunne is slowly rising and when he turns around Roman comes charging at him full speed. Dunne ends up kneeing him right in the face! Roman turns around from the impact and Dunne grabs him from behind, hooking his leg and he throws him back with a Regalplex!
Mauro Ranallo: Regalplex!
Corey Graves: That's it he's done!
1 . . .
2 . . .
3 . . .
Tony Chimel: Here is your winner, Pete Dunne!
Galloway comes in and raises Dunne's hand. Roman rolls out of the ring and Nia glares at the duo in the ring while the show moves on.
The titantron switches from the UWF Revolution graphic to a feed from backstage. It's the Sweet n' Sour locker room. Asuka is absent-mindedly swiping through matches on her phone while Kyle is taping his wrists in preparation for the match ahead. Larry's vibe, however, is oodles more frantic. Oodles. Mr. 12 Large paces back and forth, breaking the forth wall and addressing the camera seconds after the video stream goes live on the big screen.
Sweeney: It'd be a joke if it weren't such an insult!
O'Reilly does that sniffy scoffy kinda nod in agreement. You know the type.
Sweeney: I couldn't believe my ears when I heard the news. Believing they failed me, I trusted my eyes to make it all make sense but when I saw the headlines I knew the worst had actually come true. Ha! The Mexicools! Against us! Sweet n' Sour Inc.! The greatest faction in the business today forced to wage war against the festering, rotted, zombified remains of the single most heinous group of miserable sons of guns that this company has ever seen... The Cartel.
Without looking up from her phone, Asuka mumbles passively.
Asuka: Karuteru o fakku.
Sweeney: Exactly! Exactly! It ain't just enough to say these bums are yesterday's news. They're yesterday's headache, today. A problem for a time long since passed. A lot of people put a lot of work into chasing them outta dodge. I was one of them. Believe me when I tell that we've all been better off for it.
But now Sami Zayn and Becky Lynch, desperate little bottom-feeders that they are, have somehow sunken even lower in their hapless mission to take these UWF World Tag Team Championships from us. They've struck a bargain with the devil himself! It's despicable! These scumbags prance around town like they're misunderstood heroes when the face of the matter is that there isn't a move dirty enough they wouldn't consider pulling it if it meant gaining an edge over us here on the Pink Team.
Larry pauses, letting his righteous indignation simmer a bit before continuing.
Sweeney: Alright. Fine. You wanna get nuts? Let's get nuts! This here? This ain't gonna be a classic catch-as-catch can wrestling contest. No sir! No ma'am! Send the kids out to the concession. For the elderly, the feint of heart, the pregnant - avert your eyes cause what you are about to witness is a scrappy slugfest and brother, she's gonna be bowling shoe ugly. There's nothing glamorous about taking out the trash, but dammit if that ain't just part of life, huh?
The glory'll have to wait a few more weeks. Yeah mama, we'll save it for Slammiversary. All roads lead to the big one - when this feud between Sweet n' Sour Incorporated and the Dynamic Duds comes to a bitter end inside the most dangerous structure human engineers have ever produced for prize fighting. Hell in a Cell. One team leaves with the UWF World Tag Team Champions. The other can kick rocks... for good.
I don't need to tell the good people of the UWF Universe where the smart money is on this one. So all I wanna say to you tonight is change the channel. Go outside, read a book, clean the cupboards... whatever. Just don't stick around to bear witness the driving of the final nail in The Cartel's coffin... don't give the jack-offs the satisfaction of a public execution. Let 'em die quiet and alone. That's still better than they deserve. Ain't that right, Kyle?
Kyle finishes up with the tape on his wrists, stands up and walks over to Larry and the camera.
KO'R: Mexicools? More like... Mexifools!
Sweeney: Haha! Nice one, pal!
KO'R: No like for real though... what the heck is even this? We send the best tag team of an era to fight Sami and Becky and they send up some fat old dudes on lawnmowers. I know The Cartel was like a big deal or whatever, but that was back when there was nine of them. That was half the roster. Now there are only three of them, and there's three of us and we're twice the wrestlers they are so even if the Dynamic Duo get involved, we still outnumber them by one.
Larry, who has been keeping count on his fingers, nods affirmatively.
Sweeney: The match checks out!
KO'R: And the Mexicans tap out. Or pass out. Whatever. I don't even care how we win. All that I care about is seeing the big dumb look on Sami and Becky's faces when they see their plan fails hard. It'll be one more thing they have to try and make an excuse for, and that's just one more thing we get to shove down their throats when we beat them once and for all.
Sweeney: Here here! Ahaha!
KO'R: It's been a friggin wild year. Strong Dragons, Gatorade, Larry coming back, losing streak, winning streak... just... all over the place. But the one thing that's stayed the same the whole time is I'm better at wrestling than those two are. Plus Larry's the best champ in history. Also plus Asuka. Triple Plus. Can't beat that. Nobody can.
Sweeney: Especially not those Mexicools! Just you wait and see, mama!
Larry howls with laughter again while the team gets back to preparing for the match. Revolution continues elsewhere.
The scene opens up with the Dangerous Tekkers in the back, Zack is the frontman and he appears to already be talking to an audience of reporters when the camera shows him
ZSJ:And that's why I think we should have thrown actual people and not just statues into the sea, maybe we could have gotten some sort of trade and get Patrick Star for Boris, he's about as qualified for the job as that nonce, ain't that right Taichi mate?
Taichi: Yes.
Zack loudly slaps Taichi's back in approval, the Black saint in unphased
ZSJ: Good man! now who's got the next question?
??: Zack? Taichi? here, I've got a question!
Without waiting for an answer, Charly Caruso paves her way through the sea of reporters together with our camera, she finds herself next to Zack and immediately starts talking
Charly Caruso: Hey Zack, Taichi, what is going on here?
Zack looks at her with disgust and reluctantly answers her question
ZSJ: Well after I learned of your piece of shit interviewer we decided we can't trust this company any longer and from now on will be conducting our interviewers with outside companies that don't support an orange prick as their president, you can get the scoops from them.
Taichi: It was the only logical solution.
ZSJ: Exactly, now does any humane, sane and left-leaning interviewer got a question?
The camera focuses on Caruso, you can see the glow in her eyes, she sees an opportunity to finally one-up her arch-nemesis Renee Young at something, but she hesitates, when ZSJ turns his back to her she snaps and goes for it
Charly: Actually Zack... unlike Renee I voted for Joe Biden! when I heard he was gonna win I literally went outside and screamed! one of the best moments in my life
Zack turns around to face her with a massive smile on his face
ZSJ: Well why didn't you lead with that?! you've just regained interviewing rights for the Dangerous Tekkers! what have you got for us?
Charly tries to hide her smile but it won't be contained, after all those years, victory, she immediately comes at them with a question
Charly: A lot of people were confused about your actions last week, can I ask why did you get yourself disqualified in your match against Drew Gallaway and Pete Dunne?
Taichi: You can ask all you want but you won't get an answer, why do we have to explain ourselves to you?
ZSJ: Hey hey hey! let's go easy on our new friend here ah? sorry about that Charly but as he said, we owe no explanation to your or to anyone else so if you could ask some other question that'd be just lovely
Zack smiles at her to emphasize that there are no hostilities here
Charly: Understood, tonight you're facing the newest addition to the UWF roster in Kodama and Ikeman, we've all heard what you think about this team and that you predict an easy win tonight, don't you fear that Gallaway and Dunne will want revenge for last week and might interfere?
Taichi: Pff, them, interfering in our match? that's funny, these guys don't have the balls to interfere in their own matches let alone in different teams, they've already felt our power and will do everything in their power to avoid it I know it.
How can they interfere in their own matches? who knows, maybe Taichi but his stoic face don't give away the answer, ZSJ just nods in agreement
Charly: OK... one last question, tonight Minoru Suzuki will be in his first singles match without El Desperado in his corner in a long time, will you be there to fill the role of your missing comrade?
Taichi and Zack look at Charly, then at each other, then back at Charly, then bust out laughing while Charly just looks at them confused, after a while, they get a hold of themselves and Taichi is able to form a sentence
Taichi: What do you want us to do? hold signs and cheer while he's smashing the other dude?
ZSJ: Oh I know I know, maybe she wants us to start a chant for him, Su-zu-ki! Su-zu-ki! come on Charly I let you have this interview and you screw it up with questions like that? how the hell are we supposed to support him? he's Minoru Suzuki for crying out loud, the man eats people like Killer Kross for breakfast he doesn't need our support!
Taichi: Yes, so to answer your question we won't be there to replace that sneaky bastard Desperado, I'm sure he's not even out he's just blacked out drunk somewhere let's go find him, it's not like we got a serious match we need to prepare for.
Zack nods and the duo simply walks away from Charly and starts yelling for Desperado, Charly wants to keep her good relationship with the couple
Charly: Good luck!
The bastards ignore her and continue their search as Revolution continues elsewhere
Tony Chimel: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first...
The sound of the lawnmowers revving up makes the crowd stand up and boo as they know what's coming next. The Mexicools come driving out on their Mexican Limo 2020!
Tony Chimel: From...
Suddenly Kyle comes flying out in a rage and attacks Juventud as he parks the limo. Kyle pulls Juvy off of it and throws him to the stage, beginning to stomp on him but Psicosis and Super Crazy each take one of his arms and hold him at bay as Juvy gets up and drives his elbow into the stomach of O’Reilly as he slinks to his knees, the two Mexicools standing him back up as Juvy connects with another elbow. Juventud turns now and climbs back into the limo as Crazy and Psicosis lead Kyle to the front of it and throw him on the ramp. Juventud starts the limo up and goes to put it in drive but as he goes to put his hand on the gear...
SWEET N' SOUR INC.
"HARD TIMES" hits the PA when those neon letters light up the titantron. The fans get to their feet as Sweeney comes sprinting out and leaps onto the limo, dropping an elbow onto Juvy’s head. Larry throws Juvy out of the limo and sits down in the seat, obnoxiously honking the horn as he puts it in drive and starts pursuing the other two Mexicools, who are fleeing down the ramp towards the ring. Kyle, meanwhile, is being tended to by Asuka, who’s making sure he’s okay. As Sweeney arrives at the ring, he parks the limo and steps out, sliding into the ring where Crazy and Psicosis are as the two begin stomping on his upper back. Juventud slides into the ring now and joins in on the beating as Kyle suddenly goes blowing past Asuka to enter the ring himself as he takes down Juvy with a Flying Knee, then turns and punches Psicosis in the back of the head, Psicosis stumbling away as O’Reilly plants him into the canvas with a Bulldog. This leaves Crazy, who goes after Kyle as he’s getting up, slapping on a Sleeper Hold but this allows Sweeney to get up as one half of the tag champs punches Crazy in the kidneys.
Crazy releases his hold on Kyle and turns to face Larry as Larry connects with a Lariat at the same time Kyle connects with a Chop Block. After connecting with the Sweet ‘n Sour Power Hour, the two pick Crazy back up and throw him over the top rope as Crazy lands on the limo awkwardly and falls to the outside floor. The champs now turn their attention to their opponents who are getting up and there’s a bit of a stare down as the ring bell sounds.
DING DING!
The stare down continues for a moment before Sweeney and Psicosis make their way to their respective corners, step through the ropes, and stand on the apron. Kyle walks up to Juvy now and slaps him as hard as he can across the face. Juvy’s head rocks to the side with the impact as he faces away from Kyle who leans in to his face and shouts, ”Fuck The Cartel!”. Juvy turns and fires back with a Throat Thrust, pushing Kyle’s chest with both hands soon after as Kyle falls to a seated position. Juvy sticks up his middle finger with one hand and points at Kyle with the other. ”No, fuck you, gringo!” Juventud shouts.
KOR stands up and the two get forehead-to-forehead, pushing against one another, an anger burning in both sets of eyes. Suddenly Juvy slips a low punch to the stomach of Kyle, then hooks his head when he hunches over and connects with a Snap DDT. As Kyle dizzily rolls onto his back, Juvy drops an elbow to the abdomen, causing the, “Diabetic Dragon” to sit up. Juvy grabs a handful of hair and pulls Kyle up and towards him but Kyle connects with a Headbutt to the sternum and then hooks his arm around Juvy’s head, bringing his knees up in alternating fashion into the gut of his opponent before applying the Double Underhook to the arms and connecting with a Double Underhook Suplex, cartwheeling and going for another one but Juventud manages to stomp on one of Kyle’s feet and pulls free, connecting with a Back Elbow to the face.
As Kyle staggers away, “The Juice” connects with a Standing Dropkick that sends O’Reilly into the ropes. As O’Reilly comes off the ropes, Juvy nearly takes his head off with a Clothesline as Kyle is turned inside out before falling to the mat. KOR immediately starts pushing up with his arms, climbing up to his elbows and knees but as he does, Juventud connects with a Curb Stomp then grabs one of Kyle’s wrists and one of his ankles and falls back, putting his legs into the back of his opponent as Kyle starts writhing in pain.
Tom Phillips: Well it’s not often you see a Surfboard Stretch, that’s for sure!
Mauro Ranallo: Juventud said they were going to soften up Sweet ‘n Sour as much as possible and by golly, they’re doing it so far!
Corey Graves: And I say good. The softer they are headed into Slammiversary, the quicker this little tag title fairy tale ends!
While Juvy has the hold applied, Psicosis grabs the top rope and leans back, launching himself into the ring as he hits Kyle with a Double Foot Stomp, exiting the ring soon after impact as Juvy breaks the hold and returns to his feet. Kyle sits up, shaking feeling back into the worked on arm and leg before climbing to a vertical base, Juvy actually allowing him to get there. KOR sticks up his middle finger at Juventud, angering him, as he charges the man he calls gringo but Kyle stops his momentum dead with a Superkick. O’Reilly reaches down to follow up but Juvy proves to be playing possum as he grabs Kyle and rolls him up.
ONE!
TWO!
NO!
Kyle kicks out as Juvy creates some distance. As the, “Diabetic Dragon” gets to his feet, Juvy charges him again but Kyle delivers a Palm Strike to the chest, stopping him before connecting with a Spinning Backfist to the side of the face. Juvy holds his jaw as Kyle lays in a kick to the chest, then another, then goes for the threepeat but Juvy catches his leg and twists, kicking his other leg as Kyle falls to the mat and “The Juice” applies a Single Leg Boston Crab but Kyle grabs the bottom rope before moving up the ropes, extending out his legs and then bringing them in as Juvy goes over the top rope but lands on the apron.
As he lands, Sweeney hits him with a Running Forearm to the face, grabbing Juvy as he falls off the apron and pulling him back up, hitting him with a Clothesline to knock him over the top rope and back into the ring. Juvy manages to land so that he can stand straight up but as he does, Kyle locks his arms around his waist as he hoists him up and turns, planting Juvy flat into the mat. After impact, Kyle remains close as he maneuvers the situation into an STF as The Mexicool starts crying out in agony.
Tom Phillips: Kyle returning the favor on the submission front!
Mauro Ranallo: When he locked his arms around Juventud, who knew what kind of ride he was in for. Right now I’m sure he wishes he just got dropped on his head or something.
Corey Graves: No one wishes to get dropped on their head, you idiot!
While KOR has the submission applied, the Sweet ‘n Sour boys administer a little payback from earlier as Sweeney climbs into the ring quickly and does a Baseball Slide to Juvy’s face, exiting the ring soon after impact as Kyle breaks the hold. He doesn’t let up for long though as he steps over Juventud so that he’s got one leg on each side of him and grabs his hair with one hand, pulling upward to lift his head as he brings his other arm around in a sort of sickeling motion to club his opponent in the face with his bicep. After a few of these, Kyle releases Juvy’s hair and locks his other arm around his jaw, pulling him to a seated position as he hits the ropes and comes off them, going for the Orange Slice. “The Juice” sees it coming, however, as he lays back flat to avoid it as it’s coming and does a one-legged Monkey Flip to launch O’Reilly but O’Reilly lands on his feet and goes for an Elbow Drop.
Juvy avoids this by rolling out of the way and Kyle hits nothing but mat. As he pops up holding his elbow, the Mexicool leader runs at him but Kyle connects with a Backhand, then does a forceful Irish Whip into the nearest corner as Juvy bounces front first off the padding into the waiting arms of O’Reilly who hooks one of Juvy’s legs and his head and connects with a Regalplex. O’Reilly releases the leg and, instead of going for the cover, sits Juventud up and, this time, connects with the Orange Slice as “The Juice” is on Dream Street. Sweeney is seen applauding and heard cackling like a madman as Kyle decides to head over and make the tag as the two men switch places. Upon entering the ring, Sweeney takes off running to the Mexicools’ corner and takes Psicosis off the apron with a Running Double Axe Handle to the face, then turns to face a rising Juventud, charging him but Juvy connects with a Superkick to the stomach, stopping Larry’s momentum.
Juventud takes advantage of the hunched over Sweeney as he leads him over to the ropes, his own back practically to them as he connects with a Spanish Fly, clearing the ropes and dropping Sweeney back first onto the Mexican Limo 2020!
Tom Phillips: Oh my!
Mauro Ranallo: Well Larry’s chiropractor just got a rude awakening.
Corey Graves: No one’s gotten a Rude Awakening in the UWF in years, Mauro.
Larry stands up holding his back as he and Juvy are standing on opposite sides of the limo. Both men climb on top of it and start trading punches until Sweeney blocks one of Juvy’s and connects with a Bionic Elbow before picking “The Juice” up and planting him with a Triple Champ Spinebuster onto the limo! Larry stands up, pandering to the crowd with his arms raised, when suddenly Super Crazy grabs his ankle and pulls him off balance, causing him to hit his head on the limo before dragging him forcefully to the floor where he hits his head again. Kyle goes to get involved but Psicosis comes running and knocks him off the apron as he collides with the ringside barricade.
Psicosis exits the ring and Juvy climbs down off the limo as the three start beating down on the tag champs. Asuka comes over to try and even the numbers but she’s clobbered over the back of the head with one of the tag titles, the fans booing as they see Becky Lynch standing there. Becky picks up Asuka and throws her into the limo as Sami’s there in the driver’s seat as he throws it in reverse and backs up as quickly as he can, leaping from it at the last second as it goes crashing through the LED screens on the stage!
The Dynamic Duo now joins in the beat down on the other members of Sweet ‘n Sour as the referee calls for the bell.
DING DING DING!
Tony Chimel: Here are your winners as the result of a disqualification, Sweet ‘n Sour Inc.!
As referees and security come running down, The Dynamic Duo leave with the tag titles and head up the ramp with The Mexicools. The camera gets a shot of a downed Sweet ‘n Sour as Revolution continues.
As Revolution continues, things head elsewhere where the Intercontinental Champion AJ Styles is as he smiles into the camera.
”The Phenomenal” AJ Styles: Tell me what hurts the most, Chris: your genitals or your pride, because I know both are aching after what happened last week. Boy you bought in hook, line, and sinker that I was willing to let bygones be bygones and be on the same page with you. But you can’t blame me for things going down that way, because the blame rests solely on your shoulders. You got what was coming to you, and trust me, there’s a lot more where that came from. Not just because you handed me my first loss since being back in the UWF, but because you treated me like a joke when that’s what you started cracking on the microphone a few weeks ago. Well I don’t hear you laughing now, funny man, the only laughter I hear is my own.
But the ultimate sin you committed, was openly coveting this Intercontinental Championship I hold. You think I’m going to be the Brock Lesnar to your AJ Styles and get beaten for it and then disappear from the company? This isn’t one of your books or songs where you can write your own story and control the narrative, Chris, I’m not going anywhere and neither is this Intercontinental Championship. And since you don’t control the narrative, you don’t ask for a title shot and automatically get one. You aren’t me, who has that luxury.
But if you earn one, I’ll be more than happy to step in the ring with you again. Only this time, I’m not underestimating you, and you’ll see that not only can I cut the mustard, but I’m the finest cut on this and any other roster. See, EC3 is the only one in this company taking pity on you, why else would he give you an easy opponent like Hornswoggle while you lick your wounds? It’s pathetic, but it tells me that I’m not the only one around here stooping low.
AJ laughs at his own joke and adjusts the title on his shoulder, continuing to look into the camera with a smile as Revolution continues elsewhere.
The scene opens up and we see Renee standing around introducing herself to the camera as she does best washing line smile. Yes, I referenced The Lovely Eggs, a band I literally found today shut up I’m a pretend hipster but really I’m mainstream fed way too much. Promo? Yes.
Renee Young: Last week rumours began after an extremely upset Cedric Alexander found his treasured framed picture of his late grandma caved in with a boot. These rumours have only led to the man known as Warhorse, a man who’s been looming over Cedric these past few weeks, and we are joined by Cedric Alexander now to gather his thoughts on this.
Cedric walks into the scene in the most cliche way possible, standing close but not close enough to call the cops as he speaks to the camera.
Cedric Alexander: Was it not clear last week how I felt? Geez, Renee, I’m not a happy bunny that’s for certain. Warhorse had no business bringing Grandma into this. No right. We’re in this for the competition, not to cut deep, and I know he aimed to do that last week. Hell, I would say it cost him against Brey but well, it cost Brey. I can only apologise to Brey wherever you are, man. I didn’t mean for it to go down like this.
Not at all I woulda been completely fine picking up the scraps of you beating down that scum Warhorse into the goddamn canvas. Yet here we are, I made you suffer your first loss here. At least I think so, I mean hell, you’ve proved you’re a dominant force around here, man. There’s no doubting that. Yet I have a feeling that I made you suffer your first loss, and well tonight, who knows. I might just hand you your second one, man.
Dial it back though, hit the rewind on the DJ deck since my eyes are on the man who keeps on trying to make this personal. The man who makes this way more than it needs to be, and his name sure as hell ain’t Brey Wyatt. He respects those lines, whereas some people well, don’t.
Suddenly we see the Warhorse walk through the camera shot, as an infuriated facial expression grows on the face of Cedric Alexander. To rub salt in the wound though, the cameraman and Renee follow Warhorse.
Renee Young: Lately you’ve been distant with your fans Warhorse, why is that?
WARHORSE: OH NOW YOU WANNA TALK, HUH?
Cedric Alexander: Uh, excuse me. What the hell was that?
Renee Young: Do you mind? We’re interviewing a star.
Cedric Alexander: You are?! You were. You were interviewing one until you decided to waltz down the hall.
Renee sighs.
WARHORSE: WHAT’S YOUR PROBLEM MAN, WHAT’S GOING ON?
Cedric Alexander: Oh, isn’t it obvious after you broke my closest possession? I don’t know if you noticed around here but that type of thing doesn’t go down well with anyone. Never, and hell, I had heat with you before that. Don’t come down my way and snub me of my time on TV, snub me of my opportunities, and snub my goddamn life! The common courtesy you coulda had was recognising it.
WARHORSE: OH WHAT YOU GONNA DO, CRY ABOUT IT?
Cedric Alexander: No, but I’m sure gonna kick your ass once we get in that ring, that’s for sure.
WARHORSE: WHY NOT NOW, WHAT? YOU SCARED THAT BREY MIGHT SEE YOUR SCRATCHES AND EAT YOU UP LIKE A DORITO?
Cedric Alexander: No, because you’re not worth it, you complete asshole.
Cedric walks off from Warhorse, as the latter stands there in a defensive position raring for Alexander to change his mind, yet he doesn’t and we head elsewhere.
The scene opens to Yusuke Kodama in a rare place for him... outside in the sun.
Yusuke Kodama: I don't like it out here. I'm much more comfortable where I can't be seen... it allows me to analyze people's feelings better.
The camera cuts to Ikemen, who has decided to jump in the lake behind them for a swim, with his jacket on of course.
Yusuke Kodama: I suppose he likes it here though.
Shibata: Your tensions are always eased... his are not, which is why we are here. We used to come here to watch the sunset on the weekend, this place gives him comfort.
The camera cuts to Shibata, the first time we've seen him truly interact with Kodama since he disappeared under Kodama's guise.
Yusuke Kodama: You know, I have been seeing this out for months, but one thing I did not anticipate was the heavy involvement of Minoru Suzuki. I sensed the Tekkers, I sensed their Boss... but I didn't foresee them being this close to our path. We will try to do our job in knocking the tekkers of our path, but it is a necessity you do yours in knocking Suzuki off our path. It needs to be you and Bray Wyatt, not Suzuki.
Shibata: That should not be a problem. I have done it before and I will do it again.
Yusuke Kodama: Good, because if you fail... everything is ruined. All the months of planning, all the time it took you to adjust... all for not. Take. Him. Out.
Kodama leaves Shibata with that demand, creeping out of the sunlight and into the dark slums of Tokyo. Shibata is left to ponder on those words, and on Kodama himself. Kodama has led him back, but is he leading him in a direction Shibata wants to go in?...
DING DING!
Tony Chimel: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first...
Fozzy's wonderful ballad of Judas hits the speakers of the arena and the crowd leaps to his feet. As he emerges from the back the crowd is absolutely electrifying and he looks out into the crowd for a moment before strutting down to the ring.
Tony Chimel: From Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. Weighing in at two hundred and twenty-seven pounds. Chris...Jericho!
Jericho is all smiles as he enters the ring and gets ready for the match ahead.
Tony Chimel: And the opponent...
]The lights in the arena dim as the stage is shrouded in a dark blue smoke, the lights turning the same hue as a familiar theme begins to play.
After several seconds of instrumental, the vocals of rapper NF are heard as the titantron screen lights up with one word:
PHENOMENAL
Tom Phillips: What?
Mauro Ranallo: Was there a card change?
Corey Graves: One can only hope!
It’s at this moment the man himself comes out, hunched over in his steps as he straightens up, throwing his arms up and outward as he pulls down his hood quickly from the top of his head. Pyro fires from the stage as he makes his way to the ring, that unmistakable confident smile on his face and the Intercontinental Championship around his waist. As his music fades out, he raises the microphone he’s carrying up to his mouth.
”The Phenomenal” AJ Styles: I know, I know, you were expecting that Halloween McNugget to come waddling down but what was I supposed to do? Take the night off? Not when I can get a front row seat to this debacle that’s about to happen! So if you need me, you can find me on commentary!
AJ’s music starts back up as he makes his way down the ramp and then over to the commentary table as he puts on a headset and settled in.
Tom Phillips: Well let me be the first to welcome our guest. Thank you for joining us, AJ.
”The Phenomenal” AJ Styles: This type of circus attraction needed a kick in the pants, what can I say? But don’t thank me, thank God above that you’re alive at the same time as the, “Phenomenal” AJ Styles!
As things pan to the ring, Hornswoggle has crawled out from under the ring and entered it as the ring bell sounds again.
DING DING!
As the ring bell sounds, the smile disappears from Jericho’s face as he and Hornswoggle begin to circle one another. As they circle, Swoggle breaks away and goes for the knee of Chris with a bite but Chris sidesteps, moving out of the way. The self-proclaimed King turns to face him as Jericho brings his foot up and kicks him in the face, leaving the shorter athlete sprawled out on the mat. Chris grabs the ankles of his opponent and rolls him over, applying a very modified Liontamer.
Tom Phillips: Oh my!
Mauro Ranallo: Mamma Mia, this is sickening!
Corey Graves: Jericho could snap him in half! Literally!
”The Phenomenal” AJ Styles: What would you call that? A reverse growth spurt?
Hornswoggle looks like he’s going to tap out but Chris sees this out of the corner of his eye and releases the hold. Swoggle rolls onto his back and kips up but as he lands, his legs wobble and as he puts his arms out to steady his balance, Chris grabs him under the arms and hurls him through the air as Swoggle hits the turnbuckle and slides down into a seated position.
Tom Phillips: Certainly an aggressive Jericho we’re seeing.
Mauro Ranallo: Well he did tell Hornswoggle he’d be getting the bull’s horns.
Corey Graves: Plus AJ’s here at ringside.
”The Phenomenal” AJ Styles: If I was Chris Jericho, I’d be punked out by me too. He has a song called, “Painless” but what I did last week was very painful and you can tell he hasn’t yet recovered from it!
Jericho has now gone over to the corner and is repeatedly stomping on the sternum of his opponent. Chris stops for a moment, looking over at AJ to make sure he’s watching, and that’s when Swoggle strikes with a headbutt to the groin! As Chris holds his groin and hunches over, Hornswoggle delivers an uppercut to the face that puts Chris on his back. Swoggle scrambles into the mount now and starts delivering punches to his opponent.
Tom Phillips: King Hornswoggle with the comeback!
Mauro Ranallo: That’s big impact coming in a small package!
Corey Graves: Stop calling him King, you marks!
”The Phenomenal” AJ Styles: What he’s supposed King of anyway? The freakin’ Oompa Loompas? Either way, him getting the jump on Jericho is hilarious. Oh I’m watching, Chris. I’m watching every move!
As Swoggle’s throwing punches, Chris grabs him by putting both hands on his shoulders as he sits up and climbs to his feet, hoisting the King up as high as he can lift him as he then lets go, letting Swoggle free fall as he leaps up and connects with a Codebreaker!
Tom Phillips: Oh my! Again!
Mauro Ranallo: Mamma Mia again! That was insane height!
Corey Graves: Jericho may have just made ground meat of Hornswoggle’s face.
”The Phenomenal” AJ Styles: Guess that makes him the Burger King then because Chris’ knees just had it their way!
Chris goes for the cover.
ONE!
TWO!
NO!
Somehow, Hornswoggle gets the shoulder up as Jericho creates some distance. As Hornswoggle sits up, Chris hits him with a Clothesline. While he’s dizzied, Chris runs into the ropes and goes for a Lionsault but Swoggle moves out of the way and Chris hits nothing but mat. As Jericho pops up from this, the King hits a Dropkick that knocks him to a seated position. Swoggle then runs at him and connects with an Over Castle, then heads to the ropes and connects with a Lionsault!
Tom Phillips: Double insult to injury! Hornswoggle hitting a move that Chris missed and, not only that, it’s a move out of Chris’ own arsenal!
Mauro Ranallo: Talk about disrespect!
Corey Graves: He’ll pay for it, don’t worry.
”The Phenomenal” AJ Styles: I don’t give out compliments except to me, myself, and I but my hat’s off to the short stack. I thought that Codebreaker would’ve finished him off.
Instead of going for the cover, the King heads to the ropes again as he makes his way through them onto the apron. He climbs up onto the second rope and leans back, clearing the top one and going for the Phenomenal Forearm but Chris gets up and nails him with the Judas Effect! Jericho goes for the cover.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
DING DING DING!
Tony Chimel: Here is your winner, Chris Jericho!
As Jericho has his arm raised, his eyes lock on AJ who stands up and looks at him as well, removing his headset. The two inaudibly jaw jack before Chris exits the ring and makes his way up the ramp as Revolution continues.
We cut to the back where we can see Killer Kross shrouded in darkness. Nothing but his grin glistens in the dark.
Killer Kross: Hello UWF Universe. Now it's time for a story… y’know many people refer to me as the devil.. I actually consider myself; a necessary evil. I am not someone to be having nightmares about.. but more so the one that makes the nightmares a reality. You can run.. Christ, you can hide.. But that doesn’t mean you’ll escape Doomsday. You know, I’ve come to realise that people are just like fruit.. They go rotten eventually from the inside out, each and every single one. You know I've had this solution to that.. A solution of what to do.. you know I've had this solution to that.. what to do. Call it a practice of ideology and exorcising for an extended period of time because you see.. I think you gotta eat him before they go bad. You just gotta throw them out.
Kross snarls but maintains his posture.
Killer Kross: I can tell you this is a new tale to be told.. but a truth is that it’s the oldest story in the universe. Man exceeding his own steps.. due to lack of
comprehension, wandering aimlessly through the darkness.. And everyone knows deep down before there was light.. there was darkness; Where everything was first conceived and born. So what about you? What do you believe in? Has anyone ever asked you that? Do you believe in firefly houses? Do you believe in kingdoms in the pursuit of honour? Or perhaps the crusade of a man and his partner that has returned from the dead.. time is a flat circle who am I to tell you what to believe in? Maybe it's all true, maybe it's all very, very real! Something has to come around.. to reset the steps man takes in the correct, and appropriate direction. Time is speaking to me it has always spoken to me.. and it's message? Loud and clear. The blind cannot be punished.. but those who choose blindness for the sake of their conveniences and their preferred perspectives must be punished! You know what I believe in?
Kross comes closer to the camera, snarling ferociously.
Killer Kross: I believe in the end… The Doomsday clock is ticking, UWF roster. TICK. TOCK.
The shot cuts to black and transitions elsewhere as we take in Kross’ message.
We cut to a video of Rey Mysterio and it seems he is sitting in a certain area
Rey Mysterio: Greetings Citizens. Welcome to the Mysterio lair a gracious gift that EC3 has given to me, After all I am a hall of famer so it is only fitting I get something special. And for that he gifted me this sick lair. It will come with me wherever I go so citizens you don;t have to threat! I will always be here when any villainary hits. As for my heroes in training they're resting. Mustafa Ali is seeing if he can wrestle without his sling after what Becky Lynch did to him. Ali though did it too himself. This is what I told him you gotta know when to tap and Ali he didn't tap. So, Becky if you're watching don't feel bad it was a rookie mistake. Ali will learn and become better.
Now onto the most important issue Riddler Kross. I know your name but too me you're not a killer. No you think I am scared by nursery rhymes. I had Eddie Guerrero read his funeral service letter too me. You rhyming that my time is up doesn't scare me. The buried alive match an... well we won't talk about the other one. They scare me. You are more for entertainment. You aren't a villain of a high threat. Though what interests me is the belt over your shoulder. That right there is an interest too me. You see belts here in the UWF hold great significance. The TV title especially because you're on every single week. Every week people view you as a champion.
Not only that it helps with lets just say opportunities. There are many young men who come after that belt and well. I can see it as an opportunity to either recruit them to join me and my ranks or take take them out before they become a bigger problem. So, that belt it does interest me Riddler. That is why I am officialy challenging you for that title. I know I won't excpect a response right away. I mean you got to write it down and make it sound like a fun little rhyme. Though just know Mr. Riddler Kross that this isn't an easy task coming your way.
You know this I already beat you. You know that it is going to take more and attacking me from behind or ahead isn't enough you know this. Mr. riddler if you want to keep that belt and be a threat here in this company. Someone that I deem a woirthy foe you need to dig deeper and reach to the very pooint where you want to quit. I have been buried a live. I have been mentally played with. Nothing and I mean nothing you can do to me is going to make me quit. If I want something I am going to get it, and this belt is something I want. I know you're facing the champion tonight in Suzuki. Dude is loco for sure, but just know if you can't beat him. There is no chance you're going to beat me. That's just how life is Mr.Riddler.
The image fades away as UWF moves on.
Chimel: The following contest is a tag team match and is set for one-fall!
The vibrant sounds of Ikemen’s theme hits the arena’s atmosphere and people are delighted to see the lovable jacket connoisseur back. He starts his grand entrance, running through the crowd and rallying up the fans in attendance. You can usually expect about 10 more minutes of this but instead he’s cut off by a sly figure behind him, Yusuke Kodama.
Chimel: Introducing first, from Japan... weighing in a combined weight of 352 pounds... Jiro Ikeman and Yusuke Kodama!
Kodama leads Ikemen to the ring, not having time for his shenanigans. Kodama then slithers into the ring with Ikeman coming in behind. They then head to their corner and wait for the opposing team to come on down.
The dramatic piano notes signaling the arrival of wrestling's holy emperor hit and the arena goes completely dark and the fans are left with only the comforting piano to soothe their sorrows and after what feels like forever, the song's early climax hits and the lights come back on to reveal the man we've all come here to watch, lord Taichi totally singing the song by himself from the microphone he's holding.
Chimel: Introducing first, from Hokkaido Japan, weighing in tonight at "thicc king" and standing at a marvelous 5 foot 10 inches tall, representing Suzuki-Gun as one-half of the Dangerous Tekkers, The Dark Holy Emperor, Lord Taichi Ishikariiii!!
The fans clamor to touch him, one half to physically harm him while they boo relentlessly and the other half so they could feel the prettiest skin in all the land and they're too starstruck to cheer, the number of fucks he's giving to either of them is equal tho and it's zero, while he's in the middle of the ramp his graceful, beautiful and elegant song is cut off by a... different song.
Chimel: And introducing his partner in crime from Kent England, weighing in tonight at "85 kilograms of cruelty-free, vegan muscle" and standing at a perfect 6 foot 0 inches tall, representing Suzuki-Gun as the other half of the Dangerous Tekkers, The Technical wizard, Zack Sabre Jr!!
Riot Squad's "Fuck The Tories" starts playing and the UK's government's most vocal critic Zack Sabre Jr walks out the crowd is united in their response to him, they don't like him, they boo and he responds by flaring both of his middle fingers out to all sides while he's enjoying the song and walking to the ring, once he gets into the ring he fists bump Taichi who takes a step forward, signaling he's ready to rumble.
As both teams prepare for the match in their home corners, Taichi and Ikeman are chosen as the initial participants. Chimel bails and the Official calls for the bell.
VS
DING DING
Ikeman circles the perimeter of the ring, staying close to the ropes while he sizes up his opponent. Each step is stomped, producing a rhythm that hastily catches on with the capacity crowd. They clap along in time, rallying behind the jacket enthusiast, much to his delight. His partner, however, doesn't have much patience for the pandering and tells him to focus on the task at hand. On that note, Taichi isn't looking impressed by the antics, either. His dismissive, condescending glare speaks for itself, as does his relaxed posture. He keeps his hands low and his stance casual, suggesting a disrespect for Ikeman's game.
Ranallo: Ikeman looks to be the most excited one out there, and who can blame him? This will be his first match in months!
Graves: Don't let Taichi fool you - he's just baiting Jiro in with this laissez-faire gimmick. We've only seen the tip of the iceberg with this guy - behind all the costumes and the lip-syncing, there's a sleeping giant.
Eventually, Ikeman darts in, looking for a double leg. Taichi sits down on his hips and catches his foe's head in the crook of his arm to stuff it. Jiro pulls out and initiates a collar-and-elbow but Taichi uses his size and power advantage to push him off as he steps to the side, wagging his finger like "no no, I don't want any part of that nonsense". The crowd boos his unwillingness to engage. Sabre tells them where they can stick it. Taichi is non-plussed and Kodama? That snake-looking ghost man just lets those haunting eyes linger on the scene. Who even knows what he's thinking.
Jiro pauses and puts his hands on his hips, taking a second to collect his thoughts, game-plan and center his focus. After that quick breather, he turns to go after Taichi again. This time, the lip-syncing superstar offers out a hand for a classic test of strength. Jiro considers it with no small amount of trepidation, but elects to accept. Cautiously stepping forward, he reaches out his own hand and locks fingers with Taichi. Just as soon as he does, Taichi pulls him in, shoves a thumb in his eye and follows that with a knee to the stomach that's dangerously close to being a low blow.
Phillips: A blatant cheap shot by Taichi!
Ranallo: Why am I not surprised?
The Official gives the villain a stern warning that more or less goes ignored. Taichi takes the arms he's holding and uses it to spin Jiro around before yanking up with a hammerlock. Ikeman grimaces in pain but gets out of trouble quickly, wheeling around and then dropping to hook his opponent with a snap roll-up! The fifth man moves into position to count it!
1...
2...
Taichi kicks out at two. The crowd is bummed out but not shocked. Kodama shouts something over to Ikeman but it's in Japanese so it's a mystery. But in all likelihood it was some kinda warning cause following the pin attempt, Jiro pops up but fails to notice Taichi doing the same right behind him. The Black Mephisto just boots him with a soccer kick right in the back of the calf. Ouch. Ikeman collapses to one knee and Taichi catches him there, grabbing an inverted front facelock before dropping him bad with a Reverse DDT. The head slams into the canvas and that's enough for a pin attempt...
1...
2...
Ikeman gets his shoulder up at two! Though the people are rooting for him, Jiro is in dire straits, all the more so when Taichi drags him back to the home corner by the leg.
Graves: Here's where you're going to see the Dangerous Tekkers excel - by isolating Ikeman and picking him apart bit by bit.
Phillips: While I have a lot to say regarding some of their more nefarious tactics, I'll admit that Sabre and Taichi have a definite advantage in the experience department. They've been teaming together as a duo for some time now, and have been faction-mates for longer still.
Ranallo: And this is Ikeman and Kodama's first match together in the UWF. Certainly a tough draw to go up against these top contenders.
Taichi makes the tag and Zach propels himself over the top rope to come down with a hard stomp on to Ikeman's leg, right by where Taichi booted him moments prior. He cries out in pain and that's just music to the British pervert's ears. Sabre pulls his foe out a few feet from the ropes so that their sanctuary isn't an option and then goes to work doing what he does best.
Gripping an ankle in his hands, Zack drops and wraps up that same leg with his own, pulling both the knee and heel joints in directions they were never supposed to go. With each passing second, he yanks a little harder and twists a torques a bit more, increasing the agony. Ikeman's terrible grimace tells a story of a man in deep trouble and near his breaking point. If his hand doesn't slap the canvas, he might have something popping out of a socket. Sabre gives one last pull and when that doesn't yield a submission, he changes course, letting go and rolling over to slap on a knee bar before Ikeman even knows what's happening.
Ranallo: We've seen Sabre play this game of flash submission attempts - something he's been criticized for in the past. What could the advantage possibly be for changing up holds so frequently compared to sticking with one?
Graves: Well he'll often stick on the same body part, and different angles like this will just maximize damage. We don't see many wrestling matches end via submission and that's because it's very challenging to make another pro athlete give up. Lots of guys will tire out of their arms committing to a single hold for two long, but Zack stays fresh in mixing it up. On top of that, it keeps his opponent's guessing, and it's damn fun to watch.
Phillips: I'd say it's almost like he's playing with his food out there.
Sabre turns his head to mock Kodama as he starts elbowing the leg too, stopping after a few shots to simply drive and grind his elbow into the battered calf muscle while he continues to hyper-extend the knee. Ikeman cries out in pain and Kodama looks like he might step through the ropes to come and help. Seeing this, the Referee rushes over to halt any interference, but of course, Taichi uses that distraction to sneak in and put the boots to Ikeman, stomping on the leg while Zack holds it exposed.
The crowd's boos don't catch the Official's attention, and while they stir up Kodama even more, that just means the Official is trying that much harder to keep him at bay.
Phillips: Enough is enough! Turn around Ref!
Graves: Hey! Stay out of the match, Phillips!
Eventually Kodama backs off and coolly instructs the Referee to go do his job. When he turns around, Taichi is just heading back out to the apron. He eyes him suspiciously but Taichi's all like "nah man, I'm innocent" and brushes his bleached blonde bangs back sexily. Sabre then reaches up and tags him in, earning another volley of boos from the people.
Ikeman tries to crawl back to his corner and makes it about halfway before Taichi catches him. He pulls Jiro up to his feet before hooking his waist and attempting a German Suplex. Ikeman fires back and clips him with a hard elbow to the chin, giving him an opening to go for the tag. Taichi sees this and blows past him, charing the corner and blasting Kodama with an elbow to knock him off the apron and on to the floor below. Again, the crowd hates to see it, but Taichi just smiles like a jerk.
But then oh snap! When he turns back to face the ring, Ikeman hits him with a similar elbow! Kaboom! Dazed as all heck, Taichi stumbles out a bit but then gets dropped with a DDT! Ikeman calls for his partner but he's still one the floor, so out of desperation, he climbs his home turnbuckle (slowly cause of the bad leg), and flips back off with a Moonsault!
Phillips: Ikeman with the Moonsault from the top!
Ranallo: How? That leg is in no shape to be Moonsaulting off of!
Mauro is wrong but it's all for not anyway. Taichi rolls out of the way and Ikeman hits nothing but canvas, belly-first. Very ouch. The devious Suzuki-Gun member flips him ver and tries for the cover again...
1...
2...
But Ikeman kicks out! Taichi sits up, a bit dejected as Kodama climbs back on to the apron, looking pissed. And he should be. Taichi has had enough of this though, and he pulls up the winded Ikeman before flipping him up over his back, head down towards the mat.
Graves: Taichi is looking for the Black Mephisto - that will definitely put Ikeman down for the count.
Ranallo: If they can finish this match without Kodama ever even tagging in, it'll be a good night for the Tekkers.
Taichi looks to execute his finisher but Ikeman slides out and rolls behind him, catching him with a small package outta nowhere...
1...
Taichi kicks out at one! But Ikeman just rolls him around and into another pin attempt, this one deeper and using the momentum of Taichi's kick-out against him! The Ref is already in position to make the count so it comes hot and heavy, brother!
1...
2...
3...
DING DING!
YOUR WINNNERS...
IKEMAN AND KODAMA!
Ikeman pops off and scurries back to his corner, just as surprised as anyone that that worked. Taichi sits up, totally shocked while the crowd cheers and the opponents' song hits the PA. Sabre rushes into the ring to get some revenge but Kodama stepping through the ropes puts and end to that quick, and the Tekkers instead decide to roll out of the ring and save that fight for another day.
Ranallo: Wow! A lightning-fast finish outta nowhere and guys, tell me that's no an upset!
Graves: Of course it is! I think that Official was counting fast, too. And did you see Ikeman grab Taichi's tights? I'd like to see the reply on that one.
Phillips; Aw, give it a rest, Corey. Ikeman caught Taichi off guard and got the pin without ever even tagging out. Nobody could have called that. But that's the thing about new teams - they're full of surprises.
Ranallo: It will be interesting to see how this plays into the ongoing saga between the Suzuki and Shibata camps but for now, let's let these men have their moment.
Kodama helps his wounded partner up so the Official can raise their arms in victory. It's hard to read Yusuke's face - surely he would have liked to join the action, and surely he's stunned by the finish too, but how could anyone not be caught up in the joyous moment Ikeman is sharing with the crowd as they chant his name, stoked about the win. After a minute or two more, Kodama helps his limping partner back up the ramp and Revolution continues elsewhere.
Static takes over the tiantron, bringing us to an unfamiliar setting.
Bray Wyatt: Oh I'm sorry, but this weeks regular programming has been circumvented because of some technical issues. So welcome to my domain, my corner of the world. I never was much for tidying up the place, nah see I relish living in the filth. Living in the dirt, you lot...you think better for yourselves but you aint ever gonna look down on ole Bray Wyatt. See we're just two sides of the same coin man, I just happen to be the side that landed on the floor. And that's all right with me, it aint the first time I've fallen down into the mud and it won't be the last. My wings burned but it only made me stronger, what doesn't kill you often does. Now as far as he goes, he's got something planned that even I'm not all too sure about. But that's for him and He to decide, I'm all locked away until the bell rings. The dirty little secret they don't wanna talk about man, but I've got a little secret of my own.
Bray puts his index finger up to his lips, hushing himself before continuing on.
That's why man, That's why none of ya'll can see me Coming, and believe me man We're coming for everything you hold dear. Everything around you is a riddle, but to me...it's all Real it's all REAL and you go forth and tell them that because Everything that is, is me. But what is that? Who am I? WHAT Am I? Hmm? I am everything man, I'm the dirtThe grass beneath your toes, the bark on the tree, the air all around you I am Bray Wyatt. And They man, they don't have any idea what to do about a man like me. Shibata considers himself a King of Monsters, but only of the monsters he himself already knows. What shall it profit a man who rules the world, but loses his Soul along the way? I'm the man that helps you solve the riddles man, I'm the guy that guides you through the labrynths of your mind and teaches you of the selfishness you never even knew existed. Undiscovered, UnCorrupted am I, and I will pry your eyes open and make you watch, Force you to Bare Witness.
Bray claws at his own face with his fingers, forcing his eyes open as he stares into the camera. His eyes begin to turn bloodshot, until he finally lets go of them and he begins to laugh.
Suzuki though, I've already burrowed my way into his brain. See Bray wanted to have fun with you, and after all that happened he deserves to have his fun but I made sure we took from you. That's the little bit of fear that is behind the eyes of our God. The great Minoru Suzuki, had something taken from him. But I knew, I knew that a leather strapped robbed from him would just fuel his anger...So instead I took something he didn't even know could be taken. I went after Despy and left him open to see, and now he walks out to the ring like a Normal man. He grabs a microphone and speaks into it like a normal man, and now that he stands and breaths and acts like the Normal man he really is...I've taken all the Godly will he had built up. I am the NEW FACE OF FEAR, and I strike fear into those fearless of all. Suzuki will come at me strong, Shibata will come at me Hard, but I will not come at them. They can strike me down, but it will Never work, because nothing they can do can hurt me man. That is how fear evolves, and they will learn fear...because I ain't done with them. Fun and games, that's all well and good. But I ain't done with them yet, not by a long shot. My only suggestion for you now is the same advice I give to Cedric Alexander for ruining my good time, RUN. Run as fast as you can, because I promise you. It will be much more comforting to turn your back and not see me coming, than it will be seeing the reaper approach you face to face. You all may win the battles, but trust me man...Tiiiiii iiiime Is On...My....Side.
As the show rolls on, things head to the, “Phenomenal” AJ Styles again as he looks none too happy.
”The Phenomenal” AJ Styles: Hornswoggle. Yeah I’m talking to you, half pint. I don’t know whether you were trying to pay homage or stick it to Jericho but what you ended up doing when it got countered by a Judas Effect is make it an even bigger mockery than you simply doing it in the first place. Well now you’re going to find out the true meaning behind the phrase getting the horns for messing with the bull because what Chris did to you tonight? That was light work. That was mercy. If I get my hands on you, there’s not going to be any mercy. I’m going to cripple a freakin’ midget with a Styles Clash. Not just as revenge, not just because I can’t stand you, but because I vowed to clean this place up and you’re one of those swirling turds around here that won’t flush.
As for you, Chris, it’s like I said earlier: you got off easy. You’ve gotten off easy the entire time you’ve been back, because me underestimating you means you didn’t get the full AJ Styles experience. Easy. And tonight you faced Hornswoggle. Easy. Well now you have to ask yourself, do you want to keep taking it easy or do you want things to ramp up in difficulty, because I promise you if you keep making passes at my Intercontinental Championship, that’s what’s going to happen whether you get a match for it or I simply take advantage of another opportunity to leave you lying.
AJ’s demeanor remains serious as he then walks offscreen, Revolution continuing elsewhere.
Tony Chimel: Ladies and gentlemen the following contest is a singles match set for one fall! Introducing first...
Tony: Introducing from Charlotte, North Carolina, weighting 205 pounds, Cedric ALEXAAAANDER!.
we see Cedric appear on the stage and looking at the crowd, soaking in the cheers before shouting in the air "LET'S GO!" and coming down to the ring. Then he climbs to one of the top turnbuckles and sits there hearing and soaking the cheers of the crowd with his hands open as if welcoming the cheers and then he jumps down to the ring. Then he points at his head with his thumb like he does irl
Tony Chimel: And introducing his opponent...
The lights of the arena shut down slowly phase by phase until all of them are out. As the crowd begins to lift up their cell phone lights, 'Broken out in Love' Plays throughout the arena. On stage Bray Wyatt walks out with a lantern in hand, shining it out as he walks to the center of the stage looking around at all the fireflies.
Wyatt raises his lantern up, staring at it mesmerized before taking a deep breath and blowing out the light. As soon as his lantern goes dark, the arena lights turn on. Wyatts expression changes like the lights as he suddenly has a big ear to ear smile as waves at all the people in the audience, he walks down the ramp and puts his hands to his chest lovingly. He slaps hands with the audience in the front row before swinging around in a circle at ringside with his arms extended out. He runs up the steel steps and across the ring apron laughing.
Tony Chimel: Weighing in at 285 pounds, hailing from The Firefly Fun House, Bray...Wyatt!
Bray enters the ring and just as Tony says his name he pumps his fist up and down in the air shouting out like a kid pretending to be a wrestler, he turns around and extends his hand out to Tony Chimel who seems a little taken aback but slowly shakes his hand. Bray covers Chimels hand with his other hand, saying something inaudible, before he shifts over and does the same with the Referee, shaking his hand and crossing his heart with his finger. He takes a step back to the center ring, he extends his arms outward with his palms pointed up and his head looking up towards the heavens with a huge smile on his face. Before he turns his hands over downwards, putting his head down his smile going away as the shadow of his hat covers his eyes. He remains like this before taking his hat off and placing it on top of the ring post ready for his match.
DING DING DING!
Mauro Ranallo: During the pre-match talks Cedric has repaid Wyatt's friendliness with friendliness of his own, even apologizing for interfering in Wyatt's match last week, he's probably the first person to ever do that, do you think it'll affect this match gentlemen?
Corey Graves: Hello to the no Mauro, Wyatt is a dangerous dangerous man and this friendly attitude is just to lure his prey into a false sense of security so they would let him in and he'll beat them from the inside, Cedric needs to remember that
Tom Phillips: Who knows but I can't wait to find out
Lucky for you Phillips, you won't have to wait long, almost as soon as the bell rings Wyatt marches to the center of the ring and extends his hand out for a handshake, Cedrick looks at the extended hand suspiciously, then at Wyatt, even more suspiciously, when his eyes meet a disturbingly wide grin and eyes sparkling of joy he does the logical thing, lowering his guard and going for the handshake! the hands meet and Wyatt's grin somehow gets even wider, Cedric also pushes out a small smile just cause he's a nice guy but it's clear he came here for action, he tries to retract his hand but Wyatt keeps the grip locked in! Cedric's face slowly turn to horror as he tries to take back his hand but the bigger thiccer Wyatt doesn't let him, he quickly snaps out of it and punches the Fun House owner but that doesn't seem to phase him, so he does it again! and again! and again! and one last again for five punches total! that fifth one finally makes Wyatt release Cedric's hand and Cedrick uses it to slap him across the face!
The loud smack is heard throughout the arena and its impact makes Bray grab his cheek and turn his back to Cedric, however, he quickly finds his manners again and turns around again to reveal the smile's still on! Cedric goes for another punch to wash it off but Bray intercepts that one and goes on a punch barrage of his own, a parrage if you will, he unloads on Alexander with the ferocity of a fiend and ultimately pushes him back into the ropes, after pouring on some more punches he sends the high flyer to the opposite side of the ring with a strong Irish whip, we should rename it the Becky whip but you're not ready for that convo, anyways, when Cedric comes back Wyatt looks to YEET him with a back body drop but this time it's Cedric's turn to intercept as he does a flip over Wyatt's hunched over body and when the scary bean of the UWF turns around Cedric drops him with a surprise enzuigiri!
Tom Phillips: Cedric's holding his own pretty nicely against Wyatt here, and he's just going to get better as the match continues!
Corey Graves: Why because he's smaller? Wyatt isn't some lumbering giant with no stamina, he's got insane agility for someone his size and can explode any moment into an uber-powerful strike, I would never count him out no matter how long the match drags on
Mauro Ranallo: You're right, Cedric's been doing well not letting Wyatt get into his head too much but it's easy to call anything, or is it?!
As Mauro was saying that, Cedric climbed to the top rope and now it looks like he's going for the Overtime Frog Splash but Bray gets up before he can jump off, no worries, Cedric jumps over to the apron and waits for Wyatt to face him, when he does he slingshots himself and goes for a springboard clothesline but Wyatt catches him mid-air with a headbutt! Cedric is knocked out cold but as you were thought in school, there are no winners in a headbutt and Wyatt is dazed, he walks around the ring trying to make the world stop spinning but the smile's still on his face, after a moment Wyatt refocuses and goes on the attack, he kicks Cedric once to make sure he stays in place and then runs to the ropes and with speed only achievable with a Ferrari engine he comes back and drops his full body weight on small Cedric with his signature senton!
Cedric winces in pain and grabs his ribs, Wyatt is thicc enough to break them with just one of those sentons so that's a possibility, but Wyatt doesn't take advantage of his opponent being hurt, instead, he stays in the sitting position he went into following the senton, laughing to himself, while he does that Cedric showcases his famous heart and gets back to his feet and the second he's back to standing position, Bray drops down to the mat and comes back up with his signature freaky crab walk! Cedric looks at the phenomenon and at first, he's shook! he doesn't know how to respond but he quickly regains his senses and just flat out dropkicks Wyatt in his stretched out gut, why hasn't anyone tried that before we'll never know, Cedric follows the dropkick up with a standing moonsault but that doesn't get the love it deserves as the crowd is still trying to figure out how Cedric came up with that brilliant strategy. oh he stays on top of Wyatt for the pin
1...
NO!
Wyatt kicks out and immediately gets back to his feet, Cedric is also quick to get back to a vertical base and they have a little staredown, Wyatt shaking his finger at Cedric telling him that hurt and Cedric looks at Wyatt concerned, not sure what he has to do to keep the big man down, finally, he decides his best bet's to just run at him and hope for the best but Wyatt side steps and Cedric goes to the ropes behind Wyatt, when he rebounds Wyatt almost takes his head off with a lariat but Cedric ducks underneath it and goes for a handspring enzuigiri off the ropes but just when he's on the headstand part of cool as move, Wyatt knees him in the gut! the high flyer was caught super off guard and rolls out of the ring in an attempt to recover while Wyatt leans on the ropes and chuckles, his hair getting all in his ace and making the whole even more creepy
Mauro Ranallo: Bray Wyatt is a strange strange man, but you can't deny he's a damn good wrestler.
Tom Phillips: Strange? the man is crazy!
Corey Graves: You're a Warhorse fan Phillips, I think you're the crazy one here.
Totally unprompted and unrelated Graves but thanks for the contribution, or is it?!?!!? Just when Cedric's beginning to recover from the blow and get up, he notices someone in the crowd furiously headbanging, he squints his eyes and tries to get a better look, and the stranger's happy to give him that as he stops headbanging and flashes two birds at Cedric who can now see it's WARHORSE! the metal sensation jumps the barricade and starts talking mad trash to his rival(?) while the latter is happy to return him some of his own, as the situation gets hotter they get closer to each other but just before they get face to face, Warhorse stops and smiles, he takes a step to his left and tells Cedric to turn around, so he could see Wyatt running him with a running body block! Wyatt gets up and tries to thank Warhorse with a handshake but the banging superstar knows better than that, he just tells Wyatt to focus on his match and the Fireflies man reluctantly does as instructed but you can see the disappointment in his face, that quickly turns to joy as he goes back to playing with Cedric, he picks up the cruiserweight's lifeless body and throws him back into the ring, he picks at him with his shoe but when Cedric doesn't respond he lets out a disappointed sigh and picks him up, then smiles once again as he spikes his head into the mat with the Sister Abigail! he hooks the leg for the pin while staring the hard cam, still smiling like a pro
1...
2...
3!
DING DING DING!
Tony Chimel: Ladies and gentlemen here is your winner, Bray...Wyatt!!
Wyatt celebrates his victory whilst keeping eery eye contact with the camera who then transitions to Cedric's lifeless body and WARHORSE laughing at his expanse as Revolution continues elsewhere.
We head backstage and we see Minoru Suzuki sitting backstage staring at the void, ominously
Cameraman: Mr. Suzuki do you have anything to say to the UWF universe?
Suzuki slowly raises his head to look at the camera, his facial expression stays cold and emotionless
Minoru Suzuki:No, I answered your stupid question last week and told the "killer" I'm facing today everything I've had to say to him, what more do you want me to say? ramble about my opponent tonight even more? maybe you want me to say what my next move is with Katsuyori Shibata and Wyatt, you'll be getting none of that, why would I tell you my strategy? I'm not one of those actors you call wrestles like Jericho, Styles, Warhorse, and the rest, I don't talk and talk and talk, I do and do and do so if you want to find out my strategy or what I have to say about my opponent tonight you'll just have to watch and see.
Cameraman: Well it's just that last week you closed the show by winning the match for your team with Shibata and then a whole thing with Bray Wyatt happened and you ended up being the last man standing, was hoping to hear your thoughts on that
Suzuki looks at him and suddenly the stoic expression turns into a laugh
Suzuki: My thoughts? my thoughts on what exactly? I carried Katsuyori Shibata to victory and took care of Wyatt immediately wrestling a match while he was almost completely fresh, what thoughts should I get from that? even before that I knew I was better than them, the only difference is now you and the rest of the mindless sheep you call fans can't argue with me, now go before I show them that I'm also better than you
Cameraman nods before bolting out of the door and Revolution continues elsewhere
As Revolution continues, things head to Commissioner Mick Foley who is standing by.
Commissioner Foley: So I know that everyone’s wondering just exactly what the rest of the tag division is going to do at Slammiversary. Well, I have an answer. Shibata’s boys Kodama and Ikeman, they seem to have his morals, so I’m pitting them against two other teams that are out to do the right thing, the Hounds of Justice and the Heroes In Training. As for the Dangerous Tekkers, their attack on Drew Galloway won’t go unpunished, and that’s why I’m making the Dangerous Tekkers versus Drew Galloway and Pete Dunne in a Street Fight. As for next week, well the Micker’s eyes have been all over what went down tonight. Kodama and Ikeman got themselves a win, so I’m putting them against another team that’s been on a bit of a roll, Drew Galloway and Pete Dunne. But why stop the pre pay-per-view warming up there? That’s why I’m making the Dangerous Tekkers versus H.I.T. And lastly, I’ve spoken with the doctors backstage and the, “Empress of Tomorrow” is cleared so next week, it’ll also be Asuka...versus Becky Lynch. Have A Nice Day.
Mick smiles as Revolution is about to move on when suddenly Becky Lynch comes into frame.
Becky Lynch: So you like what you saw out there Mick? Notice somethin' new over my shoulder here. I know, I know, it doesn't really look all that new because it's an image we're all used to by now. Quite frankly I used to feel naked without it but you should be proud f your soon to be new World Tag Team Champions. Anyways I caught what you said about next week. I'm fine puttin' that Spanish speakin' zombie in her place. I'm actually glad you put together the match. The more Becky Lynch taps people out, the more money we all make. Anyways, we've got a fiesta to attend but see ya soon Mick.
Becky leave frame and the show moves on.
As the tron graphics glitch out, Killer Kross' theme kicks in. As the theme drops, Killer Kross steps out onto the stage; wearing his long black trench coat. He paces down the ramp toward the ring.
Tony Chimel: Making his way to the ring, from Las Vegas, Nevada, weighing in at 264 lbs, Killer Kross!
Kross walks up the steel steps and strolls across the ring apron. As he’s walking across the apron, he stops, pulls out a calling card and throws it into the crowd. He then steps into the ring and begins pacing around. Kross runs the ropes and removes his jacket. He stops dead centre in the ring and backs into one of the corners of the ring - awaiting the start of the match.
The entire crowd falls silent as the music of the UWF champion, the UFC champion, and the most violent, dangerous, and overall baddest man on the planet starts playing, they wait in anticipation for his arrival and they get it after the first verse is done and the guitar takes over, he storms out of gorilla, donning his signature towel and holding his two belts
Tony Chimel: From Yokohama Japan, standing at 5 foot 10 inches tall, weighing in at 225 pounds... the current UFC AND UWF heavyweight champion of the world, the baddest man on the planet... Minoru Suuuuzukiiii!!!
He finally finishes the long ramp walk and without missing a beat, he bypasses the ring in front of him and walks to the other side, there, he gets on the apron and turns around to the crowd, clapping his hands and telling them to clap their own as a sort of some sick. weird insult to them.
KAZE NI NARE!
He enters the ring and throws the UWF belt near his corner and gives the UFC championship to a ringside official, making sure he knows what his fate will be if it returns harmed, the worker also takes the UWF belt with him as Suzuki positions himself in the corner and takes off his towel, finally ready for the match to start
VS 
DING DING DING
As soon as the bell rings, both men walks up to each other and go forehead to forehead, or at least as best they can since Kross is taller. Kross ain't afraid of no old man so he strikes first, a move that actually catches Suzuki off guard. He stumbles back from the impact but all that does is give him more momentum when he steps in for an earth shattering chop across the chest! Kross practically no sells it though and just yells in his face. Suzuki ain't about to be punked out by some goth bitch though and he slaps the man right across the face! Now Kross looks shocked at the blatant level of disrespect but Suzuki knees him in the gut before he can retaliate. The Television Champion falls to his knees from the impact and Suzuki follows up with a knee to the side of the head! Kross goes down and Minoru makes the pin.
1 . . .
2 . . .
Kross kicks out! Suzuki quickly gets him in a chin lock and tries to grind him down but Kross comes to pretty quickly and is able to use his size advantage to power himself up. Suzuki transitions to a side headlock but Kross is able to lift him up and plant him with a back suplex. He gets back up to his feet and he looks pissed. He picks up Suzuki right away and lifts him up over his shoulder before running forward and ramming him into the corner! From there he throws repeated shoulder thrusts before standing up straight and grabbing Suzuki's head. Next thing you know the man is thrown halfway across the ring! The UWF Champion lands awkwardly on his shoulder but he gets no time to recover. Kross comes over and bends down, wrapping his hand across the throat of Suzuki's. He's able to pick him up off the ground and lift him up into the air before bringing him down with a chokeslam! He makes the cover!
1 . . .
2 . . .
Suzuki kicks out!
Tom Phillips: So far this has been a hard hitting fast paced match.
Mauro Ranallo: While they might not be the size of giants, the intensity and the way they carry themselves alone make this like King Kong vs Godzilla.
Corey Graves: Suzuki has beaten kaiju before so I might have to give our UWF Champion the edge here.
Kross grabs Suzuki's hand and brings him back up to his feet. He's looking like he's revving up for a short arm clothesline but when he throws it. Suzuki ducks under and takes his back, pulling his hand behind him and placing him in a chicken wing facelock! Kross is trying to struggle free but Suzuki is a master at submissions and is able to stay behind him. Kross decides to back up the truck and ram Suzuki into the corner but the man doesn't let go. He utilizes the full 5 count before finally letting go. Kross comes out of the corner shaking out his arm but Suzuki stays on the attack, looking for the Sleeper! Kross is able to get his hand in between his chin and Suzuki's arm just in time and is able to roll the champion forward. Suzuki rolls back up to his feet and Kross charges at him only to get taken down with a dropkick.
Kross recovers quickly but Suzuki is all over him, laying in lefts and rights. Kross fights through it all and shoves him away. Suzuki comes right back at him but Kross catches him and throws him overhead with an exploder suplex! Suzuki however stands right back up after and goes to backhand slap Kross across the face except the Television Champion ducks and grabs Suzuki at the waist. He then lifts him up with the northern lights suplex, bridging into the pin!
1 . . .
2 . . .
Suzuki kicks out! Kross ain't playing no games and picks up Suzuki right away. He's got him wrapped from the side, ready for the Doomsday Saito but Suzuki grabs him in a head lock and starts punching him in the head over and over again. He manages to break free and gives Kross and elbow right to the nose to create some separation. It looks like he's free but Kross just moves forward and grabs him, lifting him up for the Olympic Slam! He goes for the pin once again!
1 . . .
2 . . .
Suzuki kicks out once more!
Tom Phillips: Killer Kross has really managed to take control here these last few exchanges.
Corey Graves: He's a mad man and I mean that in the best possible way. Mysterio, you'd better watch your back.
Kross is done with all the nonsense and is ready to end this. He stalks Suzuki as he rises to his feet, getting ready to place him in the Kross Jacket but Suzuki knows this is coming. As soon as feels Kross behind him, he throws his head back and headbutts him right in the face! Kross turns away to grab at his face but that's when Suzuki comes up behind him and puts him in a sleeper hold! Kross is able to use his size advantage to bring Suzuki closer to the ropes and grab onto them, forcing a rope break but Suzuki won't let go. Instead he hops up on Kross' back, kicking his arms that are holding onto the rope to get him to release the ropes. The shift in balance causes Kross to fall back and now he's completely away from the ropes with nowhere to go. Kross refuses to tap out but it doesn't matter as it's not long before he falls asleep.
Tony Chimel: Here is your winner, the UWF Champion Minoru Suzuki!
Mauro Ranallo: Just when it looked like Killer Kross was starting to dominate the match, Suzuki took control just like that.
Corey Graves: If that doesn't show you just how dangerous this man can be, then you better take notice.
Suzuki is handed both tiles but he shoves the UWF title away and grabs the UFC Championship, placing it over his shoulder. He looks over to see Katsuyori Shibata standing on the ramp. The Wrestler is just staring at him while Suzuki looks down at the title he carried with such pride and decides to stomp on it and then kick it out of the ring. Shibata stares back, face unchanged but simply shaking his head. Suzuki can only laugh but a hand comes out from underneath the ring and Bray Wyatt appears. He looks directly at the camera and puts his index finger to his lips, telling the folks at home "shh" as he takes the title back underneath the ring.
Tom Phillips: I don't think Shibata or Suzuki realize what just happened.
Corey Graves: Well if I was a betting man, I'd say we should get used to seeing Wyatt with the UWF Championship pretty soon.
Shibata and Suzuki continue to stare each other down as the show fades to black.
END OF SHOW
Credits
Cedric vs Wyatt - Bodor
Dangerous Tekkers vs Kodama & Ikeman - Fauche
Sweet N' Sour vs Mexicools, Hornswoggle vs Jericho - Dresden
Dunne vs Roman, Suzuki vs Kross - Danny
