A little bit of lunacy...

[crann]

The haunting opening of Marilyn Manson's "Antichrist Superstar" lulls the audience into a calm buzz before the song kicks in in earnest, and the crowd is unsure how to respond, not knowing to whom the song belongs. Then, the man to whom the theme belongs emerges from the back. Not normally a lone wolf, the audience are caught off guard as Crazzy Steve lurches toward the ring on seemingly unsteady legs. He brushes past the outstretched palms and heads straight for the squared circle, looking every bit as demented as the day he last appeared in the UWF.



After walking a full circuit around the ring, Steve leans toward the nearest post and drags his tongue along the cold steel, then sniffs the air like a predator hunting its prey before he climbs the steel steps and enters, pulling a microphone out from somewhere to begin his tirade. Before he speaks, however, he tilts his head to the side and licks his lips, then tilts it the other way and cracks a sadistic grin. Then, he begins.

CRAZZY STEVE
A blind man stepped into a wrestling ring one day... heh heh heh...

The fans don't know how to react as Steve begins his speech with the set-up to a joke, but the punchline's not coming as he continues.

Jokes. No time for jokes. This is the big leagues now, Steve, and you're finally here! Back in the Ultimate Wrestling Federation! Three roads lay before you. Revolution! Oh, I like a good Revolution. They get violent. Bloody. Lots of carnage to be found in a Revolution, yes... that's precisely the kind of place a man like me belongs! HAH! But then... Resistance. Oh, no no no... I don't like Resistance. Those who resist find themselves beaten down and left BLEEDING. Everywhere. Great lakes of blood! Hahahahaha...

The maniacal laughter continues off the microphone as Steve lowers it and begins to pace, frantically, before climbing a turnbuckle and winking at a nearby fan, who quickly becomes quite uncomfortable. After a violent twitch just below his right eye, Steve continues.

But then, there's the third road. The road to the unemployment line! Heh. A man like me... I have too much potential to sit on the dole. Too much sinister, malevolent potential. I am the Death Dealer! Forget Cody Rhodes's multiple personalities... Dean Ambrose and his lunatic fringe... I embraced insanity a long time ago, heh heh... I was BORN. BROKEN. Unhinged, my mother called me — but who's seen her in a decade? Only the worms in my garden! Hahahahaha...

Steve heads over to the corner opposite and flops down in it, seated.

But enough about that... I was told there'd be someone to brutalize. I'm the grinder... where is my meat?!? Heh... Hehehehehehe...

[Dres]

Suddenly a theme that hasn’t been heard in quite some time, “Man That You Fear” by Marilyn Manson begins to play.



As the theme plays, those that recognize it are either nervously clapping or paralyzed in fear. Those that don’t look confused and are looking to the stage in anticipation when in that instant, he appears and begins to make his way down the ramp, stopping once he gets to the bottom of it to shoot Steve a glare.



Eddie now makes his way into the ring, grabbing Steve’s microphone from him and raising it as his music cuts out to silence.

Eddie Guerrero: Steve, hmm? You know, a lot of people have come and gone in the UWF with that name, and I haven’t liked any of them. You aren’t going to be any different.

Steve looks perplexed how someone who just met him can already dislike him as Eddie continues.

You look confused, vato. But that’s not surprising. After all, I was long gone from the UWF when you and Decay were around. So why do I already dislike you? Why am I even out here, you ask.

Eddie grabs Steve and pulls him in close, leaning towards his ear as he whispers into the microphone.

Because I do what I want.

Eddie returns to where he was previously.

But it’s also because I can’t stomach seeing another pendejo trotting themself out here like they’re crazier than I am. From you to the Wyatts to Vinny Marseglia and a handful of others, you have professed to be mentally disturbed, to come from the wicked womb where the children bred by insanity and darkness grow. Well I’m here to tell you...

Eddie smirks for a moment, chuckling to himself before the next moment brings the opposite.

YOU’RE. ALL. LIARS

Eddie heads over to the ropes and points at a random fan.

Do you think Steve is more fitting of being called crazy?

Eddie turns and gets in Steve’s face.

NO!

Eddie heads over to the other ropes and points at another random fan.

Is Vinny Marseglia the real one to fear?

Eddie turns and gets in Steve’s face again.

NO! I think of his axe what I think of your threat, ese’. TRY AND HACK ME UP!

Eddie turns the microphone and hits himself directly in the forehead a few forceful times before putting one of the corners of the part displaying the company logo and aggressively grating away at the wound. Once he feels he’s drawn enough blood, he runs his free hand down his face, then through his hair.

You’ll get no meat from me, vato. And guys like Vinny Marseglia need to thank the sponsors at Hot Topic or Wes Craven or whoever that I’m not on either roster right now or they’d go from feared....

Eddie leans into Steve’s ear again.

To a footnote...