Post by Danny on Mar 10, 2022 16:54:14 GMT -6
As the opening video finishes, things go live to the inside of the arena as pyrotechnics go off from the stage and the camera pans around to get a shot of the Revolution fans in attendance before panning to the commentary table where Corey Graves, Mauro Ranallo, and Tom Phillips are standing by.
Tom Phillips: Hello and welcome to Revolution! I’m Tom Phillips.
Mauro Ranallo: I’m Mauro Ranallo.
Corey Graves: And I’m Corey Graves. Another great show we have planned tonight as Big Dave Batista takes on John Cena in a non-title match.
Mauro Ranallo: In our non-title main event, Ciampa will face Shark Boy.
Corey Graves: And in a match where hopefully we see the stage fall on someone again, Danhausen versus Hornswoggle.
Tom Phillips: But first, if you’re hungry for a match with implications, we’ve got that on tap too as Randy Orton will defend his Prime Time Medal against the debuting Shinsuke Nakamura. Take it away Chimel!
That infamous violin part shreds through the PA as Shinsuke Nakamura makes his grand return to the UWF. He struts his stuff down to the ring in that sort of unspecific way one does when they haven't provided their own entrance. Once in the ring, he awaits the arrival of his opponent.
The scene opens where the arena is shown as "Voices" by Rev Theory hits as Randy Orton comes out and he walks down the entrance ramp. The Viper carries he recently acquired medal in hand as he enters to defend that prize for the first time.
Tony Chimel stands by the Referee in between competitors to make the announcements.
Chimel: Introducing first, the Challenger! From Kyoto Japan... weighing in at 220 pounds... "The King of Strong Style" Shinsuke Nakamura!
And his opponent... from St. Louis, Missouri... weighing in at 250 pounds... The UWF Primetime Medalist, Randy Orton!
Chimel heads out while the Referee ensures the fellas are good to go. Getting a nod from both, he calls for the bell.
VS 
DING DING
The competitors move towards the center of the ring. There's no sense of urgency between these veterans - no insecure necessity to immediately prove oneself. Like stray cats curiously approaching one another in some dimly lit alley, they pace in circles, eyes darting up in down. It's a sizing up. It's an inspection to see if the stories and legends live up to what's in the flesh.
Nakamura has the crowd in his corner. Those who are familiar with his work rally behind him, while some of the filthy casuals are simply taken in by the eccentricities and are interested to find out what happens next. Shinsuke draws back, leaning away from Orton while extending one arm forward. He draws the other across his chest, almost as though he's bowing an unseen violin. A contorted, suggestive wince spreads across his face. Orton stares on at the bizarre taunt. His guard is lowered when the King of Strong Styles springs forward out of that position to clobber him with an elbow across the jaw.
Ranallo: And here we go! Shinsuke Nakamura versus Randy Orton for the first time ever in a UWF ring!
Phillips: We've been fortunate to have Nakamura spend a few excursions here over the years, but this marks his first stint as an active member of the Revolution roster.
Graves: And he couldn't have asked for a tougher outing in his debut than against the Apex Predator.
The debutant follows up on that elbow strike with a knee lift to the midsection. That knocks the wind out of Orton's sails and doubles him over, leaving him exposed for a second elbow, this time across the back of his head. Randy drops down to one knee and Nakamura runs for the ropes. With the boost in speed he gets from bouncing off, the Japanese superstar comes sprinting in to blast his opponent with another knee. The cap connects with Randy's temple and turns him inside out so that he lands sprawled out on the canvas.
Nakamura wheels around and dives on top to try for an early pin attempt. The Official comes down to count it..
1...
2...
Orton kicks out emphatically just after two!
Graves: I admire the ambition, but it's going to take a lot more than a quick flurry to put down the Legend Killer.
Ranallo: I agree whole-heartedly. A win for Shinsuke here tonight would be monumental though. Nobody has ever won the Primetime Medal in their first match before.
Phillips: Its worth noting that nobody has ever lost it a mere week after winning it, either.
The King of Strong Style stands and hoists Randy up along with him. His attempt at continuing his on the offensive are shut down by a jagged European Uppercut courtesy the third-generation superstar. Shinsuke's head snaps back like a Pez dispenser. Orton follows up by snatching a wrist and whipping his foe across the ring.
Nakamura rebounds off the adjacent ropes. His hopes of landing a clothesline on the return are shut down when Randy falls flat on to his tummy to avoid any collision. Shinsuke hops over and keeps on running, bouncing off the far ropes to come back and try again. This time, he finds a picture-perfect dropkick waiting for him. Orton plants his boots square into the brand newcomer's jaw. The impact knocks him off of his feet. Randy lands next to him and comes over to hook a leg for the cover...
1...
Nakamura kicks out at one. Orton hardly seems surprised. He hastily transitions to an old favourite, prying the other man up into a seated position so he can apply his patented chinlock.
Graves: Randy Orton is a master of wearing his opponent's down. Is it a basic hold? Sure. But if it works, why not work it?
Phillips: The impatience of the UWF Universe isn't going to bother him either. He's more than happy to leave that chinlock on all night.
The fans are booing, displeased to see an exciting bout come to a screeching halt while Orton applies pressure in a visually uninspiring display of grappling prowess. Shinsuke squeezes his eyes tight and grinds his teeth. It's hard to divorce the agonized expression from the challenging one he made at the onset of the contest.
Randy leans in a wrenches his jacked bicep around the jawline of the man coming for his medal. Nakamura pries at the arm to no avail - the Viper's grip is synched in tight.
Shinsuke looks for another way out. His long legs sprawl to one side, creeping towards the ropes to secure a break. Noticing this, Randy scoots himself up a bit to get some leverage to drag Nakmura closer to the middle of the squared circle. That slight change in posture is exactly the opening the expert technician needed.
All flash and pizzaz aside, there's a world-class grappler in Shinsuke Nakamura. It's that old self he's looking to showcase in his return to the UWF. There's a sudden flash of it when he gets his legs beneath himself and pushes up to flip over and roll over Orton, reversing the chinlock into a pinning predicament in his favour. In a split second, he has Randy all tangled up and pressed into the canvas. When the Ref sees what's happening, he dives down to make the count...
1...
2...
Orton powers out before the third count!
Phillips: Nakamura nearly caught Randy with that reversal.
Ranallo: Orton can't get too comfortable with the same old, same old - not against such an unexpectable competitor.
They both scramble too their feet after an awkward untangling of limbs. Once up, Randy beams his opponent with right jab to the face and follows that with an uppercut. Nakamura stumbles into the ropes, resting groggily with arms draped over the top cable. Orton catches him with a lariat while he's hung up their, and the force of it knocks the King of Strong Style tumbling to the arena floor below. Randy backs away to catch his breath for a minute rather than chasing the other man to the outside.
Shinsuke is writhing in pain, clutching at his lower back. A replay on the big screen shows him connecting hard against the apron just above the hips. The audience gasps as the slow motion play-back reveals the severity of that impact. Orton smirks as he watches his handiwork play out, and the fans' horrified reaction is music to his sadistic ears.
Graves: Orton absolutely smashed Nakamura with that lariat. Maybe we should start calling him the King of Strong Style.
Ranallo: That might be a bridge too far. No denying that the size advantage of the Apex Predator might be a huge factor is this contest devolves into a brawl, though.
The Official has already started up a ten count. Three beats in, Shinsuke uses the ring apron to help himself get to his feet. He spends another few counts nursing the injury before hopping up on to the edge at seven. Orton backs away per the third man's instructions, giving his foe some room to re-enter the squared circle. When Nakamura is halfway through the ropes, however, the Viper strikes!
Orton slides in and catches Shinsuke around the head with his tight grip. He yanks him foward so that his feet are draped on the middle cable while Randy is holding his head high. From there, he drops down to execute a vicious draping DDT! Nakamura's head bounces off of the canvas with a thud. Rolling him on to his back from there, the Primetime Medalist tries for a cover...
1...
2...
Nakamura kicks out just in time! Orton can hardly believe it. He buries his face in his hands, panting angrily while Shinsuke blinks up at the bright lights, trying to regain some focus. Randy ain't about to let him.
The Third Generation superstar decides to put an end to this contest while adding the first tally to his run with his recently acquired medal. He stands up then bends over to grab a fistful of hair, using that to pull Nakamura to his feet. Once the King of Strong Style is vertical, Orton pivots, turning his back to his opponent so he can go for the RKO.
Shinsuke cuts him off before he gets the chance, wrapping his arms around Orton and countering with an inverted Exploder Suplex! Orton is flipped over like a pancake on the griddle and lands with a splat on the mat. Nakamura stumbles away from the scene, finding himself in the nearest corner. He leans down, calling for his finishing maneuver while an unaware Orton gets to his knees, becoming the perfect target.
Nakamura runs in and bazooka's Randy's head with the knee strike to end all knee strikes. It's been called Bomaye. It's been called Kinshasa. It's the punctuation mark - specifically, the exclamation point - to end Nakamura's big debut on Revolution as he rolls Randy over for the academic cover...
1...
2...
3...
DING DING
YOUR WINNER,
AND NEW UWF PRIMETIME MEDALIST...
SHINSUKE NAKAMURA!
Nakamura sits up to let out a victorious battle cry. The crowd pops huge for the victory by the newcomer - it's not every day that someone strikes gold their first night on the job. Shinsuke stands to have his hand raised by the Referee while his beloved theme music blasts through the PA.
Ranallo: To call it surprising or an upset would to undersell this man's many accomplishments across the Pacific. Still, it's an amazing feat to behold - Shinsuke Nakamura has defeated Randy Orton to win the Primetime Medal in his first match as a Revolution superstar.
Phillips: Making a statement like that on this last stretch on the road to Wrestlemania is monumental. The King of Strong Style just caught everyone's attention mere weeks out from the biggest show of the year.
Graves: Randy Orton isn't the kind of person to forgive or forget. I wouldn't want to be Shinsuke or whoever gets booked against the Viper next, because rest assured, he's going to come back with a vengeance.
Nakamura is handed the medal. He raises it high overhead - a symbol of this new, defining chapter of his career. He carries that prize up the ramp as Revolution continues elsewhere.
As there’s a break in the action, things cut backstage to where Batista is seen warming up. As he does, a man enters the shot and slaps him, instantly getting his attention.
Batista: What the hell was that for?
Agent: That’s for going off the grid on me! Ignoring texts, phone calls, e-mails, everything! My desk has at least twelve scripts on it right now, Dave! But you don’t care about any of that, you want to give this stupid wrestling thing your time and energy!
Batista: Look, I just think…
The agent slaps him again.
Agent: I don’t care what you think, because here’s what I know. When you wanted to leave wrestling several years ago and no one wanted to take a chance on you in a new career venture, I did! I saved your big ass from being out on the street, and now you’re putting me where you were, about to be out on the street! So here’s the deal. Go have your little match with John Cena, I’ll be waiting to talk to you afterwards. And maybe we’ll dig your head out of your ass and maybe we’ll get back to making some real money!
Batista looks at him for a moment then grabs him by the shirt collar, pulling him in angrily as the fans pop. As Batista looks at his agent, suddenly he lets him go to boos.
Batista: See you after the match.
Batista walks offscreen as the agent now has a smile on his face as Revolution continues.
The camera feed opens up in an undisclosed location, where Danhausen can be seen pacing around a small area before stopping to address the zoomed lens.
Danhausen
Alright, Danhausen now feels compelled to address the foul matters that arose on the show last week. Not because he wants to, but because he now has to, thanks in part to this foul piece of parchment which fell into Danhausen’s possession the other day.
Danhausen then conjures up a sheet of paper, which upon initial glance appears to contain a mixture of typed and handwritten text. Regardless, Danhausen seems highly concerned by what he is holding in his hand.
Danhausen
It’s Danhausen’s worst fear turned reality. A letter from the television network in the form of an initial warning of some sort, which relates entirely to the foul tirade that Cornhole Jimmy delivered right before Danhausen squared off with the Fish Man. For starters, Danhausen was completely unaware that this angry old man was going to purchase a chunk of Danhausen’s hard earned television time in the first instance, let alone use it as an excuse to throw Danhausen under the bushausen numerous times. And it’s because he’s done it numerous times in short succession, Danhausen has now been issued with this formal notification, as the head honchos at television seem to have been brainwashed into thinking that Danhausen was directly responsible for this fool’s actions.
The frustration in Danhausen’s voice is clear to understand as he does not seem happy with the situation at all which Jim Cornette appeared to create last week, however Danhausen does appear to have found a potential method of reason in amongst the foul play.
Danhausen
Let’s set the recordhausen straight, Danhausen has never had the misfortune of previously encountering Cornhole Jimmy in any environment, as he tends to try and avoid people that are known for attracting general foul smells. As such, Danhausen does not understand why he is the victim of such a befuddled tyrant. Regardless, Danhausen will not be hindered in his quest for fame, and therefore wishes to clear his name of the record that has been blotched against his very nice, very evil persona. To adhere to this movement, Danhausen will be composing a letter of some sort to Cornhole Jimmy, which clarifies his status in the Ultimate Wrestling mix and such clears his name of any wrongdoing. Danhausen advises Cornhole Jimmy to be accepting of this motion of forever be cursed!
At this point Danhausen throws the piece of paper off camera and begins to slowly pace again whilst still addressing the camera.
Danhausen
Now that Danhausen has cleared all that up, he must now focus on rectifying where he somehow went wrong last week by sending Green Goblin Jr. to the gallow area. Some might see this as harsh treatment given that Goblin actually entertained a select few at the Monarch Earthquake with his antics, but seeing as Danhausen is still without his prized castle, he cannot afford to take prisoners at this point. So therefore Goblin Jr. must be sacrificed at this time to retain a balance of some sort, until such a time as Danhausen rules all that step foot in the Ultimate Wrestling threshold. Love that Danhausen, goodbye!
Danhausen gives a quick wave with his final parting words before walking off camera as the feed then fades out.
Tony Chimel: The following match is scheduled for one fall, introducing first
”I Walk Alone” begins playing, sending the crowd into an uproar as many are booing but there are still fans sprinkled amongst them that are cheering the big man. Without much delay, out he walks and begins making his way to the ring.
Tony Chimel: From Washington D.C. Weighing in at two hundred and ninety pounds, BATISTA!
Batista enters the ring and gets ready for the match ahead.
Tony Chimel: And his opponent
John Cena theme hit's the arena when the Fans Cheers for him in mostly Salutes through them
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He's salutes to the UWF Universe
Tony Chimel: From West Newbury, Massachusetts weighing at 260lbs John Cena
Cena Salutes to his fans and runs straight down towards the ring and slides in and runs back in fourth of the ropes and throws his hat and raise up Chain gang pose and takes off his shirt and hands the Ref his chain gang necklace.
vs 
As the bell ring both behemoths of men meet in the middle of the ring, Batista has the slight height advantage on Cena, looking down on his opponent, a determined look in his eye after his loss last week, Cena is looking to get his first win since becoming TV Champion. The tension can be felt as both men wait for the other to make the first move, Batista looks like he is going to move away but he quickly strikes Cena in the gut with a knee and a clubbing elbow to the back, he then whips Cena off the ropes and hits him with a Clothesline to send him down for a pin attempt.
1…2….Cena kicks out
Mauro Ranallo: Straight out the gate with Batista here’
Tom Phillips: After last weeks loss at the hands of Tommaso Ciampa, the animal will be looking to redeem himself against the TV Champion.
Corey Graves: Well you people know my opinion of Cena, so I think its safe to say I think Big Dave has this in the bag.
Batista gets Cena into a seated position and runs off the ropes attempting a Big Boot but Cena ducks it and gets back to his feet, hitting Batista with a Clothesline of his own but it doesn’t take the Animal off his feet, Batista swings wildly and Cena ducks it, using the momentum to lift Batista up into a Half Nelson and then drop into a Neckbreaker, Cena wastes no time in going for a pin.
1…2…Batista kicks out.
Mauro Ranallo: A true battle of the titans here, two colossal men facing off for dominance.
Tom Phillips: Batista was in the lead early but Cena has brought it back. Batista may have the pure power advantage but Cena has that excellent stamina.
Corey Graves: Lets not count out Big Dave yet, there's a reason he’s a staple of the marvel universe.
As Batista kicks out, that pure power comes into play as he slightly launches Cena off, Cena doesn’t let this stop him for long, delivering some stomps to Batista's arm, trying to soften him up for an STF, after one stomp too many, Batista pushes Cena off the ropes and comes back into another Batista Clothesline, Batista then picks Cena up and delivers a Powerslam to the TV Champion, then picks him up into another. Batista may be trying to play off the damage but its clear he’s feeling it. Batista then whips Cena into the corner and charges with a Shoulder Thrust, hitting it multiple times onto his opponent. As Cena lays prone, Batista grabs the ropes and stomps the ground, preparing for the Batista Bomb.
Mauro Ranallo: We know what comes after this taunt, Batista looking to end this with a Batista Bomb
Tom Phillips: Cena fought valiantly there but that second Clothesline and Powerslams and Shoulder Thrusts in the corner really seems to have taken it out of him.
Corey Graves: Valency has nothing to do with it, Batista said going into this match he was changing how he did things, this is a return to form for the Animal.
As Batista picks Cena up for the Batista Bomb, Big Match John comes back to life, hitting Batista with some lefts and rights, he causes Big Dave to drop him as he backs into the ropes, Cena comes back and hits a shoulder block on Batista and then comes back to hit another, Batista seems rocked on his feet so Cena, picks him up and hits him with a sitout powerbomb, learning from his match with Punk he doesn’t waste any time in hitting the Five Knuckle Shuffle, landing it straight on Batistas dome and floating over into a pin.
1….2….2.5…..Batista kicks out
Mauro Ranallo: MAMA MIA, CENA PLANTED THAT FIST ON BATISTA LIKE A BRICK FROM THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING
Tom Phillips: And still Batista kicked out, the true resilience of the Animal shows off once again.
Corey Graves: To quote Chris Jericho, NEVER EEEVER, count out Big Dave.
Back in the ring Cena looks slightly frustrated, he knew this wouldn’t be an easy match by any means but he didn’t expect Batista to put up this much of a battle, taking a second to think Cena, locks Batistas legs and attempts to lock in the STF, Batista is close enough to the ropes however to make a break, Cena waits till a 4 count to let go. Getting back to his feet, Cena thinks of a gameplan. Shaking his head he goes top rope and waits for Batista to get up, Cena goes for the Crossbody but is met with a Snap Powerslam by the Animal, the force sending both Goliaths into the mat, Batista uses the ropes to get up quicker and grabs up Cena, hitting two Spinebusters in a row before hitting a Clothesline on Cena and picking him up to hit a second one. After the slog, Batista once again goes for a pin.
1….2….2.5….2.8…..Cena kicks out.
Mauro Ranallo: Cena won’t give up, he has the whole Cenation behind him.
Tom Phillips: Cena’s fans fuel him, they give him energy
Corey Graves: I don’t know how he kicked out but it was a bad idea, Batista does not look happy.
Back in the ring, Corey is right, Batista has an empty look of rage on his face, stomping on Cena and using the ropes for leverage he isn’t giving his opponent any quarter, picking him up he throws him into the corner and runs for another Shoulder Thrust but Cena gets out the way, whether by instinct or action, Batista crashes into the corner head first, turning round he is picked up for the Attitude Adjustment but as Cena goes for it, his body gives out the damage having built up over the match, Batista slips off Cenas shoulders, turns him around and picks him up and hits the Batista Bomb, going for the cover.
1….2….3….
Tony Chimel: YOUR WINNER OF THIS CONTEST….. “THE ANIMAL” BATISTA.
Batista gets back up, the referee trying to lift his hand but Batista rips it away. He goes to the turnbuckle and climbs up, lifting his arms in the air to celebrate, the camera switches to the prone Cena in the centre of the ring.
Mauro Ranallo: Well Cena gave it his all but it wasn’t enough to tame the Animal
Tom Phillips: My hats off to Cena, he tried to keep up but in the end, Batista proved too much
Corey Graves: Once again my genius is almost psychic, I called this win folks, another loss for our so called TV Champion.
We fade as the camera once again focuses on Batista.
The titantron would cut to Renee Young standing in front of the UWF Interview screen. She would look to the camera and begin to speak.
Renee Young: Hey UWF Universe, Renee Young here, before we continue onto what will be another exciting night of UWF action, I thought i’d grab the newest UWF Intercontinental Champion, Tommaso Ciampa before his main event match tonight against our resident Shellraiser, Shark Boy.
Ciampa would walk from off screen, IC bet over his shoulder and Wardlow as usual looming behind him.
Renee Young: Welcome Ciampa, how are you this evening?
Ciampa would look at Renee and look back to his title and smirk
Ciampa: You know Renee, ask me that a few weeks ago and it would be angry but ever since winning Goldie here, i’ve been on Cloud 9, i’d challenge you to find a happier man than me in the UWF.
Renee would chuckle
Renee Young: Well you certainly look it. Now last week you took on “The Animal” Batista and the way you won many people are calling it controversial, I think we have a clip of it here.
The screen would cut to Ciampa low blowing Batista and then cut to him pinning and getting the win, Renee would then look to Ciampa who seems to be chuckling.
Ciampa: I don’t see whats so controversial about it, if anything its pretty impressive, I mean you’d think a guy like Dave would be able to take something like that but apparently we overestimated him.
Renee would shake her head clearly not impressed with her interview guest.
Renee Young: So you don’t feel any remorse whatsoever for winning like that.
Ciampa would shrug
Ciampa: No I don’t, I said before I went in I would do what it took to win that match and I did. Batista had almost every advantage on me in that ring but I used my one advantage, my brain and I used it to win. If people want to vilify me for that then go ahead, i’ll be over here with another win and another week unpinned.
Renee would nod, apparently satisfied enough with Ciampa’s answer.
Renee Young: Well speaking of you going unpinned, this week you’ll be facing UWF newcomer, Shark Boy. He had an impressive Rumble appearance and has been stacking up wins since he debut here, do you think he’s a threat to your unpinned streak.
Ciampa would take a second to think, she was right in that he was on a roll but he couldn’t show any doubt.
Ciampa: Every week I go out there its a danger to my unpinned streak but I go out there and I find a way to win and Shark Boy won’t be any different. Shark Boy has built an impressive win streak, i’m man enough to admit that. He’s probably one of the best this company has seen in a long time and I admit he’s probably going to be my toughest challenge in a while but i’ll find a way to win, I always do. Shark Boy talks about being the main predator in the Ocean of UWF but let me remind you all: there’s always a bigger fish and you’re looking at him.
Renee would seem slightly taken aback by Ciampa's tirade but would continue.
Renee Young: Finally as we saw last week, the stage collapsed on Eddie Kingston. As of now we don’t have many updates on him, do you have any thoughts on the situation?
Ciampa would think of an answer and shrug.
Ciampa: One less waste of air on the roster I guess.
With that Ciampa would walk off and leave a stunned looking Renee Young behind, Wardlow would follow behind quickly.
Renee Young: Ladies and Gentlemen, Tommaso Ciampa.
The titantron would cut from Renee as we move on in the show.
Shark Boy: Since ol' Shark Boy swam back to the UWF everybody and their mother has tried to take a bite out of everybody's favourite beer drinkin' aquatic predator. Every week EC3 lines 'em up and they come runnin' at Shark Boy like a fat kid at a buffet because each and every one of them think they can make their name off the back of ol' Sharky. Each and every week Shark Boy knocks 'em down, people are gon' start tuning out 'cos every week it's the same damn script. Some young guy comes at Shark Boy thinkin' he's some sort of novelty act from the past and each and every week its Chummer after Chummer and win after win for Shark Boy.
Shark Boy stops at catering to grab a quick swill of his very own line of Sharkweiser Beer which he mugs to the camera.
Crisp. Light. Refreshing. An accomplished beverage.
Shark Boy continues to saunter on.
Like Shark Boy was sayin', every damn week it's the same thing which begs the question - how many more UWF stars has Shark Boy gotta take a bite out of before some sort of reward because as much as Shark Boy loves raisin' shell every week and openin' up cans of bass-whip - he ain't gon' keep doin' it for free, it's about high time Shark Boy got his share of the gold. Since I came back I beat former champion Batista, I beat the current World Champion CM Punk clean in the middle of the ring, then it was Seth Rollins - and if it wasn't for that same sorry son of a fish and his cronies Shark Boy would be headlinin' Wrestlemania but here Shark Boy stands empty handed well Shark Boy thinks that's a real crock of shrimp and he ain't gon stand for it much longer, EH-EH!
Shark Boy stops and looks dead at the camera.
This week it's Tommaso Ciampa and you're damn right Shark Boy's gonna stomp a fish pie in his bald bastard bass and walk it dry - and it don't matter if Wardlow comes in 'cos ol' Sharky's taken out bigger and stronger henchmen before and he's got an XL sized Chummer waitin' for this sorry bass. That'll make it three champions Shark Boy's taken out, I might've come up just short in the Royal Rumble but that don't mean ol' Shark Boy don't deserve some sort of reward. So Ethan Carter I hope you're watchin' this in yer little office and you watch Shark Boy whip your Intercontinental Champion's bass all over this arena full of Shark-O-Holics and I hope you come to the same conclusion that ol' Shark Boy has and that's that Shark Boy is next in line for a title shot. It don't matter when and it don't matter what kinda stipulation or whatever the shell you wanna throw into the mix - all Shark Boy wants is his opportunity to get back on top of the pile where he belongs and he's gonna keep takin' out yer champions until he gets what he wants. Sooner rather than later Shark Boy's gon' have some gold around his waist and it don't matter who he has to go through to get it... AND THAT'S THE FISHIN' LIIIINE... COS SHARK BOY SAID SO!
The glass shatters and Shark Boy heads to gorilla to begin his entrance.
Chimel: Next... from Dublin, Ireland... weighing in at 147 pounds... The King, Hornswoggle!
"Down With The King" by Run DMC hits as King Hornswoggle come out to a chrous of boos and he smiles wearing his crown. He walks down the entrance ramp waving all to his peasants as he turns to the right and he walk up the steel steps. He walk along the ropes as he stops and he slides under the ring ropes.
Suddenly the lights start to darken and flicker...
Cheers begin to ring all around the arena as the music plays and Danhausen takes to the stage. After a couple of slow spins around the stage area, Danhausen then raises his arms and gives out a determined yell as the crowd pops in appreciation.
Tony Chimel
Making his way to the ring, from Someplace Far Away, weighing at least 300lbs, Danhausen!!
Danhausen heads down the ramp, waving politely at some of the fanhausens in attendance before he hops up onto the apron and signals the nearby cameraman to get a close up shot of him. Danhausen then points directly into the camera lens and yells “Love That Danhausen!” before climbing through the middle rope and posing in the center of the ring with his arms held high once again.
VS 
DING DING DING
In the short amount of time before climbing into the ring and the ref calling for the bell. Hornswoggle appears to be daydreaming yet again. Danhausen may be evil, but he's not about toi kick a little person in the face when they're not paying attention. Danhausen puts his hand to his chin, trying to come up with a plan . He jumps around in front of Swoggle but the King appears to not pay any attention. Danhausen comes over and waves his hand in front of his face but nothing is happening. He thenscoops him up, hoping to shake some sense into him but Swoggle just keeps looking up into the lights. His eyes however look to be slowly fading. Danhausen puts his finger to his lips, telling the crowd to be quit. A hush falls over the crowd as Danhausen slowly lowers Swoggle down, gently placing him on the mat, letting his head be the last thing that touches the mat. He carefully reaches a hand over Swoggle's chest and tells the ref to be careful and count the pin. The ref lowers down slowly and executes the slowest, softest pin you've ever seen.
1 . . .
2 . . .
Swoggle turns over and lays on his side, getting the shoulder up before the 3 count!
Tom Phillips: Danhausen almost got him right there.
Mauro Ranallo: A picture perfect Cradle Slam if I've ever seen one.
Corey Graves: What the hell am I watching. And stop whispering!
Danhausen rolls out of the ring and instead decides to look under it for something of use. A chair? Too loud. A table? Too big. Bag of tacks? Too cruel. He keeps dragging things out until he ends up seeing Hornswoggle's crown. He grabs it and lifts it up in the air in awe. He places it upon his head and looks ecstatic. He happens to look back towards the ring to see Swoggle's eye shoot open and stare at him. Danhausen goes to place a curse on him but Swoggle shoots up and runs over, diving out of the ring and cutting Danhausen in half with a Spear through the ropes!
The crown falls off of Danhausen's head and Swoggle grabs it and tosses it back under the ring. He comes over and starts putting the boots to the evil bastard. Swoggle tries to pick him up but Danhausen is just too big and heavy, what with him being at least 300 pounds and all. Danhausen shoves Swoggle away to stand back up. Swoggle runs at him but a boot to the face knocks him clean out. Danhausen looks out to the crowd with clenched teeth. Maybe that was a little too evil? He picks up Swoggle and tosses him back into the ring. Danhausen rolls in and goes for the cover.
1 . . .
2 . . .
Swoggle kicks out! Danhausen brings him back up, cradling him in his arms again, trying to get him to fall back asleep. Swoggle however reaches up and bites at Danhausen's nose! He gets dropped and proceeds to kick his opponent right in the shin! Danhausen hops up and down on one leg while holding the other. Swoggle then runs past him and hits the ropes, coming back with a chop block to the other leg! Danhausen falls to his knees and Swoggle comes over. He grabs Danhausen's head and jumps up, looking for a DDT! Danhausen however keeps him lifted in the air and stands back up to his feet. Swoggle is kicking his feet, trying to get momentum to swing back down but it doesn't work. Danhausen re-positions him slightly before hitting him with the Goodnighthausen! Swoggle's body goes limp and Danhausen makes the cover.
1 . . .
2 . . .
3 . . .
Tony Chimel: Here is your winner, Danhausen!
Danhausen gets his hand raised though he looks down at Swoggle with some empathy. Was he too rough? Either way he figures it's best to just leave him alone so he exits the ring and heads to the back while the show moves on.
The camera opens on a backstage scene where various local wrestlers, refs, and backstage workers are talking and mingling. Most peoples attention turn to face something off camera.
SHOOOOOOOOOSSSSH
Everyones attention turns now to the returning Chad Gable who walks into frame.
Chad Gable
Alright alright, scatter. Get out. My shot. My time. My return. A THANK YOU!
Everyone rushes away.
Now don't tell me that you forgot about pure old Chad Gable? See last time I was here I was in a pity party of one. I lost everything. I lost my Ring. I lost my title. I lost my smile. And to be honest I lost my damn mind just a bit. So I said, "This isn't you, Chad." And I took some time off and got back to basics. I got back to what makes me a world class elite athlete. I put in the work. I put in the time and now I'm back better than ever. So this isn't only a return. This is an announcement. I'm going back for what's mine. And you better believe that I'm ready, willing and Gable.
The screen cuts and the sound of a VHS being put in can be heard. Play can be seen on the blue screen as Protovision by Kavinsky begins playing. The blue gives way to a figure walking through an alley way. he puts a cigarette into his mouth and from the flame of the lighter. The face of one Joey Janela can be seen he smirks and looks over to the camera. He takes out the cigarette and laughs loudly.
Janela: I don't think you're ready for the bad boy UWF, but he's already kicking the door down!
DING DING!
Tony Chimel: The following non-title contest is scheduled for one fall, and it is your main event! Introducing first…
GIVE ME A SHELL YEAH!
*CRASH*
The crowd erupt as the glass shatters and the guitar laden sounds of The Toadies' 'I Come From The Water' blare over the PA system. Shark Boy wastes little time in marching out from behind the curtain full of piss and vinegar, he's mouthing off to everyone and anyone in his immediate path. The crowd at ringside reach at Shark Boy but he maintains his focus on the ring stomping his way down the ramp continuing to mouth off the entire way down the ramp towards ringside.
Tony Chimel: Introducing, from the Deep Blue Sea, weighing in at 205 pounds... SHARK BOY!
Shark Boy stomps up the steps and through the ropes into the ring, he makes a b-line for the corner where he heads to the top rope and throws out the fin-salute to the crowd before throwing his two fists high into the air for all the Shark-o-holics out there. Shark Boy repeats this at the three other corners before taking off his vest and waiting for the bell to sound.
Tony Chimel: And the opponent…
]
As Symphony of Destruction by Megadeth blasts over the speakers Ciampa walks out onto stage, flanked by Wardlow. The crowd boos the pair loudly, Ciampa hold the Intercontinental Championship in the air and shouts "THIS IS MY MOMENT"
Tony Chimel: Making his way to the ring and being accompanied by Wardlow from Boston, Massachusetts weighing in tonight at 201lbs he is the UWF Intercontinental Champion The "Psycho Killer" Tommaso Ciampa.
Keeping the championship held in the air, Ciampa quickly moves his empty hand down and a black and gold pyro bursts out of the stage as the pair makes their way to the ring. Wardlow making sure his boss doesn’t get harassed by any of the fans. As the pair reach the ring Wardlow sits on the ropes and lets Ciampa in. Ciampa climbs a turnbuckle and holds the championship aloft, allowing a single spotlight to hit it and let it shine.
Ciampa then jumps down from the turnbuckle and stares at his championship, like Gollum staring at the one ring, he then touches the centre and stares for a second. He would then hand the Intercontinental Championship to Wardlow, telling him to take care of her. Ciampa then gets in his corner.
DING DING!
VS 
As the ring bell sounds, Ciampa delivers a Headbutt to the nose of his opponent as Shark Boy staggers backward into the nearest corner. The Intercontinental Champion follows up with a charge and goes for a leaping Body Splash but Sharky dives out of the corner to avoid it and Ciampa eats nothing but turnbuckle. As he bounces off the padding, Shark Boy grabs him by the back of the neck and forces him forward, driving him face first into the top turnbuckle before spinning him around and decking him with a hard left to stun. As Ciampa is briefly dazed, the Deep Sea Bad Bass starts putting the boots to him repeatedly, the crowd saying, “BUT!” with each one that connects.
Tom Phillips: Why are they chanting, “but”?
Mauro Ranallo: I think it’s short for halibut.
Corey Graves: Rod dam fish puns.
After several stomps connect, Sharky stops to bring the edge of his hand against his forehead with his signature taunt before he delivers one more stomp. As Ciampa is looking on dream street in a seated position, Wardlow now climbs up onto the apron but is reprimanded by the referee until the Toughest Son of a Fish pushes him aside and he and Wardlow begin to argue, his head bobbing about as he’s clearly talking some trash to the big man. Suddenly Sharky gets clubbed in the back of the head as he’s knocked forward as Wardlow drops down from the apron. Wardlow grabs the wrists of the man that calls himself boy and pulls down as Ciampa continues to tee off on the back of the head and top of the spine of his opponent. The referee begins to count and gets to four as Wardlow lets go causing Sharky to whiplash backward off the ropes into a Back Body Drop from Ciampa.
The champ is up quickly as he grabs Shark Boy by the fin with both hands and brings him upward, delivering a knee to the abdomen before grabbing him and throwing him towards the turnbuckle downstage from the one they were just in. Ciampa gives chase and goes for a Double Axe Handle but Shark Boy steps up to the top rope and turns in mid-air, taking Ciampa down with a Modified Lou Thesz Press as he starts laying into him with mounted rights.
Tom Phillips: What athleticism from Shark Boy!
Mauro Ranallo: He might fight like Stone Cold but let’s not forget he still has his own moveset, Tom!
Corey Graves: It was a shell of a maneuver! Oh cod, I can’t stop.
Sharky stands up after delivering a few as Ciampa sits up and starts climbing to his feet. The nomadic one runs at the champ and looks for another Lou Thesz Press but as he leaps, Ciampa sidesteps and the fiercesome finned, thick skinned son of a fish hits nothing but dry land. As Shark Boy pops up like a fish out of water, Ciampa takes him down with a Lariat and then leaps up and lands an elbow right into the chest of his opponent. The vest wearin’, flesh tearin’ high flyer sits up holding his chest and instinctively starts back to a vertical base as Ciampa hooks his arm around his head and delivers a Spike DDT, scrambling to his feet afterward and grabbing the leg of Shark Boy so that he looks like he’s standing on his head as Ciampa stands next to him and gives a thumbs up with his free hand along with a sarcastic smile as Wardlow mimes taking a picture.
Tom Phillips: Ciampa treating Shark Boy like the catch of the day! Such disrespect!
Mauro Ranallo: And no doubt that elbow drop to the chest earlier was meant to be a harpoon to the undersea smack talker.
Corey Graves: Ciampa needs to watch because Shark Boy is dangerous when he’s gill fished off!
Ciampa pivots and throws a kick to the midsection of his catch as Shark Boy falls downward, his one leg still in the clutch of his opponent as Sharky finds himself rolled up like sushi and the referee begins counting the pin.
ONE!
TWO!
EH EH!
The clam juice chugging fight starter forcefully kicks upward to break up the pin and then rolls through to a vertical base. As he does though, Ciampa blasts him with a Pump Kick to the face that sends him staggering into the ropes. As the masked trench stomper manages to somewhat catch himself and remain vertical, his opponent charges him but Sharky ducks down and powers Ciampa over the top rope. The resourceful psychopath lands on the apron though and grabs the ropes, leaning back and then launching himself forward as he grabs Shark Boy and connects with the Dead Sea Drop! The cold water carnivore is launched backward and goes tumbling over the ropes, hitting his face on the edge of the apron on the way down as he crashes and burns on the outside, Ciampa laughing and soaking in the boos he’s getting for using Shark Boy’s own move on him.
Tom Phillips: You’d think he was a puffer fish the way that’s blowing up his ego!
Mauro Ranallo: Our Intercontinental Champion, ladies and gentlemen.
Corey Graves: Oh sure, bash the one that’s not pretending to be someone else. That’s krill professional of you, boys!
As the booing continues, the referee begins his count.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
Sharky is beginning to stir as he gets up to his hands and knees.
FOUR!
Shark Boy grabs the ring skirt and starts pulling himself up.
FIVE!
Ciampa stops gloating as Sharky is back to a vertical base, bobbing his head as he talks some trash.
SIX!
Shark Boy dives into the ring underneath the bottom rope as Ciampa immediately starts stomping on him, Sharky up on his elbows as he absorbs the punishment. Ciampa kicks him in the ribs now and stomps on his back again as his opponent is now laying flat. Ciampa raises his arms above his head and brings his hands together as he goes for a Falling Double Axe Handle but Sharky rolls out of the way and Ciampa hits nothing but mat. As he comes up, Sharky comes off the ropes and takes him down with a Cross Body then continues that momentum into the opposite ropes as he comes off of them behind a rising Ciampa and takes him down with a Bulldog. The IC champ pounds the mat with his fists before climbing to his feet angrily but as he turns around, he gets hit with a Standing Dropkick.
As Ciampa is knocked into the ropes, Sharky is up quickly as he comes off them and connects with a Sharkcanrana to send Ciampa into the opposite ropes. As Ciampa comes off of them, Shark Boy comes off the opposite ropes and does a Baseball Slide to the front of Ciampa’s legs as he falls to his knees. Shark Boy stands him up quickly and turns as he applies a Three-Quarter Face Lock, dropping the champ with a Chummer! As Ciampa falls to the mat, Shark Boy covers.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
DING DING DING!
Tony Chimel: Here is your winner, Shark Boy!
Ciampa kicks out right after the three but it’s too late. Shark Boy heads out of the ring and starts backing up the ramp, putting the side of his hand to his head as he taunts both Ciampa and Wardlow. The camera cuts to show them both seething in the ring before Revolution heads elsewhere.
The shady and dark back alley of a building is seen and the silence is broken by the sound of clapping the camera pans over and suddenly sitting in the alleyway on a folding chair like its a throne, i/ the. Absolute El Numero Uno, Eita.
Eita:”Ah…ah…ah…UWF….I’m not gonna waste my time here, I already talked with the suit know as EC3, and I have my contract down, and now that the boring crap is out of the way and can make my rise to the top spot. EL NUMERO UNO! Word of advice for all the boys in the back? Don’t bother me.”
The live feed cuts back to the ring where EC3 is standing by. There's security in the ring as well as police officers stationed outside the ring by the ramp and a table with two chairs on either side with a clipboard in the middle.
EC3: At the Royal Rumble, one man outlasted 29 others to earn himself a shot at the UWF Championship at Wrestlemania. Also at the Royal Rumble, reigning champion CM Punk defeated Eddie Kingston in a match for the ages. Unfortunately we all saw how things ended for Eddie Kingston last week and we wish him a full and speedy recovery. As they say, the show must go on and the match is now set. CM Punk will be defending his UWF Championship against Seth Rollins at Wrestlemania and to make things more official, it's time for a good old fashioned contract signing. As you can see, there's a lot of security out here tonight, especially after what happened last week. We can't have anything else jeopardizing this match. Now allow me to introduce the challenger, the winner of the Royal Rumble, Seth Rollins!
The infamous music blares through the PA system and the fans collectively stand on their feet and boo in unison. Three figures emerge from the back, and three figures have equally serious looks on their faces which is big turn form the smiles they all boasted last week. This week, things get real as business is about to pick up with the contract signing. Seth Rollins leads the way as his unit nonchalantly follow his path to the ring.
Seth Rollins stops halfway down the ramp and extends his arms to both sides as a large grin begins to form on his face, the reality settling in about what this moment truly means. Seth struts with down to the ring in front with a confident swagger about himself as he pauses at the bottom of the ramp before walking up the stairs. Heyman walks up the stairs behind him whereas Reigns slides in under the bottom rope. The three stare the crowd down as the booing continues. Seth takes a moment to look at the contracts, and to look at EC3 before rolling his eyes as his music finally stops playing.
EC3: And the current reigning UWF Champion, CM Punk!
P U N K
"Digging for Windows" hits the PA, each pulsing downbeat bringing another of those four letters to the big screen. The Second City Saint's entrance comes with a welcome warmer than he's received in nearly a year from the fans. The growing absence of boos and the cheers replacing them aren't lost on him, even as he looks back over his shoulder, weary of the replacement titantron and the need for it as he passes beneath.
Crossing that threshold without incident, Punk refocuses on what's waiting for him in the squared circle. He marches down the ramp, title slung over his shoulder. Climbing the steels stairs, he steps from the apron through the ropes to join the proceedings. His eyes travel from EC3 to Rollins to the contract waiting on the table. The Champ reaches down, grabbing a microphone left on the table with one hand and the contract with the other. He looks over the paperwork before speaking.
Punk: "The show must go on", huh? All this pomp and circumstance, the standing on ceremony. Business as usual. Except things aren't "usual", are they?
He peers up over the clipboard at Ethan Carter.
Punk: How many contract signings do you think you've mediated over the years, Ethan? Ten? Twenty? Fifty? Has anyone ever declined to jot their John Hancock on the dotted line? It's gotta be tough. Besides that big bonus payday that comes with a title tilt, you've got your boss, your opponent and the coercive weight of a third party some twenty thousand strong looking on. Hard to shy away with all that pressure. And again, like you said, "the show must go on".
The Champ tosses the clipboard down on the table.
Punk: You've got a problem. A year ago - almost to the day - we stood in this ring and you told me that you didn't give two shits about the rule of law or the integrity of this sport so long as the spectacle of sports entertainment kept drawing ratings. So I compromised, fit my righteous crusade into your capitalist context and succeeded in spite of it. Except now you've got a problem, because the scale's tipped a little too far to one side. The controlled chaos isn't anymore. The train's off the rails.
Samoa Joe is in the hospital. They don't know when he'll get out. Eddie Kingston is in a coma. They don't know if he'll wake up. Two of the only men in this game tough enough to have earned my respect and your "Revolution", which, for Christ's sake, is feeling a lot more like that other, older green brand these days, chewed them up and spit them out.
And what are you doing about it? Putting that "investigation" on the backburner? Offering up the feeble gesture of the local-talent security squad to make us feel safe? Crossing your fingers and hope nothing even worse happens en route to Wrestlemania? What if that titantron had landed on me last week? What if Eddie Kingston didn't save my life? Would you have just pried the title out of my cold, dead hands like they took the ruby slippers of the crushed witch in Oz and found a fill-in? Do you give a damn who's facing this smug jackass at the biggest show of the year, or am I supposed to just be happy to be alive and well enough to have the pleasure to be sitting in first class while this plane tail-spins out of control?
The Straight Edge Superstar ends with a vague gesture towards the contender as he lays into their GM. Seth re-inserts himself into the dialogue. A toothy smile shines over the face of Seth as he prepares to speak.
Seth Rollins: That’s an unusually creative way to announce to the world the fear that you feel in your body on a weekly basis. While it may seem like the plane is spiraling out of control, Punk; I can assure you that all is in control.
You’re right, there is a problem here—the problem is that you’re still the UWF Champion. But you have an even BIGGER problem, and that’s trying to stay alive until WrestleMania for our big fight. None of those things involve EC3, so make sure you address your future ruler with the proper respect he deserves. Because it sounds like you’re already planning a cop out for your future loss to me by blaming all of these near-death shenanigans and your rocky relationship with Ethan. I never would have guessed that I’d hear the great UWF Champion cower in fear. I thought I was going to have to wait until WrestleMania for that.
Seth smirks another toothy grin while the fans boo. CM Punk looks unamused while he stands, listening.
Besides, I guess we do have a very large ‘Thank You’ to hand out. For some strange reason Eddie Kingston decided to save your life for reasons I just can’t comprehend. Good ol’ Eddie Kingston.
The man that came into this company and immediately became a force to be reckoned with. If you didn’t know his track record wrestling in the bingo halls across the country, you would think that New York Sewer rat really had a chance to achieve his dreams here. But I believe it’s obvious about why his downfall occurred. While he believed in himself wholeheartedly, the Universe didn’t believe in him—and neither did I. Eddie Kingston came in like a thief in the night and racked up win after win but then he ran into a buzzsaw. That buzzsaw was Me.
Seth Rollins points at himself as the fans boo the cocky Royal Rumble Winner.
He was undefeated in singles matches until he lost back-to-back to yours truly. Eddie started losing to pretty much everyone in the locker room after our match because I exploited all his weaknesses. The New York Juggernaut or the Mad King as he referred to himself was neutralized when I picked him apart in this ring. It is a little unfortunate what happened to him last week. But it seems to me as if it’s either natural selection or the Universe telling us what happens if you don’t obey its requests.
Seth Rollins shrugs his shoulders and smirks. The fans boo mercilessly as Rollins just ignores the negative reaction from the crowd. Rollins begins to look at the ground as he waits for the raucous crowd to settle down so he can continue.
But enough about Eddie Kingston. He sacrificed his body last week and that ultimately cost him his career, and maybe even shortened his life. He’s forever going to be a has been and a great big ‘WHAT-IF’ story.
-WHAT IF-
Eddie was successful in one of his four championship opportunities in the UWF? Would he still be here today? How great of a champion would he have been? We’ll never know and quite frankly—it doesn’t matter. His story ended so mine can take off! And at WrestleMania, there won’t be a -WHAT IF- for me. There will only be one reality in which I become the UWF Champion.
Seth pauses once more as he stares at the UWF Champion’s heart and soul. CM Punk scoffs as the delusional, self-absorbed, "Messiah" and raises his microphone again.
Punk: You talk too much, Seth. Which is too bad since you're clearly such an insufferable dumbass. The universe doesn't revolve around you. Action and reaction - that's the law of nature. Cause and effect. Determinism. Everything can be explained by what happened before. You won a shot at my the world title because for the unlike the last two times you tried to get near it, Eddie Kingston wasn't in the same match to shut you down. Forget "what if's". That's the reality.
Brooks grabs a pen off the table and clicks it open.
Punk: I'm not scared of fighting a man I already know how to beat. I just think it's such a god damn shame that it's come to this - where instead of facing a respectable contender, the Best in the World has to put his unprecedented world title reign on the line against some glib, smug little prick who doesn't stand a snowflake's chance in hell of ever winning the big one again.
I've got unfinished business in sorting this mess of a company out. Burying you where you stand on the grandest stage of 'em all? Ehh... I call that a public service. You shattered like glass when Wyatt ran through you. The pieces that Paul E. glued back together are an embarrassment, even for a careerist piece of garbage like you. We've head some fun little exhibition matches over the past year, right? Casual stuff. Wait until you run into the guy that did what you couldn't - beat Bray Wyatt. The man that ran Tom Lawlor out of this company. The man that never had to pretend he didn't lose to Eddie Kingston.
Come Wrestlemania, I'm happy to be the guy who finally gets to end "the story" of Seth Rollins
He leans over and signs the contract. Rollins stares at CM Punk with a rather sinister and unusual look before ultimately responding.
Seth Rollins: The only story that’s going to be ending at WrestleMania is yours. The pompous, arrogant, sleazeball from Chicago with all his cheap crackhead tattoo’s will finally be forced to shut the hell up and ACKNOWLEDGE something other than himself for once. You talk about beating Tom Lawlor like it’s something to be proud of. He’s a man that clearly didn’t have what it takes to make it in this business. The dumbass got to the top of the card and quit when he lost, he forfeited a second title shot that he didn’t even know that he had coming. Can’t really fault him for that, those are typical actions from average Joe’s all over the world. They don’t see immediate results, so they quit and give up and go after the next little chase.
Seth grabs the contract in his hands.
And Bray Wyatt—ah yes, the former incredible reign that you ended in order to become champion. While you are right, it was a reign that I failed to ultimately end. However, you’re leaving out vital information. The only reason that you had it so easy winning the belt is BECAUSE of me. That’s right, I gave you an alley-oop assist and you’re too selfish and dimwitted to thank me. Didn’t you find it rather easy to beat the big bad wolf? Weren’t you expecting a bigger monumental collision course? What happened to the big fight that the world was anticipating? It never came. Because I figured out Bray Wyatt prior to you. I siphoned off his energy as his karma began to hit him like an air strike in Ukraine.
The fans boo like mad at the reference to the issues in the world.
Don’t boo me, I’m not the one dropping the damn bombs on civilians.
The fans boo even louder as Rollins just shakes his head and continues.
Why do you think Bray Wyatt hasn’t returned? I hope you don’t believe that YOU’RE the one that put him away. His karma began when he kidnapped me, and I’m sure it’s something that he still regrets to this day. I’m the one that burned that prostitution house—or the Firefly Fun House down! I’m the one that helped you get an easy route to becoming champion. But of course, you don’t even have the mental fortitude or the decency to congratulate someone assisting you. Just know one thing Punk, The Universe giveth, and the Universe can also taketh away.
Seth clicks the pen in his hand and begins to twirl it around.
Since I’ve returned, me and you have gone 1-1. We have each pinned each other. So, it only makes sense to have round 3 be at the biggest stage of them all, for the biggest prize of them all. I wouldn’t have it any other way. WrestleMania is the stage where dreams are made, and where careers also can end. I think this stage will be big enough to give you the funeral that you have been crying for since you strapped that championship around your waist. It would only be fitting to put the 2x G1 Climax winner down in his casket, drill it shut, and set the bastard on fire so that you and all your monotone self-absorbed speeches can be put to rest once and for all. At WrestleMania, once I pry that championship out of your cold, clammy, lifeless hands, the UWF Universe will be revolving around me.
Seth then leans over and signs the contract, thus, making the match officially official like a silver whistle.
EC3: Well it's official. At Wrestlemania, CM Punk will defend the UWF Championship against-
?: Wait!
Everyone looks around, wondering where exactly that voice came from. Boos rain down as Sami Zayn comes walking out onto the stage with a mic in hand.
EC3: Sami, I am so close to firing you!
Sami Zayn: Hear me out first! I am some very interesting evidence about the attempts on CM Punk.
EC3: I swear to God if this is another Bray Wyatt video-
Sami Zayn: It's not trust me! Just check out the footage.
Sami motions to the tron where a video starts to play. The date is stamped at the bottom as 2/20/22. A camera man is just walking around trying to test the camera when he stumbles upon Sami Zayn talking to Becky Lynch dressed up like a certain luchador and luchadora minus the masks.
Sami Zayn: Ok so here's the plan. This match, it doesn't matter. I'm going to allow him to take me regardless of the outcome. The only way to end all this is to destroy the Firefly Funhouse. Now Bex, we don't quite know yet what exactly Alexa is capable of but your job is to keep her busy.
Becky Lynch: That silly lil' girl won't know what hit her.
Sami Zayn: Now once I get inside the funhouse, I'm thinking getting some good pictures where it looks like I'm being kidnapped, get the feds involved so that this creep gets put away for good and-
Sami seems to notice the camera man filming them.
Sami Zayn: Hey what're you doing! Give me that camera!
Sami and Becky quickly try to hide their outfits by putting on clothes over them but the camera man runs off. He turns down a couple of halls before he thinks he's free and walks over to where and door is ajar. He peeks with the camera to reveal Seth Rollins, roman Reigns and Paul Heyman. Paul Heyman Is speaking to the duo of Rollins and Reigns in the video as the camera man sneaks up.
Paul Heyman:... No fingerprints, no evidence! There will be no repeats so make sure you are focused. This will be one for the ages.
Seth Rollins: I want him to resemble a paraplegic.
Roman Reigns: And What do you want me to do with the car after?
Paul Heyman: Burn it, destroy it, send it to the moon—I don’t give a rat’s ass. Just get rid of it!
Roman Reign: Consider your wish granted.
Seth Rollins: Wait! - let me control this outcome instead.
Sami Zayn: There he is!
The camera man turns to see Zayn coming down the corner. He tries to run off but he runs into Becky Lynch. She takes the camera away from him and the feed cuts out. The feed goes back to the ring where Seth slowly looks over at EC3 and CM Punk.
Sami Zayn: I know right! I was surprised too but your eyes don't deceive you. Becky Lynch and I have made up! Yes the Dynamic Duo is once more and we were talking about a potential storyline for the new UWF2k22 game where-
EC3: Shut up Sami! Seth, is there anything you have to say for yourself?
A shocked Seth Rollins slowly begins to stare at the world as he gets ready to face the music.
Seth Rollins: I know what it looks like, but just hang on—let’s slow down here. A lot of times, things just aren’t as they seem.
Seth Rollins immediately floors CM Punk with a MASSIVE clothesline and the UWF Champion goes down hard. Rollins starts to pummel Punk with what looks to be repeated blows to the head with his fist. One of the cameras can zoom in as blood begins to trickle off the skull of CM Punk. Seth Rollins has been stabbing Punk in the skull with the pen from the contract signing. The authorities finally grab hold of the self-proclaimed Messiah and pry him off, but it’s too late—the damage to CM Punk has already been done and the Champion looks really dazed on the mat. The cops place the 2022 Royal Rumble Winner in hand cuffs and begin to haul his deranged ass out of the ring by his cuffed arms. Roman Reigns and Paul Heyman are standing in as much shock as the UWF Universe is after that unfolding of events.
END OF SHOW
Credits
Swoggle vs Danhausen - Danny
Cena vs Batista - Gunn
Nakamura vs Orton - Fauche
Shark Boy vs Ciampa - Dresden
