Post by Danny on Mar 18, 2022 2:28:44 GMT -6
As the opening video finishes, things go live to the inside of the arena as pyrotechnics go off from the stage and the camera pans around to get a shot of the Revolution fans in attendance before panning to the commentary table where Corey Graves, Mauro Ranallo, and Tom Phillips are standing by.
Mauro Ranallo: Hello everyone and welcome to Revolution! I'm Mauro Ranallo alongside my partners Tom Phillips and former International Champion Corey Graves.
We've got an exciting show tonight but an even bigger announcement after what transpired at the end of last week. Let's kick off the show with said announcement right now!
Ladies and Gentlemen
E
C
3
trouble trouble trouble trouble trouble trouble trouble
trouble trouble trouble
The Owner of UWF comes out from the back to a mixed response. He doesn't pay it any mind though as he walks down the ramp and enters the ring. A ringside production crew member quickly comes over and hands him a mic. His music dies down and he begins to speak.
EC3: As you all know, a lot has happened recently. There's a lot of stuff I need to get into but first, I want to welcome someone down to the ring. Ladies and gentlemen, Shark Boy!
EC3 motions to the stage.
GIVE ME A SHELL YEAH!
*CRASH*
The crowd pop huge as 'I Come From The Water' by The Toadies begins to play over the PA system. Shark Boy stomps out onto the stage full of the same fire he always has. He takes a moment to look at EC3 in the ring before marching down the ramp towards the ring. The hands of adoring fans reach out to the Shellraiser but he marches straight onwards to ringside before he steps up the ring steps with authority and then through the ropes. Shark Boy swaggers past Ethan Carter and then on to the top rope where he throws out the Fin-Salute to all the Shark-O-Holics in the crowd before he throws his fists high into the air. Shark Boy repeats this at each of the four corners before stepping down and coming face to face with the Owner of the UWF.
EC3: I'm sure you're wondering just why you're out here. The truth is, with Seth Rollins being arrested last week, we're in need of a new #1 contender to the UWF Championship.
The fans pop at the prospect of what's about to happen.
EC3: You said it yourself last week and I agree. I couldn't think of a better man than the person who's defeated not only the former #1 contender, but the Champion himself in back to back weeks. You also came in second place in the Royal Rumble and so tonight I'm making it official. At Wrestlemania, CM Punk will be defending the UWF Championship against Sh-
EC3 closes his eyes and lets out a deep sigh with the crowd collectively groaning. Sami Zayn comes casually walking out onto the stage with a mic in hand and his Forever Championship over his shoulder. He strolls down to the ring and slides in. He looks at Shark Boy but turns his back to him, focusing only on EC3.
Sami Zayn: Now now now, let's not be hasty there Ethan. Do you remember when you first took over this company? You said you'd reward hard work. No more handout to old vets like the regime of the past. But hmm, what do I see here? Because it looks like you're about to grant a world title shot to as man who just came back.
The fans boo, knowing full well that Shark Boy actually deserves this opportunity.
Sami Zayn: Now I on the other hand, I've been undefeated for coming up on a year now. We all saw Seth use a roll up to defeat me two weeks ago but I exposed Seth's true colors. Now that he's been arrested for attempted murder, his career should be wiped from history and thus, my only loss. Now I know Shark Boy may have been "runner up" in the Royal Rumble but if you want to talk about impressive feats, I was such a big threat that it took four men to eliminate me. Shark Boy had to work together with Seth just to throw me out and if you ask me, I find it a little suspicious that Shark Boy was so willing to work with a felon like Seth. I'd probably look into that if I were you Ethan, this could be their plan all along.
More boos as Sami is just throwing out speculations like facts.
Sami Zayn: Hey I'm just asking questions. Let me give you some facts though. I'm the one who revealed Seth for the no good lying criminal that he is. Without me, you wouldn't even be out here. Who knows how dangerous things would have gotten had I not exposed him. Would it have stopped at Punk? Maybe you Ethan would have been his next victim. You owe me. I should be named the new #1 contender. If you don't give me a chance, who knows, maybe some of the footage might have been doctored. Maybe Seth get's let free. Maybe-
EC3: Enough! I'm tired of you talking so much. You want an opportunity, fine. Next week, it'll be Sami Zayn vs Shark Boy for the #1 Contendership to the UWF Championship.
A mixed reaction from the crowd, half hating that Sami got his way, the other half still fully confident Shark Boy will end up the winner. Sami raises the mic to speak once more but Shark Boy suddenly rips the mic away from him.
Shark Boy: Shut up!
The abruptness of Shark Boy stuns Sami Zayn who is incredulous as the crowd roar in approval
All I ever hear from you is a bunch of whinin' and complainin', standin' there lookin' the lovechild of Wendy from Wendy's and Fidel Castro thinkin' you can just jump Shark Boy in the queue, EH-EH - nobody stands in front of Shark Boy, not now, not ever and you just landed a target right on your scruffy ginger bass. Now EC3 and Shark Boy ain't got much in common, Ethan Carter's standin' over there lookin' like a damn Armani model and Shark Boy just came straight from drinkin' beers with the boys in catering, but for as much as EC3 and Shark Boy don't have much alike - we sure do think alike because last week I said it and this week I'll say it again - I've beaten the champ, I've beaten the number one contender... hell, I even beat the Intercontinental Champion last week so to ol' Shark Boy's estimation now that Seth Rollins has been outed as a modern day Lee Harvey Oswald... I think that makes Shark Boy the number one contender at Wrestlemania!
The crowd roar behind their hero who nods his head at them, Sami is shaking his head.
Now Sami here likes to make himself seem like he's this undefeated stud, this big man - but from where Shark Boy's standin' he ain't seen a more sorry son a fish since he swam back to the UWF a couple months ago. You like to walk around and call yourself the Forever Champion and you like to call out all these conspiracies and try to get things to go your way and if there's one thing Shark Boy hates it's a bass-kisser like you. 'Please Mister Carter can I have a title shot - Please, sir can I have some more' - move over Oliver Twist you pathetic sorry son a fish!. EC3 might be dumb enough to make the match this week but if there's ever a dumber bastard in this company than you then I ain't seem 'em yet because Shark Boy wasn't involved in trying to finish CM Punk off but he's just about to commit a damn hate crime next week on Revolution to make sure he gets that title shot.
Shark Boy stares into the eyes of Sami Zayn.
So you can take all your investigations and all your conspiracies and you can shove 'em straight up yer bass because Shark Boy doesn't care who you are, what you think you are or what you think you're entitled to because right now you're the man standin' in the way of Shark Boy's Wrestlemania main event. All you've done Sami is book yourself into the bass-whoopin' of a lifetime because son, if you think you stand a chance in hell of stoppin' Shark Boy gettin' that title shot then you're more delusional than I thought - this week Sami, your bass is grass and it belongs to ol' Shark Boy and then I can chalk off another 'champion' I've beaten on my way back to the top. And that's fishin' line -
Before Shark Boy can finish his line, Zayn rips the mic out of EC3's hands and rushes forward, clobbering Shark Boy in the head with it! The former UWF Champion goes down and Zayn puts the boots to him. EC3 just stands by, not wanting to get involved since chaos is money so long as no one is attempting to murder someone else. Zayn picks up Shark Boy and brings him over to the corner where he starts smashing his face into the top turnbuckle over and over again. He turns him around and hooks his arms around the top rope before backing off. He does the movie director thing, lining up his shot before running forward and clobbering him with the Helluva Kick! Shark Boy goes down and Zayn is all smiles. He walks over to EC3 and gives him a thumbs up saying, "That's a spoiler for next week Ethan!" as he walks off. Officials come in to check on Shark Boy as the show moves on...
The Revolution feed returns from a commercial break and picks up outside a completely different building. In the bottom corner of the screen a message flashes up which says “Recorded last Friday” confirming that the footage being aired is not live. The building in question is quickly identified as UWF Headquarters, where a group of reporters are gathered outside the main entrance, looking to grab a scoop following the shocking turn of events that occurred at the end of the show just passed. The reporters appear to be just talking amongst themselves as nobody from the company appears willing to go out and speak with them. However, suddenly out of nowhere, a crashing sound is heard in the distance. Keen to investigate, the reporters abandon their posts outside the front door and head off towards the sound of the crash. After a few seconds of chaotic movement, it’s identified that the sound came from one of the side entrances to the building, the reporters then form a u-shape of sorts around the side door and make a host of indiscernible noises, as the camera is then able to squeeze through and shows Danhausen scrabbling around on the floor, surrounded by an array of what appears to be official and very confidential looking UWF paperwork.
Danhausen
Now, now, before you all jump to conclusionhausens, Danhausen has a perfectly good and reasonable explanation for this situation that you weren’t exactly supposed to see…
Reporter 1
Well I hope so, as the reason we are all here today is because we are trying to get to the bottom of some very shady recent goings on in the UWF, and quite frankly Danhausen, this right here is a prime example of that.
Feeling somewhat vulnerable and exposed whilst down on all fours, Danhausen gets back up on two feet in order to reason with the group of reporters now surrounding him.
Danhausen
Aha! You are very much correct good sir, however Danhausen can reassure you that everything you see here has nothing to do with the ending to the last Ultimate Wrestling show. In fact, what Danhausen has uncovered here today is arguably far more controversial and twisted than anything you’ve been exposed to on your respective television sets over the past months. Would you be so kind as to allow Danhausen to elaborate further?
Reporter 2
Please, go on.
Danhausen
So as you will recall, Danhausen was verbally bashed for no reason by the foul Cornhole Jimmy, and shortly afterwards received a warning from the television network in relation to this. Now as follow up to these events, Danhausen advised that he would be composing a letter of some sort, so that he could rightfully defend his honor from this spectacle wearing tennis announcer that has tried to tarnish it. However, Danhausen admittedly encountered a problem with this plan, that being he did not possess a copy of Cornhole Jimmy’s address for sending said letter. So he therefore had to sneak in to Ultimate Wrestling secret base today, in order to go through old filehausens and see where exactly Cornhole Jimmy gets his peanut royalty checks sent to. Danhausen has now successfully procured said address, but it came with yet another menacing discovery…
Reporter 3
What did you find out?
Danhausen
Alright, prepare yourselves please… So Danhausen learned from searching through various sheets of paper that the heinous loser Davetista, who Danhausen has already overcome on two previous occasions he might add, first in his debut matchhausen, and then again in the Monarch Earthquake, is somehow on a much more lucrative Ultimate Wrestling contract than Danhausen is. Considering that Danhausen has already proven himself as the superior being, how can this be considered acceptable!? It is a travesty of the highest order and must be rectified immediately!
Reporter 2
With respect Danhausen, that’s hardly a pressing concern in the UWF at present, especially when considering we are here to investigate the reasons behind th…
Danhausen
It is a pressing concernhausen for Danhausen and you should all be understanding and supportive of that! Danhausen has shown that he is the better wrestler, entertainer and performer than Davetista, so why is Danhausen not receiving all that money instead? It’s not as if Davetista needs it considering that he’s still finding a way to steal a living from Hollywoodhausen as well! Danhausen finds your lack of appreciation for this to be frustrating, however he will not do any hounding at this time, as he accepts that he was somewhat breaking an entering when he made this despicable discovery. That said, if Danhausen has to once again prove that he is better in order to earn what is rightfully his, then that is what he will do. Therefore, Danhausen officially challenges Davetista to another match, only this time he wants it at Wrestlehausen, so that way he can show the whole world just how big of a fraudhausen Davetista really is. Danhausen eagerly awaits the response to this very nice, very evil challenge, but for now he must scene the flee, before the Ultimate Wrestling security guards arrive and throw him in jailhausen. Arrivederci. Love that Danhausen!
After issuing the challenge to Batista for Wresltemania, Danhausen takes a quick look at his current surroundings and identifies a potential exit point. Following a quick drop down in order to pick up a handful of the paper documents that he stole, Danhausen breaks through the side of the crowd and starts running like a possessed mad man into the distance. The befuddled and somewhat disappointed looking reporters have zero desire to pursue him this time as the pre-recorded clip comes to a close and the live feed resumes back in the arena.
The arena lights all go down and black out. The huge screen on the stage emits the only light now as it displays the now Ominous words of "The Alpha Academy". Still cloaked in shadows steps a lone figure onto the stage. The leader of the Academy himself.
He stands there for what seems like an uncomfortable time before starting to walk to the ring. His eyes are locked the entire time. He never loses sight until Joey Janela attack him from behind. Joey drag him down the entrance ramp and he whips him to the steel steps. He talk trash to him whole Chad is on the floor and he started stomping on him until the referee tell them to get into the ring. Joey ignored the referee as he pick up Gable and he places him into the ring. Joey rolls himself into the ring as the bell ring and the match is on its way.
VS 
Joey Janela vs Chad Gable
DING DING DING
Chad is still hurt from the attack as he gets up and Joey tries to grab him. But Chad punches him in the stomach and he puts him in a headlock. Chad squeezed the headlock tightly until Joey elbowed him in the stomach and he whipped him to the ropes. Chad bounces off the ropes as he tries to clothesline Joey and Joey ducks. He hits Gable with a German suplex and he hooks the leg. But Gable quickly kicked out before the count of one. Joey places him in a Chin lock submission.
Gable tries to get out as Joey pushes on the pressure on the chin lock. The referee ask him if he gives up. Chad shakes his head no as he raises his hand up and he tries his best to get up in his feet. He does as he elbows Joey in the stomach and Joey pull him back down by grabbing his hair. Chad fall near the ring ropes as Joey walk over to him and he starts stomping on him. Then he stops as he pick up Chad and he whips him to the turnbuckle hard. Chad hits the turnbuckle hard and he fall down onto the floor as Janela urns over to him. He quickly hook the leg.
1........
and a kick out.
Joey gets angry as he starts throwing some punches to Chad and then He grab him. He tries to hit a Blockbuster as Chad manages to reverse it and he kicks Joey in the head with his foot. He makes Joey let go as Chad grabs his leg and Joey falls down onto the ring mat. Chad hooks the Ankle Lock on Joey as he starts screaming and he tries to grab the ropes. Chad pulls back as Joey pushes himself forward again and he gets closer to the ring ropes. He grabs it as the referee begins the count.
1.......
2.......
and Chad lets go of the Ankle Lock as He is pissed off. He grabs Joey's leg and he starts stomping on his leg as Joey screams. Then Chad picks him up and he whips him to the ropes as Joey bounces off the ropes. Chad knocks Joey down with a huge dropkick and he picks up Joey. He whips him to the turnbuckle as he walks over to him and he starts chopping away on him. The crowd starts chanting Woo every time he lands a chop on Joey. He stops and he places Joey on the turnbuckle as Janela fights back. But Chad stops him with a huge punch as he grabs Joey and he hits him with a huge suplex off the turnbuckle. Both men land onto the floor hard as Chad hooks the leg of Janela.
1........
2.......
and a kick out.
Chad looks at the referee and he tries to tell him it is a three count. Joey grabs him from behind and he hits him with a German Suplex. He runs over to the turnbuckle as he climbs it and he jumps off the turnbuckle. He tries to hit the Swanton Bomb and Chad move out of the way.
Mauro Ranallo: Ouch!
Tom Phillips: That gotta hurt Joey alot.
Corey Graves: Gable was lucky that he moved out of the way just in time!
Janela is holding his ribs from the fall. Chad grabs him and he hits the Cross ArmBreaker. Joey hits the floor as Chad grabs his foot and he tries to place him in the Ankle lock. But Janela reversed it and he placed him in a small package.
1..........
2.........
and a kick out.
Mauro Ranallo: That was a close one!
Chad gets up and he trades punches with Joey. They keep on trading punches until Joey gets the upper hand and he grabs Chad. He hits a huge Blockbuster and the referee begins the count.
1.........
2........
and a kick out.
Joey can't believe it. He hooks the leg again and Gable quickly kicks out. He grabs Chad and he jumps behind him. He rolls him up and he is holding the tights as the referee begins the count.
1.......
2......
and a kick out.
Both men get up as both men have the same idea and they hit each other with a huge clothesline. Both men are down and the referee begins the 10 count.
1...........
2...........
3...........
4..........
5.........
Both men are slowly getting up.
6..........
7.........
8.........
Both men get up to their feet. They start trading punches again until Chad got the upper hand and he hits Joey with the HeadScissor takedown. He grab Joey by the Ankle and he hooks the Ankle Lock as Joey begin to scream. The referee ask him if he give up and he shakes his head no. Joey tries to grab the ropes as Chad stop him by pulling him back and he push more pressure on the ankle. Joey is screaming and then he flip himself over. He force Gable to knock the referee down and he let go of the Ankle lock. Joey hits him with the Low Blow and Chad falls down as Joey grab him. He pick Gable up and he hits the Death Valley Driver. He hook the leg and then he realize the referee is down. He walk over to the referee and he tries to wake him up as Gable slowly get up. The referee get up. Gable goes behind him and he hits him with the Snap German Suplex. Gable is smiling as he gives everyone the signal that it is the end. He runs to the turnbuckle and he climbs it as he jumps off. He hits the Moonsault and he land it before he hook the leg.
1.......
2.........
and a kick out.
Mauro Ranallo: How the hell did Joey kick out of that?
Tom Phillips: I don't know. Must be some kind of miracle working for him.
Corey Grave: There isn't no such a thing as miracles. He just got more left in him.
Chad Gable tries to hit the Chaos Theory as Janela blocks it and he reverses it to a Package Piledriver. Then he runs to climb the turnbuckle and he signals for the end as he jumps off the turnbuckle. He hits the Diving elbow drop and he hooks the leg.
Mauro Ranallo: Oh My God, he just hit Gable with the Diving Elbow drop!
Tom Phillips: What a huge clean win for Joey's debut in UWF.
Corey Graves: It's back to the drawing board for Chad Gable.
1...
2...
3...
DING DING!
Your Winner by pinfall...Joey Janela!
Post match: Joey throws Gable out of the ring and dusts his hands like he took out the trash. Joey leaves the ring laughing while the referee tends to Chad Gable and Joey heads to the back.
Mauro Ranallo: Wow, Joey Janela just threw Gable out of the ring like he was just some piece of trash.
Tom Phillips: How disrespectful for Joey's actions toward an Olympic gold medalist like Chad Gable.
Corey Graves: Can't blame him. Joey does whatever he wants to do.
LAST WEEK ON REVOLUTION
Batista is seen leaving the showers in casual clothing as he walks into the locker room where his agent is sitting on a bench and stands up to greet him once Dave enters the room.
Agent: You ready to talk business?
Batista: Yeah. Sit down.
The two men sit down on the bench next to each other.
Batista: Look, I’m sorry I left you hanging the way I did. I don’t know what I was thinking. I guess I just felt like I had something to prove to myself.
Agent: Well if it makes you feel any better, I did watch the match and I enjoyed watching you kick ass out there, especially since it was John Cena. With that being said, I don’t feel any differently. I think this whole thing was a mistake and not just because it’s almost got me out on my ass. You don’t have anything to prove here, Dave. Who gives a damn about kicking ass in the ring, kick ass on the movie set. Who gives a damn about championships, awards mean more. And money? Hollywood’s pockets are a lot deeper than EC3’s.
Batista sits there actively listening, a look of pondering on his face as he does.
Agent: Look, I’m not bullshitting you at all. When I said my desk is full of scripts, I meant it. But you’ve gotta come with me and we’ve gotta get back to work now, because it’s just as cutthroat as it’s always been and the longer you sit on your ass or waste your time doing this wrestling thing, those scripts aren’t going to be worth the paper they’re printed on because they’re going to cast someone else in those roles. You don’t even have to audition for this shit, Dave. I’m guaranteeing you big time roles and big time money.
Batista breathes in deeply and exhales audibly before quickly standing up and walking over to the mirror. His agent follows him and puts his hand on Batista’s shoulder.
Agent: No more getting disrespected by these so-called fans. No more having to share your spotlight with schmucks like Danhausen and Shark Boy. No having to work your way up from rock bottom just to get a shot at being somebody. You’re already somebody, Dave. Remember who the hell you are! Now what do you say?
Batista punches the mirror as it shatters on contact. For a moment all that can be heard is Dave’s breathing and the pieces of glass hitting the ground. His agent removes his hand from the big man’s shoulder as Batista turns around and starts walking away. He stops in the doorway and turns and looks at his agent.
Batista: Last week, I stood in that ring and said that I wasn’t going to half-ass things anymore. That I wasn’t going to phone it in anymore, that I was taking a new lease on my career. Then I went to that ring tonight and beat the hell out of John Cena. I kept my word to not half-ass and not phone anything in because I thought it would make me feel better to get a win that way. But I don’t feel any better, man. I said the loss to Ciampa made me get honest with myself but it’s really what’s going on tonight, both what happened in that ring and the conversation that’s going on between you and I right now. So you know what I say? I say the UWF can go fuck itself.
Batista’s agent laughs and claps his hands together once as he walks over to Batista who turns and exits the room. The two men head down the hallway and go through some double doors. As the doors shut, the camera holds the shot for a moment before Revolution continues elsewhere.
The black room returns as King and Jester stand on either side of the frame, A quick cut and the focus is on a grandfather clock right in the center...
TICK
TICK
TICK
A funny thing about time is it doesn't wait for anyone, You are simply a slave to its ebbs and flows. We watch as a champion has simply allowed time to catch him in it's webs. We watch as you struggle, Dolph, we are here to help you find salvation. We know you're sick with ego, You will not fall into the darkness. Well come to Wrestlemania I will help you. Like I helped Jester and the king. All you have to do is...
The camera pans up revealing the face of Dallas as he says his signature catch-phrase...
BO-LIEVE
The feed moves elsewhere as the laughter of Dallas is still ringing throughout the arena...
OVERDRIVE
“YEAH CAN YOU feel it?” Eita struts out slicks his hair back and just walks to the ring a confident grin on his face as he slides in the ring and glances at Chimel
Tony Chimel: From Nagano Japan, he is El Numero Uno, EITA!”
Eita rests in a turnbuckle and yawns bored.
VS 
DING DING DING
Nakamura casually strolls around the ring, not really seeing Eita as a worthy opponent to him. He ends up walking right to the middle of the ring and sticks out his chest, putting his arms behind his back. He's challenging Eita to come over and give him the best chop he can dish out. El Numero Uno rubs his hands together before slowly reaching back. He delivers a lightening quick chop that crackles throughout the arena and Shinsuke immediately regrets this decision. He covers up and turns away but Eita pulls him back around and just starts unloading with a flurry of chops to the chest before sending him off the ropes. Nakamura hooks both arms underneath the top rope to prevent him from rebounding but Eita runs over and delivers a Front Dropkick to the chest.! Nakamura falls to the mat and decides to roll out of the ring.
Tom Phillips: Looks like the Prime Time Medal holder came into this match a little too confident.
Corey Graves: When you've been at the top for so long you deserve to feel confident. This sport however is known for upsets and all it takes is just one shot to knock someone off their pedestal.
Nakamura thinks he's safe but Eita comes jumping over the ropes with the Alto BASTA, taking down Nakamura! Eita pulls him back up to his feet but Shinsuke shoves him away to create some separation. Eita comes right back to him but Nakamura shoots his leg right into the gut of Eita with such force that it drops him to his knees. The King of Strong Style comes over and knees his opponent in the side of the head. Eita's looking like he's dazed and so Shinsuke pulls him up and goes to slam his head into the apron except Eita gets his hands in the way to block it. He elbows Nakamura in the gut and slams his head into the apron instead! He throws Shinsuke back into the ring before hoping onto the apron. Nakamura is right by the ropes so Eita slingshots himself in with a Senton Bomb onto the Prime Time Medal holder! He drags him away from the ropes and makes the pin!
1 . . .
2 . . .
Nakamura kicks out! Eita grabs a fistful of Nakamur'as hair and pulls him back up. The ref gets on him for this but he doesn't care. He positions Nakamura in a pumphandle position but as he tries to lift him up, Nakamura stiffens up to prevent it and breaks free, delivering an elbow to the side of the head. Eita staggers backwards and Nakamura goes for a kick but it gets caught. He then jumps up to hit the Enzuigiri! Eita goes down to his hands and knees and Nak goes down with him, grabbing onto his body before delivering knee strikes to the top of his head! Eita does his best to cover up but the Prime Time Medal holder's knees just keep ramming into his head with such force that it doesn't really help. It looks like Eita might be knocked out cold and so Shinsuke brings him back up and hooks both arms. He lifts him up a bit before driving his head into the mat with the Double Underhook Piledriver! He makes the pin!
1 . . .
2 . . .
Eita kicks out at 2!
Mauro Ranallo: After those vicious knees, I was sure that was going to be the end right there.
Corey Graves: Credit where credit's due but if you ask me, It probably would have been smarter in the long run to just stay down.
Tom Phillips: Eita's got something to prove here tonight. He wants the old guard to step aside and let the new blood prosper.
Shinsuke backs away to the corner and waits as Eita slowly picks himself up onto his knees. Nakamura then rushes forward for the Kinshasa but Eita ducks the knee and and Shinsuke shoots past him. He turns around only to get his legs sweeped out from under him. Nakamura tries to get right back up but Eita hits a Rolling Kick to the knock him back down. El Numero Uno then grabs his legs, folds them over and lifts up Nakamura to place him in an Inverted Cloverleaf he calls Tres! The long legs of Nakamura's are turned against him but with his size and long body, he's able to quickly reach the ropes to break the hold. Eita keeps it in for a 4 count to deal more damage before letting go.
Nakamura uses the ropes to help him get to his feet but Eita isn't giving him any chance to recover. He comes over and kicks the back of his leg to make him fall down once more. He hangs onto the ropes and Eita kicks his hand away too. Nakamura crawls away to the center of the ring and so tries to stand on his own. Eita walks over and stands in front of him and says a few words before backing up. He goes for the Imperial Uno but Nakamura catches his boot! He catches his boot before standing up and hitting a Spinning Wheel Kick! Nakamura grabs at his legs though and massages them a bit to get some feeling back in. He starts to get back to his feet but doesn't realize that Eita is up first. By the time he's up, Eita jumps at him with the Double Knee Facebreaker! Nakamura goes down and El Numero Uno makes the pin!
1 . . .
2 . . .
Nakamura kicks out!
Mauro Ranallo: Eita has neutralized not only Nakamura's biggest weapon but his entire base, making him slower in all aspects.
Corey Graves: Shinsuke only needs one shot though and so Eita needs to be on the lookout for that.
Tom Phillips: This is one hell of a Prime Time Medal match so far folks. Who will be next in line for a shot at the Intercontinental Championship!
Eita grabs Nakamura and drags him towards the corner before exiting out onto the apron and climbing up to the top rope. Nakamura hasn't moved and so Eita jumps off with the Senton Atomico but Nakamura rolls out of the way! There's no water in the pool and Eita crashes down onto the mat. Nakamura pulls himself up in the corner and starts wiggling around his legs, warming them up and getting some feeling in them as Eita is struggling to get to his feet. He holding his lower back as he pushes himself up onto his knees but from behind Nakamura is in position and he comes forward, ramming his knee into the back of his head with the Kinshasa! Shinsuke flips him over and makes the pin!
1 . . .
2 . . .
3 . . .
Tony Chimel: Here is your winner, and STILL Prime Time Medal holder, Shinsuke Nakamura!
Nakamura is handed his medal and he holds it up high for everyone to see that he's still in fact the rightful owner. He looks down at Eita briefly before heading to the back as the show moves on.
The titantron switches from the UWF Revolution graphic to a live feed from backstage, where Renee Young is standing by.
Young: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my guest at this time, the UWF Champion, CM Punk.
The Second City Saint walks into the shot, arms crossed against his chest. There's a sort of quizzical look on his face telegraphing some mixed emotions already. Quality correspondent that she is, Renee picks up on it right from the jump.
Young: So Punk, EC3 just dropped a bombshell in announcing that next week, Shark Boy will square off against Sami Zayn to determine the new Number One Contender for the UWF Championship - your opponent for Wrestlemania. What's your initial reaction to this monumental switch-up just weeks out from the biggest show of the year?
He squints a little, looking up and off to the side for a quick moment to think on it before answering.
Punk: Shark Boy and Sami Zayn, huh? I'm sure we'll get to the circumstances behind all that in a minute here. Lets focus on this match specifically. Most of the challengers during my run with the belt so far have been guys coming out of gimmick matches - battle royals, triple threats, what have you. When I sets my sights on winning this belt, I had to fight my way through the most grueling tournament in professional wrestling for the honor. Four consecutive wins in what would be the start of one helluva streak against the best competitors the sport has to offer.
I'm not gonna argue that surviving a battle royal isn't hard, or that putting in enough work for EC3 to even consider your for an opportunity like this one next week is something easily dismissed. I would argue, however, that that all pales compared to what I had to go through. Given the same chance, could Shark Boy or Sami Zayn have done the same? Maybe. I dunno. My point is that I've done the impossible. I continue to do the impossible. All the guys in the back think they could shatter records and rack up world title defenses and headline pay-per-views month after month after month, but I'm the one that's actually doing it. That tells me that there's a difference between and everyone else, and so far, none of have have proven they can match my pace. When the chips are down and the lights are brightest, I always deliver.
Shark Boy's got a win over me courtesy of Eddie Kingston. I'd like to get that back. Sami Zayn is probably the most underrated superstar of the Revolution era. I wouldn't mind fighting him on the Grandest Stage of 'em All. Frankly, I don't care who meets EC3'standards for a suitable replacement - I just hope that come the big night, they bring their A-game so I can show why mine's better.
Young: Of course this is all a result of Seth Rollins getting arrested last week for his attempts on your life and the damage he did to Samoa Joe, Eddie Kingston, and company property. Having had a week to process the revelation that Seth was the mystery attacker all along, how do you feel now, especially considering you were about to square off with him at Wrestlemania?
The Champ can't hide a tone of disappointment as he replies.
Punk: What a dumbass, right? That miserable, over-hyped, self-congratulating piece of human garbage just sabotaged the most important moment of his entire career, to say nothing of ruining his whole life. This guy has the nerve to call himself "The Architect" but his grand designs to kill me off were all failures, and his endgame of worming his way into a world title match without me involved got exposed by some simple camera work. He's a charlatan. A god damn fraud. The only thing Seth Rollins has ever excelled at in his career is latching on to more talented people to get by. He did it with me in Bulletproof, with Jimmy Jacobs, Kurt Angle, and now Heyman and Reigns. Always looking for that missing ingredient, never understanding the inherent flaws in the raw material. Maybe he'll find some new buddies to suck up to in prison.
Good riddance as far as I'm concerned. Whatever praise you wanna heap on that prick's head for lasting the longest in a match that doesn't really prove much, you also have to remember that he lost his Intercontinental title earlier in the night. That doesn't sound like the best Contender to me. I wanna fight a winner, and Seth ain't that. He did everything he could to make sure he wouldn't actually have to wrestle me again. What does that tell you about his confidence? Seth Rollins is a coward. Trust me when I say that he's happier in prison, because its the one place he's safe from me.
For the first time, Punk turns towards the camera, looking down the lens and letting those last words simmer as a warning for the man he's sure is watching for the hole he's locked up in.
Young: Okay, one more question Champ - what's the game plan going into your first ever match with La Luchadora?
Breaking that glare at the camera, Punk chills out and chuckles a bit.
Punk: Oh yeah, ahaha. I almost forgot. Welp, it's Saint Patrick's Day and I know Luchadora is all about that "luck of the Irish", wink wink, nudge nudge... but Irish, blind, dumb or otherwise, luck is for losers, and it's not gonna cut it against the Best in the World.
Young: Alright. Thanks for your time.
Punk: Pleasure as always.
The UWF Champ heads off to compete while Renee signs off.
Chimel: The following contest is a Non-Title Triple Threat Match!
Chimel: Introducing first... from Dublin, Ireland... weighing in at 147 pounds... "The King" Hornswoggle!
"Down With The King" by Run DMC hits as King Hornswoggle come out to a chorus of boos and he smiles wearing his crown. He walks down the entrance ramp waving all to his peasants as he turns to the right and he walk up the steel steps. He walk along the ropes as he stops and he slides under the ring ropes.
The scene opens where the arena is shown as "Voices" by Rev Theory hits as Randy Orton comes out and he walks down the entrance ramp.
Chimel: Next... from St Louis Missouri... weighing at 250 pounds... "The Viper" Randy Orton!
Orton climbs into the squared circle, ready to compete.
John Cena theme hit's the arena. The fans cheers for him, he salutes them back.
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Again, he salutes to the UWF Universe.
Chimel: And finally... from West Newbury, Massachusetts... weighing at 260 pounds... The UWF Television Champion, John Cena!
Cena salutes his fans and runs straight down towards the ring, sliding in and then running back in fourth of the ropes before throwing his hat out into the stands.. After raising up the Chain Gang pose, he takes off his shirt and hands the Ref along with his Chain Gang necklace and title belt.
The Official ensures all three men are ready as Tony steps out of the ring. With a nod from each, the Referee calls for the bell.
VS 
VS 
DING DING
The bell rings and Hornswoggle immediately bails to the outside, rolling under the bottom rope and landing clumsily on the floor. His two opponents stand by and watch him go. Swoggle tosses some middle fingers there way cause he's nasty like that. The lewd gesture bothers Cena, who heads in that direction to go an teach him some manners. Perhaps via an aptly named Attitude Adjustment.
Orton heads him off at the pass, blasting him across the back of the head with a clobbersome lariat as Big Match John is about to step out to the apron. Randy follows up by whipping Cena across the ring, thinking about a dropkick for the TV Champ on the way back. He never gets the chance, though.
While he's waiting for his spot, the devious Hornswoggle reaches under the ropes, hastily unties the Viper's boots and re-laces them together in a knot. All of this goes on without Randy even noticing, of course, so when he tries to spring up, he trips over himself and spills over in absolute disgrace.
Phillips: Hornswoggle with the oldest trick in the book!
Ranallo: He's devious as a leprechaun, especially today of all days.
Graves: That's a cute way of saying "problematic, alcoholic freak of nature".
Without Orton there to stop him, Cena is now able to head to the floor to go after the former Television Champ. Hornswoggle scurries away from the Doctor of Thuganomics, leading him on a chase around the squared circle. John's longer gait has him gaining ground fast. The self-proclaimed "King" looks over his shoulder and sees the gap narrowing, so he changes course and dips under the ring apron.
John stops dead in his tracks. He shakes his head, too, cause brother, he's not about to follow the Little Bastard to those parts unknown. Deducing the trajectory of his foe's escape route, Cena circumnavigates the ring, intending to catch him coming out the far end.
Hornswoggle does indeed pop out the other side. He has a flask in hand - something he keeps under there at all times just in case. Popping the cap, he takes a big ol' swig of liquid courage to ease his nerves. Cena rounds the corner and catches him off guard. He picks up Swoggle under the armpits like a child. It's not clear what his plan is from there - whatever it is, he never gets the chance to execute.
A spray of disgusting Green Mist spews from Hornswoggle's mouth, dousing Cena's eyes!
Phillips: It's the Green Mist!
Graves: Cultural appropriation! Everyone knows that that's a Japanese tactic.
Ranallo: If my nose isn't deceiving me, I detect that that's no ordinary Green Mist, but some run-of-the-mill Saint Paddy's day green-dyed beer.
Graves: Ew. Gross.
Phillips: It tastes the same, Corey.
Graves: Maybe to you, but you have the palette of a toddler, Phillips. I've seen you eating your Cheeze Whiz sandwhiches on white bread in catering. Don't talk to me about grown-up drinks.
Cena recoils, dropping Swoggle and clutching at his eyes. The King cackles maniacally, low-blows Cena to add injury to insult and then crawls back into the ring with the TV Champ writhing in pain.
As Hornswoggle is climbing through the ropes, however, Orton grabs a hold of his head and yanks him in so that his legs are draped on the middle cable. From there, it's a sudden trip down into the mat with Randy's patented DDT! The leperchaun's dome bounces off the canvas like a ping pong ball. The Apex Predator rolls him over and hooks a leg for the cover...
1...
2...
Swoggle just barely kicks out after two! Orton looks up at the Ref like "are you serious?" The fourth man insists that he is, in fact, serious. Randy scowls then gets back to work, peeling the shortest man on the roster off of the mat before biel tossing him into one of the corners.
Hornswoggle slams into the buckle he's an abusive trainer getting thrown around a six million gallon tank by Tillicum. He slumps to the bottom of the post in a heap, lingering traces of green ale dribbling from the side of his crooked mouth as he stares up at the lights in a mildly concussed haze.
Graves: Randy Orton isn't here to play around. He can't be happy about dropping the Primetime Medal to Shinsuke Nakamura last week. Tonight is all about making a statement and I don't think he cares who that comes at the expense of.
Phillips: Competing against a current and former Television Champion, one has to wonder where a definitive win might land in that title's list of contenders.
Ranallo: So far as I know, John Cena is still looking for a challenger at Wrestlemania.
Orton marches over to that same corner. Grabbing hold of the top ropes on either side of the post, he uses that leverage for some added force as he grinds his boot down into Swoggle's jawbone. The King groans in agony as the foot threatens to crack his teeth. A look of distress spreads across the Official's face - his instinct is to intervene and call for a clean break but given the nature of Triple Threat contests, he has no call to to step in.
Randy caps off the torture with a final emphasized push. He backs away a few steps, soaking in the audience's boos and then gets back to it. The Viper bends down and grabs his opponent's collar to drag him back towards the middle of the ring. After a few feet, Swoggle has the wherewithal to recognize his dire straights and counter before it's too late.
The King reaches out and hooks Orton's leg to trip him up for the second time tonight. While Randy tries to regain his balance, Hornswoggle pulls him back for a hasty roll-up! He hooks the tights, too. The Official drops down to make the count...
1...
2...
Cena slides in to break it up in the knick of time!
Ranallo: Hornswoggle almost caught Randy there!
Phillips: I'd call it an upset, but you might say that Hornswoggle has made a habit of catching people off guard when they've counted him out.
Hornswoggle rolls back towards the corner he was just in as John pulls Randy up off the mat. Once the Viper is vertical, he retaliates with a European Uppercut. Cena's head snaps back but he's quick to counter with a hard right jab, left hook combo. With Orton rattled, he has no trouble whipping him into the ropes. Catching him on the way back, the TV Champ hoists up the Third-Generation Superstar and promptly plants him right back down with that Spinout Powerbomb.
Randy is sprawled out in the middle of the squared circle. Cena looks towards the hard cam and waves his hand in front of his face. The fans shout along with him...
"YOU CAN'T SEE ME"
Cena launches himself into the cables, bounces on back, then stops to bust at that little show-off taunt of his before dropping a Five Knuckle Shuffle right into Randy's mug. Orton's face is busted up by the hamhock and Cena tries his luck at a cover...
1...
2...
Hornswoggle dives in to break up the count! The fans boo but Cena isn't discouraged. He's all about that Hustle.
Graves: Hornswoggle breaks up the pin to keep this match going, but I think he just bit off more than he can chew.
Ranallo: Cena's finally going to get his hands on him and that doesn't bode well for the former TV Champ.
The King's eyes go wide as they lock on to Cena's ice-cold expression. He tries to escape but John catches hold of him first. The Doctor of Thuganomics then lifts his kicking and screaming opponent into a Fireman's Carry position. In anticipation of a humongous Attitude Adjustment, the fans' get to their feet. Camera flashes from phones illuminate the arena. Cena flips Hornswoggle off to deliver his siagnature maneuver...
Only to get countered with mini-RKO on the way down!
Phillips: RKO outta nowhere - but from Hornswoggle!
Graves: First the cultural appropriation and now this? Truly shameless. Truly.
Cena's face gets planted into the canvas. Swoggle pops up, feeling himself like he's never felt himself before, and that's saying something. Like Saint Patrick drove the snakes out of Ireland, this lepercahun has driven Cena's face damn near through the mat. Now it's time to put an end to this.
Stumbling drunkenly towards the same corner he got stomped in, The King scales the turnbuckle on clutzy step at a time until he's reached the summit. Once there, he turns around, clearly dizzied by the vertigo and whatever poison was already coursing through his system. Still, he lines up his shot and with an ignorant amount of bravery, Hornswoggle launches himself off of with a Tadpole Splash!
Only to get countered with a full-sized RKO on the way down!
Ranallo: MAMA MIA! RKO'S FOR EVERYONE TONIGHT!
Phillips: Incredible encounter by Orton! He caught Hornswoggle in mid-air to hit that one!
Graves: The Viper showing this imposter how it's done.
Swoggle is knocked the eff out by the lethal maneuver. Cena's still down and out as Orton shoots the half on Hornswoggle to wrap this one up...
1...
2...
3...
DING DING!
YOUR WINNER...
RANDY ORTON!
Orton slowly stands up, surveying his fallen foes as the Official raises his arm in victory. "Voices" blasts through the PA and is met with a wave of boos flooding back in after an initial, reactionary pop to seeing him pull off such a spectacular move. Randy glares at Hornswoggle, who's leg is twitching spasmastically. He then turns his attention to Cena, who's just starting to sit up. His sneer turns into a knowing smirk. John looks up and catches his eye. He backs away, expecting an attack, but Orton simply walks past him on his way out of the ring, letting his win speak for itself in the mind of the Television Champ. Randy heads up the ramp while Cena looks on. Revolution continues elsewhere.
As Revolution cuts away from the action, the screen is black and all is quiet. Suddenly the sound of a thunderstorm is heard followed by a heavy rain.
Movie voiceover: They say life is about learning to dance in the rain. But not everyone lives by that motto. For one man, there’s no time for dancing, only fighting for everything he knows and loves. This summer, in his anticipated return to the big screen, Dave Batista is…
The Man Without An Umbrella.
The scene opens up outside of the local courthouse as a massive exodus of people is happening at the moment. UWF’s Renee Young is being filmed walking up some steps as she casually finds Paul Heyman in the raucus crowd and tries to get a word with him.
Renee Young: Paul! Mr. Heyman—we got word of a Court proceeding today regarding the inexplicable actions done by Seth Rollins. Are you able to give us any kind of update on that?
Paul Heyman is surprised to see cameras on the scene but fixes his tie as he shrugs his shoulders and obliges to the random interview.
Paul Heyman: I’m sorry, but did you say the word ‘inexplicable?’
Renee Young: Yes… I did. The running down of Samoa Joe, and the alleged other attempts on CM Punk not to mention what happened to Eddie Kingston.
Paul Heyman: First of all, ‘Inexplicable’ and ‘alleged’ are not the words that you will be using to describe ANYTHING involving my client. Haven’t you heard the old saying ‘Innocent until proven guilty?’
Now, I’m not sure what kind of side-show freak act Ethan is trying to do with his circus of a company, but this conspiracy that my client is going around trying to murder UWF Superstars is absurd. My client doesn’t need to go around trying to off superstars that he’s already pinned. This isn’t the Mafia, he isn’t in a violent street gang—We work for a wrestling company Renee. We aren’t in the streets; there’s no street code. We are professional human beings doing the jobs that we love.
It will only be a matter of time before the facts come out and the world will be able to make their own decision. I’m not sure who created this conspiracy and why but I’ll tell you another thing Renee.
Renee Young: Go ahead Mr. Heyman.
Paul Heyman: I’ve hired the best damn lawyer that money can buy, and I’ve given the case to him. So, whether it’s Sami and his camera tricks or CM Punk really just wanting to get rid of his own friend and make it look like an accident—the truth will come out.
Renee Young: Mr. Heyman, the world saw the footage last week and it was in HD.
Paul Heyman: I don’t give a rats ass about what you THINK you saw. Someone bamboozled you—they hoodwinked you and I am absolutely flabbergasted that you can fall for such a trick. I guess another old saying is right, ‘a lie spreads faster than the truth.’ It’s a shame that this happening to me and my client, however. But I must say, it was expected. Every great leader goes through trials and tribulations, and I guess this is what the Universe is testing him with to see if he is ready for his crown. Well, you all will just have to wait and see—my client will not be any serving time in prison or jail. He will be released soon, and he will be at Wrestlemania! Now if you will excuse me—that’s all the time that I have for the evening.
Renee Young: There you have it, an update about Rollins from Paul Heyman.
The scene fades to black as Heyman scurries along in the remnants of the exodus of people.
Suddenly the lights start to darken and flicker...
Cheers begin to ring all around the arena as the music plays and Danhausen takes to the stage. After a couple of slow spins around the stage area, Danhausen then raises his arms and gives out a determined yell as the crowd pops in appreciation.
Tony Chimel
Making his way to the ring, from Someplace Far Away, weighing at least 300lbs, Danhausen!!
Danhausen heads down the ramp, waving politely at some of the fanhausens in attendance before he hops up onto the apron and signals the nearby cameraman to get a close up shot of him. Danhausen then points directly into the camera lens and yells “Love That Danhausen!” before climbing through the middle rope and posing in the center of the ring with his arms held high once again.
As Symphony of Destruction by Megadeth blasts over the speakers Ciampa walks out onto stage, flanked by Wardlow. The crowd boos the pair loudly, Ciampa hold the Intercontinental Championship in the air and shouts "THIS IS MY MOMENT"
Tony Chimel: Making his way to the ring and being accompanied by Wardlow from Boston, Massachusetts weighing in tonight at 201lbs he is the UWF Intercontinental Champion The "Psycho Killer" Tommaso Ciampa.
Keeping the championship held in the air, Ciampa quickly moves his empty hand down and a black and gold pyro bursts out of the stage as the pair makes their way to the ring. Wardlow making sure his boss doesn’t get harassed by any of the fans. As the pair reach the ring Wardlow sits on the ropes and lets Ciampa in. Ciampa climbs a turnbuckle and holds the championship aloft, allowing a single spotlight to hit it and let it shine.
Ciampa then jumps down from the turnbuckle and stares at his championship, like Gollum staring at the one ring, he then touches the centre and stares for a second. He would then hand the Intercontinental Championship to Wardlow, telling him to take care of her. Ciampa then gets in his corner.
VS 
DING DING DING
As soon as the bell rings, Ciampa is all over Danhausen. He's got him backed into a corner as he throws lefts and right to any open area on his body. Danhausen is doing his best to cover up but it's not until the referee has to physically pull Ciampa off of him that he gets a breather. It's not much of a breather though since Tommaso comes back and Irish Whips him to the opposite corner. He follows up by running over towards him to deliver a stiff Running Forearm Smash in the corner. Danhausen ends up falling to a seated position from the impact as Ciampa walks away. He then runs right back at him to deliver a Running Knee right to the face! Danhausen looks completely out of it and Ciampa pulls him away from the ropes, putting his forearm in his face as he makes the pin.
1 . . .
2 . . .
Danhausen kicks out!
Mauro Ranallo: Ciampa is like a mad man in there.
Tom Phillips: Looks like he took his first pinfall losshausen pretty bad.
Corey Graves: I couldn't be any more happier! Destroy him champ!
Ciampa pulls him up by his hair and says a few inaudible words to him. He grabs him in a headlock and just starts punching his forehead over and over again until the ref stops him. The ref is all up on him this time, warning him about the closed fists and tells him he could disqualify him. Ciampa doesn't really pay him much attention, instead going back after Danhausen but the evil bastard suddenly hoists Ciampa up on his shoulders and delivers the Very Nice, Very Kneevil! Tommaso is staggered from the hit and drops to a knee. Danhausen grabs a hold of his head and plants him down with a DDT! He flips him over to make the pin!
1 . . .
Ciampa kicks out right away. He still however is looking a bit dazed and so Danhausen brings him back up. Ciampa however rushes forward and manages to ram him back first into the corner. Ciampa throws a few Shoulder Thrusts in before standing up and just straight bites the eyebrow of Danhausen! He backs off pretty quick as the ref comes over. He goes to go back at Danhausen but only manages to eat a boot the face that staggers him backwards Danhausen picks himself up onto the middle rope and jumps off with a Missile Dropkick to take the champ down! Ciampa rolls out of the ring to catch a breather. Danhausen exits out onto the apron and runs at him, kicking him in the chest! He PeeWee Herman dances on the apron to the tune of "Tequila", kicking Ciampa over and over until the beat drops and one final kick is made with the crowd yelling out "Danhausen!" at the end. Danhausen bows as the crowd cheers and claps for him but as he's doing this, Ciampa grabs his leg and pulls him off the apron causing him to fall flat on his back on the outside!
Corey Graves: Good! that's what the goofball deserves.
Tom Phillips: Oh come on Corey, he was just having funhausen.
Corey Graves: I swear to God Phillips, if you add hausen to a word one more time...
Ciampa picks up Danhausen and tosses him back into the ring. He comes in after him and stalks him from behind as he's getting to his feet. Danhausen turns around only to get scooped up over the shoulder. Ciampa is setting him up for the Air Raid Crash but Danhausen kicks his feet and flips over him, turning it into a sunset flip. Ciampa quickly rolls back to prevent the pin from even being made but as he hops back up he's kicking in the face with a big Boot! Tommaso is backed up a few paces but he comes running right back at his opponent. Danhausen goes low and grabs him at the waist, popping his hips back to plant him with a Bridging Northern Lights Suplex!
1 . . .
2 . . .
Ciampa kicks out! Danhausen walks over to the corner and grabs his jar of teeth. The crowd pops but the ref is trying to stop him. He can't actually disqualify him but he can disapprove. Maybe that would appeal to the very nice man. Unfortunately for the ref, Danhausen is also very evil so his appeal falls on deaf ears. Danhausen pulls up Ciampa and raises his jar of teeth. He starts pouring them into the Intercontinental Champion's mouth before he backs up a few steps. He then runs towards him and connects with a Big Boot, the teeth flying everywhere! Danhausen quickly makes the pin!
1 . . .
2 . . .
Tommaso Ciampa kicks out at 2! The ref quickly tries to sweep the teeth out of the ring while Danhausen picks the Intercontinental Champion right back up and grabs his head, signalling for the end. Ciampa rushes forward and once again backs him into the corner. Danhausen this time starts throwing down elbows to Ciampa's back to get him away. Tommaso retreats and so Danhausen goes for another Big Boot but Ciampa ducks down and hits him with a Low Blow! The ref is busy sweeping the teeth out of the ring to catch it. Danhausen falls to his knees in pain and Ciampa hook both arms. It's not long after that he plants him with the Fairy Tale Ending! he hooks both legs for a deep cover.
1 . . .
2 . . .
3 . . .
Tony Chimel: Here is your winner, Tommaso Ciampa!
Corey Graves: That's what that idiot gets for doing the dumb teeth thing.
Mauro Ranallo: It definitely backfired but lets not forget what Ciampa did.
Corey Graves: All's fair in love and war, that's all I'm going to say.
Ciampa gets handed his title and he heads to the back, not even bothering celebrating or acknowledging the fans booing him as the show moves on.
The arena lights dims as the titantron lights up, showing the audience a scene in what appears to be a dimly lit bedroom. We see the silhouette of a man sitting on a chair near one of the two beds in the room. The light by the other bed is off, but near the bed near the focal point still has its light on. And inside of the bed is a little girl, in the midst of being told a bedtime story.
???
…and finally, our valiant hero stood before the beast. The two of them locked inside not one, but TWO cages. Because they thought that just one cage wouldn’t keep the rest of the world safe from the beast they had unleashed upon helpless victim after helpless victim. But our hero relished the setting, because he knew that he could let loose and the world would be safe from harm. The two combatants locked eyes and what our hero saw in the eyes of that beast haunted him…
Little Girl
…what did the hero see daddy?
The storyteller lets out a small little laugh before he continues
???
I’m getting there, firecracker. Where was I….oh right. The beast’s eyes haunted our hero. He had spent days, nay weeks, nay months…nay YEARS of his life preparing for this moment and for all his hard work…the unslayable beast that stood before him had the look of…laziness in his eyes. Our hero couldn’t believe it. He had seen this beast dispose of would-be heroes for months now and standing here face to face, all he could see was laziness. A day not spent training, but eating bonbons on the couch watching foreign soap operas. He had relied on his natural gift of size his whole life and until this point that was enough. A mighty yell, a swing of his massive, car sized hand and another hero cut down. And this beast thought that this hero would fall just like the rest of them. But that look in the beast’s eyes…it ignited something in our hero. A fiery passion that he knew was always there, forever burning but covered. And that look, it caused that flame to engulf its cover and set our hero’s spirit soaring. He didn’t wait for the beast to let out his bellowing war cry, instead he let loose one of his own. Like this…
Our storyteller, still masked in the shadows of his daughter’s bedroom, leans his head back and lets out a subdued howl. This elicits a giggle from both the little girl in her bed and another figure hidden behind the cracked door of the bedroom. The second sound catches the attention of our storyteller, who looks to the other bed in the room to ensure his other daughter wasn’t awoken by this sound before smiling and continuing.
???
And do you know what our hero did after his mighty battlecry?
Little Girl
Ummmm, he tackled the beast?
???
Yes! Driving himself forward with all of his might, our hero crashed his shoulder right in the center of the beast. With all of his force he drove the beast back into the first cage which simply could not withstand the force of our hero. The wall came crashing down, with our hero on top of the beast. And after a few moments…only one of them stood up. Our hero stood triumphantly over the beast. This once mighty beast, now just laying on the ground, gasping for air. The world was stunned, save for one man. Our hero always knew this would be the outcome. So rather than continue to beat upon the downed beast, like he would do to all of his victims, our hero took the high road and simply walked away. His victory was already cemented, his head held high and the glory of the world now rested upon his shoulder. The same shoulder that was used to topple the mighty beast. The End.
For a moment the two sit in silence, the little girl’s breaths getting slower and calmer as sleep starts to take her.
Little Girl
I always like how you tell your wrestling stories daddy. I wish I could have seen you beat up that big, stinky, beast…
Our storyteller doesn’t immediately respond, a small sigh escaping his lips before he catches himself and gives a real answer.
???
I wish you could too, sweetie. But a lot of those old tapes are lost to time now, all that remains are the memories and stories we have of them. I’m glad you like daddy’s stories though, I’ll have to rub that one into mommy’s face.
The little girl giggles at the playful threat.
Little Girl
No, don’t do that! That’s mean! And you could never be mean to anyone, Daddy.
For a moment, our storyteller pauses. Contemplating the words that just left his daughter's mouth. Finally, his words find him again and he questions his daughter.
???
Oh? I could never be mean? What about when you don’t do your chores or finish your broccoli?
The little girl’s face wrinkles up at the mere mention of the vegetable
Little Girl
Broccoli smells like farts...
This gets a stifled laugh out of the storyteller. Composing himself quickly he continues probing his question.
???
It does smell like farts, at least mommy’s farts. But I’m serious, I can get mean when you and your sister are horsing around
Little Girl
That’s different! That’s not real mean, it’s pretend mean! Because I know when I listen to you, I’ll get a big hug or a new toy or...or...ice cream!
The sparkle in the little girl’s voice causes the storyteller that his line of questioning has reached its end and a glance at the clock further cements his decision to close the book on today.
???
Speaking of ice cream, now you’ve gotta keep your promise to daddy and go to sleep now. I told you a bed time story, might I add, probably my absolute best one, and now it’s time for you to go to dream land. That is, unless you want Mommy, me and your sister to all go out for ice cream sundaes tomorrow and leave you home with a big bowl of fart broccoli instead.
The quick pulling up of the little girl’s sheets is all the answer our storyteller needs. With a smile on his face he leans down and kisses his youngest daughter on the forehead and wishes her a goodnight as he turns off the lamp by her bed.
Sami Zayn comes walking out onto the stage to thunderous boos from the crowd. La Luchadora comes out behind him and the duo head down to the ring.
Tony Chimel: The following contest is scheudled for one fall! Introducing first, being accompanied to the ring by Sami Zayn, from Parts Unkown Mexico, La Luchadora!
Sami makes his way over to the announcers table while Luchadora climbs into the ring and starts warming up.
Corey Graves: Glad of you to grace us on the announce table tonight Sami!
Sami Zayn: My pleasure. I think it's about time we added another unbiased opinion around here. Getting pretty tired of hearing Phillips and Ranallo baselessly attack good folks like myself.
P U N K
The UWF Champion marches purposefully out on to the ramp, strobe lights flashing in time with the pulsing rhythm of "Digging for Windows". With his name spread big and bold up on the titantron, Punk takes a knee and checks the invisible wrist watch to confirm the time. Love him or hate him, the fans all scream along when he announces that it's Clobberin' Time!
Chimel: Making his way to the ring... being accompanied by Samoa Joe... from Chicago, Illinois... weighing in at 218 pounds... The UWF Champion... CM PUNK!
The brooding Samoan Submission Machine comes trailing behind Punk as he walks down the ramp. Fans reaching over the barricade for high-fives or booing all the way up in the nosebleeds are ignored all the same. The Renaissance is realized. This is a man who has re-established himself as Best in the World and he knows out. He carries himself with bulletproof confidence, daring any and all comers to take their shot. While Samoa Joe takes his place at the corner of the apron, CM Punk climbs into the squared circle, ready to compete.
VS 
DING DING DING
Sami Zayn: What you're about to see folks is a classic beatdown like no other. CM Punk won't even know what hit him.
Corey Graves: Sami, being a top level athlete such as yourself, we know you're a phenomenal trainer but you've been training El Duo Dinamico on the job. Becky Lynch has now joined up to train Luchadora full time so just how much of an impact will we see in Luchadora's game?
Sami Zayn: Oh you don't even want to know. I've seen her twists people in all sorts of directions and it's only been a month of training. imagine her in a year!
Luchadora and Punk have been carefully watching one another since the bell rung. They slowly walk along the inside of the ring before tying up in the middle. Luchadora immediately grabs the arm and forces Punk down to the mat, trying for qa Fujiwara Armbar! Punk rolls through back up to his feet and pulls her in for a Short Arm Clothesline. He runs to the ropes but she flips over towards him making him jump over her. He hits the ropes but Luchadora has already run over there and connects with a knee to the gut! She then lifts him up, bouncing his feet off the ropes for a Slingshot Suplex, floating over for the quick pin!
1 . . .
Punk gets the shoulder up right away but Luchadora grabs it and puts him in that thing where he's seated and she's kneeled by him, extending his arm behind her, trying to pull his shoulder out of the socket. Don't know the name of it. Punk reaches up to grab her mask but she pulls back further. Punk arches up his back to be able to get back to his feet. He grabs her with the other hand and brings her in for a Headbutt! She backs up a few paces and so Punk runs at her but she turns it into a Hip Toss to place him right back in the same position!
Sami Zayn: You see that? The longer this match goes on, the more damage she's doing to Punk's arm. How's he going to put a lot of pressure in the Anaconda Vise with a bad arm? How is his shoulder going to hold up my weight when I face him at Wrestlemania?
Tom Phillips: I think you may be getting ahead of yourself there Sami. Shark Boy-
Sami Zayn: Is still a masked loser. What's he hiding under there Mauro? Generico and Luchadora hide their faces because they have private lives. Shark Boy on the other hand wants as much attention as possible like a child.
The masked woman of mystery pulls back on the arm and this time Punk just straight up punches up at her face until she lets go. What a piece of shit. She backs away holding her face and Punk comes over and sends her off the ropes. He follows right behind her and when she bounces off, he clocks her in the face with a Leg Lariat! Really Punk? Kick kicking women in the face? #cancelpunk. The Straight Edge womanizer brings her back up and hooks both of her arms. He tries to lift her up for the Butterfly Backbreaker but his shoulder gives out halfway through. He walks away holding onto his shoulder while she comes up behind him and tries for a German Suplex. He throws a Back Elbow to the side of her head to break free from her grasp. She backs up a few paces and he moves in but gets caught with the Bexploder erm... Exploder Suplex! She makes the pin!
1 . . .
2 . . .
Punk kicks out! The international sensation brings Punk back up to his feet only to deliver an Arm Drag. She keeps a hold of his arm to pull him back up only to give him another. She does it a third time but this time sits down and wraps her legs around his arm, putting him in an Armbar! Punk quickly locks his hands together like a little bitch but Luchadora starts kicking down at his hands to break the grip. Punk ends up rolling over to pin Luchadora's shoulders to the mat.
1 . . .
2 . . .
Luchadora breaks the armbar attempt to kick out! Both of them quickly get to their feet but Punk goes low and kicks her in the gut like a true punk. He takes her by the hand and whips her across the ring into the corner. The leader of the He-man Woman Haters Club runs after her and connects with a Running Knee in the corner. He follows that up with a Bulldog! Luchadora gets planted in the ring and the POS tattooed freak makes his way out onto the apron. He patiently waits for her to get up. Punk is no stranger to stalking woman probably and when she's up, he jumps onto the ropes and connects with the Springboard Clothesline! He makes the pin!
1 . . .
2 . . .
Luchadora kicks out!
Corey Graves: That's not enough to take out Luchadora and it's insulting that he thinks it would be.
Sami Zayn: Now now Corey, Punk's an exceptional wrestler. All it could take is just one hit to knock someone out. Just because he's nothing compared to me, it doesn't mean he can't hold his own.
Mauro Ranallo: Well glad to see you at least somewhat respect him.
Sami Zayn: Respect? I wouldn't respect this douchebag if he saved me from a fire. Maybe when he finally thanks me for saving his life, I'll give him a modicum of respect.
Punk grabs Luchadora and hoists her up onto his shoulders. He positions his right arm underneath her but as he's trying to lift her up, you can see him struggling due to the injured shoulder. She ends up grabbing hia arm and drops down, pulling him down to the ground. She forces his shoulder down to the mat before stepping over and sitting on her, placing him in the Disarmer!
Corey Graves: There we go!
Sami Zayn: Disarmer! Her mentor has won gold with this move and little do people know, she's also the longest running champion in UWF herstory.
Punk is biting his other hand in pain, refusing to tap even though his arm is in serious trouble. Luchadora looks like she's trying to expose this creep's bone to the world. She leans back far but it allows Punk to reach around and grab at her mask. He starts to pull it off like a real chump and she's forced to break the hold and cover her face. She walks away and tries to fix her mask while Punk gets to his feet. She turns around only to eat a Roundhouse Kick to the side of the head! She's stunned and so Punk grabs her and drives her into the mat with a Reverse STO transitioned into the Koji Clutch! The mask is not really fixed yet and with it already hard to breathe, she has no choice but to tap out!
Tony Chimel: Here is your winner, CM Punk!
Punk exits the ring and walks over to where his UWF Championship is. He mean mugs Zayn who is doing the same.
Sami Zayn: Oh what are you gonna do champ? How's arm feeling huh? You don't want none of this!
As Sami is jacking his jaws, the crowd starts cheering and Sami thinks it's for him standing up to Punk. He tries to get the crowd to rally for him but he's attacked from behind by Shark Boy!
Corey Graves: What the hell?
Tom Phillips: Shark boy is here to get revenge from earlier in the night!
Mauro Ranallo: Shark Boy is laying in those punches like Zayn owes him money!
Sami ends up shoving Shark Boy away into the barricade! He then runs up on him with the Helluva Kick but Shark Boy dodges and Zayn gets stuck on the barricade! He pulls himself free and turns around only to get kicked in the gut and laid out with the Chummer! The fans pop as shark boy drops to the ground and yells in his face, shaking his head as he does so. He gets back up and looks towards Punk. He walks over and the two meet face to face. Shark Boy then reaches over and brings out some Clam Juice and offers one to Punk. Shark Boy cracks it open for him and the two bumps cans before chugging them as the crowd cheers on.
Mauro Ranallo: Will it be these two man at Wrestlemania or will Sami Zayn come out the winner? Tune in next week to find out!
The show goes off the air with Shark Boy celebrating while Punk slowly walks away, watching him.
END OF SHOW
Credits
Gable vs Janela - Evolution J
Swoggle vs Punk vs Cena - Fauche
Eita vs Nakamura, Luchadroa vs Punk, Ciampa vs Danhausen - Danny
