Revolution 4/28/22

[Danny]

As the opening video finishes, things go live to the inside of the arena as pyrotechnics go off from the stage and the camera pans around to get a shot of the Revolution fans in attendance before panning to the commentary table where Corey Graves, Mauro Ranallo, and Tom Phillips are standing by.



Mauro Ranallo: Hello everyone and welcome to Revolution! I'm Mauro Ranallo alongside my partners Tom Phillips and former International Champion Corey Graves. Wrestlemania has come and gone and we've crowned some new champion while some other managed to retain their titles. Including the one and only, Tommaso Ciampa!






Symphony of Destruction plays over the speakers as Ciampa walks out from the gorilla position, flanked by Wardlow. As Ciampa reaches the centre of the top of the ramp, he lifts the Intercontinental Championship as the crowd boos him. Ciampa shakes his head and walks down the ramp.



Mauro Ranallo: There he is, the UWF’s resident psychopath and still our Intercontinental Champion



Tom Phillips: Ciampa retained impressively over Shinsuke Nakamura and with a new Prime Time Medal holder to be decided tonight, he’ll be looking for his next contender.



Corey Graves: His next victim you mean Phillips, most people would go out to celebrate after a big win, I heard Ciampa was back at training as soon as his match finished, that is a determined man.



Ciampa would reach the ring and climb up the steps, Wardlow going up a separate set and opens the ropes for Ciampa which the champion climbs through but he seems to pause for a second before continuing, looking down at his championship. Ciampa would then ask for a mic and speak.





Ciampa: Well, I hate to say I told you so but, I told you all.



Ciampa would lift the Intercontinental Championship as the crowd would rain down boos.



Ciampa: Everyone thought that Shinsuke Nakamura would make me humble, make a peasant out of me and make himself a true King but once again I showed I can beat the odds. I beat a Messiah at the Rumble and now at Wrestlemania I beat a King, I showed that I don’t need to give myself a fancy title or an overblown ego to get the job done, I just need the grit that is within me, that makes me a man.



A smirk would flash across Ciampa’s face, his win has made him confident but he still is grounded to what he stands for.



Ciampa: Now tonight the Primetime Medal is once again on the line and I hate to admit it but maybe Seth was right, maybe the medal is cursed because despite all the hype, Shinsuke couldn’t live up to it. He couldn’t duplicate my achievement and I doubt Janela or Theory could do the same. Joey looks like a guy you’d find hanging outside a 7/11 at 3am and nobody knew who the hell Theory was when he entered the Clusterfuck and now i’m meant to see him as a threat.



Ciampa would shake his head and look at Wardlow who would shrug.



Ciampa: I want to make one thing clear: I never look past a fight. I’ll accept all challengers, anyone who wants to take a shot at me, I'll accept it. From the best in the world to the newest kid on the block, anyone who wants a crack at the Psycho Killer can take it. Theres a lot of new faces around here and some old ones returning and I want to make one thing clear.



Ciampa lifts the Intercontinental Championship again.





Ciampa: This Championship is mine, I worked my ass off last year to get it and i’ll be damned if i’m losing it any time soon to anyone around here. This is my spot round here. There is a reason why I was the only champion to get the job done at Wrestlemania. Not Cena, not even Punk but me. The champion no one believed in, the one everyone expected to lose, me. So for everyone old and new take a good look at this Championship because its the closest any of you are going to get to it as long as I hold it. The line starts in the back Gentlemen and I intend to knock it all down and no one is going to stop me.



With that Ciampa would drop the mic and hold the championship up in the air again as the camera would focus and we would fade into an advert.






Revolution returns from a quick commercial for Old Spice and opens up in the backstage area, where Danhausen, fresh off his Hollywood Street Fight loss to Batista at Wrestlemania is sat in a chair with his arms folded.

Danhausen
So where the hell does Danhausen go from here? For the recordhausen, ‘hell’ is not a swear word, as it is in fact a location which Danhausen feels like he’s become a part-time resident of lately. But the question still stands. Danhausen’s sack of money now only contains a handful of measly quarters, because his Wrestlehausen plan to get rich was ruined by Davetista and his stupid friend Van Trucker. Let it be known that Danhausen has forever cursed that bald tree and he will never return to the theater to see any moviehausen that he is a part of!

The frustration in Danhausen’s voice is echoed by some forceful arm movements as he continues to convey his points to the camera.



Danhausen
With that in mind, Danhausen must now move on in order to regain both momentum and lost pridehausen, and the only way to do that is to address the matter that has been putting Danhausen in a negative limelight for weeks now. That foul Cornhole Jimmy and his disgusting tirades. Danhausen thought he had put an end to the matter when he sent him the parchment with his thoughts last month, but instead of being a good has-been nobody, Jimmy felt the need to relight the firehausen and announced that he will issue a live response to Danhausen. It is Danhausen’s understanding that this will be taking place tonight, so let it be known than before Danhausen steps inside the ring with Pepsi Man later on tonight, he will indeed be listening in to what Mr Cornhole has to say this time, and believe Danhausen when he tells you all that he is ready for warhausen! Love That Danhausen, adios!

And with that, Danhausen hops up and walks off frame as the feed cuts out and resumes elsewhere.






As “Sasquatch” by Ice Cube begins to play, the UWF fans turn their attention to the stage and then start booing once they see Batista come sauntering out. He stops and shakes his head in disgust as clearly he’d rather be elsewhere before starting down the ramp.

Tony Chimel: From Washington D.C. Weighing in at two hundred and ninety pounds, BATISTA!

Batista enters the ring and flips off the fans before crossing his arms and looking at the stage, waiting on his opponent.


YOU THINK YOU KNOW ME


A familiar phrase echoes throughout the arena, leading into the bassline of "Hysteria" by Muse. Smoke fills the stage and before long, a figure walks out from behind the stage into the smoke. No bounding from one side to the other, Edge moves slowly, like a predator taking in his surroundings in order to best pounce on his prey. The crowd is not shy with their disdain for the Ultimate Opportunist, showring him in boos as he stalks down the ramp. Halfway down, he pauses, crouching low, his face contorting as he bares his fangs and in one motion, uncoils upwards, his hands held high with devil horns as pyro explodes behind him.


As the pyro finishes exploding, Edge slowly brings his head back to level and walks towards the ring. Only a few steps away, he runs and slides into the ring and as he moves towards a turnbuckle to pose and soak in more hate and boos, the ring announcer chimes in.

Tony Chimel
Hailing from Toronto, Ontario, Canada, weighing in at 240 pounds. He is the Ultimate Opportunist, Edge!

VS


DING DING DING


Batista runs right at Edge and tackles him into the corner where he starts throwing Shoulder Thrusts like no ones business. He doesn't get paid by the hour folks. Edge can do nothing but eat the full force of the impacts until Batista sends him to the opposite corner. He runs off after him, maybe for a Clothesline in the corner, we'll never know as Edge gets the boot up and clobbers him in the face! Batista stumbles back a few steps and falls to a knee. Edge comes forward and wraps his arm around his head and tries to get him up for the Edgecution but Batista is all mass baby! He stands up, lifting Edge off the mat and slams him back down with a Spinebuster! Edge looks like all the win just got knocked out of him but Dave shoves his shoulders to the mat to make the pin!



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Edge kicks out! Batista grabs a fistful of hair and brings the willy veteran up to his feet. He scoops him up over onto his shoulder and starts to run forward for a Powerslam. Edge however kicks his feet and manages to slip behind him, shoving him forward into the corner. Batista manages to stop himself from colliding by getting his hands up. Edge however comes from behind and takes him out behind the knee with a Chop Block. Big Dave falls to his knees and Edge puts his boot in the back of his head and simply Curb Stomps his head into the middle turnbuckle!


Mauro Ranallo: If it wasn't made apparent at Wrestlemania, people should take note now. Edge is willing to do whatever it takes no matter who he's in the ring with.

Corey Graves: Good. He knows the clock on his career is ticking. There's only so long the human body can hold out. I know that better than most and most times it's against our will.

Tom Phillips: Well it's a good thing Batista's face isn't what gives him acting roles.


Batista tries to crawl away from the corner but Edge places his head over the middle rope and just starts choking the life out of him. He removes his knee from the back of his head after a count of 4 and the movie star rolls out of the ring to get a breather. Edge rolls out right after him and stalks him from behind. Batista doesn't realize this until it's too late and Edge rams him head first into the steel ring post! Batista goes down and not settling for a count out win, Edge does his best to scrape him off the floor and toss him back into the ring. Batista tries to get up but Edge gets him in a front headlock once more and this time nails the Edgecution! He turns him over to make the pin.



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Batista kicks out! The animal is starting to look like he just dropped down in the food chain as the ultimate opportunist lies in wait in the corner, bouncing, practically giddy to end this match. Batista slowly gets to his feet and turns around just in time to see Edge sprinting full speed at him! Batista does something no one expects and he leapfrogs right over him! Musta learned that doing his own stunts! Edge stumbles forward but rushes back to his feet and turns around only to get turned inside out with a big Clothesline! He picks Edge right back up and hoists him over his shoulder again, this time driving him right down into a Powerslam! He makes the pin!



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Edge kicks out!


Tom Phillips: Edge went ahead and did the last thing you want to do. And that's piss Batista off.

Mauro Ranallo: Edge messed around and now he's about to find out.


Batista grabs Edge and pulls him up just enough to shove his head between his legs. He hoists him up in the air in the powerbomb position but Edge starts raining down punches to his forehead. Batista was already rocked earlier when his head went into the ring post so it doesn't take long for him to lose his balance and Edge falls in front of him. Batista goes to clothesline his head off once more but Edge ducks the move and keeps running towards the ropes. Batista turns around but gets hit with a Spear! Big Dave goes down and Edge hooks both legs for a deep cover!



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Tony Chimel: Here is your winner, Edge!



Edge gets his hand raised and he looks down at the fallen Batista with a smirk on his face. He doesn't bother giving him any more attention as he needs and simply walks out of the ring with his hand raised as the show moves on.




We see Austin Theory walking down the hall, in his gear, ready, raring, hyped up for his match. Radiating ego, and seamless confidence. He sees a scrawny white dude pass him, to his slight confusion, and continues walking.



Suddenly he stops as he sees none other than former Strong Dragons member, Mark Henry making an appearance backstage!

Austin Theory: Oh my! Mark Henry!

Mark turns around, quite bothered, he didn’t expect to see some fans in the backstage area.

Mark Henry: Look man, you can’t be back here. I can sign something for you but make sure nobody sees you around here, it’s restricted access.

Theory, offended because he always is, backs up.

Austin Theory: I think there’s a slight misunderstanding here, I’m facing Joey Janela tonight, I’m a Prime Time Championship competitor.

Henry still doesn’t really care about that.

Mark Henry: Ah, sorry man. New faces flow through here so often it’s hard to tell who’s who.

Austin Theory: I get that.

Mark Henry: What’s your name, man?

Austin Theory: Wow, my bad. Austin Theory, great to meet you, sir.

Mark Henry sighs, really indifferent about this whole interaction, while Austin Theory eagerly clings on every word he’s saying.

Mark Henry: Well, I’m just here catching up with some old friends, checking out the new crop. I’ll see you on the screen when you’re out there, man. Good luck with your match, stay safe out there.

Mark Henry walks away, as Theory is clearly cheesed off this conversation got cut pretty short. Yet another person not caring for Austin Theory.

Austin Theory: Yeah.

A man pats him on the back, reassuring him, it’s the same scrawny white dude from the hall. Wait, could it be?!

MatPat: Austin Theory? Oh my.

Austin Theory: Who the hell are you?! Get away from me, jackass.

Austin Theory walks away from the curator of the Game Theory, Film Theory, and generally a master of general based theories. He’d be missing out by counting off the existence of MatPat. We head elsewhere as MatPat stares at Austin Theory walking away.




We head back down to the ring where The Miz is already there waiting for his opponent.

OVERDRIVE

“YEAH CAN YOU feel it?” Eita struts out slicks his hair back and just walks to the ring a confident grin on his face as he slides in the ring and glances at Chimel

Tony Chimel: From Nagano Japan, he is El Numero Uno, EITA!”

Eita rests in a turnbuckle and yawns bored.

VS


DING DING DING


As soon as the bell rings, Eita runs right at Miz and starts blasting him with forearms to the face to knock him into the corner. Miz does his best to cover up but his saving grace is the ref who counts to 4 before Eita backs off. He comes running back for a Dropkick in the corner but Miz sidesteps that little angry prick and he hits nothing but air and falls to the mat. Miz immediately gets on the mat and grounds him, hitting him with clubbing blows before he pulls him back up. He whips him into the corner where he follows up with an Awesome Clothesline! Eita falls to the mat and Miz smirks as he looks into the crowd. He spends a little too much time seated on the middle rope and Eita has gotten back to his feet and hits him with a Backstabber! He pulls him away from the ropes and makes the pin!



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Miz kicks out! Eita picks him back up and drapes him over his shoulders in an Argentine Backbreaker position. Miz however starts clobbering down at his face causing Eita to drop him. El Numero Uno tries to stay on the attack and runs right back at him but Miz takes him down with a Big Boot! Eita tries to rush back to his feet but he's kicked in the chest. Miz continues his barrage with his world famous IT kicks, the crowd chanting "No!" with each kick. He then backs away and measures his opponent before going in for the final blow. Eita ducks the last kick and Miz spins around from the momentum. Eita bend down underneath his back and lifts him up in a reverse gory special. Miz is shaking his head no as if that'll work but Eita flips him forward to hit the Perros! He turns him over to make the pin!



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Miz kicks out! Eita brings him back up and takes his back. He grabs a hold of both arms and readies for the Totem Killer but Miz comes to life and overpowers him, leveling him with some elbows to the side of the head to break free. Eita recovers fast though and runs right past him, hitting the ropes but ends up getting caught with a Flapjack! Eita tries to get up right away but he's kicked in the gut by Miz before he runs to the ropes and comes back with the Running Knee Lift into the Reality Check! He goes for the pin!



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Eita kicks out!


Tom Phillips: I don't think the self proclaimed A-Lister thought Eita would put up this much of a fight.

Corey Graves: There's nothing self proclaimed about him at all. The Miz is a star and I'm all for young guys calling their shot but Eita is clearly not on the same level as The Miz. Sometimes you just get too cocky though and in professional wrestling, all it takes is one good hit to end a match.


The Miz backs away and stalks Eita as he's slow to get back to his feet. He makes sure he's right behind him goes for the Skull Crushing Finale but Eita is able to prevent Miz from locking his hands. Eita gives him a few blows to the side of the head followed by a Standing Dropkick to send him through the ropes to the floor below! Miz is slow to get up on the outside but when he does, he's immediately taken down with a BASTA! Eita quickly throws him back into the ring. He follows him in and steps over him, grabbing his arm and hooking his leg and arm around it to place him in the Numero Uno! Miz decides to not risk any harm and taps out immediately.



Tony Chimel: Here is your winner, Eita!




Miz rolls out of the ring right away and holds his arm. He's got an angry look on his face but he heads right up the ramp while checking on his arm to make sure no permanent damage was caused. Eita meanwhile celebrates his win as the show moves on...




Ambient music plays in a convenience store as a bored worker works the graveyard shift. A figure can only be seen from the neck down.

???: Malboros and some Jack.

Worker: ID?

???: Fuck that's right... here you go.

The figure shuffles through his back pocket and pulls out an ID handing it to the worker. The Camera pans up revealing Joey Janela still a little bandaged up from the clusterfuck they exchange money and Janela walks out of the store lighting up his cigarette and exhaling into the cold night sky.

Joey Janela: So I lost at Wrestlemania, giving birth to one of the greatest annoyances on the roster. You know that sucks and to normal people that would take away all their spirit. But not a bad boy there's a silver lining to everything. I get to clean up my own messes here. Take out Austin Theory and win a title while I'm at it. So this is for the celebration after the show.

He shakes the jack in it's brown bag laughing



Joey Janela: And as for you Theory? Stay out of my way if you want to have a career that's longer than a few months. You got your clusterfuck win and clout off of my name. Quit while you're ahead and go do whatever you do. I'm going to make history and if part of that history includes you as a footnote I don't mind. You're a background character in my story.




The scene opens with Randy Orton backstage as he is standing in the hallway and he is staring at the camera.


Hello UWF. It is your TV Champion Randy Orton. As you already know I have earned the right to hold this championship when I defeat John Cena at WrestleMania. Despite a hard fought match and little effort by Cena. He still couldn't handle the pressure and couldn't overcome the huge obstacle ahead of him. I not only defeated him for the TV Championship. I have took what was important to him for the little time that he have held it. But everyone knows he was just a paper champion because he didn't really do too much with it. He didn't make the TV Championship important in people's eyes. He treated it like it was a piece of trash. Now that I have got it in my hands. Not only will I be a ore fighting champion than he ever was. I will make sure that no matter how many obstacles people put in front of me. I will do whatever it takes to win even if I have to suffer a lot of punishment and pain to keep this TV Championship. But now, enough talk about the TV Championship. Let's talk about my opponent tonight. His name is Punishment Martinez.



Punishment Martinez is the new kid on the block just like others that includes Austin Theory. But the only difference between him and the others is that this guy has all the abilities of becoming a future UWF Champion. I can see it and sense it in him. I highly respect this guy despite we will have our one on one match tonight. But there isn't a doubt that I will be extremely prepare for whatever tricks Punishment have up his sleeves. I already know this will be a hard fought back and forth match for sure. I wouldn't be surprised that either one of us will end up bleeding or carry out of the arena on a stretcher. But as much I respect yu Punishment. You have not only arrived in my kingdom. This is Hell where you meet the Devil himself. Not only will I destroy you. I will break every limb in your body into pieces and make you suffer as much pain that you have never ever suffer before. If you think you are going to make me suffer any pain and suffering by your hands. You can try your best shot because I am immune to pain. I am used to receiving and delivering pain to all my opponents.



Tonight, you will be nothing but just another bloody victim to me. I will devour your insides and suck your human blood. I will also leave your bloody corpse in this very ring and I will allow your body to rot in hell. I will make sure you suffer a whole lot of punishment because you have crossed paths with the Devil himself. I will deliver your huge consequences and you will face my wrath by my hands. There will be nobody to help you and nobody to stop me from delivering the suffering you deserved. Just remember that you have brought this upon yourself when you disrespect me by your presence. Not only will I show the world h

ow you have become nothing but a useless human being that have suffered by my hands. You will just be another stepping stone for me to achiving my future goal of capturing naother chmpionship. But everyone knows what it is. But one day, I wil capture it and I will be the only one holding two championships at the same time. I promised that there won't be anybody that can stop me from fuflilling my goal. By the end of tonight, nobody will remember who you are. The only thing that they will remember is you have been defeated by the Devil himself..your TV Champion.........Randy Orton.

The scene fades and ends with Randy Orton smirking.






The fans are waiting for the next match when all of a sudden



Mauro Ranello: Ladies and Gentlemen are you ready for a huge return.

Tom Phillips: I can’t wait Homicide is back.

Corey Graves: You can have him. I felt we were done with the Cartel and now the biggest reject is back no thank you.

The fans cheer as ‘The Notorious 187’ Homicide comes out. Flanked by his right-hand man Dan Lambert Homicide is covered in bandanas as fans cheer at the return of Homicide to the UWF. The two men enter as Tony Chimel announces him.

Tony Chimel: The following contest is scheduled for one fall. Making his way to the ring from Coconut Creek Florida, by way of Brooklyn, New York being accompanied to the ring by Dan Lambert he is the ‘Notorious 187’ Homicide!




Homicide goes to the top turnbuckles and he does his trademark bullet spray sign and throws up other signs. Lambert is in the middle of the ring. Lambert gets a microphone handed to him. Dan Lambert begins speaking.



Dan Lambert: Ladies and gentlemen today I have unfortunate news. You seem sometimes life has some unexpected changes and tonight is one of those unexpected changes. My client Homicide was supposed to lay the beatdown on Shinsuke Nakamura but Shin unlike my client decided to stay out in the ocean way too long. He was enjoying those waves that he missed his flight! What kind of unprofessionalism is that? Shinsuke Nakamura missing his flight. Now we already decided we were going to be here. Homicide is here to fight.

Fans cheer as Homicide is still wrestling in a match and Lambert continues to speak

Dan Lambert: That’s what you people deserve a return of a man of this stature making his UWF return. Before I announce whose his replacement let’s hear from the man himself.

Lambert hands Homicide the microphone who removes the bandana covering his face and throws it to the crowd. The fans cheer and Homicide speaks.

Homicide: Hola dey hola dey. Look fools I’m disappointed just like you guys. I was hoping to show Shin my new moves. Show him that I know how to strike just like the best in the MMA nowadays. Now here is the thing, Shin. I could say naaa to fighting you in the future but that ain’t me. You see we had a business meeting set, and that meeting was supposed to be me beating your ass. So this week I beat up whoever Dan has lined up for me, and then I beat you up next week. What you fools gotta say about that?

The fans cheer as Homicide goes and speaks

Homicide: So it’s settled. Ya see Shin I don’t want any excuses in the future. Saying that I’m ducking you. I ain’t trying to duck no one. If there is even a flicker of smoke I want it. Everyone is going to get it eventually. Might as get rid of all the dudes now before you start talking recklessly. That’s where the issues come. Person A starts saying shit about Person B but never really wanted to meet person B in the first place. Like I said a win is a win at the end of the day. I could have beat you and just move on. Though unlike most of these putos I don’t want excuses. So enjoy your surfing. We are both in Florida now so we know how the ocean and beach are. I understand there are distractions but ya see that is the difference between you and me right now Shin. I ain’t letting any distractions get in my way. So you know the saying actions speak louder than words. Dan whose ass am I kicking tonight.

Homicide hands Dan the microphone and Dan sounds giddy.

Dan Lambert: Homicide you won’t believe who was in town. You know it was almost perfect because this man is a good friend of Shinsuke Nakamura. This man is a guy who people call one of the “most underrated men” in the business he has a huge cult following in Japan, and by the sounds of it, he is way tougher than Shinsuke Nakamura. I introduce to you, Tomohiro Ishii.

The fans pop as Ishii’s music hits.




Corey Graves: Yes, Yes, One Thousand times yes. I felt I was going to be rewarded by watching Homicide get his ass kicked and now I’m going to witness Tomohiro Ishii destroy him this is great what a return.

Mauro Ranello: Mama Mia! We got a fight on our hands tonight.

Tom Phillips: This won’t be for the faint of heart.

Ishii a member of the famed Chaos faction is a founding member like Shinsuke Nakamura. Ishii is coming down to replace his friend Nakamura.

Tony Chimel: Ladies and Gentlemen from Kawasaki, Kanagawa, Japan representing Chaos Tomohiro Ishii.

Ishii enters the ring and the fans cheer as Homicide looks focused and he leans back against the ropes. Dan Lambert goes and he rubs the shoulders of Homicide. Homicide looks relaxed as Ishii enters the ring and the referee steps in.

Ding
Ding
Ding…..

Ishii turns around and all of a sudden wham a perfectly executed flying knee by the ‘Notorious 187’ Homicide and Ishii get’s flatenned.

Mauro Ranello: MAMA MIA THAT’S A FLYING KNEE JORGE MASVIDAL COULD BE PROUD OF!

Corey Graves: I’m sick I have never seen Tomohiro Ishii knocked out like this.

Homicide goes and he starts landing some punches onto Ishii whose clearly knocked out and the referee pulls him off and than he rings the bell as he goes and throws up the “X” and he checks out Ishii the announcement is made.

THE WINNER OF THIS MATCHUP VIA KNOCKOUT ‘THE NOTORIOUS 187’ HOMICIDE


Homicide looks down as doctors check on Ishii and he smiles. Homicide exits the ring, and he walks up the ramp followed by Lambert whose geeked out by the performance.

Tom Phillips: Gentlemen I think we can easily say this the message has been delivered by Homicide.

Corey Graves: Why couldn’t this have been anyone but someone from the Cartel.

The scene fades away.




The titantron switches from the UWF Revolution graphic to a live feed from backstage, where Renee Young is standing by.



Young: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my guest at this time, CM Punk.

Appearing on camera for his first Revolution without a title belt in almost eight months to the day, the recently-dethroned world champ appears to be in high spirits regardless, despite some bumps and bruises still showing from his clash with Rollins. He does the "what's up" kinda nod as he steps into the frame.

Young: Punk, thanks for joining me.

Punk: Hey, thanks for joining us, Renee. We missed you at Wrestlemania.

Young: Oh my God, don't even get me started. The travel booker landed me in Monaco instead of Glasgow. Can you believe it?

Punk: It just wasn't the same with out you.

Young: Well that's very kind of you to say. All things considered, you seem to be taking things in stride?

The Second City Saint shrugs, that smile of his fading just a little now.

Punk: Ahhh... ya know what? It is what it is. That's not me adopting some bullshit defeatist attitude, either. By my count, me and Rollins are two-and-two in this "Revolution" era and if he ever wants to uneven that score, I'm not a hard guy to find. But I'm not gonna be the guy that mopes around all pouty boo-boo face, begging for a rematch. We don't do free rematches here. Bray Wyatt didn't get one, so why should I? Especially when we just crowned a brand new Number One Contender with Shark Boy. He's gonna get his shot and I'm gonna let the chips fall in the mean time.

Besides, maybe I didn't get a clean match, but I did get a good match. Hell, a great one, right there in the main event of the biggest show of the year. Deep down beneath the cynicism and under all the road miles, there's still a little nerdy kid from Chicago inside me who thinks that's pretty rad.

Young: Suffice it to say you're not going to be rigging up the set to collapse on Seth or be gunning for him in the parking lot? I'm getting a "let sleeping dogs lie" vibe from you right now and I have to admit, I'm a bit surprised.



Punk: Nah. That's not my style. I had the pleasure of putting a hurt on him at Wrestlemania, and even if I didn't win, I'm the only one of us that's actually in fighting shape tonight. I'm not escalating it past that, no matter how bad he deserves it. I'm still better than him. Obviously I can't speak for my pal Joe, though. Clock's ticking down. He might be back sooner than you think and I'm not so sure that he'll let bygones be bygones.

Renee nods and pivots to the next subject.

Young: Moving on to what's next for you - tonight you're squaring off against Danhausen for the first time ever. How do you game plan for such a unique, unpredictable opponent?

Punk: Aha... well... "expect the unexpected" is the name of the game in the UWF, right? I like Danhausen. I like his style, I like his energy, I like his drive. If Sami and Becky ever decide to bring those tag team titles back, I might saddle up with Mr. Hausen and make a run for 'em. But right here, right now, we've got a match. It's not personal. There's no bad blood. Just two wrestlers with two very different approaches in an athletic competition.

Are things gonna go off the tracks given the parties involved? Shoot, probably. At least the people will get there money's worth. I might end up with a mouthful of borrowed teeth and cursed by some ancient, horrible sorcery before the night's over. There's a lot of variables here. Hard to predict how exactly it's all gonna shake out. One thing I can guarantee is that one loss isn't gonna derail me. You have to rewind the clocks a year to Backlash to find a match I lost fair and square. I don't mention it to bitch and moan - I'm just saying that beating CM Punk is a helluva ask for anyone.

Danhausen needs a rebound in a big way but my hard-earned credibility is nobody's stepping stone. I know he's gonna bring it. You ask me how I'm preparing - by anticipating the tenacity of an opponent with nothing to lose and everything to gain. Still, this only ends one of two ways - a knee in the face or an arm around the throat.

Young: Alright. Thanks for your time. I won't bother wishing you good luck.

The knowing smirk returns.

Punk: Appreciated as always, Renee. And you tell that travel booker from me to mind their P's and Q's. We can't afford to have Renee Young miss the show.

The Second City Saint strolls away ahead of his match with Danhausen. Renee Young signs off and Revolution continues elsewhere.




We head down to the ring where Punishment Martinez is already inside, awaiting his opponent.



The scene opens where the arena is shown as "Voices" by Rev Theory hits as Randy Orton comes out and he walks down the entrance ramp.

Tony Chimel: Walking down to the ring, From St Louis Missouri, weighing at 250 lbs...........The Viper Randy Orton!

VS


DING DING DING


Martinez comes right out the gate ready to swing on Orton. Randy eats a few blows but a knee to the gut cuts off any momentum. Orton quickly throws him through the ropes and pulls him back in so that his feet dangle on the middle rope. He then plants Martinez with the Rope Hung DDT! Randy is all smiles as the blood lust fills his spirit. He doesn't want the match to end so he doesn't even bother going for the pin, instead he pounds his fists into the mat and stalks Punishment as he tries to get back to his feet.


Mauro Ranallo: Randy Orton is a glutton for punishment but he's always willing to dish out punishment as well.

Corey Graves: What's crazier than a mad man? A man man who just got proven right. With the Television Championship around his waist, Orton has a newfound level of confidence.


Punishment is up to his feet and Randy goes for the RKO but Martinez shoves him away. Randy hits the ropes and comes running into a Clothesline. Martinez kneels down besides him and starts hammering away with closed fists and the ref has to get on him about it. Martinez brings Orton back to his feet and places his hand around his throat. He looks like he's about to choke the life out of Orton before he lifts him up high for the Maggot Brain but on the way down, Orton twists out and catches him with an RKO! Martinez is laid out and the Television Champion turns him over for the pin!



1 . . .



2 . . .




3 . . .



Tony Chimel: Here is your winner, the Television Champion, Randy Orton!



AJ comes into the ring to celebrate with Orton. They look down at Martinez and laugh as the show moves on...




We head backstage to see Renee Young, standing by ready to hear from some of UWF’s top prospects.



Renee Young: At Wrestlemania, in the Clusterfuck Battle Royal, we saw Austin Theory walk away as the victor of the contest. Since that match, Austin Theory has been confirmed as a signee to the UWF by EC3. I’m joined by Theory now ahead of his Revolution debut, Austin, how are you feeling ahead of facing Joey Janela?

Austin Theory: I’m doing perfectly fine, Renee. I don’t see a reason to fear a man like Joey Janela, especially in a regular sanctioned contest, and the championship title that the match holds for the winner is something that I’m determined to achieve, Renee.



Renee accepts that answer, pretty rational for a shithead dirtbag of a fighter to say. She must go further.

Renee Young: Many would say Joey Janela is on a path to success here in the UWF, how do you feel about that acclaim for your opponent? The same man who’s special match at Wrestlemania you came out victorious?

Austin Theory: Those are just bad opinions, Renee. Just like assholes, everyone has an opinion.

Renee Young: Does it not get to you in any way?

Austin Theory: Not in the slightest, Renee. Besides, what does it matter? Joey is unremarkable. A wreck, and reckless. I mean you would’ve seen that at Wrestlemania. You were there, right? I didn’t see you around.

Renee Young: Well that’s all we’ve got time for, thank you Austin for your time, and back to you guys.

We head elsewhere. Like we always do.




Chimel: The following contest is set for one-fall and is for the vacant UWF Prime Time Medal!


I'M A BAD BAD BOY


Joey Janela steps out onto the ramp and begins walking out to the ring with a huge grin on his face. He begins yelling vague insults at both the fans and the people in the ring.

Chimel: Introducing first, from Asbury Park, New Jersey... He is the Bad Boy Joey Janela!

Janela runs and jumps up onto the ring apron leaning on the ropes before leaping through and rolling into the ring landing in a kneeling position ending with a middle finger to the hard cam.




A slow rumbling bass of Bad With Phones’ “Living & Surfing” hits the PA like a wave rumbling through onto the shore as suddenly electronic drums come chopping through like knives. The winner of the Clusterfuck must shortly be arriving.

1-2,
1-2,
1-2,
ah-ha.



Through the curtain comes out Austin Theory. Arrogant as ever, looking around and gaging how much people are responding to his arrival. He soaks it in as he walks out, to much more of a negative than neutral response than before. He appreciates it more than people greeting him with complete and utter silence but regardless, nobody likes being told to go die.

Chimel: And his opponent -

Before Tony can even finish the intro for this profile-less Revolution debutant, The Bad Boy Harpoon Torpedo's himself through the ropes right in to his opponent while he's coming down the ramp, truly doing Ikakumon proud. The crowd pops big for the unexpected pre-match assault. Awkward though the landing may be atop another grappler, Janela is nevertheless quick to his feet. He stands over Theory and stretches his arms out at his sides (like he does), fingers beckoning in all the love and the hate the crowd has to offer.


Graves: Look at this maniac attacking before the match even starts! This should be an instant disqualification and Janela should be fined.

Ranallo: I imagine EC3 had to know what he was signing up for when he inked the "Bad Boy" to a contract. The devil-may-care attitude is implied in the name

Phillips: After Theory stole the win in the Clustercuss Battle Royal at Wrestlemania, you can understand why Joey Janela would be so eager to stick it to him. That was his match!

Ranallo: Janela also knows that picking up the Prime Time Medal will punch his ticket to the upper level of the UWF echelon.


Janela pulls Austin up by the scruff of the neck and rolls him under the ropes before following him into the squared circle. A dazed Theory sorta stumbles across the canvas, getting as far away from Joey as possible. The Official rushes over to check on him while The Bad Boy continues to peacock around, mostly for his own amusement. A nod and then a second, more confident one from the newcomer convinces the Ref to pull the trigger and start the contest despite his pre-injured state.


VS

DING DING


Theory uses the ropes to pull himself to his feet. Just as soon as he's up and at 'em, though, the New Jeserian darts across the mat and clobbers with a running elbow to the side of the head like Andy Bogard. Austin is sent back into the turnbuckle by the force of the blow. Janela reaches out, grabs a wrist, and uses that to whip his opponent across the ring.

Or, at least, he tries to. Homie actually manages to plant his feet on the way past and use his athletic edge to counter. So it's The Bad Boy who finds himself going diagonally towards the far corner instead.

Upon arriving there, Janela braces himself with a hand on a top rope on either side. He then launches himself into the air feet first, instinctively getting himself high enough to avoid Theory, who was chasing after him. Austin goes beneath Joey but stops just shy of running into the post chest-first. Landing behind his foe, Janela connects with a second vicious elbow strike the second the guy turns around.

This time, the collision of arm bone and jaw is enough to drop Theory. He slumps into a seated position at the base of the turnbuckle. Once again, Joey grabs the top ropes and uses tat extra leverage to give him some umph to a series of successive boots to the chest and face. It's some dirty fighting - vintage Janela. He's able to get about a dozen footprints etched into Austin before the Official is finally able to pull him off.


Ranallo: Just an absolutely savage barrage from Janela to kick things off!

Phillips: Joey was riding a hot streak coming into Wrestlemania and Theory cut that shot. He's looking to rebound in a big way in winning the Prime Time Medal tonight.

Graves: He's only going to be able to get away so so much before the Official calls this whole thing off. We could see the Prime Time Medal awarded via disqualification for the first time ever.


A stern warning about following the rules goes in one ear and out the other. Janela turns his back on the third man and takes a minute to rile up the crowd again. They've had some mixed feelings about him and his shenanigans thus far in his UWF rung, but with the even more detestable Theory on the other side of the coin, they've more or less all thrown in their lot with the Bad Boy for this contest.

The Referee leaves Janela to his showboating to go and check on Theory. Asking if he's still in any shape to continue, Austin blows him off with some dismissive cursing. He's like chicken that's been on the grill for eight minutes - he ain't quite done yet!

The selfie-obsessed CAW defiantly pulls himself to a vertical base. The third man just sorta shakes his head and backs away so the bout can continue. Janela spots buddy getting back up and goes back on the offensive. I never know whether that word should have a "c" in it or not. Regardless, Joey rushes in. This time, Austin's ready for him. He jumps up on to the middle ropes - one foot on each side - and springboards clear over the incoming Janela's head.

He flies over Jersey with a Sunset Flip, tumbling over the indoor-smoker and catching thigh on the way down to complete the maneuver with a picture-perfect roll-up. The Official drops down to make the count...



1...



2...



Janela pops his shoulder out right after the second count.


Phillips: Beautiful Sunset Flip by Theory there. Can he capitalize on this momentum shift and finally get into this match now?

Ranallo: Theory will need to rely on that astonishing athleticism to get the win - it will be interesting to see if Janela leans into that more high-risk style to counter, especially after hearing him speak about how he much to offer besides that.

Graves: The guy's a backyard garbage wrestler. He's a glorified stuntman in all the worst kinds of ways. He called Theory a video game default create-a-wrestler like it was an insult, but it's not. If you were going to design a pro-wrestler from the ground up, you'd end up with Austin Theory.

Ranallo: Hard to disagree on that point, Corey. Right now, he's only lacking in experience. Perhaps a savvy veteran of the independent circuit like Joey Janela can exploit that.


The competitors scurry to get back to their feet. They hook up collar-and-elbow for the first time, with Theory powering through to snap on a side headlock. Unable to slip out of that tight grip, Janela instead attempts to counter by dropping down and popping up with a belly-to-back suplex. He gets Austin two or three feet in the air, but the kid puts up enough of a fight to cut the move off there.

Theory lands back on his feet but the struggle has given Janela enough room to squirm out. He gets behind the Revolution debutant and shoves him in the back so that he's sent into the ropes. Austin bounces right back, narrowly avoiding a Superkick on the return by diving beneath the foot. Theory impressively sommersaults past Joey to get to his backside. A kip-up gets him to his feet, though he's quick to leave them when he pops into the air with a dropkick. Janela swats his boots out of the way before they can get him. Austin lands hard on his stomach.

The Bad Boy targets that exposed spine with a sudden Double Foot Stomp. All stomps are foot stomps. This one comes in hot, heavy and hard. Austin barely has time to roll out of harm's way. Joey winces a bit when his feet hit nothing but hard ring mat. Theory then busts out something akin to a Spin-a-roonie, whipping his leg around from a sort of hand stand, looking to knock out Janela's from beneath him. Joey jumps over that like a skipping rope then makes a run for the ropes.

After building up some momentum with that elastic rebound, Janela targets his still-seated foe with a running boot to the chest. Theory plays some possum, lying it wait until the last possible millisecond before ducking. Joey blows past and Theory catches him there, going for a second roll-up attempt. He yanks The Bad Boy down and presses his shoulder down into the canvas...



1...



Janela escapes the pin attempt and counters with a Small Package! Theory wasn't expecting something like that from a man he wrote off as hack. Joey's snappy wrestling prowess catch his opponent off guard but the Referee is right there to make count...



1...



2...



Theory just gets out in time! The crowd gasp, having truly believe they were about to see Joey take the win there.


Ranallo: You won't see a pinfall much closer to three than that!

Phillips: These two young talents are matching each other move-for-move. Nothing but exciting in-ring action as usual here on Revolution!


Theory hurries to get to his feet but Janela's right there to meet him. He slams a knee up into Austin's flat abs, knocking the wind out of him. The Georgian (the state, not the country) is double over by the blow. Janela scoops buddy up on to his shoulders into a fireman's carry position. It could be for a Death Valley Driver or perhaps a Samoan Driver. Before we can find out, Austin feeds an elbow into his temple. That gets Joey all woozy so that Theory is able to slip off.

The Unproven One (a nickname for Theory, so says a google search) heads for the ropes, looking to gain some much-need physical and proverbial momentum in this hard-fought contest. He sprints back full force, vying to obliterate Joey with some headscissors take-down action, by the looks of things. That goes nowhere fast on account of the wily Janela catching him first, scooping and spinning the kid up into the air before dropping him right back down with a monumental Blue Thunder Bomb!

Austin is all sprawled out. Janela hooks the legs still near his shoulders with a Jackknife to put this one away for good...



1...



2...



No! Theory reaches out and grabs the ropes to break up the pin. Joey rolls his eyes cause that's some bullshit. The Referee tells him the match is still on. Joey tells him to fuck off. The Bad Boy then sets his sights on ol' faithful - the top rope. He shoves Austin's still-hooked legs aside and stands up to walk over in that direciton.


Phillips: Diving Elbows, Swantons, and most recently, one of the most brutal Spanish Flies we've ever seen - Joey Janela is no stranger to the top rope.

Graves: It's a double-edged knife. Sure, he can end the match with some crazed aerial assault, but going up there without thinking it through first is exactly what cost him the Clusterfuck Battle Royal.

Ranallo: Hard to argue there. Coming in at the number one position, Janela managed to achieve a longer total-time in the battle royal than anyone else. It wasn't until he threw caution to the wind that his fortune's changed in a match you could argue he was on track to winning.


Janela steps on to the second rope when that same thought seems to occur to him. He pauses, taking a rare moment of self-reflection. Is the memory of the hard landing on the destroyed table with Punishment Martinez haunting his thoughts? Are Theory's criticisms replaying in his mind? Or is he just thinking that a safer, more surefire maneuver might be worth it now given the prize that's on the line?

Whatever it is, and despite the pleas of the capacity crowd to keep climbing, Joey steps down. He shakes his head and marches right back over to the battered Theory. Prying him up off the mat, Janela tucks his opponent's head, reaches down, grabs some tangled up arms and legs and lifts the dude up for a Package Piledriver!


Ranallo: That's more like it!

Phillips: You'd be hard-pressed to find a more successful move in the annals of UWF history.


Joey goes to execute on of his favourite match-enders, but Theory slips out before he can! Austin gets beneath him and pulls Joey down with a desperate roll-up! The Referee drops to make the count. His eyes are fixed on The Bad Boy's shoulders so he doesn't even notice Theory shooting his legs up on to the ropes for some extra leverage.



1...



Phillips: Theory's going to steal the match! Just like Wrestlemania!



2...



Ranallo: Not like this!



3...



DING DING




YOUR WINNER...
AND NEW UWF PRIME TIME MEDALIST...
AUSTIN THEORY!


Theory drops his feet off the ropes the instant the Ref makes the third count. Joey was fighting like hell to break out, and the sudden release sends him rolling under the bottom rope. He lands on the outside and looks up totally shocked at the sight of the Official raising Austin's arm and handing him the Prime Time Medal.


Phillips: Austin Theory is a real piece of work. That's two for two matches now that he's happily taken the low road to get the big win.

Graves: So much for any criticism about inexperience on his part. Theory has some gamesmanship beyond his years! Tommaso Ciampa better watch his back, because the next generation is coming for him and right now, it's undefeated.

Ranallo: Janela more than brought the fight to him tonight. Perhaps the Bad Boy should have gone for the top rope after all. It will be interesting to see where his head's at coming out of this - I look forward to seeing what Joey Janela does next.


Joey's simmering glare stays fixed on Theory as he takes some selifes with his newly-acquired Medal. Revolution then continues elsewhere.




The Revolution feed leaves the arena and opens up in an undisclosed location for a very special and exclusive piece.



Jim Cornette
Alright… it’s happening! I never thought the day would come where I’d say these words, but we are officially live on UWF Revolution for a very special segment of Corny Drive-Thru, and when I say special I do of course mean special needs… This was actually meant to be part of The Jim Cornette Experience podcast but scheduling decided to come and fuck us in the ass on that one, low and behold we got there in the end though. And now we move right on to the reason why this is even happening in the first place. My long awaited response to the letter I received from UWF’s resident demented harlequin, Danhausen. As touched on a couple weeks ago, Danhausen’s letter was delivered to Castle Cornette by a carrier pigeon would you believe. After dropping the letter at my doorstep the pigeon then took the liberty of taking a shit on my front lawn, to which I responded by taking a shotgun to that pigeon’s head and putting what remained of it on that days’ lunch menu. But please be rest assured the pigeon was cleaned out beforehand, as I’ve got no doubt that Danhausen probably summoned the damn thing from his ass, the same way he summoned that bat at the Royal Rumble a few months ago.

Cornette takes a brief moment to pause and exhale before resuming.

Jim Cornette
But back to the real matter at hand, the letter… yes, I read it, but if you were expecting me to sit hear and read it to all of you folks that are tuning in then think again, because the way Danhausen writes words is more likely to fuck with your mind than the way he says them. And I’m not that doing that for the benefit of all of you, I’m doing it for the benefit of what remains of my sanity. I am here to respond more to the gesture than anything else, because I refuse to let that parasite commit an invasion of my personal property and get away with it. So my response is pretty much as follows. Danhausen… fuck you! That’s the shorthand version anyway, the slightly longer version is that you’re a piece of shit that I wouldn’t piss on if you were on fire, and if I saw you at the side of the highway trying to hitch a lift I’d veer in and knock you the fuck down in the hopes that it would quickly send you back to whichever dimension of hell you originally spawned from.

As Cornette is rambling on, a phone vibration can be heard in the background, indicating that someone is trying to make a call, but Cornette the consummate professional is having none of it and presses the decline button.

Jim Cornette
Just because we are live doesn’t mean this has turned into a damn call-in show! Anyway, Danhausen basically took the time to rip on everything I had done in the past and called it insignificant in comparison with some of his achievements in life, such as ‘recovering the Mona Lisa after it was stolen.’ The point being that by communicating with me directly he’s pretty much justified everything that I said about him all those weeks ago. He did make me chuckle however by suggesting that we ‘iron out our differences by meeting up, have a discussion like adult-hausens and then grab a pizza together afterwards.’ Well as tempting as it is to slap the shit out of Danhausen with a slice of pizza, I’m gonna have to take a hard pas…

Suddenly the phone vibration starts again, but this time a livid Cornette decides to answer.

Jim Cornette
Listen jackass, this isn’…

Danhausen
Cornhole Jimmy! It is Danhausen!

Jim Cornette
Oh for god’s sake…

Danhausen
Hello, yes, Danhausen acquired your number during his visit to Ultimate Wrestling base of operations, and just wanted to call and remind you that as you are now on Danhausen’s television show, swearing is very much frowned upon…

Jim Cornette
Well the last time I checked, asshole, ‘Danhausen’s television show’ was actually called Revolution, and damn near everything goes on Revolution, alas why so many hillbilly jerkoffs love to tune in every week and watch you molest a goat blindfolded or whatever the fuck your schtick is on that particular week.

Danhausen
It seems to Danhausen that you are a confused soul that must have been watching another network of some sort then, because this analogy does not match with Danhausen. Perhaps Danhausen was wrong to be so critical of what is clearly such a befuddled individual.

Jim Cornette
Unfortunately for me, I have been watching the correct network, which is how this all started in the first place. And the reason for me doing this was to put an end to it, so delete my damn number from your phone, shut the fuck up and listen to what I have to say, because I’ll be damned if this is gonna carry on after tonight!

Danhausen
But why Cornhole Jimmy go to all the effort of organizing this if you’re just going to throw in the towelhausen right afterwards? Instead, why not come to Revolution next week as a guest of Danhausen’s? And that way he can show you first hand the error of your ways.

Jim Cornette
As generous an offer as that is, allow me to confirm my response right now with two of my favorite words, fuck you! Now cut the damn feed, this party’s over!

And with that, Cornette terminates the call to Danhausen and the feed to the live podcast recording abruptly cuts out. After a few seconds of a pure black screen, the feed eventually resumes back in the arena for the show to continue.




Suddenly the lights start to darken and flicker...



Cheers begin to ring all around the arena as the music plays and Danhausen takes to the stage. After a couple of slow spins around the stage area, Danhausen then raises his arms and gives out a determined yell as the crowd pops in appreciation.

Tony Chimel
Making his way to the ring, from Someplace Far Away, weighing at least 300lbs, Danhausen!!



Danhausen heads down the ramp, waving politely at some of the fanhausens in attendance before he hops up onto the apron and signals the nearby cameraman to get a close up shot of him. Danhausen then points directly into the camera lens and yells “Love That Danhausen!” before climbing through the middle rope and posing in the center of the ring with his arms held high once again.




P        X
U X
X N
X        K


The Big X ignites the titantron while "Baba O'Riley" blasts through the speakers, strobes flashing to match the spastic, rolling synth loop. CM Punk bursts out on to the ramp when the piano kicks in. That harmonized energy is infectious for the capacity crowd. The fans are on their feet and cheering as Punk takes a knee on the ramp to check his wrist...



It's Clobberin' Time! The Second City Saint marches down the ramp, ready for a fight.

Chimel: Making his way to the ring from Chicago, Illinois... weighing in at 218 pounds... CM PUNK!

Punk scales the steel steps and climbs the turnbuckle. He stands perched with one foot on the middle rope and one on the tope, hand to eyebrow as he surveys the audience. The song breaks for that famous chorus line, which the crowd joyfully sings along with. When the guitar kicks back in, Brooks flings himself over the top rope to enter the squared circle. He claps Tony on the shoulder as he passes by, making his rounds in the ring while preparing for the match ahead.


VS


DING DING DING

Both men meet in the center of the ring and Punk offers his hand. Danhausen looks around, still not quite sure if he should fully trust Punk. I mean it wasn't THAT long ago that he was one of the most hated men on the roster. All it took was a couple of close calls on his life. Danhausen offers his hand and Punk shakes. Cheers from the crowd. Danhausen tries to pull his hand away but Punk keeps a firm grasp on it. Danhausen tells him to stop and let go or he will curse him. punk decides to let go but has a smile on his face.


Mauro Ranallo: Nice show of sportsmanship between these two.

Corey Graves: Sportsmanship? He just blackmailed him with a curse, whatever the hell that means.

Tom Phillips: Don't be a buzzkillhausen Corey.


The two men go to lock up and Punk immediately takes control with a side Headlock. Danhausen walks back towards the ropes to shoot Punk off but he keeps a firm grasp of the hold. Danhausen instead lifts him up into a Back Suplex. Punk rolls away and tries to get back up but Danhausen comes over and places him in a side Headlock. Cheeky bastard. Punk backs into the ropes and is able to shoot him off but Danhausen grabs a hold of Punk's hair and pulls him back into the side Headlock! Punk instead hits him in the ribs a few times to break free and then scoops him up onto his shoulders! The crowd goes wild but Danhausen quickly slithers out of it like the weird snake he is and pushes Punk into the ropes. Punk comes off them and runs right into a Back Elbow. Danhausen falls right on him for the pin!



1 . . .



Punk kicks out! Danhausen brings him up but Punk clobbers him with a forearm shot that dazes him. The former UWF Champion whips Danhausen into the corner and runs after him, hitting the Running Knee! He follows up by bringing him out into a Short Arm Clothesline! Punk then heads out onto the apron and waits as the painted evil son of a bitch gets to his feet. He turns around and Punk comes off the ropes with a Springboard Clothesline to take him down! He makes the pin!



1 . . .



2 . . .



Danhausen kicks out! Punk pulls him up and whips him into the corner once more. He goes for another Running Knee but this time Danhausen moves out of the way and takes Punk's back, hitting a German Suplex! He then goes straight to the top rope and stands tall as he waits for Punk to get to his feet. Once he does, Danhausen leaps off the top rope and Punk eats a Missile Dropkick to the face! Now he makes the pin!



1 . . .



2 . . .



Punk kicks out!


Mauro Ranallo: Both men appear to be friendly with one another but it looks like as this match goes on, they're more than willing to beat the hell out of each other.

Corey Graves: Punk said it himself. There's no tag team division anymore. There's no need for friends once you're in that ring.


Danhausen backs away and motions to the crowd that it's nap time. Punk stirs up to his feet while Danhausen stalks him from behind until he scoop[s him up onto his shoulders. Punk starts to elbow him in the face and falls in front of him. He delivers a slap to each side of the head followed by a Spinning Back Fist and a Roundhouse Kick! Danhausen however ducks the kick and Punk spins around 360 degrees but he goes in for a discus punch. Danhausen catches his arm and spins around to grab his waist and pops his hips into a Bridging Northern Lights Suplex!



1 . . .



2 . . .



Punk kicks out at 2! Danhausen brings him back up to a vertical base and places him in a front facelock. It's time for Goodnighthausen but Punk suddenly rushes forward and crashes him back first into the turnbuckles. The Best in the World unloads with a series of Shoulder Thrusts before pulling him away from the corner and Welcoming him to Chicago with the Double Underhook Backbreaker! Danhausen rolls away to the outside where he rest near the barricade holding his back. Punk looks to the crowd and shrugs before he takes off and levels him with a Suicide Dive! He picks up the painted freak and tosses him back into the ring while he goes to the top rope. Danhasuen hasn't moved and inch and Punk comes off the top with the Macho Elbow Drop right into the heart of the evil bastard, assuming he has one. He makes the pin!



1 . . .



2 . . .



Danhausen kicks out! Punk stands back up and stomps down on his opponent's gut. Danhausen sits up from the impact and so Punk runs to the ropes and comes back with a Shining Wizard! Right away, Danhausen rolls to the ropes to try and get some respite. Punk comes over and Clotheslines him over the ropes but Danhausen hangs on to stay on the apron. Punk reaches down and grabs him and readies him for a Suplex back into the ring but Danhausen starts to punch him in the ribs before he goes low with a Shoulder Thrust to the gut. Punk hunches over trying to breathe and Danhausen springboards over him and lands behind him, grabbing at his waist and throwing him back with a Bridging German Suplex!



1 . . .



2 . . .



Punk kicks out!


Mauro Ranallo: Both men are looking to bounce back after losses at Wrestlemania. A win over Punk would undoubtly be the biggest win in Danhausen's career.

Corey Graves: He has no business beating CM Punk. He's the measuring stick of the entire roster. Anyone who gets a win over him, that's the biggest match of their career but if Danhausen were to somehow come up with a win, I'd do the dumb hausen joke with you.

Tom Phillips: I've never been pulling for a wrestler in a match so bad.



Danhausen walks over to his corner and picks up his jar of teeth. The fans pop, knowing what's coming next. Punk is up on his knees and Danhausen comes over and open the jar. He readies to pour them down Punk's mouth but Punk clenches his teeth as hard as he can. Danhausen grabs his face with his hand and starts squeezing his cheeks, trying to get him to open up. Punk sucks his lips in to prevent any teeth on teeth action happening. and Danhasuen can't find a way in. He instead pinches Punk's nose shut to block any air. He holds out for as long as he can but he needs to breathe and so Punk opens up his mouth and down the teeth go!


Corey Graves: Ugh I hate this part of every match, it's disgusting!

Tom Phillips: It's always my favorite parthausen!

Corey Graves: You're sick.


Danhausen comes running forward for the big Boot but Punk ends up standing up and spitting the teeth back at him! Danhausen looks shocked and tries to pick up the teeth as they're scattering everywhere. Punk comes up behind him and jumps on him to hit an Inverted Frankenstiener! Danhasuen gets spiked on his head and even worse, on some teeth! Punk turns him over and makes the pin!



1 . . .



2 . . .



Danhausen gets the shoulder up at 2! Punk takes the arm and picks Danhausen all the way up onto his shoulders. Knowing fully well what comes next, Danhausen reaches down and claws at Punk's eyes blinding him! A very evil move by Danhausen but he also tells Punk he's sorry because he's very nice. He then scoops up Punk onto his shoulders and claims it's nap time. He throws the former UWF Champion up for the Very Nice, Very Kneevil but Punk catches his knee and trips him up, throws his leg back to roll him back up to a vertical base before taking his arm and wrapping it behind him to hit the Devil Lock DDT! Punk makes the pin!


1 . ..



Danhausen kicks out at 1! Every move named something evil now powers Danhausen up is a thing I am deciding to make canon. Danhausen stands right back up and gives Punk a crazed look. He starts waving his fingers in front of him and Punk seems to be entranced. Danhausen gets a wide smile on his face and he tries to take Punk's head off with a big Boot! Punk however ducks the kick and when Danhausen turns around, he eats a knee to the gut! Punk then takes Danhausen's arm through his own legs and flips him up into the Punk-Handle Piledriver! Punk flips him over and makes the cover!



1 . . .



2 . . .



Danhausen kicks out just in time!


Mauro Ranallo: How many times will Danhausen kick out after getting spiked right on his head?

Tom Phillips: As many times as he needs to. He needs to win this match.

Corey Graves: Usually I'd think Punk doesn't need to beat jabronies like this but if he doesn't he'll be a laughing stock. Put him away for good Punk!


Punk gets to his feet and signals for the Go To Sleep. A mixed reaction from the crowd as they're enjoying this match and love Danhausen as well. The evil bastard rises to his feet looking dazed and walks right into Punk who lifts him up onto his shoulders. Danhausen is fully limp and it looks like this spells the end for him when Punk tosses him in the air for the GTS! Danhausen however does the exact same thing Punk did and catches his knee! The only difference is, Danhausen turns it into an Inside Cradle!



1 . . .



2 . . .



3 . . .



Tony Chimel: Here is your winner, Danhausen!




Corey Graves: WHAT!?

Tom Phillips: Get Readyhausen Corey. you're joining the Danhausen fan club!


Punk looks on in shock while Danhausen is all smiles. Punk gets up looking a little pissed but decides to suck it up and offers Danhausen his hand again. Danhausen accepts it and Punk shakes his hand before raising it and leaving the ring for Danhausen to celebrate his big win as the show moves on.




We head t the backstage area where Sami Zayn is roaming the halls calling for EC3. He ends up running into Kayla Braxton.



Sami Zayn: Kayla! have you seen Ethan? I've been trying to get a hold of him all week and everyone here just keeps giving me the run around.

Kayla Braxton: Is this regarding your loss at Wrestlemania?

Sami Zayn: My loss? What loss? I didn't lose. I didn't even make it to Wrestlemania! I was tied up! Did you even watch the match?: The man who lost to Shark Boy was none other than El Generico. Or someone portraying El Generico that is.

Kayla Braxton: Sami... It was clearly you. Had the same face and everything.

Sami Zayn: The same face? Did you watch it live or on the monitors Kayla? That was clearly a deep fake. Technology is so dangerous these days. Who knows what else these sickos on the internet are doing with my face. Some loser is probably typing on their little keyboard pretending to be me as we speak! I demand a rematch with Shark Boy so we can get this thing settled once and for all. My Wrestlemania moment may have been stolen from me but I won't let this opportunity get taken as well. Now excuse me, I have some very important business to atend to. ETHAN!

Sami walks off down the hall shouting for EC3.

EC3: He is gone?

Kayla Braxton: Yes sir.

EC3 comes out from behind some equipment and fixes his suit.

EC3: Good. I've got to find a way to terminate his contract.

EC3 walks off as the show continues.







The crowd stands on their feet to boo in unison as Reigns music blares through the system. Multiple bright blue lasers begin to shine form the top of the ramp. “The Big Dog” Roman Reigns steps out from behind the curtains as the fans booing begins to shake the arena like an earthquake. Paul Heyman steps out on the stage behind Reigns, holding the coveted UWF Championship in his arms like a baby.


The two stand at the top of the ramp as a massive amount of pyro goes off from the top of the ramp. The lights then go dark as the arena goes pitch dark for a moment……




Bright yellow spotlights begin to shine throughout the arena immediately garnering the attention of every fan in the building. The lights begin to twinkle and move throughout the arena before fixating the at top of the ramp and changing to a blue tint. The arena then goes dark as the music continues to blare loudly from the Speakers. Suddenly, large poles form a runway down to the ramp, and they instantly light on fire. The fire burns steadily as the camera fixates on the top of the ramp, waiting for the illustrious superstar to make his way out from the back to face the UWF Universe.

Without further adieu, The Visionary, Seth Rollins steps out from behind the curtains with his arms extending outwards by his sides. Seth Walks up to Roman and the two bump fists, and Heyman hands the UWF Championship over to Seth who then hoists the belt up over his head.


The fans boo is that of a rushing roar as the trio smirk amongst themselves. Rollins then hands Heyman the belt who straps it to Rollin’s waist as the three make their way down the ramp and to enter the ring. The trio make their way into the ring and Rollins leans over the ropes once more to remind the crowd who the brand-new champion is after WrestleMania—and their negative response tells the story all too well. Heyman is handed a microphone as he addresses the crowd.


Paul Heyman: Ladies & Gentlemen, my name is Paul Heyman and I have the amazing luxury of being alongside the man who singlehandedly will impact how humans conduct and live their lives daily. My client--who now no longer needs an introduction but God-dammit is he going to get one—is a bonafide superstar who sits atop of the food chain by his lonesome. It wasn’t just his actions that led him to the signature moment of the decade in this company, it was also his belief system, his ability to visualize, his ability to strategize, his gratitude, combined with his blessings from the Universe that were able to seamlessly gel together and give you all the masterpiece that was WrestleMania.
That renaissance moment that CM Punk talked the world’s ears off about ended up being him in the middle of the ring, staring up into the blinding lights of the rafters, just like I said would happen. You guys want to know what else happened that night? CM Punk’s defeat at the hands of my client was the demise of his championship reign that ended one day short of the record with the belt. How fitting is it that a middle of the pack kind of guy ended such a reign before a great record was broken?

Paul Heyman pauses and glances at the championship belt that is in the possession of Seth Rollins for a dramatic effect.


The 2022 Royal Rumble Winner came into WrestleMania, and he took what was rightfully owed to him and he stripped the UWF Championship from the hands of CM Punk as if he were taking candy from a baby. The glory days for CM Punk is over and it’s time that the world pays attention to the hottest act in show business and all of Hollywood—and I don’t mean John Cena, Batista or The Rock. It’s time for the world to looks into the eyes of a true champion and look success right in the eyes—and I aint talking about Randy Orton or Ciampa.


I’m talking about my client—who’s name is now the equivalent of empowering success! He is this companies 2022 ROYAL RUMBLE WINNER and your BRAND NEW UWF CHAMPION: SETH ROLLINS!!
Spit flies out of Heyman's mouth as he gets pink in the face from yelling. He wipes his mouth as he hands the mic over to the new UWF Champion.

Seth Rollins: I am a divine co-creating being and my reality is my masterpiece!

The fans begin to boo the brand new UWF Champion as loudly as they can causing the canvas to shake and vibrate against the soles off the men standing in the ring. Seth Rollins smirks at every fan in the front row, he looks down on them like peasants as he walks around the ring with his new championship mugging the crowd.

At the Royal Rumble: I did exactly what I said I was going to do and that is walk out as the sole survivor.

At WrestleMania, the same thing happened when I walked in a challenger, kicked CM Punk’s ass, and walked out of the arena as a beloved Champion once again. I had a dream, and unlike you simpletons in the crowd, I got off my ass and did something about it. I worked hard-- I manifested-- I visualized-- I gave thanks-- and I went out and took my dreams out of the hands of other people. But despite my hard work, I must give more praise and thanks to the Universe for blessing me with my abilities and for giving me the opportunity to take what I wanted—and take what I deserved.

Seth Rollins raises the UWF Champion high in the air above his head as the boo’s begin to collectively reign down upon him.

Folks and people around the world listening to me—let CM Punk be an example to you all. He lives a life of sin filled with unjust morals that feed his ego. Don’t allow yourselves to fall victim to such deadly thoughts and ways of life. CM Punk sinned and disobeyed the Universe. What did that get him? A one way ticket to a fight with me and he paid for his sins with a beating heard and seen all around the world. You all should be looking to me as an example and look at everything I have achieved just by being thankful and by being conscious—and enlightened.

Whether you heathens understand my messages or not; the facts remain the same; and I AM YOUR UWF CHAMPION!




GIVE ME A SHELL YEAH!

*CRASH*





The crowd go ballistic as 'I Come From The Water' by The Toadies hits the PA system signalling the arrival of the Number One Contender, Shark Boy!. Shark Boy storms the stage full of piss and vinegar as he wastes little time marching down the ramp towards the ring. Shark Boy is mouthing off to anyone and everyone in sight as he stomps up the ring steps and through the ropes into the ring. Shark Boy walks straight past Rollins, Reigns and Heyman showing no fear as he heads to the top rope and throws his fists high into the air to the acclaim of the crowd. Shark Boy repeats this at the opposite ropes before he turns around to point at the UWF Championship and signals for it to go around his waist before he steps down from the turnbuckle and gets himself a microphone.



Shark Boy: You tell that big Samoan son of a fish to back off or cod damn I'll ram this microphone straight down his gullet!

Roman looks incensed but Rollins and Heyman get him to back off. Shark Boy addresses the Heavyweight Champ.

Ol' Shark Boy's been sittin' out the back drinkin' some Sharkweisers when he overheard yer little speech there Seth. Shark Boy knew there would be a big championship celebration for the new champ and shell, Shark Boy doesn't even grudge ya that, you won that belt and you're the new UWF Champion. Congrats Seth, ya done it. A campaign of terrorist activities and attempted murder that ended with a hell of a match at Wrestlemania and cod damn, you pinned the champ and you won the belt. Give it up for Seth Rollins everybody!

The crowd boo loudly, Shark Boy feigns astonishment.

See these people, they see through it - they see through the act. You ain't no champ, son - you're a backstabbing, cheating, manipulative, psychotic son of a fish and as far as Shark Boy is concerned... you're just next in line to get knocked down, pardon the pun, by ol' Shark Boy. See while you were no doubt preparing for your main event match, Shark Boy had himself a damn war with Sami Zayn. Tackle boxes, Helluva Kicks and fire - Sami Zayn threw all he had at Shark Boy and Shark Boy kept on fighting - literally through the flames. Because that title match should've been Shark Boy's at Wrestlemania until Happy Heyman and his lawyers got involved and until Sami Zayn stuck his big ginger head where it didn't belong. But in the end up, it wasn't the Helluva Kick, it wasn't El Generico, it wasn't tackle boxes and it wasn't fire - it was the Chummer straight from the depths of the ocean that landed Shark Boy the big one he deserves and that's the shot at that right there... the title I never should have lost all those years ago, the UWF Championship.

The crowd cheer Shark Boy and his heroics at Wrestlemania.

See about six years ago, Shark Boy beat Cody Rhodes, the legendary Cody Rhodes at Summerslam to claim the big one and not once did Shark Boy defend that title one on one before AJ Styles took the title in an Elimination Chamber Match, it was a raw deal but it is what is is, it was what it was and Shark Boy was never the same after it. Personality crisis and all. But Shark Boy's back now better than ever and I'm ready to take that back, son. See while Shark Boy was in the back he heard the little speech - and Shark Boy noticed one thing... well one thing beside the fact that you are the definition of a jackass... and that's the fact you spent more time talking about CM Punk and absolutely no time talkin' 'bout little old me.

Rollins laughs, seemingly unimpressed with his challenger, Shark Boy sounds wholly pissed off.

CM Punk was a great champion, he's a legend in his own right, one of the damn best - but he's not going to be challenging you for that belt next Seth... I am. And the quicker you start talkin' about Shark Boy, the quicker you start preparin' for Shark Boy the better because Shark Boy's ran through the top of this company's roster already and that includes yourself Seth. So if I were you, I'd stop thinking about CM Punk for now and I'd start thinking about how the shell you're going to stop ol' Shark Boy from taking that title from you because Sami already tried the murder at Wrestlemania, you could say he took a page from your book and it didn't work. I've pinned your bass already - and if it wasn't for your little band of merry men, I'd have dumped your bass over the top rope at the Royal Rumble. As far as Shark Boy is concerned... you may well have that title right now but Shark Boy has your number and your bass belongs to me. And if you wanna see Shark Boy whip Seth Rollins' bass and take back the UWF Championship GIVE ME A SHELL YEAH!

The crowd yell 'SHELL YEAH!' as Shark Boy marches up to the champion.

And if you wanna see Shark Boy skip the pleasantries and whip all three of you sorry sons of fishes right here, right now... GIVE ME A SHELL YEAH!


Seth Rollins raises the microphone up to speak once more.

Seth Rollins: Shark Boy, I knew it was only a matter of time before you would be in my presence again. Isn’t funny how things work sometime? Fate and the universe love to keep us intertwined.

You’ve beat me in a match that didn’t matter—I eliminated you last in the Rumble to win the damn thing that allowed me to headline WrestleMania XI; it’s a nice trade that favors me. Especially if you consider the new hardware that I’ve acquired.

Seth pats the championship around his waist.

Now, I’m aware you beat Sami Zayn to become the number one contender to my championship. I would say that I’m impressed but when I beat Sami Zayn at WrestleMania, he was gone for almost a year. I don’t think you accomplished that this year. I would say that I am impressed by you being the number one contender, but let’s real—there’s nothing to congratulate for you. The end of the road is vastly approaching for you.

Seth stares right into the soul of Shark Boy and doesn’t blink or say anything for a long moment in time.

Your infatuation with yesteryear’s past successes is going to be the lights that blind you in the future. Your mentioning of your battles from six years ago are falling on deaf ears. The only thing that matters in life is the present—the right now—the moment that you are currently in right now. And I can already see that you aren’t ready Sharky.



You see—the Universe brought you here to me for a reason. The sins and disgusting behavior that you engage in is none of my business. I’m just here to allow the Universe’s graces to wash over and it seems like fried fish is going to be on the menu. You see, and CM Punk have a few similarities and it seems like you didn’t learn from Punk’s mistakes because you’re too wrapped up in your ego. Another lost soul fighting for and from his ego to make himself feel better about losses years ago that he just can’t seem to get over. You’re already showing signs of vibrating at a much lower conscious than me Sharky!

Did you even thank the Universe today? For your upcoming shot at my championship? Did you express gratitude today?

Seth Rollins shakes his head at Shark Boy.

You ungrateful miserable brat. Being alive is something special and sacred and you must always thank the creator for everything that you get because you never know when it will be your last. We are here for a very short time, and you don’t take life seriously. You’re a disgrace and you shouldn’t be within 15 feet of me. But I’ll never turn a challenge down and I’ll gladly do every task that the universe asks: so please step up to the bat. Fish boy.

There's tension in the air as the two men stare one another down. Shark Boy however throws his hands up and walks backwards. Seth is all smiles, thinking he just punked out ol' Sharky. He lets out that terrible terrible laugh he does but Shark Boy lunges at him and starts beatin' his bass all around the ring! roman steps in and pulls him off but ends up getting kicked in the gut and hit with the Chummer! The crowd roars in cheers and Shark Boy takes a look at Paul Heyman.


Corey Graves: Don't you dare lay your hands on Paul Heyman Boy!

Mauro Ranallo: UWF is not liable for anyone who steps into the ring and it looks like Paul Heyman knows that.


Paul goes down to his knees and pleads with Shark Boy not to hurt him. He even digs into his jacket pocket and pulls out a wad of cash and tosses it at his feet so he won't get hurt. Shark Boy picks it up and stuffs it in his tights but still comes at Heyman. Seth however Chop Blocks him from behind and Shark Boy falls to all fours. Seth then drives his skull into the mat with the Curb Stomp! The fans are booing relentlessly but Seth and Heyman are all smiles. Roman slowly gets to his feet and joins the other two in soaking in the hate from the crowd. Seth raises his UWF Championship as the show goes off the air.



END OF SHOW



Credits


Janela vs Theory - Fauche
Everything else - Danny

OOC: I miscalculated how many matches I had to do and said I didn't need help after it was offered to me so next week I'll dfinitley need some help haha. Let me know if you can write a match for the next show.

[Chase]

The main event segment was straight fire really enjoyed that.

Big win for Danhausen and Austin Theory those threads were mad close and I didn't know who would win those matches. Good wins picked up.

Loved a lot of the promos. The opening promo was solid. Randy Orton was a good one and speaking of Danhausen very funny.

[Fauche]

Sicc show. I like that it's bookmarked by celebrating champs coming out of the big show. Heck of a promo by Gunn using FRESH PICS to do some well-deserved bragging with the Psycho Killer. Hot take: Ciampa's gonna be a big time babyace some day.

Danhausen promo number one is solid, setting the stage for where he's at spiritually and financially. Danhausen promo number 2 ft. Jim Cornette is next level stuff. Andy's got both of these super unique (unique, as a rule, doesn't need a qualifier, but here we are) finessed and dialed in. The intercations are entertaining, looking forward to a face-to-face next week and whatever further shenanigans follow.

Since we're already talking Danhausen, gonna skip this linear commentary and jump ahead to the MAIN EVENT with him and Punk. Had a great time in that thread, enjoyed a different challenge in doing a very babyface vs babyface tt session, even in being totally outgunned by an unstoppable Andausen. Danny wrote a bunch of matches this week but obvs this one's the best, dutifully noting how sus Punk's overnight allignment change is. Very much captured the dynamic of the thread, supes entertaining writing, and most importantly, this: "Every move named something evil now powers Danhausen up is a thing I am deciding to make canon." So let it be written. So let it be done. Danhausen gonna squash Martinez for sure.

Big win for Edge for Batista, both dudes riding some major momentum from Mania, Swedish doubling down on that with the W here. All of a sudden we've got all these dudes who weren't around six weeks ago looking like viable contenders for any given title, which is great. Just great.

Speaking of, here's George with Austin Theory and the surprise return of the legendary former tag team champ SEXY CHOCOLATE~! Happy to have our boy George back in the full time swing, thought his Theory was v v on point in the thread this week, only had the guy for two matches and he's already killing it. Obligatory Renee promo later on in the night is also noted and appreciated.

IDK if Itfactor is even still around or not I wasn't even paying attention to the other threads but shout out to Yolo for racking up a dub with Eita (pronounciation unknowable). Double promos to follow up, first from Wasabi. Dude played so many characters with his goon-of-the-week thing going on for a while back in the day that it shouldn't be surprising to see him nail a character so totally different from the guy who won a world title with, but this Janela's a totally different vibe than UMB and still awesome. Though the thread between him and George was strong as heck and Wasabi really captures the Bad Boy's voice and wibe without beating around the bush.

Dark Side of the Orton promo celebrating that TV title win, promising to violently vampire murder his opponent and capping it off with the Pic of the Night. His speech in the promo ends with a triple elipses - nine dots, brother - how many seconds does that translate to? Also shoutout to Randy getting himself a win over Punishement Martinez. Hope Roach is still with us but idk.

Last year Chase racked up a hella long TV title run and I don't even think he was trying that hard to do. Which I'm not saying to be like mean or anything, cause I'm the biggest fan of his Rey. But just check him out now. Full throttle Chase. Balls to the wall. This is the dude that was world champ for forever. Never would've thought to pair up Homicide and Lambert, but it works. Dude's always got some kinda creative twist you wouldn't expect that totally lands. Just don't forget about our boy Sin Cara. Seeing Ishii job out to set up a match between his opponent with another CHAOS guy hurts here as much as it does IRL, maybe more, but I love that it was with the Masvidal Knee and the dreaded X sign to boot. Killer segment.

EC3 looking to lawyer up and fire Zayn but I bet Generico is buddies with a certain Mexican lawyer so good luck with that shit.

It all caps off with the well-earned "I told you so" promo from the new champ and the hot new contender counter point. Heck of a back and forth. Love seeing the top two dudes setting a high bar while the rest of the show is chock full of solid promos, even double promos! Good writers writing good stuff keeps this thing competitive and it's the best when it's competitive.

Eveyone write more matches so Danny doesn't have to write all the matches all the time.