Post by Danny on Aug 19, 2022 23:38:28 GMT -6
As the logo is seen, things go live to the inside of the arena as pyrotechnics go off from the stage and the camera pans around to get a shot of the fans from all around the world gathered for the UWF's newest show, Rebellion! The camera pans over to the commentary team where Corey Graves, Mauro Ranallo, and Tom Phillips are standing by.
Mauro Ranallo: Hello and welcome to another edition of Rebellion! I'm Mauro Ranallo and with me as always, former International Champion Corey Graves and Tom Phillips!
Tom Phillips: Summerslam is right around the corner but lots of people are just itching to get some pent up frustrations out.
Corey Graves: Rebellion is like an open house for people looking to make it to UWF or veterans trying to get another shake. You never know who will step through those curtains.
Mauro Ranallo:The time for talking is over, let's get the Rebellion Started!
We are in the arena at Rebellion when an old theme plays suddenly in the arena.
"Respeto" plays throughout the arena and for the first time in years comes former UWF World Tag Team and UWF X-Division Champion Hunico, a swagger in his step as he comes down the ramp and looks around at the crowd and raises a microphone up.
Hunico: Ya Saben que somos pocos pero locos mugrosos! Ey Ey Ey I know that Yo? Yo soy un hombre con una reputacion...I'm a man with a reputation around here. But ya know what I also know? I also know that each one of you lil pendejos are either too stupid or too stuck in your own ways to recognize. So let me reintroduce myself, yo soy El UNICO...
He slides into the ring and stands up looking towards the camera.
Hunico, The One and Only. Y if ya'll don't recognize, I'm the man that made the X-Division, I'm the man who held the World Tag Team Straps at a time when people didn't know if that division would even work, chale chale I'm the Workhorse of the damn Cartel. Y sabes que? Cartel es para siempre raza, the Cartel is forever. And I know me bein round here, that is boiling up a lotta people backstage at this very moment. Cause if there's anyone who made their name strictly from the Cartel it's este hombre right here. Which you gringos might be asking right bout now, What am I doin here? Pues que te importa! Jajajaja, Mind ya'lls business. Cause I got the call from the big man hisself, Es-Co-Bar and he told me I was personally requested for this here Rebellion show. An I'm here to make sure ya'll aint forgot quien diablos soy yo, who the hell I am. I racked up gold like it was nothin, but the way I see it I've still got a couple straps I aint gotten familiar with and it's high time, mira...that I collect ya know. Pero por mientras-
"Hurtful Love" hits interrupting Hunico, as from the back comes Joe Gacy with a big smile on his face hurriedly walking down the ramp and coming into the ring as he extends a hand out trying to apologize for interrupting.
Joe Gacy: Mr. Hu-nico, I vehemently apologize for interrupting I do not mean to put a damper on your big return here tonight or belittle you in any way. For far too long members of your race have been overlooked and treated unfairly by those with white privilege, and it is done so casually and become such a part of our culture that it is never brought to light like that of say an African American or Asian persons plight in our society. It is truly horrible that you as a human being would be looked down upon and I am here to fight for you, just like I am for everyone. You see my new friend I am Woke, and that word has now received a stigma in todays world. It's become a punchline, a joke in and of itself to label on what people view as silly attempts to seem politically correct, but I am here to remind everyone that Woke is not a bad word. Woke is defined as being alert to injustice in society, and I am very much in high alert towards these injustices, but there are some people who misconstrue my message and words. People like Homicide, and that is precisely why I personally got a hold of the people I know in the backstage area and set the ball rolling to get you back here tonight, it wasn't cheap as Mr. Escobar is a shrewd business man for sure but it was worth every penny as now with someone who knows Homicide Personally perhaps you can speak his language a bit better, and smooth out this perceived issue he has with us.
Hunico: Oye yeah I know you ese, you're that vato who's all about this ring being a safe-space y mierda asi right?
Joe Gacy: I'm not one to call it MI, Er, Da. But yes that is me, pleasure to meet you I am Joe-
Hunico: Cayate puto, This ring aint no safe space. I've never known a damn safe-space, I'm from Juarez where safe ain't even in our dictionary vato, pero check it I'm not here to introduce myself to you or any of your pals, I'm here to get some business done. An since you're a thorn on my homies side, I guess you're the business.
Joe Gacy: Now Mr. Hunico, I am not here to have any conflict with you, perhaps we need to get a good dialogue going so that we may better understand one another's plight-
Hunico suddenly throws the mic in Gacys face and leaps up hitting a dropkick that sends him backwards to the ropes hooking the top rope behind him, Hunico slick as ever is up on his feet and hitting the ropes charging at Gacy and clotheslining him over the top rope and to the outside.
Corey Graves: Oh ho ho Hunico was always a hit now ask questions later kinda guy, and it seems nothings changed.
Mauro Ranallo: Does not look like he's done!
Hunico hits the ropes again and charges towards ropes, diving through them for a Suicide dive but Gacy suddenly drops down out of the way. Hunico quick as ever to react dives through the air and tucks and rolls back up to his feet on the outside impressively causing the crowd to applaud the showing as Hunico turns Gacy is on the floor holding his jaw with a smile on his face as the reason he got out of the way was because his leg was pulled out from under him. As out from under the ring skirt crawls out Dexter Lumis, dragging himself out by his fist and staring up at Hunico.
Mauro Ranallo: Brilliant reaction time by Hunico, he doesn't seem to have lost a step but what is Dexter Lumis doing under the ring!
Tom Phillips: Who knows what these guys are ever doing, Lumis could have been hanging under the ring this entire show just to pick someone out to target.
Mauro Ranallo: Well if that is so, it appears he's got his eyes locked on one right about now.
Hunico has an eyebrow raised at the look Lumis' is giving him, he puts his fist up and tells him to bring it and Lumis stands up straight very slowly and lifts his fist up, tugging at his glove showing he's ready to throw down as well. But before this can get anywere, Gacy has stood back up and put a hand on Lumis' chest telling him to wait, you can hear him speak over the microphones on the cameras.
Joe Gacy: I forgive you for your haste Mr. Hunico, if you wish to resolve this conflict physically then so be it, as I believe we can truly send a message to Homicide through you... inside our Safe Space, in an official capacity.
Gacy motions for them to get in the ring and Lumis slides into the ring and stands away towards the corner, a referee comes running down the ramp and Hunico is asking if he's serious right now before he slides into the ring.
Corey Graves: Well it appears this is gonna happen right now, which is a smart move out of Gacy. Hunico grew up street fighting so if you're going to throw down at least even the playing field in a match.
Tom Phillips: Maybe Corey but I have to admit I wouldn't feel too safe with Lumis eyeing me down in the street either.
As the referee gets in he checks with both men before ringing the bell.
*Ding Ding Ding*
Lumis is standing there stoic as Hunico is bouncing all animated looking at his opponent sizing him up, he steps forward but Lumis just stands there unmoving. Hunico points at him and looks at the crowd and then out to Gacy asking if this guy is for real, "Orale So-cio, you in there vato?" Hunico shouts out, but before he can continue he's suddenly dropped with a huge uppercut shot to the jaw. The sudden shot surprising Hunico, but he quickly scrambles back up to his feet but is met with a big boot right to the side of the head and sends him backwards unto the mat and rolling up to his knees and then falling into the corner. Lumis calculated and measured corners him and hits him with a big right hand shot keeping him in a seated position in the corner.
Mauro Ranallo: Dexter Lumis catching Hunico off guard with his suddenness, it's almost eerie how this man knows how to manipulate and work off of his opponent to keep them on edge.
As Lumis rains down a couple shots, the referee admonishes him to get it off the ropes, Lumis stops so as to not be disqualified and it is then when Hunico reaches up and grabs Dexter by the waist of his pants and pulls him down face first into the turnbuckles. Hunicos rolls out of the ring as Lumis now takes his position seated in the corner dazed from the sudden meeting with the corner, as Hunico stands up on the ring apron and leaps up kicking his legs up high as he holds unto the ropes swinging his body over the ropes and then like a pendulum coming down with a stiff dropkick unto Lumis' Chest. The sharp impact of the shot bounces Lumis off the corner and rolling into the ring as Hunico immediately steps through the ropes and to apron again, slingshotting himself over the ropes and landing a picture perfect Hilo unto Lumis. Quickly hooking the leg.
1
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Kick out
As Lumis kicks out, Hunico quickly sits him up and slaps on a chin lock, driving his knee to the back of Lumis.
Corey Graves: And this is what makes Hunico dangerous, I have no love for The Cartel but you see here how Hunico can turn up the speed at an instant to catch up with his opponent, just to slow it all down and make sure he's in control.
Mauro Ranallo: Hunico well-versed in that lucha libre style, but prefers a more ground and pound offense it's a mix of styles that has worked out well for him in the past.
The crowd are stomping their feet to get Lumis' back in it, and it seems to be working as Dexter starts to slowly stand himself up while Hunico switches grip into a headlock, attempting to maintain control. Lumis gets up to his feet and Hunico goes for a side headlock take over but as he drops, Lumis seemingly catches him mid drop and holds him there causing the crowd to cheer at the power shown. Lumis muscles Hunico back up vertically and then lifts him high up in the air and drops straight down for a big back suplex, almost instantly Lumis kicks up back to his feet and leaps high in the air at an angle hitting a leg drop perfectly unto Hunico. Lumis rolls up to his feet and fixes his glove as the crowd cheer the spectacular combination from him, he's slowly walking at Hunico who is struggling to get himself over to the ropes to get up, Dexter like a careful animal hunting his wounded prey. He reaches down and pulls him up and backs him into the ropes and sends him running towards the opposing ones, Lumis ducks down and Hunico beautifully dives over top of him completely avoiding him and rolling behind him and up to his feet hitting the ropes. As Lumis stands up straight with his back still to Huncio having realized that he was avoided, almost like a sixth sense kicks in as Huncio comes roaring in with a clothesline attempt but Lumis simply drops down to one knee fully avoiding the shot. Hunicos momentum keeps him running as he hits the ropes again, as Lumis bounces back up to his feet and leaps up catching Hunico with a big Lou-Thez press in the center of the ring and rains down heavy right hands on him. Standing up and hitting the ropes Lumis comes in with both hands as if he were holding an axe and driving that axe, i.e his fist down across Hunicos chest. Lumis stands up and measures Hunico up, putting his hands together making a frame with his fingers as he waits for Hunico to get up. He struggles to do so, seemingly thrown completely off by Lumis' style, and turns around straight towards Lumis grasp as he puts his arm over his shoulder ready to set up for a Uranage and eventual Silence.
Corey Graves: Here we go this is it already!
Hunico sobers up from his daze quickly realizing what is about to come and he immediately hits a couple back elbow shots to Lumis to loosen his grip, Dexter like a man possessed however still lifts his opponent up to go for the move, but the shots were sufficient enough to let Hunico turn his body in mid lift hooking his legs back unto Dexter and roll forwards with a quick Victory Roll
1
.
.
2
.
Kick out
Lumis kicks out of the roll up sending Hunico rolling backwards and back up to his feet near the ropes, Lumis gets back up and then charges after Hunico. Hunico hooks the top rope and drops down for a low-bridge, but to almost everyones surprise Dexter Lumis simply stops. Being so focused on his opponent, he was able to stop on a dime and simply stand there as Hunico is hanging off the top rope, Hunico looks up at Lumis in shock that this tried and tested counter didn't work but isn't left hanging for long as Lumis simply reaches down wrapping his arms around him in perfect position to lock in Silence! The crowd go wild as Hunico is plucked back up into the hold and he immediately hooks the ropes he was holding unto to make sure the referee gets him off of him. The referee is quickly shouting for Lumis to release the hold, and begins to count which doesn't seem to phase Lumis' at all. Gacy shouts out for Lumis to release and thankfully it was before the 5 count was met as Lumis lets go as Hunico drops straight down unto the mat and gasp for air trying to shake the cobwebs.
Corey Graves: Dexter Lumis is so zoned in on his opponent, he doesn't even get caught rushing into things, I don't think I've ever seen someone so simply Not fall for a low-bridge.
As Hunico is pulling himself up in the corner trying to get back into things, Lumis has his fingers in a square frame measuring his opponent up as he gets into the perfect position and charges forward hitting a running clothesline in the corner and immediately hooking Hunicos head under his arm and running to the center of the ring dropping him with a big bulldog. Lumis stands up and sees his opponent laid a certain way in the ring and his gaze travels up to the turnbuckles, he looks out at the crowd and pulls unto his glove and the crowd cheer loudly as Lumis gets out of the ring and starts climbing the ropes. Lumis finds his footing and measures his opponent up, he leaps off the ropes but Hunico rolls inward to avoid him. A testament to Lumis' focus once again, he sees this mid-air and simply lands on his feet in the middle of the ring and rolls forward to avoid any damage, once he rolls he spins around still on the mat and crawls towards Hunico in that eerie way he does pulling his limp body with his fist. Hunico has gotten back up thinking he got the best of that exchange before he sees Lumis' cold eyes on him again and crawling towards him, Hunico visibly jumps a bit at the sight and looks around for a second seemingly saying "Screw this" and getting out of the ring immediately bending over and flipping the ring skirt up. As he does however, Lumis crawls himself over to where he is and slithers his body over him landing on his hands behind Hunico bringing the rest of his body down unto the floor and standing there.
Tom Phillips: It seems Hunico has had enough of this match up and is looking for an equalizer, but I don't think he knows Dexter has snaked his way behind him.
Mauro Ranallo: I don't really blame him Tom, seeing Dexter in action answers all those questions I've ever had on how the serial killer managed to get behind people in movies.
Hunico emerges from under the ring skirt having found a big red leather strap and tossing it into the ring, once he does however he looks confused that he's not looking up at Dexter. He turns around not understanding where he went, only to be met with a swift uppercut to the jaw that staggers him sending him rolling back into the ring. Dexter slides in after him but as he's slid in, pauses as his gaze is brought fully unto the leather strap in the ring, staring at it almost hypnotized by it as he stands slowly up holding it in his hand. The referee is shouting for him to drop the weapon but Lumis seems to be in his own world now, he's quickly brought back into this one when Hunico hits a dropkick across his chest making him drop the strap and stagger backwards unto the corner. Hunico throws up some hand signals proud of getting the better of Lumis and regaining control and he charges him in the corner, Lumis however uses his momentum to send him over head and over the ropes. Hunico manages to swing his body around and land on the ring apron safely, Lumis turns around to meet up but Hunico shoots his shoulder through the ropes and unto Dexters ribs sending him to the middle of the ring. Hunico shouts out "Para los Vatos Locos!" and springs himself up on the top rope and dives forward, Dexter however simply drops backwards straight unto his back as Hunico dives through the air over him and lands on his feet on the canvas putting his hand down unto the mat to make sure he doesn't fall forward. This is when Dexter kips up back to his feet behind Hunico, having created the perfect distance in one swift motion he rears back and hits a loud superkick straight to the back of Hunicos head that knocks him completely out.
Corey Graves: M-99! My God Hunico is out!
Dexter turns Hunicos motionless body over and covers him, but as he does his eyes once again meet with the Strap laying on the canvas and doesn't even seem to care about the cover.
1
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.
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2
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.
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3!
*Ding Ding Ding*
Here is your winner: Dexter Lumis
The bell is rung but even at a two count, Dexter had begin to crawl himself off of Hunicos body and towards the strap, only by chance staying on top long enough for the three as he's far more concerned with the leather strap. He grabs unto it again and holds is in his hand mesmerized by the weapon.
Mauro Ranallo: Mama Mia that was one hell of a shot to the back of Hunicos head with the M-99 Superkick, but it almost seems like Dexter Lumis is more focused on the Leather Strap than his opponent now.
Lumis slowly and deliberately begins to slide the leather strap unto his wrist before he spins his arm around ones to tighten his grip unto it and hold it tightly, he looks back down at Hunico almost as if not realizing he's even won and he drops down suddenly and begins to wrap the leather strap around Hunicos neck and arms before locking in Silence with the Leather strap and his own arms.
Tom Phillips: Silence, Dexter Lumis has locked in Silence on Hunico and is using that thick leather strap to put extra pressure on the hold.
Mauro Ranallo: That Kata Gatame is already a very dangerous maneuver but with the aid of that strap we're talking serious damage here!
Corey Graves: It couldn't happen to a nicer guy.
Dexter is like a man possessed now that he's got the hold locked in and is tied up with the strap, Hunico taps out for a bit but it's to no avail as he goes limp quickly. Joe Gacy enters the ring with a smile on his face, holding his jaw seeing Hunico get his comeuppance for the cheap shot he took on him earlier. The eerie joy he is getting out of it making the seen uncomfortable now, when from behind the curtain Homicide comes running out. Gacy notices this immediately and reaches down hooking Lumis' head and starts to tell him they need to go, Lumis is like an animal latched unto its dinner but it seems to get through to him and he lets go to follow Gacys instruction and roll out of the ring with him. As they roll out the leather strap entangled on Hunicos lifeless body, so once Homicide reaches the ring sliding in he manages to grab hold of the other end of the strap pulling on it, causing Dexter to stop and look straight up at him with his piercing gaze. Both men locking eyes and holding unto the leather strap like they will be at Summerslam, time seems to hold still for a moment, when suddenly Gacy tugs unto the strap using Lumis' distracting gaze effectively puling it out of Homicides grip and quickly backing Dexter away telling him that tonight is not the night.
Mauro Ranallo: For a second there it seemed like we were going to get this strap match right here and right now!
Corey Graves: Well that is for Summerslam, I'm sure Dexter wouldn't mind going again but Joe Gacy has a point.
Lumis is eyeing Homicide as he's backed away, almost as if he's been offended by Homicide grabbing unto the strap he's seemingly obsessed with, ready to go at it now but Gacy is standing in front of him with his hands up making sure he's backing away as Homicide checks on Hunico in the middle of the ring.
We cut to the backstage area where the Forever Champion Sami Zayn is standing by.
Sami Zayn: Two weeks... That's all it took. The records books show that I lost to CM Punk in a Hell in a Cell at Final Battle and you know what, even if I did so what. He's nearly the longest reigning UWF Champion we've had. I beat him soundly a month prior so as far as I'm concerned we're tied one a piece. I took 2 weeks to recover from a grueling match not because I wanted to and not because I needed it. UWF's damn medical staff thought they'd take a safety precaution due to how I was out almost a year before. In those two weeks, El Generico decides to make a mockery of me. He tried to play big dog and got rightfully smacked in his place. The thing is, all that did was make me look bad. Those two weeks did irreparable damage to my reputation. It's like people just forgot how dominant I've been. It's allowed clowns who aren't fit to lace my boots decide they want to challenge me.
Leyton Buzzard, I get it. I was like you once. The underdog from the underground. I had the reputation of someone who gets beat down but keeps on fighting. It took all of two months before people stopped calling me the underdog and I became the favorite. I ran through countless people and honestly, I may have already run through you before. You're a mere drop in the ocean of people I've beaten. I see you scratching and clawing to become the Television Champion and good on you, keep at the fight. But don't you dare lay out a challenge well above your pay grade. I'm not just a champion of the Television, I'm the Forever Champion!
Tonight, I continue to right the ship. Tonight, I remind people of greatness. At Summerslam, I'll make sure they never forget.
Tony Chimel: ”The following contest is scheduled for one fall!”
”YOOOOOUUUUUUU!”
With the stinger of “Crank That” by Soulja Boy abruptly blaring through the arena, most of the fans are looking on in confusion as to who this could be coming to the ring, but their questions are soon answered as Montez Ford comes racing out from the back, full of energy and excitement.
Tony Chimel: ”Introducing first! From Chicago, Illinois, weighing in at 232 lbs, Montez Ford!”
As this newcomer to the UWF starts dancing and vibing to his own theme music, it’s clear that his energy is infectious as he darts all around the entrance ramp, pointing out towards various members of the front row audience, before suddenly racing down the rest of the entrance ramp.
Mugging for the camera, he would then take a lap around the ring, before stopping on the hardcam side to hop onto the apron, and give another pose before finally entering the ring.
From there, after a few more moments of Montez grooving to his theme, he would finally stop, awaiting the match ahead of him…
With the sounds of Primus' "My Name Is Mud" playing through the arena speakers, out steps the resident butcher of Harlan, Kentucky, and the man who most say had a heavy hand in helping Trevor Lee become the UWF Television Champion. With a scowl on his face, he takes a moment to adjust his coat, before then walking down the ramp.
Tony Chimel: "And his opponent…from Harlan, Kentucky, weighing in at 273 lbs...he is 'The Butcher', Andy Williams!"
Without much fanfare, Williams makes his way into the ring, and it is there that some theatrics are done, with Williams duck-walking in a circle around the ring, before stopping right in the dead center of the ring. Taking off his monocle, he then moves to his corner, a hardened stare being sent across the ring.
DING DING DING!
Without a second wasted, Andy Williams would open up hot by charging forward towards Montez, looking to pancake him in the corner, but Ford would prove a bit too nimble for such a bold tactic, as he evades out of The Butcher’s grasp and instead manages to corner the Harlan resident. With Andy now the one who is trapped, Montez would begin unloading with a flurry of punches, each one landing flush on the jaw of The Butcher, and with each blow landed, a call of “SHOTS!” can be heard from Montez.
Mauro Ranallo: ”Looks like the tables have been turned by Montez Ford here against ‘The Butcher’.”
Tom Phillips: “And he’s having fun while he’s at it! I’m liking this guy already!”
Corey Graves: “Yeah, well you can like him all you want, but these fun and games aren’t going to get him far in the UWF when he’s squaring up against men like Andy Williams.”
Being pulled away by the referee, Montez would simply laugh it off, playing along, before then charge back in for one final shot…but all of these tricks from Montez seems to have only pissed off The Butcher, as he simply eats the blow before grabbing Montez and chucking him into the corner. Unloading with his own flurry of rights and lefts, Montez would be seeing stars by the time the referee tries pulling Andy off of him, but the punishment would continue as, rather than give another shot to the head, Andy would take hold of Montez and simply Biel Toss him across the ring. With Montez getting some height, the newcomer would land right in front of the opposite corner, grasping his back in pain.
Mauro Ranallo: “Did you guys SEE the height on that biel toss?!”
Corey Graves: “What did I tell you? Now Andy’s ticked, and he must have some frustrations to work through after what’s happened between him and Leyton Buzzard recently.”
Dragging Montez out of the corner, Andy would opt not to go for the cover this early. Instead, Williams bounces off the ropes, and hits a massive Leg Drop across the chest of Montez Ford, whose legs kick upwards from the impact. Crying out in pain, this would only encourage The Butcher, who rolls off of Montez, bounces off the ropes once more, and connects with a second Leg Drop. Again, the cycle repeats, and Andy goes for a third…but this time, Montez manages to roll out of the way, leading to Butcher dropping ass-first onto the mat! Getting to his feet, Montez would once more begin unloading on Andy Williams, looking to mount an early comeback as he, somehow, manages to grab Andy into a clinch, and begins unloading with knee strikes to the midsection!
Once more though, this only serves to further fuel The Butcher’s anger, as the clinch is broken free from with a disgusting Headbutt, staggering Montez backwards. Given an opportunity, Andy is quick to seize it, as he charges in with an early attempt at The Slice, but Montez manages to duck the devastating clothesline! Kicking away at the knee, Andy buckles, and Montez takes advantage by racing off the rope and attempting another big attack. This, however, would fail to occur, as Butcher would manage to wrap his hand around the throat of the charging Montez, fight his way to his feet, and lift Ford high in the air…before sending him crashing down with a devastating Chokeslam!
Corey Graves: “Well, consider this tryout done and over with, Montez. Thanks for coming!”
Tom Phillips: “I hate to agree with you, Corey…”
Mauro Ranallo: “What a massive chokeslam from the six-foot-three Butcher! That impact damn near made Montez BOUNCE off the mat!”
With Ford looking to be down and out, it would only be a simple case of Andy bringing him to his feet so he can be set up for The Slice…but instead of that, The Butcher would look to drag the punishment out further, hooking Montez up in a suplex position, before simply chucking him overhead with a Suplex Toss. Crashing across the ring once more, Montez’s breathing would be the only sign of life from the UWF newcomer, especially as The Butcher approaches once more.
Lifting his adversary to a vertical basis yet again, The Butcher would hook the arm once more around his neck, setting up for a second Suplex Toss…but in a shocking twist, Montez would begin fighting out of it! Refusing to go for the ride, it would force Andy to bring him closer to the center of the ring, but this is exactly what Ford wants, as the next lift attempt winds up being countered into a Small Package!
...ONE!
...TWO!
...NO!
With such a close count, both men would scramble to their feet, Butcher looking to end it with The Slice once more, but once more it would be ducked, and Montez would go on a roll! Rights and lefts and rights and lefts would pepper Andy Williams, whose lacking defense leaves him wide open as Montez charges in, and drops Andy with a Superman Punch! Rolling to his feet, Montez would turn towards the ropes, and in a burst of energy, Ford would begin rapidly shaking the top rope!
Corey Graves: “Hey! That’s copyright infringement for The Hollywood Animal, Montez! Watch what the hell you’re doing!”
Regardless of Corey’s call, Montez would ascend to the top rope, looking for The Butcher to stand…and once he is up, he’d dive off, and bring Andy back down with a Blockbuster! But even then, that isn’t enough…so Montez is back up top! Calling to the crowd, Montez dives off, looking for a Frog Splash…but thanks to his taunting, those few seconds spent working the audience allows for Andy to roll out of the way!
With Montez crashing and burning, he would somehow still be nimble enough to get to his feet before Andy, and would take the opportunity to charge in. Ducking Andy’s first strike, he would rebound off the ropes, looking for another Superman Punch, but this one would be evaded! With Williams now on the run, Montez would turn around…and be caught head-on with The Slice, with The Butcher turning Ford inside out!
Tom Phillips: “...Well, Montez, you gave it your all.”
Corey Graves: “Yeah, and it still wasn’t enough. Now, it’s just academic.”
With his foe collapsed on the mat, Andy would FINALLY move in for the cover.
...ONE!
...TWO!
.....THREE!
DING DING DING!
Tony Chimel: ”HERE IS YOUR WINNER…’THE BUTCHER’ ANDY WILLIAMS!”
With Montez down and out, The Butcher would get his hand raised in victory for the first time in the UWF…
But while The Butcher is in mid-celebration, none other than Leyton Buzzard walks out onto the stage. With a microphone in one hand and a contract in the other, Leyton strolls down to the ring.
Leyton Buzzard: “Champ, I thought tonight we were meant to have our contract signing? But I guess Carter's attempts at getting your undivided attention have failed...I mean, it’s almost as if you’ve been avoiding setting up the contract signing. So I have decided to bring the contract right to you, terms exactly as discussed: Your TV title on the line in a straight one on one match, The Butcher banned from ringside…”
Giving a side-glance to Andy Williams as he says that, Leyton enters the ring whilst the ring crew set up a small table in the center of the squared circle.
Leyton Buzzard: “I mean I see that The Butcher is here, but I fail to see you anywhere, So why don’t you come out here yourself, champ?”
Of course, with Leyton’s arrival, The Butcher is seen staring down the challenge to his mayor’s UWF Television Championship…but he makes no move toward him. Instead, he merely keeps his eyes trained on the target, until…
With not much time being wasted, Trevor Lee comes walking down the ramp, clearly not dressed to compete. The man is in a proper suit…or, at least, close to it. He has the pants down, a solid gray color that fits well with his physique, but the shirt instead is a vest that is left open, letting his rather hairy chest be shown for the camera.
Carrying a microphone with him, and the UWF Television Championship wrapped around his waist, Lee strides on down to the ring, a serpent’s grin on his face. Regardless of his true feelings that are remaining hidden away, Lee merely smiles and nods towards his challenger, getting into the ring to look over Leyton.
Trevor Lee: ”Well, well, well, well, well…mista’ Buzzard, if I had known ya’ were gonna’ come on out down ‘ere an’ get this contract all signed up right ‘ere an’ now, then I woulda’ gotten a bit more dressed up for the cameras! I mean, look at me, I barely look presentable…”
Well, despite his “less than presentable” status, Lee is quick to continue on.
Trevor Lee: ”Ah, but there ain’t no rest for the wicked, now is there, mista’ Buzzard? I can’t be too upset ‘bout bein’ called on down ‘ere like this, that’s just the nature o’ the business. Always gotta’ be prepared, always gotta’ be movin’, keep ya’ mind turnin’...all that stuff, ya’ know?”
Whether they believe him to be stalling or not, Lee goes to continue on…
Leyton Buzzard: ”Shut your mouth, Champ. We have people here who want to see some wrestling. You’re going on and acting all innocent like you ain’t trying to weasel your way out of this championship match with me when I, just like everyone else here, just want you to sign this contract in my hand.”
Leyton raises the contract in his hand up…
Leyton Buzzard: “I mean it’s not too much for you champ, is it? Or would you prefer signing it the moments before you step out to perform at Summerslam? Your talking surely indicates that you want to waste everyone's time. You have learned to master the art of double speak, it seems. You say you didn’t mean any disrespect when in Carter’s office, but you and I both know full well what you meant. It’s like you have been gifted the devil's tongue, speaking one thing while meaning another, Like you could do it without even giving it a second thought.”
Leyton begins to continue on, but Lee raises his microphone just a lick faster.
Trevor Lee: ”Now hol’ on just a dang ol’ minute, mista’ Buzzard! Now, ya’ see son, ya’ got me all wrong, I tell ya’ what. I ain’t got no tongue of the devil, or anythin’ of that big ol’ red heathen. The only thing that I got is what mama an’ papa Lee gave me, so if ya’ got a problem wit’ that, then ya’ got a problem wit’ my family, an’ I just ain’t gonna stan’ ‘round ‘ere an’ take that from nobody.”
While his anger SEEMED to be getting through the cracks…all too swiftly, the mask goes back on, and Lee is grinning once more. Of course, this leaves the fans wondering just when it will fall apart completely…but that just ain’t happening at this moment, folks.
Trevor Lee: ”Now, if ya’ wanna’ try to accuse me o’ stallin’ this ‘ere contract signin’, then quite frankly I don’t know what to tell ya’. I mean, really? Ya’ gonna try to toss me under the bus, when I have been nothin’ but kind to ya’, mista’ Buzzard? An’ to even say that I am disrespectin’ ya’...now that’s just cruel, mista’ Buzzard. That is just cruel, an’ quite frankly, I’m glad that I get to face ya’ at Summerslam, ‘cause it means that I get to prove ya’ wrong, an’ I get to showcase these skills o’ mine-”
Despite his own words, Lee’s “accidental” stalling gets cut off by Leyton, who raises up his own microphone before another tangent can be had.
Leyton Buzzard: “Enough of these words from your devil mouth!”
Placing the contract onto the table, Leyton quickly signs on the dotted line, and is quick to bring his microphone back up to cut off Trevor Lee once more.
Leyton Buzzard: “Your turn, champ!”
Of course, given that Leyton has signed the contract, Lee is all too happy to FINALLY approach the table. As he stares down Leyton, he grabs the contract, flipping through each page meticulously, reading it over like he’s some type of lawyer or something, somebody important or something. However, despite showing that he is indeed sharp as a tack, once he has riffled through all the pages, he uses his free hand to pat the pockets of his vest…but comes up empty handed. Giving another check of his vest pockets to ensure there is no mistake being made, Trevor looks sheepishly at Leyton.
Trevor Lee: ”W-W-Well…I…heheh…i-it seems I’ve made quite a mistake, mista’ Buzzard. I…I t-truly do apologize, I say, I-I apologize for my own mistake right ‘ere…b-but it seems I’ve forgotten to bring out a pen to sign this ‘ere contract.”
Unsurprisingly, it is made clear that EVERYONE disliked that, a chorus of boos raining down upon the TV Champ as Lee looks over the contract once more. Before he can continue on this dog-and-pony show of his, however, his eyes glance upwards from the papers before him to see a pen being wordlessly offered to him by his rival. As Lee outstretches his hand to accept the offering, however, The Butcher is moving just a bit faster than Trevor can, as he snatches the pen away. Holding it in his hands, Andy looks over at his boss, before taking one end of the pen in each hand, and proceeds to snap it like a twig. He then tosses it out towards the crowd, clearly not caring about any potential ink poisoning or people getting their hands cut up by the jagged plastic edges he has created.
Left without a pen to sign with or a pot to piss in, Lee looks back at Leyton, that sheepish smile remaining on his face...but with a tinge more venom added on from his typical serpentine appearance.
Trevor Lee: ”.....Well, I appreciate the generosity ya’ showed right there, mista’ Buzzard…but I think it’s gonna’ be better for the both of us if I just run on to the back, get myself a proper pen, an’ sign this later on. That soun’ alright to ya’, mista’ Buzzard?”
While the crowd boos this HEAVILY, Leyton isn’t even given a chance to respond as Trevor Lee nods his head.
Trevor Lee: ”Good? Good, I’ll be on my way then. Mista’ Buzzard, I’ll be seein’ ya ‘round, son. Now, if y’all will excuse me, it’s ‘bout time I hit the ol’ dusty trail, as it were…an’ I think ya’ need to head out too, mista’ Buzzard. After all, ya’ got that big ol’ match tonight, don’cha?”
That damn grin snakes it way onto the face of the champion, with The Butcher being quick to step out onto the apron and hold the middle rope down for Lee to leave…but he has one last thing to say, it seems, sticking around with the microphone, and contract, in hand.
Trevor Lee: ”Be a shame if somethin’ happened durin’ that match ‘cause of some lack of preparation, don’cha think?”
...And with THAT, Trevor Lee finally takes his leave, having sufficiently wasted everyone’s time, while also getting Leyton to sign the contract. All in all…a successful day at the office for mister Trevor Lee, who is focused on by the camera until the scene shifts elsewhere…
As Rebellion rolls on, things head to the ring where The Guild is. Miz is holding something draped in a velvet cloth as Goldust stands to his left and Batista stands in front of both of them.
”The Hollywood Animal” Batista: It wasn’t that long ago that I made it clear I was interested in championship gold. That apparently fell on deaf ears with EC3 because I have been granted absolutely zero title opportunities since then. So I decided to take matters into my own hands.
Goldust removes the cloth revealing a flashy and expensive looking championship belt.
”The Hollywood Animal” Batista: Introducing my own personal title: the Hollywood Championship. This belt will be proudly worn by me and defended any time I choose but there’s a catch, you have to have at least one movie credit to your name or you aren’t eligible to challenge for it. But you’re in luck, because there’s someone in the back tonight that fits those qualifications. Come on out.
As, “Real American” begins to play, the capacity crowd is on their feet as the, “Immortal” Hulk Hogan comes out from the back and starts making his way to the ring.
As Hogan enters the ring, Batista nearly cuts him in half with a Spear!
Tom Phillips: Come on, the match hasn’t even started yet!
Mauro Ranallo: We might not have a match after that, Tom.
Corey Graves: This was a setup! Batista isn’t even dressed to compete!
As outraged boos continue to pour from the fans, Batista is using Hulk’s boa to choke him as Goldust and Miz are each putting the boots to the Hulkster. While this is going on…
The fans cheer as Eddie Kingston comes running out with a steel chair in hand and hits the ring, swinging it but The Guild scatters and no one gets struck. Kingston throws the chair down and goes to the ropes near the stage, trying to goad the three men back into the ring as Rebellion continues elsewhere.
The Rebellion graphic flashes on the screen before we're taken backstage to a shot of multi-time world champion Dean Ambrose pacing back and forth in a locker room while someone off-screen talks to him.
???
You gotta believe me, man, "Shove It" is still a solid track but I'm telling you, this one will connect with the modern audience a lot better. And it's something fresh, something new, to represent where you're at in your career. Just trust me on this.
The camera pans to reveal Deftones frontman Chino Moreno!
Back to Deaner.
DEAN AMBROSE
Okay, but saying I do it and I'm just not feeling it...
Then you switch back. Just like that. Tell you what, we'll even make it part of the deal with Carter himself, that if the music doesn't go over, you can go right back to the old theme, no questions asked. Consider it a demo.
Dean nods.
All right, all right. Fuck it! I'll give it a go. Hit me with what you've got.
Chino grins, spinning his laptop around.
Thought you'd never ask.
Just before he hits play, the feed moves on.
Wherever I Roam blasts over the speakers as Tommaso Ciampa walks out onto the ramp and lifts up the Intercontinental Championship. He sees people in Danhausen facepaint and shakes his head as he sees them. Walking towards the ring and getting in, we cut to the commentary desk.
Mauro Ranallo: Well a few days to go till Summerslam folks and Tommaso Ciampa is a determined looking man. The crowd is firmly behind his opponent.
Tom Phillips: Danhausen is the man of the people and it seems the people are accepting him. Ciampa is going to have his work cut out for him.
Corey Graves: The difference between Danhausen and Ciampa is, you get what you see with Ciampa. He doesn’t hide behind paint or a gimmick, what you see is what you get and I might be the only one but he has a supporter in me.
Back in the ring and Ciampa has a mic. The Intercontinental Championship is now round his waist.
Ciampa: So here we are folks, just over a week away from the biggest party of the summer. The chatter is beginning and a lot of people are beginning to think that old Ciampa can’t get it done. That Danhausen might be my match and for those who think that well, you’re as deluded as him.
The crowd would boo Ciampa.
Ciampa: I’ve been facing freaks like Hausen my whole career and they’re all the same, they slap some face paint on and pull some goofy gestures and you guys all fall for it and buy into it and buy their merch and thats how they earn shots at guys like me, the guys who make up the backbone of this industry and now I need to defend the championship I spent the past year earning towards against a painted freak.
The booing would get louder.
Ciampa: However after much thought I realized, it isn’t Danhausens fault. Every problem has a source and the source of these face painted freaks is an Icon of this industry. A man who has been around a long time and somehow is considered a legend.
The crowd begins to build in anticipation.
Ciampa: I’ve invited this man here tonight for a match, because I want to prove these guys are all smoke and no fire, ladies and gentlemen and icon of this industry…..
The crowd breaks into a cheer.
Ciampa: VAMPIRO
Back in Black begins to play as the crowd's cheers mellow out, there's still some hype for him but its a much more muted response but Vampiro makes his way out to the ring, chair in hand. He gets in the ring and goes to Ciampa who backs off.
Ciampa: Woah, woah. I didn’t say you were facing me pal, no no no. You see, my doctors have suggested I take the night off this close to Summerslam but don’t worry, i’ve found a replacement for you and to make things fair dude, the match is No DQ.
Vampiro backs up and looks up the ramp, beckoning to his opponent to come down. After a beat, a theme plays.
I’M A MOTHERFUCKING BEAST.
From the curtain walks out Wardlow, in ring gear. He points out to the crowd and roars as his pyro bursts, stomping down to the ring he smirks as he sees Vampiro.
Tony Chimel: Making his way to the ring, from Cleveland, Ohio, He is "MR MAYHEM", ladies and gentlemen, WARDLOW.
Wardlow jumps onto the ring apron and gets into the ring, getting into a corner, Ciampa goes through the ropes and hops down to ringside. Saying something to Wardlow, the big man nods and looks back at Vampiro who clearly wasn’t expecting this. The referee calls for the bell and Wardlow doesn’t even wait, charging with a Clothesline, he almost knocks the head off the veteran wrestler. Picking him up he hits a Belly to Belly suplex onto Vampiro and then picks him up and hits a spinning Uranage.
Mauro Ranallo: The big man Wardlow, just making an example of Vampiro, Vampiro hasn’t even hit a move yet.
Tom Phillips: Ciampa said he made this no DQ to make it even but I think he did this so Wardlow could make an example of Vampiro.
Corey Graves: I am loving this.
Back in the ring, Ciampa has slid in a table for Wardlow to use, propping it up in a corner, he places Vampiro against it and goes for a charge. Vampiro manages to get out the way and Wardlow almost goes through but stops and turns to a charging Vampiro, grabbing him and hitting a belly to belly through the table and then picks him up and hits a Buckle Bomb in the other corner and hits a Big Boot as he comes out, Vampiro crumbling to the ground.
Mauro Ranallo: I think Vampiro is out guys, he isn’t moving much.
Tom Phillips: The referee needs to think about stopping this guys and….
Corey Graves: Nah, let it continue.
Wardlow looks to Ciampa who nods and begins throwing in chairs until a pile is made, a stack of at least 15. Wardlow picks up Vampiro and hits three consecutive powerbombs onto the chairs. Looking to Ciampa, Wardlow waits for a signal, Ciampa lifts up two fingers and Wardlow hits two more power bombs and goes for a cover
1…2…3….
Tony Chimel: Your winner of this contest, Wardlow.
Ciampa would get into the ring and lift Wardlows arm before mounting Vampiro and pulling out a wipe, removing the remaining facepaint from Vampiro, Ciampa picks up a mic as the crowd boos.
Ciampa: Beneath all that paint… they’re still only men.
Ciampa would then lift up Goldie high into the air and we would move on from the duo.
As there’s a break in the action, things cut backstage where The Guild is standing by, Batista with the Hollywood Championship over his right shoulder.
”The Hollywood Animal” Batista: Everyone give it up for Hogan’s hero tonight: Eddie Kingston. Eddie, that was none of your business. That was the first defense of the prestigious championship on my shoulder right now and you ruined it. But I should’ve seen it coming, because you’re so unhappy with yourself, especially now that I’m a champion and you aren’t, that you’re just begging to be put out of your misery. Well in less than two weeks, you’ll get your wish. Until then, suffer.
Batista and The Guild laugh as they walk offscreen and Rebellion continues.
As Rebellion returns from commercial, suddenly the lights begin to darken and flicker…
Corey Graves
Oh great…
A sense of fun-filled energy engulfs the Rebellion crowd as Danhausen takes to the stage. The UWF Prime Time Medal holder waves to members of the crowd as he makes his way down the ramp towards the ring.
Corey Graves
I’m really not going to be able to enjoy this night am I?
Tom Phillips
Not if you continue to approach every show with the same mindset there Corey…
Mauro Ranallo
It’s Danhausen everyone!!!
After teasing one fan with a high five motion and then withdrawing it as they were about to make contact, Danhausen scales the steel steps and enters the ring through the middle rope before posing with both arms raised in the center to a loud pop. As the music fades out, Danhausen is handed a microphone from a nearby ringside technician to allow him to convey his latest thoughts.
Danhausen
Alright, well Danhausen is here at Rebel Alliance, as you can see, and is taking valuable time out of his Sunnyslam-a-rama match preparation in order to address the matter of Italian Tom doing the dirty on Danhausen last week, after he brought in in that John Claude Van Morrison fellow to try and disprove Danhausen’s very nice, very evil cursing ability.
One fan blurts out “That guy sucks!” which briefly draws Danhausen’s attention.
Danhausen
Yes he does! Thank you one person. Now for all Danhausen actually quite enjoyed the exchange between the two beings, not including Wardhausen, because he does not count for anything really… Have we not already got enough of those conspiracy theorist types out there already? What concrete proofhausen did Morrison give which confirmed that Danhausen’s curse on Italian Tom had been lifted eh? There wasn’t any! So as far as Danhausen is concerned, the curse is still very much active… or is it? Maybe Danhausen decided to lift it ahead of this big match in order to prove to everyone that he doesn’t need any special enhancements or powers to beat this greasy weasel. Only Danhausen knows, and that’s what makes him one of the deadliest threats in Ultimate Wrestling!
A loud cheer bellows out along with some “Danhausen” chants as the man in question takes a moment to recompose himself before resuming.
Danhausen
But Danhausen knows that even the deadliest of predators can still fall into traps, particularly ones orchestrated by more than one entity. And so he has come up with a grand planhausen to help him overcome the potential scenario of finding himself outnumbered by Italian Tom and his band of misfits. Mr technical ringside gentlemen, please hand Danhausen his secret weapons!...
After a few moments, two ringside technicians bring a couple of items across. One is a bag made of thick fabric with a giant “?” painted on the front, and the other is a tall item that is covered in a black cloth.
Corey Graves
What the hell is this!?
Mauro Ranallo
Even Danhausen’s got me stumped on this one…
As they pass both items underneath the bottom rope, Danhausen starts by propping the tall item up, and after a few seconds of teasing the reveal, throws off the black cloth to reveal that it is in fact a cardboard cutout of former UWF Champion CM Punk, which draws some laughter and cheers from the crowd.
Danhausen
Yes, Danhausen has successfully recruited this cardboard version of his very good friend, Pepsi Man, MC Punkhausen to his cause. He tried to get a hold of the real one, but apparently he’s on a fishing trip of some sort at the moment… So Danhausen had to make do with this alternative instead. But for all it’s a tad more restricted in movement and slightly less waterproof than the real deal, it would still probably wrestle circles around Wardhausen if given the chance!
A roaring laughter of approval echoes around the building which Danhausen is keen to lap up, but before he can continue throwing more shade at the Tommaso Ciampa and his entourage, an unfamiliar theme begins playing on the arena sound system…
The crowd don’t seem to know how to react as Kikutaro, a brief former competitor from UWF in the past, takes to the stage and makes a beeline for the ring.
Corey Graves
Are we actually going to see any serious competitors on the show tonight!?
Tom Phillips
Things have certainly taken a turn for the unexpected that’s for sure, we haven’t seen Kikutaro in what seems like forever.
Corey Graves
Why hasn’t it stayed that way?...
As Kikutaro takes a microphone from ringside and rolls into the ring underneath the bottom rope, even Danhausen of all people appears perplexed by the appearance of one of the UWF’s 100% Loss Record Club. As the music comes to a stop, Kikutaro raises the microphone to greet the masses.
Kikutaro
Good evening! I am Kikutaro! And I am so happy to be back here in the Ultimate Federation of Wrestling once more! Now for many months, I have been closely watching you Mr Danhausen, as you have risen from the nothingness to become one of the household UWF names. You have provided me with incredible inspiration to get back out there and forge my own path in the wrestling world. So I ask you, as one of your biggest fanhausens, would you consider putting the cardboard cutout of CM Punk to one side in favor of allowing me to accompany you to the ring for your big match at Summerslam instead?
The proposal draws a mild cheer from some crowd members who are enjoying the bizarreness unfold. As Danhausen paces back and forth pondering Kikutaro’s offer, he reaches across to the bag with the “?” on it and picks it up with his spare hand before raising the microphone in his other to respond.
Danhausen
First of all, it’s always nice to meet a fanhausen, so thank you for that. And thank you also for your generous offer. Danhausen will give it some serious consideration… if… you can reach into Danhausen’s mystery sack and correctly name the items as you pull them out. Sound good?
Kikutaro gives an exuberant thumbs up and immediately reaches into the bag. After some brief digging, he fishes out a fresh looking butternut squash.
Kikutaro
It’s a SQUASH!!
As Danhausen takes the butternut squash from Kikutaro, the man from Japan reaches into the bag again, and this time picks out what appears to be a single match stick.
Kikutaro
And this is a MATCH!!
Danhausen
Looks like we have a winner!
Suddenly out of nowhere, Danhausen smashes the butternut squash off of Kikutaro’s head, which immediately sends him crashing down to the mat.
Tom Phillips
Kikutaro just got the taste slapped into his mouth instead of out for a change!
Corey Graves
For once I’m somewhat marginally impressed by something Danhausen has done!
As Danhausen looks down at the fallen Kikutaro, he does a signaling motion with his fingers towards the stage, and just a few short moments later a referee runs down and enters the ring. As a completely dazed Kikutaro slowly rises back to his feet, the referee darts looks at both competitors before calling for the bell.
Mauro Ranallo
It looks like we’ve got the makings of an impromptu match here on Rebellion, but I don’t like the look of Kikutaro’s chances!
DING DING DING
Danhausen marches straight up to Kikutaro who still looks like he didn’t know what just hit him. Danhausen follows up with a brief shrug of the shoulders before putting Kikutaro in position and nailing him with the Goodnighthausen. As a big cheer follows the execution of the popular move, Danhausen turns Kikutaro over on the mat and goes for the cover…
1 . . .
2 . . .
3 . . .
DING DING DING
Tony Chimel
Here is your winner, Danhausen!
Danhausen’s music begins to play once again, and the crowd pops as the referee raises his hand in victory.
Tom Phillips
That may well have been one of the quickest UWF matches of all time!
Corey Graves
Thank god for that…
As Kikutaro rolls out of the ring and seeks assistance from nearby personnel in order to help him back up the ramp, Danhausen poses in the middle of the ring with the cardboard cutout of CM Punk stood beside him, before he mimics the title belt motion around his waist in order to show everyone watching that he is ready to step up and take the Intercontinental gold from Tommaso Ciampa at Summerslam.
The action of Rebellion changes gears, moving to an outdoor scene. We’re at a driveway, where a man has just retrieved his suitcase from the trunk of a car, which drives away after the man passes some cash through the window. As the car backs away, the front door of the house opens up and another man joins the first in the driveway. The two embrace as the camera switches to an up close view, as we see Edge finishing his embrace
Edge
Jay! It’s so good to see you again! Thank you so much for doing this man, it really means a lot to Beth and myself
We then get our first look at Jay…I mean Christian, you know what to make things easier we’re sticking with Christian.
Christian
Of course man, we’re basically family so of course I’ll be there for your family, you’d do the same for me. How’re the girls doing?
Edge
Oh they’ve been great, it’s still a little tough for them getting used to my schedule, especially with the King of the Ring and the main event of Summerslam taking so much of my focus. But they really enjoyed the crowns and scepters I had repurposed out of my King of the Ring regalia. So be prepared for a lot more “Royal Teaparties” this time around babysitting.
Christian
Ooo, that gives Unccy Jay a chance to bust out this new crumpet recipe I saw on the Internet…
Edge
Christian, please do not burn down my house.
Christian
No need to worry, I’ve had a lot of free time lately so I’ve taken up baking. I’m basically a pro at this point, I even brought my own supplies for it since I thought it may be a fun activity with the girls.
Edge
Christian, please don’t let my girls burn down my house.
Christian
You’re really worried about this, huh?
To be fair, I’m worried about it too. Last time you left a dirty pan in the oven while it was pre-heating and filled the entire house with smoke.
Christian
Well that’s just not fair to say, Ace. Edge didn’t even know about that one! Plus it sounds really familiar for some reason, like it’s out of some game…
Edge
Oh great, you brought him with you too, wonderful. Please no freaky hijinks with my kids, like getting shrunk down to like action figure size or anything…
You know I’ve always been here, right? Like, I just sorta…hide when it’s just one of you, or you’re with your family. But when the two of you are together it’s just hard to stay quiet.
Christian
It’s cause we’re so funny and wacky, right?
…
Edge
Ok we’re getting majorly off track here. I’ve got a ring rented that I’ve gotta get to, get some reps in after rewatching Seth’s match against Owen Hart…
Edge is interrupted by Christian raising his hand like a school kid with a question for the teacher. Edge just merely sighs and gestures for Christian to ask his question.
Christian
A couple questions actually. One, how did you even get in contact with Owen Hart for that match? I heard that he went totally off the grid after his last UWF run, like, cabin in the woods eating raw meat from animals he killed off the grid. And two, are you absolutely sure you don’t want my help with Summerslam? You know I’ve still got the goods to keep Roman at bay.
Edge shakes his head and puts his hand on Christian’s shoulder.
Edge
Christian, you being here with the girls is exactly where I need you to be. Everything with UWF I’ve got handled, it’s what I do. I plan stuff out, triple check everything. Every single step of this road has been planned out, everyone is exactly where they need to be. Knowing that my family is safe in your more than capable hands is the perfect job for you to help me with Summerslam. And if I ever need a tag partner, I know you’re one call and one airplane ride away.
Christian has a smile on his face as Edge reassures his partner that he’s in the right place. Edge then doubles back to answer Christian’s first question.
Edge
And about Owen…I really don’t know how I got his number. It wasn’t on our list of contacts before, but like the week before his name and number were just sorta…there next to yours. I didn’t really think much of it but…
Both Edge and Christian look up at the sky and…oh shit that means me. Uhhhhh, yeah that was me on the Owen thing. I told you I’m always sorta around, just I tend to take an invisible hand approach to things. So I dug back in my well of tricks and book, Owen Hart
Christian
Wait, what do you mean bag of tricks for Owen? Is it your fault he’s the way he is?
Well, yeah. Same way I’m the reason the two of you are the way you both are. There’s a bunch of people that I’ve had a hand in guiding over the years…
Edge
Like who?
Well, Paul London for a short time, Charles Robinson like once, Dolph Ziggler and Roddy Piper a LOOOOONG time ago. Hell even Daniel Bryan for a stint.
Edge
Wait, are you the reason he’s so insufferable when he comes back?
Kinda? It’s tough to explain, also I probably told you both way too much so let’s just do this. Edge and Christian forget the last few minutes of the conversation and the fact that Christian asked about Owen Hart and these last sentences, like the Men in Black mindwipe device just went off in their faces. They both shake their heads and take a second to get their bearings.
Christian
Everything tastes purple…ooo that reminds me, I haven’t eaten in a bit and I wanted to whip up some lunch for myself and the girls, mind if we head inside?
Edge
Yeah, sounds good, I gotta grab my duffel bag to head to my appointment, so I won’t stay for lunch but I’ll be able to say goodbye to the girls.
The two pals head inside Edge’s house as Christian begins to explain what he’ll be cooking for lunch as Edge one last time pleads for his best friend to not burn his house down as Rebellion rolls on.
Christian
Hey! Why is that always the transition used for these promos? Why not do something different for once?
Because shut up. Next segment please.
Bright yellow spotlights begin to shine throughout the arena immediately garnering the attention of every fan in the building. The lights begin to twinkle and move throughout the arena before fixating the at top of the ramp and changing to a blue tint. The arena then goes dark as the music continues to blare loudly from the Speakers. Suddenly, large poles form a runway down to the ramp, and they instantly light on fire. The fire burns steadily as the camera fixates on the top of the ramp, waiting for the illustrious superstar to make his way out from the back to face the UWF Universe.
Without further adieu, The Visionary & UWF Champion, Seth Rollins steps out from behind the curtains with his arms extending outwards by his sides. The one and only Paul Heyman, bald head, and all, appears from the backstage area as well following Seth, rubbing his hands and wearing a self-approving look on his face as well. Heyman hands the championship over to Seth, who hoists it high in the sky above his head as the fans reign down with boos. Heyman then takes the belt and straps it around the waist of Seth as they continue down the rampway.
The fans show their disapproval for the duo by launching incredibly loud boo's in unison that would register on the Richter scale. Seth walks down the ramp, slowly and methodically, his theme music exiting the speakers and entering the atmosphere, making it seem as if a real-life God like figure has just entered everyone’s presence. Seth finally makes his way to the ring, steps up the stairs and enters the ring with his manager behind him. Seth Rollins stands in the middle of the ring with both of his hands out to the side, presenting himself as a mythical being in a sense. The fans react with an even louder negative reaction as he reminds of whom the holder is of the most prestigious championship in the company.
Paul Heyman: Ladies and Gentlemen.
My name is Paul Heyman and I have the best luxury in the world of being the manager and advocate for the REIGNING, DEFENDING, UNDISPUTED UWF HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD: SETHHHHHHHHHH ROLLLLLLLLLLLINSSSSSSS!!!!
As oblivious and ignorant as you fans may be—I know that you all are Intune with the great accomplishments that my client has racked up this year. His efforts and contributions to the company in this year alone would vault him to the top 5% of workers that this company has ever seen. My client is functioning at a level higher than the 96’ Bulls with a higher shooting accuracy than the 2016 Warriors. My client is a human with more talent, skill, and strength then you’ve ever seen in any human in sports. That’s right you buffoons; my client is a bigger attraction than Hulk Hogan, Michael Jordan, Lebron James, Tom Brady, Roger Clemons, and yes—even Stone-Cold Steve Austin.
Tonight, my client is going to allow any degenerate and whatever form of life that wants to test themselves—he is going to give them the chance to embarrass themselves in front of the world. My client is a fighting champion, and he welcomes on all challenges from every form of life—including men that don’t deserve them.
There is nothing better to prepare yourself for combat than actual training sessions—so let’s start the show and get the fireworks going. Let us welcome the first contestant.
Sgt. Slaughter makes his way down to the ramp, waving and saluting the fans in attendance. He pauses at the bottom of the ramp for a nice ovation from the crowd before running up the steel steps. He throws his hands high above his head and the cheers rain down on his head. He takes his cap off and does a final salute.
DING! DING! DING!
Sgt Slaughter charges at Seth, but Seth is too quick. Seth moves out of the way at the last second but delivers one swift knee right into the gut of Sgt. Slaughter which causes him to double over immediately on both knees. Seth shakes his head, bounces off the ropes, and delivers a massive curb stomp. The UWF Champion covers Sgt Slaughter.
1……
2……
3……!!
WINNER: UWF CHAMPION SETH ROLLINS!
Corey Graves: A quick win for the dominant UWF Champion tonight folks!
Mauro Ranallo: The entrance was longer than the damn match!
Paul Heyman: Ladies and Gentlemen, the first bozo has been defeated! Now if bozo #2 will gladly welcome himself out here to TRY and defeat my client tonight—I can let you know that your efforts will be in vain tonight. But try as you might—try and resurrect your already dead career. Let us see what you truly have left in the tank.
The Best there ever was steps out for the first time in years—bright pink suit, all black sunglasses, clean white boots—and the fans pour out a standing ovation for the living legend. Bret takes the moment in as he walks down the ramp enjoying the present moment. He pauses halfway down the ramp to sign a little girl’s poster before pausing right before stepping up the steel steps.
Roman Reigns pops out from the crowd and decks Bret Hart with a SUPERMAN PUNCH! The icon spills over like a tower of wobbling Jenga blocks as the crowd gasps in shock. The music immediately stops playing and the crowd is heard booing the Samoan for his actions. Roman just shrugs it off as it were an accident and scoops the Canadian legend up like C4 pre-workout and tosses him in the ring. Seth claps his hands in sarcasm as the ref has no choice but to ring the bell.
Corey Graves: What a devastating Superman Punch from Roman Reigns!
DING! DING! DING!
Tom Phillips: Is Bret even in the proper condition to have a match right now! This is an abomination!
Bret Hart is crawling on all fours as Seth just simply looks down upon the legend in absolute disgust. Hart is barely about to even crawl, let alone move—and Seth just bounces off the ropes and drops the legend with a curbstomp that leaves the ring shaking. Seth covers him immediately.
1……….
……….2
……….3!!
WINNER: UWF CHAMPION SETH ROLLINS!!
Mauro Ranallo: I don’t think there was ever a question about the ending of this contest.
Paul Heyman lifts the mic to his face again and begins to speak.
Paul Heyman: The dominating performance that my client just put on tonight should have left everyone in attendance in awe. My client is the most dominating UWF Champion in the history of this company and every night that he performs he PROVES that. Tonight was no exception and Summer Slam will not be an exception either. My client is the best that there was, there will be, and the in the end—he will be the best that ever lived! That goes for every man that has ever signed a contract into existence in this company as well as the children in attendance today who have yet to even discover their passion for this business much less begin their training for it. As a matter of fact---
The titantron switches from the in ring camera to a black screen as the PA system starts to play a song, more specifically the beginning part of 'Best of You' by Foo Fighters. This continues for about half a minute, but eventually the song seems to stick. Repeating the phrase "The Best" repeatedly as the rest of the music plays normally.
As the intro continues and the drums kick in, a figure emerges from behind the curtain, a sight that the UWF faithful was not expecting to see here on Rebellion, none other than The Absolute Best, Daniel Bryan! He's got a microphone in hand already, but gets a few chants of THE BEST in to start the crowd off who take over. Bryan makes his way down the ramp, a smile on his face as the crowd look past any past actions from the Hall of Famer and relish in his return, especially as he's headed in the direction of the insufferable Seth Rollins. He stops on the ramp though and motions to cut his music off, despite this though, the crowd continues to chant THE BEST THE BEST THE BEST which gives Bryan pause for a moment as the grin returns to his face.
Finally, as the crowd starts to run out of steam, Bryan seizes his opportunity to speak.
Daniel Bryan
Do my ears deceive me, or did I hear you say that you're the best? Because when you look back at the entire history of the UWF, there's only one name, one man, one WRESTLER who stands out as The Best. And it's not you Seth, it's not Roman Reigns, it's not Paul Heyman, hell it's not even that loser Edge that you'll be facing at Summerslam. Of all those names, none of them appear in the Hall of Fame, none of them have been consistently at the top of the pile and as dominant as the true Best of this company. And the true Best is the one and only Absolute Best, Daniel Bryan.
The crowd pops as Bryan is showing a fire and spewing it in the direction of the current UWF Champion. Bryan takes a step closer as he continues.
Daniel Bryan
So to hear you spew nonsense about being the best this company has to offer when there's a Hall of Fame ceremony right around the corner is a spit in the face to all of us who've given our blood, our sweat, our bodies, and for some others that definitely are not me, our tears to this company over the years. To those of us who were always at the top, champion or not. You're only at the top BECAUSE you're champion and the second you're not, you'll start plummeting back down to Earth. How far you fall will ultimately be up to you and your skills, I can't tell you right now where I think you'll end up when all is said and done...
...but I'm here now and feeling a little fired up from this crowd, so how about we see how the UWF Champion measures up against a UWF Legend. So let's get a referee down here and while we wait for that, hit my music on more time.
Bryan lightly tosses his microphone to the side as his music kicks back on. He starts side shuffling down the ramp, pointing at himself and chanting with every single THE BEST along with the crowd. Bryan runs and slides into the ring.
DING! DING! DING!
Daniel Bryan charges at an unsuspecting Rollins and downs him with a clothesline. Seth is floored immediately but manages to get up quickly, only to be decimated by another clothesline. Rollins gets up quickly once more and Daniel Bryan drops him with a calf kick. Bryan begins to stomp on the upper torso of the UWF Champion and the fans stand on their feet cheering the onslaught on.
Bryan grabs Rollins by the hair and throws him into a corner and begins to work the UWF Champion with a series of highly potent offensive punches and kicks. Bryan irish whips Rollins into the opposite corner and once the Champion bounces off the turnbuckle, Daniel drills him with a drop kick to the temple. Rollins gets up slowly, and Daniel scoops up Rollins and delivers a back breaker—drilling his knee right into the back of the Champion. Rollins rolls around in agony, and Bryan seizes the moment. Bryan scoops up Rollins legs and locks him into the sharpshooter! The fans go crazy as Rollins screams in agony.
Tom Phillips: Daniel Bryan has returned with a vengeance!
Rollins frails around as Bryan locks the hold in tighter. The Champions face begins to turn red as Heyman looks on the outside in absolute distraught. Reigns is pacing back and forth, but Rollins is able to roll over on his stomach and flip Bryan off of him and escape the sharpshooter. Rollins slowly gets to his feet, and Bryan hits him with a chop on the chest that echos throughout the arena. Rollins returns the favor, and Bryan hits the UWF Champion with a right hand. The two stars begin to trade devastating blows with Rollins getting the better of the exchange—Rollins rakes the eyes of Bryan and slaps him in the face before dropkicking DB to the ground. Rollins takes a moment to regather himself, and pulls Bryan up, and a few ruthless clubbing blows to the back of the neck, Rollins delivers a suplex.
Rollins goes to grab Bryan by the hair and lift him up, but Bryan goes for the YES LOCK! Rollins is about to squirm out of harms way before Bryan was able to fully lock the manuever in, and Rollins gets back to a vertical basis. Daniel gets to his feet as well, but Rollins kicks Bryan in the gut. Rollins lifts Bryan up over his head and delivers the turnbuckle power bomb! Bryan bounces out of the corner and wobbles on his feet before toppling over. Bryan gets on all fours—and Rollins bounces off the ropes and goes for the curbstomp!
Daniel moves out of the way at the last second and Rollins end up jamming his foot into the mat in agony. Bryan staggers to his feet and bounces off the ropes himself and goes for the running knee! Bryan aims for Rollins temple—but Rollins catches Daniel in mid-air and slams him to the mat with modified powerbomb! Daniel lays out in agony as Rollins tends to his knee. Bryan tries to get to his feet, but Rollins delivers a massive kick to the chest that causes Bryan to get on all fours once again. Rollins bounces off the ropes and strikes with a curbstomp and a cover.
1……….
2………..
………..3!!!
WINNER: SETH ROLLINS DEFEATS BRET HART, SGT SLAUGHTER & DANIEL BRYAN!
Paul Heyman and Roman Reigns join Seth Rollins in the ring as he is delivered his UWF Championship. Rollins slings the belt high above his head as the scene fades to black
Just two week away from making its first televised debut, at Summer Slam UWF is s worming with talent and ready to go. Every superstar will be relentless on making their return more
phenomenal than the man in frontof them. One superstar in particular, Stone Cold Steve Austin, will have his chance to make a name for himself one more time. The rattle snake will go head to head with the Viper, Randy Orton. in an effort to remind everybody just who he is, Austin decides to shoot a promo in an ally way not to far from Harbor Island in New York. Austin was in the area and figured he should remind everybodywho he is, and what he does. The Camera rolls and Austin stands against the Viper and stares into the Camera...
Stone Cold|Steve Austin: Did you forget me? Did you forget good ol' Stone
Cold? Well if ya did, now's as good as time to pay attention as ever! I think its about time
I get off my ass, and start performing' in the ring again, to do what I do best! What? Did he just
say What I think he said? you bet your sorry carcus he did, Austin 3:16 is back Jack! Time to get
back in the ring and start whooping ass all over the place, here, in the UWF. Hell, whooping ass
is what I live for.
That, and a couple of cold beers. But that's not the point, the point is, I've come back only
to open up the biggest can of whoop ass on every superstar in the UWF. in case you forgot,
good ol' Stone
Cold can open up a mean of whoop ass, and he's gonna start with the Legend Killer who goes
by the name of Randy Orton.
Stone Cold|Steve Austin: I'm looking' to stick my foot up your ass whenever I
see fit. Randy Orton, I'll break your carcus just like that '' Austin Snaps His Fingers'',
and you know, I've done it before. So you can damn sure bet your ass that Stone Cold will do
it again. odds are, Stone
Cold is going in this one as the underdog. Do it like, hell no! But I don't blame you. Randy,
6 foot, 5
250 pounds, hell the man shoots Veins out his ass every time he walks down the ring! but,
remember this, redneck down, because fighting' is what I do best, and it'll stay that way for as
long as I can walk. The way I see it, that ring is my court, and I'm the judge. it's my way, or the
highway. you don't like it, bite me! its Austins court of Law, and every UWF superstar is a guilty until proven innocent! What? What are you guilty of? Hell, it doesn't take a rocket
scientist to realize, that
every superstar in the locker room is one more son' bitch in my way to becoming the next
UWF World Heavyweight Champion.
Next in line, Randy. come right up serve your justice son, take it like a man. you're due
to some hard knock reciprocation's, the old fashion way of course; by yours truly, Stone Cold
Steve Austin.
Randy, remember this, when that glass hits, It'll be your ass and believe me, all hell will
break loose.
But keep in mind ya little creep bastard, it won't be your average day in hell, oh no. it'll be a
Cold, gloomy, and vicious day in hell. get ready Randy. Stone Cold's coming to get ya', there
won't be anywhere to run, anywhere to hide, just you and me. I'll be looking forward to it. I
can feel it, I can
sense it, I'm ready for it, I can almost taste it! its your sorry ass! stitch Randy, I can smell it
from here.its not your nasty breath or your sweaty armpits, its your fear. its getting strong,
I can feel the fear. I know your scared Randy Every time I've looked across the ring
and looked into your beauty
little eyes, I saw the fear and every time, it was me who came out on top. One week from Sunday will be no different. it'll be Austin 3:16 with his hand in the air in all his glory,
looking down a dead beat
useless Viper who can do no harm. lets face it Randy, you are a coward. Look at ya', you're
the biggest son bitch out there and ya fight like sissy, you're pathetic, with that size,
you should have already carried the UWF Worlds Champion over a dozen times. But you're
too stupid, it amazes me
how you're the favorite in this match. But that okay, I'm not upset or jealous, I'm just confused. and if ya think Randy's got my number in this match, so are you, And I'll tell
ya' what, ya gotta another thing coming' for ya, cause Austin 3:16 has this one in the bag, whether you like it or not!
it'll be a matter of seconds before I nail a Stone Cold Stunner and lay out your Viper looking ass
it won't be long before his ass is on his back listening to music and watching the birds fly by.
His head will be spinning' when I get through with him, and I''ll be sure to stomp a mud hole
in Randy before his
demise, because that's wheres he's going after I get through with him!
And that's the bottom line, Cause Stone Cold Said
so!
The titantron switches from the UWF Rebellion to a live feed from backstage. It's a super casual setting - a dimly lit locker room, some of the roster's gear and clothes hung up on the wall in the background. Certainly a far cry from the spectacular staging out in the arena or a formal press conference.
There are three men sitting there. Two of them are Summerslam opponents - Shark Boy and CM Punk. Between them, UWF commentary alumnus and of Hall of Famer by any measure, Good Ol' J.R., Jim Ross. The Sooner welcomes the viewing audience to the proceedings.
JR: Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for joining us here tonight on Rebellion. As you well may know by now, we're gonna have you ourselves a good ol' fashion Slobberknocker come Summerslam between these two me you see seated on either side of me right here.
Now in one corner you've got Shark Boy - former UWF Champion, Television Champion, United States Champion, World Tag Team Champion and a runner-up in both the Royal Rumble and the King of the Ring tournament this year.
In the other, CM Punk. UWF Champion three times over, also a former United States and World Tag Team Champion and had himself a run with the Intercontinental Championship as well last year. Two-time G1 Climax Winner to boot.
The uh, powers that be decided that given the way things were handled the last time these two men stood across from each other in a ring, a calmer meeting of the minds far away from what has proven to be a very divided fandom here would be the best course of action for these athletes to speak their peace ahead of their match at Summerslam. Yours truly was evidently found to be moderator respectable and expendable enough to stick between 'em.
Fellas, that's the introduction done. Let's move on to questions - first one's for Punk. When you laid out that open challenge a few weeks ago, did you have a specific opponent in mind? Were you surprised to see Shark Boy answer the call?
Brooks leans back in his chair a little, taking a quick second to think on it before responding. He's speaking entirely to JR when he does, ignoring the other man sitting just a few feet away.
Punk: Surprised? Um... no... well... I dunno. Yeah. I guess. Maybe a little. More so now that I've heard where his head's at coming into this. Like, yeah, sure, everyone wants to be on the pay-per-view. It's a nice pay day, your face gets plastered over promotional material and merch so there's some extra money for that, and let's face it, as far as opponent's go, I'm a decent box office attraction. From a business perspective, a match on the second biggest show of the year against the guy who just headlined the biggest one a few months back, it's a no brainer to jump all over the opportunity.
Before I rolled out the challenge, I made it crystal clear what my intentions were - I wanted a no-nonsense wrestling match against a serious competitor with the end goal of demonstrating exactly why I'm the only one of this roster who deserves to call themselves the Best in the World. Forget Edge, forget Rollins, forget Ciampa - I want it. Shark Boy stepping up to fight for that same thing isn't all that surprising, but this insistence that he's bringing out the best version of himself, going all in and putting whatever's left of his credibility on the line? That's pretty risky for a guy who's spent the whole year slipping up when it counts most.
If every there was a time to take a step back, re-revaluate and play it safe for a bit to work out some kinks, this was it. Every other match up available is easier than me. Shark Boy could've racked up a nice win or two before trying to swim back up that stream. Instead, it's the path of most resistance. I respect the courage, but I'm gonna exploit the foolishness of it.
Shark Boy: With all due respect Punk - I don't give a flyin' fish if you think I'm foolish. From where I'm sittin' right now lookin' at you wearin' your stupid little jacket with your beady little eyes hearin' you spout the same damn carp you've been spoutin' week after week. You need to cement you're 'The Best in The World', you need to beat Shark Boy to get that title shot - and although that kinda makes it look like you're lookin' past ol' Shark Boy, I gotta admit I'm impressed with the focus your bringin' into Summerslam because you're gon' need it. You might think Shark Boy's bein' foolish but quite frankly I think you're bein' mighty foolish thinkin' you're just gon' walk all over Shark Boy at Summerslam.
JR: Well Shark Boy, you've had an illustrious career already here in the UWF - as I said previously you've held gold up and down the card, you're a Grand Slam Champion - do you think CM Punk respects you as a competitor?... or even to some extent, personally?
Shark Boy: From what I've heard Jim Ross, I think CM Punk knows fine well what Shark Boy's all about. The little shark that could. The shark that swam upstream and did what everybody said he couldn't but that's where it ends. See Punk looks at Shark Boy like he's beneath him. He acts all cool in front of all these people now he ain't runnin' with Samoa Joe and stealin' wins every week. But at the end of the day CM Punk... Phil Brooks... is a bit of a prick quite frankly. Do I respect him professionally?, shell yeah. He's done more for this business than anyone in the past twenty some-odd years. He's laid the foundation for kids who aren't as big as others, kids that've got tattoos, kids with that D.I.Y. spirit... the underdogs. Kinda reminds me of me in that sense but that's where we diverge. Now I don't doubt CM Punk respects Shark Boy's fighting spirit. I don't doubt CM Punk respects Shark Boy's attitude and application. But do I think CM Punk respects Shark Boy as a top tier talent on his level... I don't think he does Jim.
Shark Boy leans forward and looks at CM Punk across the room.
Truth be told Jim, I don't give a pike's bass if CM Punk respects Shark Boy professionally... personally?. we ain't gon' never see eye to eye, we're two different people. We're sittin' here drinkin' water when you know Shark Boy's been knockin' a few beers backstage with the boys. CM Punk don't like that but that's his lifestyle, he's Straight-Edge and yeah it rubs some people up the wrong way but to each his own. We're different people but we're more alike than either of us would like to admit and that's why the people like us Jim. CM Punk might've been at the top for almost the entirety of UWF but in some ways he's still the underdog, that's how he was forged. I mean look at him... he don't look like a star to me. He's got a crooked smile, his eye-bags have bags, he's got those goofy gimmicks he calls tattoos. He ain't no Hulk Hogan. He ain't no Ric Flair. But he made it. And that sense he's just like Shark Boy. Against the odds we made it to the top and now we sit here across from each other just one week away from the biggest fight of the Summer. Clash of the underdogs, clash of the misfits. Make no mistake we don't like each other, but come Summerslam... CM Punk will respect Shark Boy as an elite level fighter when I whoop his bass and that's all I have to say about that.
JR: Where I come from, back in Oklahoma, we call that "fightin' words." It sure isn't the first we've heard going back and forth between you two. But it hasn't just been words, has it? Punk, you kicked this into second gear with a headbutt earlier this month on Revolution. Seems to me like you both want a clean, honest contest come Summerslam, so why the cheap shot?
The Straight Edge Superstar cracks his neck to one side then answers. Once again, he's speaking to the host while more or less brushing off his opponent.
Punk: Well Jim, to take it back to the subject of "respect"... if I didn't have any for Shark Boy, I probably woulda just slapped the taste out of his mouth for stepping to me, if I gave him the time of day at all. So it's not because I don't hold him in high regard as a wrestler, or because I felt the need to get some damage in early for some kinda advantage or whatever.
It's some schoolyard, mean street, tough guy shit. That's how I came up in Chicago, and I'm sure it wasn't to different at the bottom of the ocean. You gotta mark your territory and let everyone know exactly what you're about. Otherwise you're gonna get rolled over. A head butt like that means different things for different people. I knew Shark Boy would get it. He understands the language of violence and he responded in kind. Now was it a "cheap shot"? Ehhh... I don't think so. When my fists are taped up and I'm standing in that ring, it's because I'm looking for a fight. Anyone who steps through those ropes has nothing less coming their way.
JR: Interesting. Alright then, Shark Boy -
As Ross turns to ask his other guest the next question, Punk cuts him off.
Punk: Sorry to interrupt Jim, I just got one more thing to add real quick.
Brooks leans around the host to finally address Shark Boy directly.
Punk: Look man, we get it. You're a real badass. Dressing up like an apex predator and slapping on the Rattlesnake's vest - message received loud and clear. But you sit there and thump your chest and say you're gonna put me down at Summerslam? Why should I believe you? I take every threat you've made seriously except the one where you tell me you're gonna get the three count, because when it comes to winning the big one, you just can't get the job done. You told Rollins you were gonna take the title, you told Edge you were gonna win the King of the Ring, now you're telling me the same shit.
And look, it's not like I haven't lost before. A couple months back they were starting to question if I even still belonged in this company. But I've spent this summer smashing every obstacle in my way. I'm riding a helluva undefeated streak and what I'm wondering now is what makes you so confident you can stop that when you've made such a habit out of failure?
He stares straight at Shark Boy, awaiting a response.
Shark Boy sits glaring at Punk across the room as his Summerslam opponent questions his fortitude.
JR: Well Shark Boy - I can sense by the look in your eyes that CM Punk has touched a nerve but he is factually correct, these past few months haven't gone your way. You lost your title opportunity against Seth Rollins. You lost the King of The Ring final against Edge -
Shark Boy: Kinda sounds like you're burying me Jim Ross, you want me to come over there and knock that stupid lookin' hat off yer head?
JR: I'm just being factual, I don't have horse in this race Shark Boy but you have been on a losing streak in big matches on Pay-Per-View -
Shark Boy: Let me just cut ya off there Jim. Let's go back further, let's go back to the Royal Rumble. If it wasn't for Seth Rollins' greasy bastard manager Paul Heyman and that big Samoan son of a fish Roman Reigns, you would be lookin' at the man who beat CM Punk at Wrestlemania for the title. If it wasn't for those same couple stooges you would be lookin' at the guy who beat Seth Rollins for the title at Backlash. If Edge wasn't a cheatin' sack of shrimp - shell, you'd be lookin' at a damn King sittin' on his throne right now JR. I think it's pretty clear to see that Shark Boy ain't had a fair shake of the damn stick. And it goes back further... remember when Shark Boy was UWF Champion. All those years ago Jim, a different time in UWF history I know - on the Blue Brand that Shark Boy helped build I was on top of the damn world. Champion of the world against all the odds beatin' UWF Hall of Famer Cody Rhodes for the title, one of the most sadistic men to ever step foot in the UWF. And what was Shark Boy's first defence?... a cod damn Elimination Chamber match.
Shark Boy chuckles and pauses before speaking again.
I don't wanna sit here and go over ancient history with ya Jim - and I'm sure I'm borin' ol' Phil over there with the history lesson too but the fact of the matter is when it comes to the big matches, Shark Boy always seems to come up against not only the odds he always comes up against... but Shark Boy seems to be in the ring with some of the dirtiest players in the game. And quite frankly Shark Boy tends to get screwed over which is why this match... this fight... was so damn attractive to Shark Boy because even though CM Punk's been a slimy son of a fish in the past - right about now CM Punk's turned a new leaf and he's one of the most fightingest guys on the damn roster. He came down to that ring and he said he wanted a clean fight at Summerslam and I damn near almost danced my way down to the ring because I know that in a fight against a guy that ain't focused on findin' the easiest route to victory through cheatin'?... there ain't nobody on this roster today that stands a damn chance. Not CM Punk... not anybody.
JR: CM Punk, what do you have to say -
As Jim turns in his seat Shark Boy reaches out across his chest to stop him.
Shark Boy: Let me just stop ya right there Jim and I'll ask the question myself - are you gon' live up to your word Punk? - I'll give ya the headbutt, it wasn't a cheap shot it was a statement shot, I get it - first strike in the war but I need to know that when we get deeper and deeper in the damn trenches that you ain't go back to your old ways, that you ain't gon' go the way of Edge, the way of Seth Rollins, Sami Zayn and every other rotten bastard on this roster. I need to know that you're ready to go toe to toe in a damn fight with Shark Boy and I need to know that you're ready for the biggest can of bass whip of the Summer comin' your way?
Brooks almost smirks, but if that's what he was going for, it comes off more as a condescending sneer.
Punk: I spent the better part of last year doing the "any means necessary" approach and it probably the most successful twelve months anyone has ever had in the company's history. I didn't always fight fair, I didn't always take that high road, but I proved through and through that when I fight dirty, I can get the job done better than anyone.
And that wouldn't prove anything when it comes to us...
Punk: Not to keeping dragging this out into the open - we've pretty clearly established that tough as you are, you don't have an answer for low-lifes at their worst. So when I beat you, it'll be by following every rule to a "T". I'll keep this in the ring, respecting the Referee, following the counts... hell, I'll even observe the Code of Honor if you want. This is a demonstration of my talent against yours. I won't accept anything more or less.
At some point, it's gonna sink in that even though there's no Samoan in my corner, and even though I'm not hooking your trunks every time I go for a pin, I'm still getting the better of you. And suddenly it's gonna dawn on you that that lucky break you've been hoping to have change the course of a career waylaid by unfortunate circumstances isn't coming. Not this time. By the time I'm through with you, I'm hoping you'll finally understand that luck? Luck if for -
Before Punk can finish his sentence, Shark Boy stands up out of his chair and heads his way. The Second City Saint meets him there. Summerslam opponents stand chest-to-chest, nose-to-nose, letting the tension speak for itself now rather than words. Jim Ross ain't about to get physical. He calls for some security - who, evidently, were waiting right outside the frame. A gaggle of goons rush in to pull the fellas apart before it can get physical. There's some more jawjacking as both men are escorted off screen in separate directions. Ross wipes some sweat from his brow and shakes his head before addressing the camera again.
JR: Well folks, seems like all that's left now it to settle this in the ring at Summerslam. We'll see ya then.
The scene fades out and Rebellion continues elsewhere.
The funky beat of Walk The Moon's "Headphones" plays and the crowd starts to boo as it means the arrival of the current? World Tag Team Champion Sami Zayn. He has the title in his hands and dances with it on the stage. He ends up calming down a bit but still walks with some swagger down the ramp, swinging his belt around like he's got a big one.
Tony Chimel: From Montreal Quebec, Canada, weighing in at 212 pounds, The Dynamic Sami Zayn!!
Sami slides into the ring and continues to dance around with his belt much to the chagrin of the paying audience. Sami walks over and makes sure to show it off to all the fans before preparing for the match.
The crowd gives off a confused response as the unfamiliar theme plays throughout the place.
Leyton comes bursting through the curtain, Zayn in the ring ready for Buzzard, Leyton runs down to the ring rolling into the ring…
Buzzard looks ready to fight as Sami stands in his corner, He looks confident in his own ability as the referee calls for the bell to ring…
DING DING DING
Both men rush the middle of the ring, Both go for their own moves, Leyton goes low grabbing the arm of Zayn turning using his own momentum to turn Zayn’s momentum into an impressive arm drag. Sami pops up to his feet as quickly as he landed, Sami not wasting the shock he jumps up sending both boots towards Leyton who swats him out mid air dodging the drop kick attempt…
Zayn lands on his knees he hobbles up to his feet as he limps towards Leyton who steps forward to take advantage, Zayn grabs the head and crumples Leyton into a school boy…
Tom Phillips: ”Zayn going for the cheap win with the underhanded tactics already!”
One…
Corey Graves: ”It’s not underhanded if you get results and Zayn is about to win mark my word!”
Tw-!
Leyton kicks out of the sly attempt to win the match.
Zayn quickly releases as he rolls under the ropes to regroup and figure out his course of action, Leyton back to his feet rebounds off the ropes, He jumps through the middle of the ropes grabbing the top sending both his boots into the back of the head of Sami who was caught unaware by the quickness of Buzzard…
Leyton lands on his feet as the crowd cheer on the beating of Zayn, Leyton grabs a handful of tights before tossing Zayn back into the ring, Leyton gets to the apron as Zayn dazed and confused stumbles to his feet, Buzzard uses the top rope to springboard towards his target, His rotation midair graceful but Zayn catches him by the legs and lifts him up and spins Buzzard around before bringing him crashing into the canvas placing Leytons shoulders clean to the mat…
Mauro Ranallo: ”A THUNDER BOMB OUT OF NOWHERE ZAYN IS INSANE…”
ONE!
TWO!
TH--
Buzzard powers out at 2.5!
Zayn gets to his feet as he lifts the dead weight of Leyton to his feet, Zayn sends him into the corner barreling as Leyton hits chest first into the turnbuckles.Zayn sends down boots into the chest and head of Leyton to add insult to injury…
Zayn begins taunting the crowd as Leyton coughs and splutters, Sami feeling extra confident as he backs up as Leyton rolls over to his hands and knees, Zayn runs forwards sending the tip of his boots right into the ribcage of Buzzard sending him flying back into the canvas…
Corey Graves: ”Zayn smells the weakness of Buzzard…”
Tom Phillips: ”Zayn better not get too cocky it will only take one move to make this all crumble down…”
Zayn begins mocking the crowd cheering on Leyton as he dances to his own beat. Zayn grabs onto Leytons hair as he picks him up to his feet. Sami throws Leyton into the corner where he follows running behind, Buzzard collapses out of the corner Samis leg is left hanging over the turnbuckles as Zayn struggles to get free Leyton gets to the other side of the ring where he uses the ropes to get to his feet, Sami gets free as he turns into both boots of Leyton connecting right on the jaw…
Leyton quickly runs to the ropes and on the rebound flips and rolls over landing back first on Zayn, Buzzard follows through on the momentum to the ropes which he uses to springboard and moonsault backwards, Both mens chest collide sending the air right out of both men…
Tom Phillips: ”The quick offense from Leyton on display a senton straight into a springboard moonsault so impressive…”
Leyton goes to go for the pin but Zayn grabs and uses the ropes to pull himself free from Leyton, Sami rolls to ringside where he catches his breath, Leyton not worrying about the toll on his body runs and rebounds on the ropes as he nears the ropes he jumps and clears the top rope with ease, His shoulder crashes into the head of Zayn who gets sent flying back first into the barricade as Buzzard lands on his feet, Leyton grabs the head and back of Zayn throwing him into the ring…
Corey Graves: ”I think Buzzard must be cheating no way he could turn a match this quickly into his favour…”
Buzzard makes his way up the apron and the turnbuckles as he looks down at the prone opponent, Zayn isn’t prone for long as he springs to life and his feet as he rushes the ropes causing Buzzard to lose his footing he slides down the turnbuckles, Leyton only supported by the ropes and turnbuckles as Zayn realizes the stars aligning, Sami runs sending up his boot for his signature move, Leyton ducks the attempt and as Zayn gets tangled on the top rope Buzzard grabs and between the legs before lifting Zayn up and spinning around sending him crashing hard into the canvas, Buzzard hooks a leg…
One…
Corey Graves: ”Referee his foot is on the rope can’t you see???”
Two…
Tom Phillips: ”How lucky can you get, can you see what I see Corey!”
The referee stops the count as he points to the other leg of Zayn’s which happens to be under the ropes, He calls for a rope break. Buzzard's disappointment is palatable to anyone watching. Buzzard gets to his feet and looks down at Zayn who can’t believe surviving the pinfall, his smile bigger than the cheshires cat. Buzzard yells at Sami to stand, Buzzard is worn out from his high intensity offense. Sami stumbles to his feet as both men stare down in the center of the ring…
The crowd all standing as both men start throwing rights, They throw rights quickly both men trying to outpace the other, A rogue right sends Leyton around, Buzzard realizes he is facing the ropes as he jumps onto the ropes springboarding backwards grabbing the head of Zayn who pushes him off, Leyton crashes hard into the canvas. Zayn picks up Leyton before whipping him into the rope, On the rebound Zayn lifts Buzzard in the air as he spins, Buzzard gets free and brings the head of Sami spiking down into canvas with a reversal ddt. Buzzard stumbles back into the corner noticing his shot. Leyton Buzzard hypes up the crowd realizing he is moments away from victory, as he notices a groggy Sami get to his feet…
Tom Phillips: ”What does Lee want now, He Refused to sign earlier…”
Leyton looks shocked as Lee stands at top of the ramp, Leyton is in position as Zayn quick as a flash gets up his boot connecting it off the jaw of Buzzard, Zayn hooks the leg for the pin….
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
Corey Graves: "Leyton is an idiot! Who gets distracted and pinned…."
Buzzard gets a shoulder up after the three count, Zayn rolls out of the ring with the victory….but while Zayn is scampering off, the Television Champion is heading down closer to ringside…and it is noticed that currently in his hands is the contract that was left unsigned earlier in the night.
Tom Phillips: "Wait, is Trevor finally going to sign on to the match?"
Mauro Ranallo: "It looks like it, Tom."
Stalking around the ring, Lee would grab a microphone from the timekeeper’s area, before pulling up an extra steel chair and sitting himself down at the ringside area.
Trevor Lee: ”Well, well, well, well, well…well mista’ Buzzard…it may have taken me a little while to figure out what exactly I wanted to do with this ‘ere match o’ ours…but today’s a lucky day, mista’ Buzzard. Yessiree, today is a lucky day…because I decided that this lil’ match o’ ours takin’ place at Summerslam? Well…it ain’t exactly fair to these fine folk if I just ran off wit’ my tail between my legs an’ refused to defend this ‘ere U-Dubya-Eff Television Title.”
The crowd gives off a mixed response towards Lee’s proclamation, some happy that Leyton is getting his shot after all, some upset that Trevor Lee had taken so long in deciding this. Despite this, Lee stands up from his chair and makes his way into the ring. Once inside, and standing eye-to-eye with Leyton, however, he is seen patting his suit pockets, looking askew from his challenger. Letting out a nervous chuckle, Lee instinctively puts a finger to the bridge of his nose, as if he was pushing up a pair of reading glasses that just aren’t there, before raising his microphone once more.
Trevor Lee: ”Haha…s-so, if ya’d give me a few moments to find my pen, mista’ Buzzard, I’ll be all too glad to sign this ‘ere-”
Before the champion can finish his sentence, Lee is tackled to the mat by Leyton, who then throws a few lefts and rights into the face of the stunned champ.
Mauro Ranallo: " Looks like Leyton Buzzard’s finally heard enough of Trevor Lee’s talk!"
Using his leg power to kick Leyton off of him, Trevor Lee rolls to the outside of the ring, cupping his jaw in his hand. However, before Lee can get a chance to retaliate, he is met with a tope con hilo from his future TV Title challenger, sending him crashing to the ground below!
Corey Graves: " Trevor needs to get out of there, and now! Who knows what damage Leyton could be doing to the mayor of Harlan right now?!
Leyton then tosses Lee back into the middle of the ring, before sliding in himself. With the champ woozy, it looks as though Leyton is eyeing him up for a massive exclamation point to the assault, his focus on the ropes. Once Lee is up on his feet, Leyton rushes past him, and goes to springboard off for an Air Leyton to the TV Champion…
But it doesn’t exactly go to plan. Leyton’s plan, at least, as he is caught from behind by The Butcher with a disgusting-looking Lariat directly to the back of the head!
Tom Phillips: " The Butcher?! Where the hell did he come from?!"
Corey Graves: " Who cares where he came from, Tom? All that matters is that the cavalry has arrived for the Television Champion!"
With Leyton dazed, The Butcher wastes no time in not just getting even for Leyton’s attack on the mayor of Harlan, but getting revenge for being humiliated in his first-ever match in the UWF. Pummeling him with rights and lefts, holding nothing back, Leyton tries his best to cover up. Once his guard is broken, however, The Butcher changes tactics…and begins simply headbutting the downed Buzzard. Over and over and over and over and over again their heads collide, with The Butcher barely looking fazed by it. Leyton, on the other hand, seems to be damn near unconscious…but the worst of it still isn’t over.
By this point, Trevor Lee would have gotten up on his feet after the assault, and while he is grateful that The Butcher had arrived just in the nick of time…the look on the face of the champion is a much, much different one than the UWF fans have seen before. For the first time in his UWF tenure, the southern gentleman-esque persona of Trevor Lee has faded away…and instead, what we’re given is a proper look at the Kentucky Caveman himself. WIth his suit jacket thrown off, his undershirt ripped to tatters, and his tie hanging loosely around his neck, it’s clear that the TV Champ is seeing nothing but red, as he barks out orders for The Butcher.
”MANGLE ‘EM, ANDY! BEAT ‘EM TILL HE AIN’T GOT NO FIGHT LEFT IN ‘EM! MAKE ‘EM REGRET EVER STEPPIN’ UP TO ME!”
Hearing his marching orders loud and clear, The Butcher lifts Leyton back to his feet, backs him into the corner…and just like with Montez Ford earlier in the night, the fans watch as he Biel Tosses Leyton clean across the ring, forcing him to roll to the outside. This, however, still remains not enough for Lee, as a cry of ”OUTSIDE! GET OUT THERE, BUTCHER!” can be distinctly heard all around the arena.
Tom Phillips: " C-Come on now! This is a mugging! Where are the refs, where is security?"
Corey Graves: " Tom, you should know by now that security wouldn’t be able to stop this from happening."
Tom Phillips: " So they’re just going to stand by and let this happen?!"
Corey Graves: " Do YOU want to get in the war path of The Butcher, Tom?"
As Tom shuts up for the moment, the attention is turned back to the outside, as Andy is stalking Leyton now, watching him struggle to even get to all fours…but that is exactly what he both wants and needs. Wrapping his arms around the waist of Leyton, The Butcher simply lifts the dead weight of Buzzard up onto his shoulders into a powerbomb position, takes a few steps more…and drops him back-first onto the ring apron! A sickening thud is heard as the TV Title challenger’s body meets the hardest part of the ring, but still, The Butcher isn’t done. Rolling him into the ring, Trevor Lee is all smiles as he looks down upon his challenger, before then looking at Butcher…and giving him a cutthroat motion.
Mauro Ranallo: " Trevor Lee still isn’t finished!"
Tom Phillips: " What…w-what more could this man want?! At this rate, there’s not going to be a TV Title match at Summerslam, regardless of if the contract is signed!"
While most of the fans are by now simply expecting a further beatdown from The Butcher to add exclamation point onto exclamation point for the mayor of Harlan…things aren’t as simple as that. WIth Lee rolling out of the ring to grab himself the steel chair he had previously sat in, The Butcher is procuring some steel of his own…the blade of his cleaver shining in the arena lights. With Lee looking on gleefully, The Butcher gives one long, shallow cut across the forehead of Leyton Buzzard: Not enough to cut any arteries or do any major long-term damage…but enough to achieve the goal. With a crimson mask now sported on the challenger, Lee sets up the steel chair, sits down with a nonchalant smile on his face…and from his pants pocket, he pulls out not the pen he was looking for earlier, but a quill. Resting the contract on his lap, Lee holds the quill in one hand and his microphone in the other.
Trevor Lee: ”Alright, Butcher…be a dear an’ bring ‘em over ‘ere for me, wouldn’t ya’?”
Silently, Andy obliges, setting Leyton before Lee, keeping him kneeling before the TV Champion…
Trevor Lee: ”Now then, Leyton...allow me to finally do what I came out ‘ere to do. After all…I did make ya’ wait for oh so long, so it’s only the gentlemanly thing to do~.”
Holding his quill steady, he dips it into the gash on Leyton’s face, before putting the red ink to paper, signing his name on the contract, in cursive nonetheless. With his usefulness gone, The Butcher lets Leyton Buzzard collapse to the mat. Lee remains seated, looking down at his challenger…before putting the quill away, and raising the microphone one more time.
Trevor Lee: “...Well…I guess I’ll be seein’ ya’ at Summerslam then, mista’ Buzzard. But for now, I best be hittin’ the ol’ dusty trail. After all, I got a long night ahead o’ me…so please, mista’ Buzzard, do get better before we meet again.”
Letting his smile grow just a touch, Trevor stands up, leaving the microphone on the chair as he and The Butcher take their leave, allowing medical staff to finally race into the ring to attend Leyton Buzzard. The camera lingers on the challenger, left bloodied and battered by his now-confirmed opponent at Summerslam, as the show fades to black…
END OF SHOW
Credits
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