Post by Danny on Dec 9, 2022 19:35:51 GMT -6
As the logo is seen, things go live to the inside of the arena as pyrotechnics go off from the stage and the camera pans around to get a shot of the fans from all around the world gathered for the UWF's newest show, Rebellion! The camera pans over to the commentary team where Corey Graves, Mauro Ranallo, and Tom Phillips are standing by.
Mauro Ranallo: Hello and welcome to another edition of Rebellion! I'm Mauro Ranallo and with me as always, former International Champion Corey Graves and Tom Phillips!
Tom Phillips: We're coming up no the 11th anniversary of the UWF but tonight is all about momentum.
Corey Graves: You can be sure that everyone who shows up tonight will further make their way up the card as they continue to build themselves up and make a name for themselves.
Mauro Ranallo:As with all Rebellion's, you never know who's going to show up so without further adieu, let's get Rebellion Started!
We cut to the ring and It's time for our first match of the evening. One of the participants is already in the ring.
Mauro: Up next, we've got quite the contrast in styles. And typically, when you have two very different athletes competing against one another, you're bound to have a great match,
Corey Graves: That's right Mauro. The man in the ring has traveled all across this world, honing his craft and developing quite the following. Tonight, he may be over matched though.
Ding!
Tony Chimel: Ladies and Gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall. Introducing first, already in the ring, from Paducah, Kentucky, weighing in at 188 pounds, this is Ricochet!
There's a mild pop for a man that has made his known all over the world and is one of the game's best high octane performers.
Tony Chimel: And his opponent...
L....A....Knight!!!
"Knight Vision" begins to play throughout the arena and the capacity begins to groan because they know what time it is. It is time to titillate their juices with the arrival of the "Thursday Night Thriller". This is the "Million Dollar Megastar". This is LA Knight. Knight does not take long bursting through the curtain and out onto the stage. The reception he receives isn't warm whatsoever but LA Knight does not care. He soaks in the atmosphere while the jeers rain down on him.
Tony Chimel: Ladies and Gentlemen, coming to the ring, from Baltimore, Maryland, weighing in at 230 pounds, he is the "Million Dollar Megastar", L...A....Knight!
As Chimel announces the brash star from Baltimore, Knight spells his name out in the air just to make sure that everyone knows exactly who he is.
Knight continues down the ramp towards the ring. The entire time he talks trash to all the people in the front row. He's not here for them; he's here for himself. As he reaches the end of the aisleway, he heads towards the hard camera before leaping onto the ring apron and posing for everyone to see him. There is no shortage in confidence in Knight tonight, as he enters the ring, climbs the nearest turnbuckle and throws up the "LA" hand sign.
Knight leaps off the top rope to the canvas and continues to prepare for the upcoming match he has.
Graves: Knight has a big match this Sunday, challenging Trevor Lee alongside Stone Cold Steve Austin for the Television Championship. He can ill afford a loss this close to Slammiversary.
Mauro: I'm sure LA Knight is going to bring his A game. But Ricochet is no slouch. Maybe LA's A game still won't be enough.
Graves: Don't be ridiculous Mauro. This is LA Knight's game; he's just being grandiose enough to allow Ricochet to play.
Ding
Ding
Ding
The bell sounds and Knight and Ricochet meet in the middle of the ring. Knight is obviously not taking this match too seriously. He mocks the height difference between himself and Ricochet before patting the luchador on the top of his head like a child.
Tom Phillips: That seems very disrespectful from LA Knight. Not very becoming of a potential Champion.
Knight can only laugh at the disrespect he showed his opponent. In return, Ricochet responds by cocking back and slapping Knight directly in the face...
Corey Graves: But you'll condone that Phillips? That's disrespect in the highest order!
Knight mutters "You Son of A..." before charging at Ricochet, looking to take his head off with a clothesline. Ricochet, of course, is too fast for Knight and sees the clothesline coming. He ducks under before running the far ropes and charging back at Knight. Knight tries to catch Ricochet as he comes off the other side with a back elbow, but once again, Ricochet out maneuvers him and ducks again. Both men are back where we initially started and as Knight turns around, Ricochet leaps in the air and snaps off a beautiful standing hurricanrana...
Mauro: You had to figure this is exactly how Ricochet wanted to start this match. Set a quick pace and keep LA Knight off his game.
The hurricanrana sends Knight to the corner. He gets to a knee and stares at Ricochet before charging one more time. Ricochet is ready for him again; this time catching him with an arm drag that sends Knight flying across the ring. Obviously frustrated, Knight slaps the canvas. He pulls himself up back to his feet in the opposite corner of the ring. Ricochet wants to go back on the attack, but Knight is smart enough to put his head through the top and second ropes. This signifies a break. Ricochet does not want to stop and tries to get at Knight, but the official gets between the two athletes, trying to pull Ricochet off. With the referee's attention on trying to pry Ricochet off, Knight is able to take advantage and put his thumb directly into Ricochet's eye, temporarily blinding him...
Tom Phillips: Come on! LA Knight blatantly bending the rules!
Corey Graves: It's only cheating if you get caught!
With Ricochet unable to see, Knight goes on the offensive. He finally takes Ricochet down with a clothesline. As Ricochet goes down, Knight mounts and begins raining down right hands directly into the top of Ricochet's head. One clubbing blow after another, leaving the man dubbed "The One and Only" both dazed and confused. Knight gets back to his feet soon after before standing over a downed Ricochet. The entire UWF fan base is booing him right now, but he really doesn't care. As he basks all their jeers in, he reminds them of exactly who he is before yelling "L...A...Knight" and dropping an elbow directly onto Ricochet's chest. As the air is driven out of him, Knight goes for the first cover on this contest...
1....
2...
Ricochet kicks out!
As soon as Ricochet kicks out, Knight grabs him by the head and applies a reverse chinlock,..
Corey Graves: Ricochet was able to get things done his way early, but now it's LA Knight's time.
Knight continues to apply pressure, telling the referee to check and see if Ricochet wants to give it up. The referee confirms that Ricochet has not surrendered and suddenly, "The Only and Only" finds a burst of adrenaline and begins getting to his feet. As he stands, Knight's body comes along with him. Soon enough, both men are back to a vertical base. Ricochet begins throwing elbows into Knight's midsection, trying to get him to break the chinlock. After about the second or third elbow, Knight decides enough is enough and decides to shoot Ricochet off towards the ropes again. Just like earlier, this proves to be a mistake. As Ricochet comes back, he leaves his feet and takes Knight down with a headscissors takeover...
Mauro: And Ricochet pulls out another athletic move.
The headscissors sends Knight underneath the bottom rope and to the arena floor. Once Ricochet sees this, his eyes light up like a kid's on Christmas morning....
Corey Graves: Oh no LA, get out of there!
Unfortunately for LA Knight, he cannot hear Graves. And as he attempts to get to his feet, he sees Ricochet charging across the ring and leaping over the top set of ropes, taking him out with a Tope Con Hilo!
Tom Phillips: Did you see the height Ricochet got on that?!
The crowd comes alive as Ricochet pumps them up. Not to waste much time, he grabs Knight by the back of the head and throws him back into the ring. LA Knight is confused as he tries to get to his feet. What he doesn't see is that Ricochet has climbed onto the apron and just as Knight makes it to his feet, Ricochet uses the ring ropes to springboard back into the ring and deliver a picture perfect dropkick directly to Knight's chest.
The pace of this match has quickened and Ricochet is feeling himself. With Knight down, Ricochet stays on the offensive and delivers a standing shooting star press onto Knight, hooking both legs afterwards and going for a cover...
1...
2...
Knight kicks out!
Mauro: That was close for LA Knight! Ricochet really has him on the ropes.
Corey Graves: I hate to agree with you, Mauro. But I think Knight's attention is more on Sunday than tonight.
Knight rolls to the far corner, trying to get as far away from Ricochet as possible. But Ricochet isn't having that. As Knight pulls himself up, Ricochet grabs him by the arm and shoots him off to the other turnbuckle. Ricochet charges across the ring, but Knight is ready for him. As Ricochet rushes in, Knight hoists him up in the air and tosses him backwards, presuming Ricochet will hit his head on the corner post...
But to Knight's chagrin, once Ricochet is vaulted into the air, his uses his unbelievable agility to land on the top rope instead of crashing and burning...
Corey Graves: This guy is a freaking cheat code!
Knight turns around just in time to see Ricochet leap off the top and land directly on top of him with a moonsault. The fans start a "That was Awesome" chant as Ricochet hooks the near leg and goes for another cover...
1...
2...
Knight barely kicks out!!
Ricochet can't believe it! He stares at the referee, who can only respond by holding up two fingers...
Tom Phillips: Don't get frustrated! Stay on him!
Knight couldn't hear Graves' advice earlier in the match, but whether they're on the same page or it's babyface plot armor, Ricochet can hear Phillips. Ricochet is ready to end this and he's going to do it with what brought him to the dance. He begins scaling to the top rope one more time. Presumably, the final time. LA Knight has other thoughts about that though. Because just as Ricochet reaches the top, Knight dives and shakes the near ropes. That causes Ricochet to lose his balance and fall groin first...
Corey Graves: Not a good way to spend a Thursday Night.
As Ricochet grimaces, Knight tries to capitalize. He throws a right hand to stun Ricochet before beginning to climb the ropes himself. Knight throws Ricochet's arm over his shoulder and before long before men are standing on the very top rope...
Tom Phillips: This isn't going to be good.
As the entire arena gets to their feet, Knight powers Ricochet off the ropes and both men's bodies crash with the canvas. The ring shakes due to the impact from the top rope superplex. Ricochet obviously got the worst of the fall. But Knight is still a little shaken up himself. He takes a moment to catch his breath before going for another cover...
1....
2....
Ricochet kicks out again!
Corey Graves: No way! Where did Ricochet find the energy to kick out of that?!
Knight can't believe it! Ricochet has been more game than he ever imagined. Knight is starting to become frustrated. You can see it in his eyes; he's sick of Ricochet. Knight pulls himself to his feet and motions that it's over. Ricochet can barely get to his feet; obviously still feeling the effects of the superplex. As Ricochet gets up, Knight attempts to hook both arms, obviously looking for a Full Nelson....
Tom Phillips: We saw this last week on Revolution!
The Full Nelson is applied for less than a couple seconds before Knight lifts Ricochet off the mat, looking for a Full Nelson Slam. But before he can connect, Ricochet rolls through into a pinning combination....
Mauro: Victory Roll!!!
1....
2....
Knight kicks out at 2 and 3/4!
Both men manage to get to their feet, albeit a little slower than usual. As they do, Ricochet catches Knight out of nowhere with a step enziguiri. Knight's lights go out and he drops to the mat like a sack of potatoes....
Corey Graves: Knight might be out!
Knight just so happened to land in the proverbial "drop zone". He's directly under the turnbuckle. Ricochet doesn't waste time and quickly rushes and climbs to the top. The arena gets to their feet once more, wanting to get the best view of what Ricochet is going to do next...
Mauro: Go for it, Ricochet! Make yourself famous!
With the entire arena watching, Ricochet leaps off the top rope. He rotates 7 times, performing the unbelievable 630 Splash. However, unfortunately for Ricochet, on this night, the pool was empty. He hits nothing but canvas as LA Knight rolls out of the way at the very last second...
Tom Phillips: Ricochet crashed and burned!
You could hear the impact as Ricochet hit the canvas. Knight just stares at him from the corner. He has yet to make it back to his feet, but he knows if Ricochet hit that, this match was over. Knight shakes off his dismay and gets to his feet as fast as possible. There's no time to waste. He scrapes Ricochet's limp body off the canvas before throwing him over his shoulder...
Corey Graves: Ha! Here we go!
With Ricochet on his back, head directed towards the canvas, Knight drives his opponent skull first onto the mat...
Mauro: Gravy Train!
Knight hits one of his finishes, He doesn't gloat. An exhausted Knight just hooks the leg as he makes the cover...
1...
2...
3...
Ding!
Ding!
Ding!
Tony Chimel: Ladies and Gentlemen, here is your winner, L...A....Knight!
The bell sounds and the winner, to be expected is one LA Knight. Knight has is arm raised but wastes little time brushing the referee off. Knight demands a microphone and Tony Chimel rushes as fast as he can to bring him one. It seems as if we're going to hear from the "Million Dollar Megastar"
LA Knight: YEAH!
The live crowd boos in response to Knight's signature catchphrase.
LA Knight: I said...YEAH!!
Once again, there's a loud chorus of boos raining down on Mr. Knight.
LA Knight: Let me talk to 'ya. Did 'ya see what L...A....Knight just did to a man that calls himself "The One and Only". Ol' L...A...Knight made Ricochet seem pretty ordinary. But nobody here should be surprised. All week I've had to hear, "LA Knight, last week, Eddie Kingston got the better of you". Let me make somethin' clear, nobody gets the better of L...A...Knight. Last week, I had Eddie Kingston exactly where I wanted him. I was about to put him down. Then a freak accident occurred.
LA Knight: 'Ya see, somethin' that you common folk might not understand, but when you're a top tier athlete, you tend to perspire. And in the midst of battle, said perspiration just happened to go into my eyes. That allowed Eddie Kingston to steal one from L...A....Knight. And to make matters worse, my shoulder wasn't even on the canvas!
The fans aren't buying any of Knight's excuses or delusions. And they let him know so in kind.
LA Knight: Don't believe me? Just ask Corey Graves.
The camera pans over to Graves, who nods his head in agreement.
LA Knight: 'Ya see. That is a stand-up. respectable individual. Not that any of you low class mouth breathers would know anything about that. And speaking of low class, that brings me to one of my opponents this Sunday at Slammiversary. Everyone here knows that Redneck, Steve Austin is about as cultured as a Two-dollar Steak. But I'm talking about that fraud masquerading as Champion, Trevor Lee.
The mention of the TV Champion doesn't exactly garner the best reaction from the fans. They don't really know who to root for out of these two. They're kinda hoping they just beat the snot out of each other.
LA Knight: Now, Mr. Lee, you and I have had a lot of disparaging things to say about one another. You've gone so far as to call me a Batista wannabe. And I've gone so far as to insinuate that your sister is somehow also your niece. But the time for talk is over. The way I see it, we can do this one of two ways. You can come out to this ring right now, hand me the Television Championship and go back to whatever swamp you crawled out of. Or, I could simply come back there, kick your ass from tonight until Sunday and then simply drag you to this ring for the formality of a three count. Either way, I get what I want.
LA Knight: So hurry up, Tiny Trevor. The faster you give me my belt, the faster I get out of this dump. I'll give you until the count of three...
Knight starts counting on his fingers, but is soon cut off by the entrance music of the TV Champion...
With LA Knight having given the champion such an invitation, it would truly be in poor taste for the champion to not be the gentleman here and come on down, now wouldn't it?
As Trevor Lee comes down to the ring, dressed in his typical formal attire, he is seen holding the UWF Television Championship firmly in his hands. With The Butcher nowhere to be seen, and a neutral expression painted onto his face, it seems the champion is conflicted as he gets up onto the apron and heads into the ring. Walking past LA Knight momentarily, Lee takes a microphone, and with that in one hand and the TV Title in the other, he faces his challenger.
Trevor Lee: "Alright, alright alright alright, alright...I'm 'ere, mista' Mega-Star. Ya' went an' invited me on down to this 'ere ring, now ya' got me on out 'ere. No Andy out 'ere wit' me, either, just the two o' us, face-to-face, mano e mano...jus' as ya' asked."
Remaining neutral in his expression, Lee hesitates for a moment, looking over the UWF Television Championship in his hands.
Trevor Lee: "Now...I'm sure ya' know that comin' out 'ere to do this...it was a tough decision, mista' Mega-Star. Truly, I do say, it was a real tough call to make. Do I stay in the back, an' hide behin' my big ol' frien' Andy, an' find out just what ya' made of that way? Do I hightail it outta' this 'ere arena, live to fight 'nother day, wait till Slammiversary to test ya' mettle?"
The champion shakes his head.
Trevor Lee: "Nay, I say, nay to that, 'cause that just ain't how mista' Trevor Lee does things, mista' Mega-Star. Bein' a coward ain't how I've come to hol' this 'ere piece o' Harlan Gold for the past one-hundred an' fifty plus days, bein' a coward ain't how I've come to etch my names in the record books by becomin' the third longest-reignin' U-Dubya-Eff Television Champion o' all time, bein' a coward ain't how I got myself re-elected as the reignin' mayor o' Harlan, Kentucky...bein' a coward simply ain't somethin' that runs in the blood o' the Lee family."
Even with that said, though, there remains a clear mental split in Trevor Lee's mind, as he ponders what to do next...
As Lee ponders, Knight doesn't give him a chance and begins speaking again
LA Knight: Thank you for coming out here, Mr. Lee. That's means you're making the smart decision and accepting my offer of handing that Championship over.
Although fans, don't like either one of these men, a small "NO" chant breaks up. The fans want to see these two fight.
LA Knight: I appreciate you savin' my time. I'm a very busy man; I've got a lot of important things to do. So just put the title in my hands and drag 'ya sorry ass outta L...A...Knight's ring.
Lee looks at the title and looks back at Knight. He doesn't budge. He's obviously not giving this Championship up this evening.
LA Knight: Fine, I guess we're doin' this the hard way. "Ya want to wait til Sunday to lose that Championship? Why? Because you think in extra couple days is going to make 'ya little title reign any less pathetic? That's not the case. "Ya run became irrelevant the second I walked back through those doors.
LA Knight: And I know what 'ya thinkin', dummy!. 'Ya thinkin' the same thing that Eddie Kingston was thinkin'. The same thing that probably every boy in the back is thinking right now. LA Knight has been here before. LA Knight lacks success. LA Knight is all talk and the second things get rough, he's going back up his nags and run away. Well, let me tell 'ya somethin. This is a different L...A....Knight. This is a different L...A...Knight. This is a L...A....Knight that will sell his soul to get to the top. This is a L...A....Knight that would give his own mother up to reach the top. And if I'm willing to do that Trevor Lee, what do 'ya think I'm willing to do to you in order to win on Sunday.
LA Knight: Because the truth of the matter is this, Trevor. This Sunday, it ain't a triple threat, Austin ain't an issue as far as I'm concerned. It's just me and you. Backwoods redneck versus the absolute best in the world. And when all the dust has settled and all the smoke has cleared, I'll be standing here as your new Television Champion. And you? You as the Mayor of Harlan, can go back and tell your people that 'ya are an absolute failure. They wasted their time and their money on a joke. And that's not an insult; THAT'S...just a fact of...
Before LA Knight can finish, Trevor Lee has clearly heard enough. From the insults towards himself, to his title reign, and to his people? Well...it seems as though Lee is on the verge of snapping, but he gives himself an attempt to calm down, simply putting his hand in LA Knight's face.
Trevor Lee: "Mista' Mega-Star, I do strongly suggest that ya' pick ya' words a lot more careful like in the future. Wit' the way that ya' mouth runs, it could give some o' those folk trainin' for the Olympics somethin' to truly worry 'bout."
Pulling his hand away, Lee takes hold of the TV Title once more.
Trevor Lee: "But I know how ya' work, mista' Mega-Star. I know how folk like ya'self ten' to function - ya' need to keep on talkin', keep on jabberin', keep on speakin' when there ain't not a gosh darn thing o' importance comin' outta' between ya' lips, 'cause it makes ya' feel more important than ya' actually are. Trust me, I've met a few people who are truly like that, that just cannot for the life o' them pipe down an' be silent for a moment, but that's neither here nor there, mista' Mega-Star."
Taking another look at the title, Lee nods up towards LA Knight.
Trevor Lee: "Ya' wan' ya'self this 'ere U-Dubya-Eff Television Title, mista' Mega-Star? Well, momma' Lee raised herself a gentleman, so it'd only be fair for me to give ya' what ya' want, wouldn't it-"
Cutting himself off, Lee would catch LA Knight across the forehead with a shot using the microphone, dropping both it and the title in order to pounce onto his primary challenge for Slammiversary.
The mic shot drops Knight and Lee pounces. The crowd loses their minds. There's finally a fight; no more talking. Lee gets the better of Knight at the beginning but Knight manages to fight back...
Corey Graves: This is madness! These two are going to kill each other before Slammiversary even gets here!
Lee and Knight roll around the ring, exchanging rights and lefts. Eventually, both men get back to their feet and as they do, LA Knight catches Lee with a kick to the groin...
Tom Phillips: Of course, Knight goes low!
Corey Graves: This is about survival, Phillips! There are no rules.
Lee grabs his groin as LA Knight talks trash. Trevor Lee got the better of him momentarily. Knight should take this opportunity to leave, but he has other plans. He exits the ring, heads to the timekeeper's area and grabs a steel folding chair from ringside...
Phillips: Now what is Knight going to do?
With the chair in hand, Knight enters the ring. But as he does, Lee charges him and delivers a huge Spear. Knight drops the chair as Lee stands tall...
Phillips: And the Champion stands tall!
Trevor Lee isn't finished though. He slowly looks down at the chair before picking it up. With the chair in hand, Lee hesitates momentarily before taking the chair to the back of LA Knight over and over! Time after time, Lee strikes Knight with the weapon. After a dozen or so shots, the chair is broken in two...
Mauro: My Goodness! When is enough, enough?
Lee has done his damage. LA Knight is a broken man, just mere days before their Championship match. But Trevor Lee isn't quite finished. He backs into the far corner, awaiting for the beaten Knight to get to his feet...
Corey Graves: Trevor Lee has become unhinged. Now what is he going to do?
Knight is struggling after the chair assault. He uses the ropes to pull himself to his feet. What he doesn't see is Lee is across the ring from him; patiently waiting for him to stand.
Phillips: I think I know what's coming next!
Knight pulls himself up and turns around. As he does, Lee charges across the ring, looking for the Cave-In...
Corey Graves: Oh No!
Before Lee can hit the Cave-In, Knight is smart enough to see it coming and roll out of the ring. He barely avoids disaster, but he made it unscathed. Living to fight another day, Knight heads over the barricade and through the crowd, trying to get as far away from Trevor Lee as possible. The segment ends with Knight retreating and Trevor Lee staring him down from the ring...
Mauro Ranallo: Mama Mia! Imagine what these two are going to do to each other come Sunday when Steve Austin is added to the mix!
Just then as the crowd is waiting to see what is going to go down here this Sunday we hear the glass and the music of Stone Cold Steve Austin hits and as the crowd gives
Stone Cold a great reception we see Stone Cold making his way out on the stage!
Steve makes his way out on stage and looks out at the crowd as they are screaming welcome back and as the crowd is on their feet Stone Cold makes his way down
the aisle and heads to the ring! Stone Cold then climbs in the ring and walks to all four corners and stands on the second ropes and poses for the fans and then Steve gets off
the turnbuckle and grabs the mic from Tony Chimel and as Tony leaves the ring Stone Cold is about to Speak!
Stone Cold| Steve Austin: Yea that's right Stone Cold is back in UWF! What? I said I am back in UWF! As far as what happened between Stone Cold Steve Austin and UWF some may
think I should explain myself but the way Stone Cold sees it i don't owe any of you a explanation and that's all I got to say about that! Right now Stone Cold has to get right
down to business and it concerns La Knight and Trevor Lee my match with them coming up at Slammiversary! What? I said I am gonna talk about that bastard La Knight and Trevor Lee how Stone Cold is
gonna whoop there ass at Slammiversary! now La Knight this Sunday night at Slammiversary you have to step in this very ring and take on Trevor Lee and Stone
Cold knows you did not ask for this but none the less you are going to have to get your ass whooped and you will used as an example to the rest of the UWF stars in the back
what happens when you cross the path of Stone Cold Steve Austin! You two will get in this ring and for once in your pathetic life be a man! and look me dead in the eye and you
will take the beating I got for you two like a man! What? I said that son of a bitch is gonna take the beating I got for them like a man! Now Mr Knight and Mr Lee everyone knows including
Stone Cold Steve Austin you will walk out of Slammiversary to this very ring between Knight and Lee know and this Sunday and flap your little gums like the bitch you are about what you think you will be
able to do to Stone Cold Steve Austin well let Stone Cold let you in on something. Whatever you think you are going to Stone Cold well that is exactly what is not
gonna happen! What? I said that bastard ain't gonna do a damn thing to Stone Cold Steve Austin and that's all I got to say about that!
Just then The crowd starts chanting what and Austin looks out to the crowd and informs them on the pain and suffering La Knight and Trevor Lee will get this Sunday night!
Stone Cold|Steve Austin: La Knight and Trevor Lee make no mistake about it you two will step in this very ring like
it or not this Sunday and you get your ass kicked and you will be set as a
example to the rest of the UWF that you do not mess with Stone Cold Steve Austin and the rest assured people by the time it is all said and done Stone Cold Steve Austin will
once again be the UWF T.V Champion....... and that's the bottom line cause Stone Cold said so!!!!!
Just then Austin's music hit's and as the crowd cheers on The Texas Rattlesnake he toasts the crowd with a beer!
BADA BING
BADA BOOM
BADA BANG
The crowd erupts into a cheer as DDP makes his way down the ramp, high fiving the audience as he goes and even stopping for a selfie with one audience member who also has a copy of “Positively Page” to sign. Page makes his way into the ring and poses on the top turnbuckle, hitting the diamond pose as he does, the crowd copying him. Jumping off the turnbuckle he asks for a mic and a ring attendant passes him it.
DDP: Oh man I know I say it every week but that reaction is great folks. Thats the type of positive energy that I like seeing in this business and trust me we all need a bit of positivity in our lives.
The crowd would cheer in agreement. Page smiling the whole time.
DDP: And this weekend there is going to be a positive ass beating when my boy Ciampa takes on that little gremlin Sami Zayn and the mad king, Eddie Kingston. I’m not gonna lie things got heated for a bit in the run up to this, Ciampa lost his cool but we went back to the drawing board and now he’s in the right state of mind going into this match.
Once he’s in the match however, all bets are off and anything goes. We all know how slimy Sami is and what he’s willing to do in that match and with those two lucha punks on the outside anything can happen but if need be, i’ll deal with them. Then you have Kingston who thrives in a match like this, just a straight up fight, anything goes and while Ciampa isn’t a stranger to that style, he’s got two opponents who can match him, so with that in mind. I organized a little something.
The crowd would ooh, their interest peaked
DDP: I spoke to our esteemed boss, EC3 and I asked him to extend a one night contract to a, well not an old friend per se but a familiar face. A guy that takes Eddie and Sami and mashes them together. The brutality of Kingston and the cerebral brain of Sami. When he reached out he agreed on one stipulation. We play by his rules. We play by….. Ravens rules.
The crowd would cheer as Come As You Are by Nirvana plays over the speakers as Raven comes out with his shopping cart of plunder. He would let go of it and do his signature outstretched pose on the top of the ramp and the crowd would cheer. Returning to his trolley he would push it down to the ring, the trolley being full of chairs, kendo sticks, a stop sign , a few trash cans and the lids for the trash cans. Throwing this plunder into the ring, Raven would get in and meet DDP, taking the mic from him.
Raven: You know Dallas, when you asked me to do this, I was going to tell you to fuck off and leave me alone, I had better things to do than play about with your newest attempt to stay relevant through another young talent but then I realized this would let me expose the fraud as you are and leave Ciampa in a pool of blood. Quote the Raven, Nevermore.
Smirking, DDP would take the mic back.
DDP: Oh Raven, all these years later and you’ve not changed a bit pal. Well, I guess its time we brought out the soon to be number one contender for the UWF Championship. Ladies and Gentlemen, Tommaso Ciampa.
Like a Villain would play over the speakers as the crowd would cheer Ciampa. Ciampa would walk onto the crowd with his leather jacket and hood up, this seemed the most focused he had been in a long time, making his way down the ramp he would stare at Raven who would be sitting in the corner, seemingly nonplussed. Getting in the ring, Ciampa would get to a corner and DDP would pull down his hood and take his jacket. The referee would call for the bell.
Getting to his feet, Raven would meet Ciampa in the middle of the ring and look him up and down, not impressed by what he sees. Ciampa would still be laser focused on his opponent, slightly unnerving Raven but the leader of the flock would deliver an open palm slap to Ciampa, getting a reaction from the crowd. The slap would barely phase Ciampa who would nail Raven with an elbow to the face and whip him off the ropes, Raven coming back into a knee. Dropping to the ground, Raven would scramble for a Kendo Stick and go to swing it but Ciampa would stand on it and then deliver a dropping knee to the side of Ravens head.
Mauro Ranallo: Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to what i’m sure will be an interesting bout on this pre Slammiversary edition of Rebellion.
Tom Phillips: That's right, DDP calling in a favor and getting Raven in as a warm up for Ciampa. Raven showed some disrespect with that slap but that seemed to piss Ciampa off more.
Corey Graves: Yeah something seems off about Ciampa, he’s focused at the best of times but tonight he seems like, super focused, like a switch has been flipped and he’s on hypertime.
On the outside DDP would cheer on Ciampa as he grinds the knee into the side of Ravens head, as Graves noted he didn’t seem to be showing much else apart from focus. Pulling Raven back up to his feet and get him on his shoulders, looking for that Over the Shoulder Piledriver but Raven would slip off and go for a roll up but Ciampa would roll through and hit a running knee onto the seated Raven, who would collapse. Ciampa would stand above his opponent but wouldn’t notice Raven grab a Kendo Stick, as Ciampa picks him up, Raven hits his leg with it and causes Ciampa to drop him. Raven gets up and hits some jabs to Ciampa and ends with a Discus Clothesline, sending Ciampa to the ground
Mauro Ranallo: Raven back in this with that Discus Clothesline, sending Ciampa to the ground but he doesn’t seem to be going for a pin.
Tom Phillips: Like Raven said, he is here to make an example of Ciampa, to show that DDP chose wrong, maybe Raven is jealous
Corey Graves: Jealous Phillips?, more like angry, Ciampa should have went to Raven for improvement not that hack DDP.
Back in the ring and Raven is setting up his plunder, placing Ciampa in the corner he lays a chair down in the middle of the ring and Bulldogs Ciampa onto it, tapping his temple as he does. Getting a trashcan he puts Ciampa in the corner again and places the trashcan in front of him. Raven backs up and seems to be going for a body splash in the corner but Ciampa hoofs the trashcan into the face of Raven, sending him back into the ropes and bounces off into the arms of Ciampa who picks him up into the Argentine Rack and hits the Argentine Facebuster onto the already dented trash can, completely crushing it.
Mauro Ranallo: Ciampa absolutely using Raven to crush that trash can, one has to wonder what sort of damage that has done to Raven
Tom Phillips: It won’t be good no matter what, Ciampa not going for the cover, he contemplated it but decided against it.
Corey Graves: Thats because deep down he’s the same Ciampa. All this nicey nice stuff is a front and he will show his true colors.
Picking Raven up, Ciampa hits the slaps and knees known as the Sicilian Barrage but as he goes for the final knee, Raven kicks him in the gut and goes for the Evenflow but Ciampa pushes him off into the ropes and as Raven comes back goes for a Clothesline but Raven ducks it and grabs Ciampas arm, hitting a Russian Legsweep onto Ciampa. Raven singles for it to be over and picks Ciampa up into the Evenflow DDT position before he can hit it however Ciampa gets out and pushes Raven in the corner who jumps onto the second rope, looking back he goes for a second rope back elbow but is caught flush with a Diamond Cutter.
Mauro Ranallo: DIAMOND CUTTER, CIAMPA USED A DIAMOND CUTTER.
Tom Phillips: Surely its called a Ciampa Cutter when he uses it
Corey Graves: What a mark.
1…2….3…..
Tony Chimel: YOUR WINNER OF THIS MATCH, TOMMASO CIAMPA.
Getting in the ring, DDP asks the referee if he can lift Ciampas arm and the referee obliges, DDP lifts Ciampas arm as Raven rolls out the ring, shaking his head. Ciampa looks to the camera and talks into it.
Ciampa: Sami, Eddie, this was just the beginning. Slammiversary its the end.
With that the pair celebrate in the ring as Rebellion continues.
The UWF fans get all excited when they see the road crew rolling a big ol' red carpet down the entrance ramp. Those guard rail ribbon things are set up along the sides to complete the super-exclusive, Tinsel Town elitist aesthetic, while the paparazi come outta nowhere to snap photos to sell to the kinds of magazines they have at grocery store check-outs and dentist waiting rooms.
Phillips: This is it, ladies and gentlemen! The World Premiere of PUMPED: The True Story of the Little Dragon That Could.
Ranallo: I hear the snobs at Cannes and TIFF are livid they didn't get the rights to debut this highly-anticipated documentary.
Graves: It just got announced a few days ago! And from what I've heard, the early reviews aren't promising.
Phillips: But Corey, this film features never-before-seen footage of Kyle O'Reilly's formative years! It's an unprecedented glimpse into the makings of a UWF Superstar!
Ranallo: I just can't believe we're getting this before Drumline 2:The Mean Streets of ATL.
Graves: Yeah, talk about being stuck in developmental hell.
The lights fade out so that all that's left to illuminate the entrance area are the flashes of the cameras. Then the titantron fires to life.
Everybody screams and cheers their faces off when "Faint" blasts through the speakers. When the riff kicks in, Kyle O'Reilly and Bayley walk out on to the stage. The Diabetic Dragon is decked out in his Sunday best. You'd think the guy was off to Christmas Mass, he's looking so classically Catholically dapper. His step-sister, meanwhile, looks like she's ready for the Oscars in her designer gown. Very stunning.
The O'Reilly's strut their stuff down the ramp. Bayley takes her step-brother's arm as she waves to the photographers. He loos grossed out by that, but he isn't about to let it spoil his big night. They climb up into the ring, where they are handed some microphones. Once the fans settle down, the Canadian Psycho gets the party started.
KO'R: Wow. What can I even say? Thanks everyone for coming out to see PUMPED: The True Story of the Little Dragon That Could.
Ya now, when I was just a kid growing up in the P-N-Dub, my teachers, my sports coaches, my parole officers - they all told me that that I had way too many of the classic developmental red flags to ever get anywhere in life. Entire studies were written about me by counselors who ultimately left the profession behind out of frustration. To this day, I still hold the record for being expelled from the most high schools in Burnaby for paintball-related offenses.
When I achieved my dream of becoming a professional wrestler, I shut them all the heck up. And when I got gay married to my husband El Desperado, I thought I had it all. So to get a cherry on top of my life sundae by starring in my own movie about myself? That's pretty effing rad.
Big pop for the earnestness of the his underdog story. Kyle nods proudly then continues.
KO'R: This isn't just some regular old movie, though. This is a story about how diabetes isn't a death sentence, it's a life sentence, and instead of ending with a question mark, it ends with those three periods in a row, because the story isn't over yet.
Just because your pancreas doesn't produce insulin anymore doesn't mean you can't master several different martial arts. And just because you need to needle up twice a day and blood test your fingey's on the regular doesn't mean you can't come up with a bunch of really cool wrestling maneuvers and use them to win belts.
And that's the whole point here. This documentary is how I'm going to get my first solo title match in the UWF, but the story inside is why I'm going to win it. Now I'd like to invite our guest of honor to come down so he can watch it all happen from the best seat in the house.
Bayley looks up the ramp and calls down the Hollywood Champion.
Bayley: Big Dave! Come on down!
As, “Sasquatch” by Ice Cube starts playing the fans immediately start booing as out comes Batista dressed to the nines with the Hollywood Championship over his shoulder as he makes his way down the ramp and enters the ring.
Surprisingly, Kyle is showing remarkable self-control in not swinging on the Hollywood Animal. He's all smiles and politeness as Batista takes his place in the center of the ring.
KO'R: Alright. Here it goes. When this puppy is all said and done, you're gonna have no choice but to admit I'm a movie star just like you, and then you'll have to put your Hollywood Championship on the line at Slammiversary because those are the rules, right?
Batista's eyes are rolling behind those expensive shades. Clearly he isn't expecting much. The lights in the arena go down, the fans get quiet, and the titantron fires up with PUMPED: The True Story of the Little Dragon that Could.
==========
We open with a scene in a hospital. Granna O'Reilly is shown smoking darts in the waiting room. A doctor comes by and asks if she's ready to meet her new grandson. She counters with a question of their own - whether or not this place has Keno?
Smash cut to a pre-school in rainy Vancouver. It's old video camera footage, with the date in white numbers at the bottom of the screen. It's the 80's. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles shirts are high fashion. You can smell practically the Play-Doh through the screen. A teacher comes over and asks a little girl why she's crying, while a young Kyle explains that all he did was tell her she's going to Hell because she's a Protestant.
Another cut. It's a few years later. A small-time Taekwondo tournament in a community center, as was popular in the early nineties. The camera focuses in on a Referee trying to wrestle a trophy away from an adolescent Canadian Psycho as paramedics treat another combatant who is crying and screaming "HE THROUGH SAND IN MY EYES" over and over again.
An unnerving, Reznor-Ross-esque drone hums through the background, setting nerves on end.
The next clip isn't from a video camera. It's a corner security cam view of what looks like an interrogation station. A teenaged Kyle is sitting on one side, dressed like he's hacked himself into The Matrix. Two men in white lab coats are on the other side, while armed security guards stand in the corners.
"Can you help us understand what you mean when you say that your Principal was 'obviously an Agent'?" they ask, looking hella concerned.
What follows is a bunch of quick cuts, timed out with haphazard, discordant orchestral hits in something akin to the video from The Ring meeting an action scene from Inception. There are snapshots into Kyle's past. He's riding a bike for the first time. He's flipping off of a diving board. He's choking on a yo-yo. He's singing on stage at a school Christmas concert. He's at his First Communion. He's improvising an air-guitar solo at said Christmas concert. He's opening a birthday present - it's lego. He's biting his teacher on the ear as they try and shut down said improvised air-guitar solo at said Christmas concert. He's grinning, showing off his first missing tooth. He's hissing at the two other teachers pulling him off of the bleeding, moaning, now-one-eared teacher at said Christmas concert. He's carving a pumpkin. He's carving another pumpkin. It's clearly summer time and he's carving more pumpkins. There are a lot of pumpkins. He's participating in school sports. He's getting his stomach pumped - out comes waterbed water. He's wrestling for ROH.
The music crescendos then cuts out. Kyle, as a boy, is sitting on a couch in what is obviously as child psychologist's office. With a wry, adorable little smile, he looks right into the camera and says, "Many times I considered Satan as the fitter emblem of my condition; for often, like him, when I viewed the bliss of my protectors, the bitter gall of envy rose within me."
A soft fade to black. Then, the single credit cuts in with an Insidious-esque string section hit. It reads:
DIRECTED BY GARY FROM PRODUCTION
==========
The lights slowly come back on. Kyle is looking up at the screen with a delighted tear in his eye. The entire arena is stunned silent. Bayley looks around nervously then starts a slow clap, hoping to inspire some support from the people. A few pockets of them join in, but mostly, there's a lot of muttering first before the awkward quiet has more people clapping for fear of how Kyle might react otherwise.
O'Reilly isn't worried about the support of the masses, though. He only needs to impress one person tonight. He turns to Batista, who is still staring up at the big screen.
KO'R: So?
Batista grabs the Hollywood Championship off of his shoulder and raises it high in the air to cheers from the crowd. But suddenly, as Kyle is looking up at the Hollywood Championship, The Miz comes up behind him and hooks the arms before bringing him down with a Skull Crushing Finale! Bayley sees this and goes to interfere but Goldust blasts her in the back of the head with what looks like a movie award. As The Guild start putting the boots to the O’Reillys, Batista positions himself with the Hollywood Championship and motions for them to pick Kyle up. As they do, Big Dave charges and blasts the, “Diabetic Dragon” with the title.
”The Hollywood Animal” Batista: You thought you bit off more than you can chew before? Now that it’s for this, things just got a lot worse.
The "Good Guy" is out cold and Kyle is left a bloody mess as Batista and The Guild tower over the battered O'Reilly's. Could the crowd be booing any harder? Probably not. Probably not.
Ranallo: Well it looks like Batista has finally granted Kyle O'Reilly's request to put his Hollywood Championship on the line at Slammiversary. Unfortunately for the Diabetic Dragon, he's now going to be going into that match at way less than one hundred percent.
Graves: The Hollywood Animal humoring O'Reilly with a title defense is tantamount to granting a Make-A-Wish. It doesn't matter what kind of shape Kyle is in because even at his best, he's just no match for Batista.
Phillips: This is some reprehensible behavior from Batista and The Guild. Can't Kyle ever have a nice, non-wrestling moment without somebody trying to murder him?
Batista takes one last look down at pay-per-view opponent and then turns to leave with his goons. Medical personnel rush by them down the red carpet to provide some First Aid to Kyle and Bayley. Rebellion rolls on!
The titantron cuts from the UWF Rebellion graphic to a live feed from what looks to be the seediest, dingiest, stripper / hot wings bar in the city. Gathered around a table covered in empty bear bottles are the usual suspects - Rhino, Heath Slater, Moondog LeCavlier and Jaytherious J. Jones. A busty server approaches their table with a tray full of tequila shots.
Server: Another round for the big Bachelor Party?
Jones: You're damn. And leave the bottle, would ya?
LeCavlier: I've never been to a wedding I could remember and I'm not about to start with this one.
Shots are passed around. Glasses are held high. The Godfather of Cuthroat Journalism proposes a toast.
Jones: To Rhino and Yikes. For the life of me, I can't understand it, and I'd rather empty Tide pods into my unblinking eyeballs than picture it - but uh, well, I guess love is mysterious like that. I wouldn't know. I've never been in love. Such is the curse of a journalist - to be married to the road and the page and the bottle instead of flesh and blood. Well it's many a night I've lied sleepless in a single bed next to my partner Moondog here, watching the streetlights stream through the bug-infested curtains of our third-world motel room, wondering how lonely and or drunk I'd have to get to try my luck. And so far? No. Nothing. But someday? Who knows... who knows...
J.J. stares into the abyss for a moment, lost in his thoughts and regrets. Slater clears his throat, snapping him back to reality.
Jones: Aha... right. Yeah. So anyway, love is precious and um... uh... ya know... marriage is... welp... sacred... I guess. Here's to it.
LeCavlier: Cheers!
Slater: Sláinte!
Rhino: Gore.
They down their shots and slam the glasses on the table. Their attention is then drawn up to the dancers on the stage, who, of course, can't be shown on camera, so it's staged like an SNL skit.
LeCavlier: Rhino, buddy, just look at what you're giving up. Right now you have all the freedom in the world to creepily hit on these no-self esteem community college dropouts who either really love their dads or really hate them. Are you really gonna trade that for a lifetime of monogamy?
Rhyno: Gore.
Heath Slater: He says, “When it comes to a woman like Yikes, it’s more than a fair trade. I remember when I first laid eyes on her: skydiving from a Goodyear blimp with the wind in her hair and the sun shining off of those beautiful braces. Those kids trying to light ants on fire weren’t happy to be shown up but I knew it was love right then and there. I didn’t think she’d go for a guy like me at first, but when something is truly meant to be it’s meant to be and now here we are.”
LeCavlier: You got all that from, “Gore?”
Heath Slater: It was that or, “Pfft, ‘course I am, Jonesy!” I’m pretty buzzed.
LeCavlier: I’m Moondog.
Jones: And I'm not drunk enough yet. Garcon!
J.J. starts snapping his fingers, calling the Server back over with some misplaced French. Their Server comes over, looking annoyed by the rudeness of it all.
Jones: We need more liquor. Something dark this time. This tequila tastes like Spring Break smells.
Server: House policy is that we can't serve anyone who hasn't settled up after they spend a grand, so I'm gonna need to charge ya first, darlin'.
Jones' jaw hits the floor. Moondog nearly falls out of his chair. Slater didn't even notice, his bird-dogging the dancers on the stage. Rhino is as stoic as ever.
Jones: A GRAND?
LeCavlier: What kind tequila even is this?
Moondog examines the bottle for clues, cause that's his job.
LeCavlier: Authentic, Guadalajara hand-crafted, 1005 Agave, Aztec Gold-flake infused?
Server: It's real gold. Cursed, too, or so legend has it. That's why it runs ya so much.
Jones: We didn't ask for that!
Rhino: Gore.
Server: But you didn't not ask for it, neither.
Jones looks up at the busty Server and sees something isn't quite right about her. No, something is definitely amiss...
Jones: Hey... wait a sec... I'd recognize that bargain bin nose job anywhere... you're no ordinary Server!
Of course she isn't! The Server rips off her disguise to reveal a face that's all-to familiar!
McCallahan: Surprise, shitheads. Thought you'd paint the town red without me, huh? Well that liquor bill oughta teach you to have a Bachelor Party without Scoops McCallahan.
LeCavlier: I thought you were doing a Stagette with Yikes. Weren't you supposed to go sky diving?
Jones: Preferably without the parachute.
McCallahan: Suck a tail pipe, Jones. I'll jump out of a plane for a story, but I'm not about to pay some hillbilly south of two hundred to tossmyself out of their cropduster with the hopes they didn't just print their certification off the internet. I've seen 60 Minutes. Every episode. I know how that ends. Besides, I fuck like a man, so I party with men. I'll drink every last one of you under the table and have these Strippers paying me by last call, you mark my words.
Rhino: Gore.
McCallahan: Oh you're on, big fella.
Jones: You can understand him?
McCallahn: Pssh. You can't?
The gang gets deep into the cursed tequila. Real deep. Shortly thereafter, the waiting staff rolls over a BIG CAKE. It's really big. Way too big to be a normal cake, you might say.
McCallahan: That's not what I think it is, is it? You two bottomfeeders weren't tacky enough to order striper-in-a-cake, right?
Jones: It's tradition, you vacuum-lipped, truckstop call girl.
LeCavlier: He's gonna love it.
The enormous cake is carted in front of the lucky bachelor. Rhino stares at it up and down, not sure what to next when BOOM! A real-life woman just pops out of the top! And who is it if not the one, the only...
Carumba: SURPRISE! HAPPY BACHELOR PARTY!
Loose cake flies everywhere as Yikes Carumba hops out of the baking and lands in her hubby-to-be's lap, smooching his moustache'd face, then pulling back to clean off her bran new glasses that she is still getting used to.
McCallahan: You put the fiancé in the stripper cake?
Jones: That is definitely not who we put in the stripper cake.
LeCavlier: Yeah. We had twins stuffed in there. What happened to Candi and Bambi?
Carumba: I know it's bad luck to see each other right before the wedding but I couldn't wait!
Rhino: Gore.
McCallahan: Actually -
Yikes cuts her off mid-sentence.
Carumba: Wait! Hold that thought! My braces are tingling! I can feel a RUMOR coming on!
Yikes rubs her braces sensually. Her eyes roll back into her skull and her voice drops an octave with the prophecy of some hot gos.
Carumba: DID YOU HEAR THAT LA KNIGHT HAS HAIR PLUGS? A SOURCE CLOSE TO KNIGHT CLAIMS HE HAS BEEN SELF-CONSCIOUSS ABOUT HIS EARLY-ONSET, MALE-PATTERN BALDNESS FOR SOME TIME AND WAS CAUGHT BY PAPARAZZI SLIPPING OUT OF A CLINIC IN HIS HOMETOWN JUST LAST WEEK.
Yikes' eyes and voice go back to normal and she starts typing the "news" into her phone. Scoops stares at her unblinkingly.
McCallahan: It's like you were Wes Craven's idea for a person.
Jones: This is getting off the rails. We need more liquor and more women that aren't my co-workers.
LeCavlier: I thought that one chick working the pole in the back was winking at me, but now I'm pretty sure that she just has a glass eye that doesn't blink.
Heath Slater: Who’s in the mood for some karaoke, baby?
LeCavlier: A strip joint with karaoke?
Heath Slater: Absolutely, baby!
LeCavlier: Wasn’t enough to be a dodgy hodgepodge of hepatitis and regret. This is going to be like The Masked Singer gone very, very wrong.
At this point, Heath has stumbled onto the stage but what he doesn’t realize is he’s on the stripper stage and singing into a beer bottle instead of a microphone.
Heath Slater: “I don’t want…anybody else. When I think about you I touch myself!”
Heath does an Eddie Guerrero shimmy now before running right into the stripper pole. As he falls down, the bouncer comes over to the others.
Bouncer: I think you guys need to get your friend and get out of here.
Rhino sets Yikes off of his lap and stands up.
Rhyno: Gore.
Bouncer: What, I’m supposed to be scared?
Before Rhyno can do anything, Yikes charges the bouncer and hits a pretty decent Gore, shocking everyone in the party. As Rhino helps his wife-to-be up, he looks so proud. He gives her a kiss and then goes to help Heath down from the stage. As this wild night wraps up, Rebellion continues elsewhere.
Chimel: The following contest is a Hardcore Match!
The lights dim...
LIFE IS A MYSTERY
EVERYONE MUST STAND ALONE
I HEAR YOU CALL MY NAME
AND IT FEELS LIKE...
HOME.
Chimel: Introducing first, from the Tap End of Stevenston, weighing in at 235 pounds... Grado!
The lights flash and spotlights shine brightly on the stage as former Hardcore and Tag Team Champion, Grado makes his way out onto the stage to a huge ovation from the crowd. He's shucking, he's jiving, he's having a one man party and the crowd are loving it. Grado struts down the ramp slapping hands with the crowd who gather at the sides of the ramp as he makes his way to the foot of the ramp. Grado makes his way around ringside still touching the hands of those who reach out to touch their hero. Grado then unstraps his fanny pack and steps up onto the ring apron and as Madonna's classic 'Like A Prayer' reaches it's chorus once again Grado heads to the top rope where he throws the fanny pack high in the air for the world to see before he steps down very carefully into the center of the ring where he then plays to each side of the crowd before settling into the corner as he waits for his opponent to come down.
A countdown fades into view on the screen, starting from 20. As it gets down to 10, music begins to play, ramping in intensity until the countdown ends.
As it ends, the music is unmistakable. The figure walking out on the stage is undeniable. The man with the microphone is un.... ummmm... un.... I had something I swear here. Christian slaps his chest as he does to move things along, peering out into the crowd, playing his usual mental game of Where's Waldo with the nosebleeds. He's never won and today that won't change. The fans are lukewarm to Captain Classic, the Instant Charisma, Christian. Christian walks down the ramp. He looks up and down at his opponent, his thoughts drifting towards Slammiversary as he climbs the steel steps.
Chimel: And his opponent, from Toronto, Ontario, Canada, weighing in at 227 pounds, Christian!
Christian joins Grado in the ring. Whatever common ground they found to work as tag team partners on Revolution isn't even an afterthought now. It doesn't look like there's any love lost between them as Chimel steps out of the ring and the Ref calls for the bell.
VS. 
DING DING
The bell rings and the competitors slowly approach the center of the squared circle. There they stand staring each other down, fists clenched, ready to fight. What's this hesitancy, though? What's the hold-up? Is it in the knowing that wasn't supposed to be their war to fight? Is there something in Grado that doesn't want to unearth the Hardcore Legend within - to pick at those old scabs? Is there a worry in the back of the Instant Classic's mind that it's been too long since he went one-on-one with a game opponent?
In the stillness, the capacity crowd swells. Sputterings of "WE WANT TABLES" and early "THIS IS AWESOME" chants are soon outmatched by dueling cheers for each man. Soon, even that gives way to a more pro-Grado wave, as the Scotsman's diehard supporters rally to dwarf the Christian faithful with "GRADO! GRADO! GRADO!"
Ranallo: Interesting. It seems the UWF Universe is favouring the Chubby Wee Chancer Fae the Tap End of Stevenson. Christian may by the "Instant Classic", but Grado is our most beloved "Cult Classic."
Phillips: I can't imagine that Christian's association with Edge helps. Even if he hasn't gone as far off the deep end recently as his best friend. I'd also argue that its Christian's fault the Towel Boiz fell apart.
Graves: Enough, Phillips. All week long on twitter its been "Towel Boiz" this and "Towel Boiz" that. A tag team legend like Christian is so far above being associated with one of Grado's ridiculous little groups its not even funny.
With the tide turning against him, Christian shrugs, bites down, and gets to work. He reaches up and snags a collar-and-elbow. A power struggle ensues, with the opponents vying for a dominant position. The Canuck tries to maneuver himself around to the side for a headlock, but Grado shrugs him off and pushes him away. Captain Charisma responds with a condescending pat on the head as soon as they break, but actually, its more like a slap.
The fans "OOOOOH" cause its shady as all heck. Christian smirks a little - ya know, like he does - cause he knows what a little shyster he's being. Grado isn't so amused.
Launching himself forward like a caber, Grado tackles his foe and brings him down to the canvas with a Thesz Press. From a full mount position, he drops some serious bombs, from punches to slaps to chops to elbows - anything and everything besides the kitchen sink. Christian turtles up to weather the storm as the fans go nuts for the sudden burst of violence. He's bucking his wings and wriggling and writhing until Grado punches himself tired and he's able to slip away.
Christian rolls out under the ropes to his floor, looking back through the ropes at the huffing and puffing Scot. Cage slaps the apron in frustration, bewildered and surprised that the guy even had that kind of fire in him.
Phillips: I don't think Christian was expecting Grado to go from zero-to-sixty like that.
Ranallo: It isn't the first time somebody has underestimated the former Hardcore Champion and paid for it.
Circling around the ring, Christian heads to the Time Keeper's area and grabs a chair. And then another! He folds them up and brings them back over to the squared circle, calling up to his foe, "You wanna get nuts? Let's get nuts!" The fans are thrilled to see this escalate even further.
He tosses the first chair over the ropes. It narrowly misses the Referee before crashing to the canvas. Christian then slides the other in and it skids almost all the way across. As a Canadian, he's a natural at curling, and applies those same skills here. Grado turns around to go and grab it. Christian hurries into the ring while his back his turned and sprints over, blasting the dude with a pair of forearm clubs across the back before he can even get to the chair.
Grado is brought down to his knees and the Instant Classic follows up with another pair of clubs to his spine. That's enough to get him all the way down. Christian then steps over and crouches above the C.U.N.T. member, grips a shoulder strap of the tights with one hand, and feeds some straight rights to the mouth with the other. Grado's noggin snaps back with each landed shot, and the blonde bombshell doesn't let up until he sees blood coming from the lips.
Graves: A lot of the focus going into this has been about how much history Grado has in Hardcore matches, as if Christian hasn't had more than his fair share of bouts without rules. He knows how to get down and dirty when the occasion calls for it, he was just good enough not to define his entire career by that.
Ranallo: He has Grado busted open now. For the you good-natured queasy folks watching in the mid-west, fair warning - it may only get worse from here.
Once he's satisfied with the beating, Christian gets up and drags a dizzied Grado over towards one of the chairs. He takes a moment, and with it, a deep breath, as if he'd rather not to what he's about to. But it's too late now. They've come this far.
Christian wraps the first chair around Grado's neck and head while he's lying prone on the mat. He then snatches the other one and prepares to conduct a Con-Chair-To. There's a fair chunk of the fans who pop, thrilled to see one of the deadliest moves in the game go down in person. Grado's people, however, aren't so stoked, and boo the heck out of Captain Charisma as he lifts the chair over head.
Phillips: This might be over right away!
Graves: If Christian hits the Con-Chair-To, I doubt Grado will be in any shape to corner Shark Boy at Slammiversary.
Ranallo: The Champ might need to ring up another Councilor of Underwater Nomadic Talent to fill in.
Before Christian can bring the chair down, however, Grado spins himself around, almost break dance-ily, and uses his feet to sweep out Christian's from beneath him. He drops the chair and falls to the canvas while Grado unsticks his head from the other one and sprawls to shoot the half. The Referee comes in to count it...
1...
Christian shoves him off at one and shoots Grado a look like "really, you're trying to win like that?"
Except Grado just needed an opening, and he makes the most of it. After spitting out a glob of blood, he clobbers the Canuck with a forearm shiver to the temple to get him woozy and then pulls the guy up to a vertical base. From there, Grado whips him into the ropes. Chirstian bounces back and Grado dips to catch him before popping him up with a Biiiiiiiiig Back Body Drop!
The Instant Classic flips through air and lands hard down on one of the flattened chairs. Fans of all ages grimace as spine collides with steel with all of the uncaring force of gravity and momentum applied.
Phillips: Oof! That chair coming back to bite Christian!
Ranallo: Foreign objects in hardcore matches are like things you say when you're arrested - they can and will be used against you.
Christian is gasping like a winded guppy. Grado isn't about to let up now. He wipes a trickle of blood coming down his chin and then goes after his opponent, grabbing his head to pull him to his feet again. The Canadian has had enough of this dude, though, and wards him off with a big hook to the tummy. That doubles the Chancer over, allowing Christian to knee him in the face. Following that, he hooks the head, rotates him, and nails an Inverted DDT on to that same chair he just hit!
Grado's dome bounces off the already-dented steel with a yucky thud. The fans gasp in shock while Christian rolls him over for the cover...
1...
2...
Grado kicks out at two! Christian gives the Referee a look like "are you sure?" and the third man nods because he is. Captain Charisma shakes his head, like he's finding no joy in this, then rolls to get back out of the ring.
With no worries about being counted out, he takes his time, catching his breath, nursing his back a little, and getting some pep in his step again. Christian then goes looking under the ring for some plunder and finds himself a tin garbage can, with lid and all.
Grado's had a minute or so to recover now, although he hasn't quite come to his senses as he gets to his feet. With the blur of concussion symptoms clouding his vision, he doesn't quite see what Christian is up to on the outside and elects to throw caution to the wind and dive on him. Building up some speed with a rope run, Grado rebounds off the far cables, dashes across the squared circle and leaps through the middle and top to sky tackle his foe.
Christian clocks him coming a mile away and cuts him down mid-air with the garbage can right to his head!
Graves: Christian taking out the trash!
Phillips: Did you hear the sound that thing made when it hit Grado's skull? That was horrifying!
The Scotsman crashes into the floor with a laceration across his forehead now. Boy's sporting the crimson mask right away as he rolls over. Again, Christian just shakes his head at the sight. He knows that if he's going to put the Hardcore Legend down, though, it'll take some serious doing. In that spirit of creativity, Christian sets the trash can lid flat on the arena floor and scoops his opponent off the ground.
There's no need to double him over with a shot to the guts - Grado's limp body is plenty malleable in the capable hands of the Instant Classic. Hooking the arms as he rotates him around, Christian prepares to deliver his signature maneuver with the lid as a landing pad.
Phillips: Christian is going for the Killswitch on the outside! Oh man. This is hard to watch.
Ranallo: It'll be all over if he hits this. As tough as Grado is, there's only so much a man can handle.
Christian goes to drop down, except oh snap! Grado shoves him away first and saves himself. His fans out there scream and cheer big time as he staves off certain destruction. The Canadian stumbles away a few steps. When he turns around, he finds an unpleasant greeting when Grado snags the garbage can lid off the ground and frisbee's it right into Christian's throat!
Captain Charisma clutches his neck, gagging. Grado takes advantage of his state and grabs him the trunks and scruff of the neck to roll him back into the ring. He follows after and stands tall as Christian crawls along the canvas, gasping for air out of what could very well be a collapsed trachea for all we know.
Grado then reaches inside of his trunks and starts reaching around. What's he looking for? The crowd pops huge when he pulls it out...
Ranallo: It's the official towel of the Towel Boiz! With a giant G - for Grado - emblazoned across it in sparkling gold!
Graves: Grado? More like Weirdo. Why would he even have that in there?
First, he uses that towel to wipe the significant amount of blood from his face. He then drops down on Christian and wraps that bad boy around his neck, applying the STF-Yersel with extreme prejudice.
Gasps and cheers alike pour out of the capacity crowd as a bleeding Grado chokes the ever-loving heck out of The Instant Classic. Christian's eyes are bulging out as his face turns all the wrong shades. He's reaching out for the ropes, but in this economy, even those won't save him. That makes him desperate. With no other recourse, the fading Christian reaches back with his free hand and shoves a finger into the open wound in Grado's forehead and starts digging around in there.
Its a disgusting sight to behold as the Canadian damn near gets knuckle deep in there. Yucky! Of course that just gets the blood pumping out even more voraciously. But instead of loosening his grip as the pain takes hold and his own blood drips into his peepers, Grado lets out a barbaric yawp and applies twice the pressure, choking his opponent with everything he's got left in the tank.
Despite Christian's best efforts to get Grado off his back, his strength falls off as his air supply dwindles. Slowly but surely, his arm drops, and when it's clear he's unconscious, the Referee calls for the bell.
DING DING
YOUR WINNER...
GRADO!
"Like a Prayer" hits the PA and Grado rolls off of Christian. He's covered in blood, taking deep breaths into his spent lungs, and is looking like he just got his by a bus. Nevertheless, he finds it in himself to stand tall and have his hand raised before the Official drops down to check on Christian.
Ranallo: My goodness. What a bloody, brutal affair between these men.
Phillips: Grado used that towel to choke Christian out, and rest assured, that UWF Championship match this Sunday won't stop until we see a towel thrown in. Even if Shark Boy or Edge has the life choked out of them the same way, it will up to Grado or Edge's family and closest friend to make the call. The Official won't have the power to do so.
Grado takes a look down at Christian, who's just starting to come to. There's a disappointment in his eyes, lamenting what a shame it was for the Towel Boiz to come to such a bitter end. He doesn't linger long, though, before stepping through the ropes and heading up the ramp, leaving Christian sitting in the squared circle as the show comes to a close!
END OF SHOW
Credits
Grado vs Christian - Fauche
Everything else - Respective TTers
