Post by Danny on Mar 2, 2023 16:05:32 GMT -6
We head to the arena where the pyrotechnics go off from the stage and the camera pans around to get a shot of the Revolution fans in attendance before panning to the commentary table where Corey Graves, Mauro Ranallo, and Tom Phillips are standing by.
Mauro Ranallo: Ahoy and welcome to Revolution! I'm Mauro Ranallo alongside my partners Tom Phillips and former International Champion Corey Graves.
Tom Phillips: We're on a boat! We're on a Boat! We're on a boat moth-
Corey Graves: That's enough of that.
Mauro Ranallo: We're live from international waters and we've got a hell of a card tonight, topped off by our main event featuring MJF taking on Danhausen for the #1 contendership to the Intercontinental Championship.
Tom Phillips: Speaking of Championships, the UWF Champion is in action as he looks to get some revenge on the man who attacked him last week, Lance Cade.
Corey Graves: Can't wait to see Ol' Sharky get thrown overboard. Hopefully a bigger shark eats him.
Tom Phillips: We also have you're favorite Homicide taking on Sami Zayn
Corey Graves: That thug blindsided Sami last week but this week he's gonna get what's coming to him.
Mauro Ranallo: And Bronson Steiner will finally get his hands on Leyton Buzzard. There's nowhere for him to run on a boat!
Corey Graves: Plus Finn Balor looks to dethrone the Television Champion Cody Rhodes.
Mauro Ranallo: and right around the corner, Hulk Hogan finally gets his hands on Jeff Jarrett in a match. Let's head down to the ring to see the conclusion of this rivalry!
The familiar guitar strings go across the arena as the laugh of the Last Outlaw can be heard across the arena as well. When the lyrics hit, out walks “The King of the Mountain” Jeff Jarrett onto the stage, already smack talking the fans before they even get a chance to say anything. Always with him is his trusty “Acoustic Equalizer”, ready to hit anyone who gets in his way. He walks down the ramp a bit before lifting the guitar in the air as pyro is set off behind him as only Jeff Jarrett requested.
Tony Chimel: “Introducing first…from Nashville Tennessee, weighing in tonight at 230 lbs…he is ‘The Last Outlaw’, JEFF JARRETT!”
Jeff continues his walk to the ring, smack talking anyone who thinks they can get their two cents in. He makes his way to the steps and proceeds to head into the ring. He goes to the hard cam side, gets on the middle rope and holds the guitar up one more time for the fans to know that he means business.
Jeff then puts the guitar down in his corner, yet still within arms reach if he needs it, and gets ready for the match.
Hulk Hogan's theme hits and he makes his way out to the ring with Jimmy Hart wearing his Hulkamania Rules t-shirt, yellow trunks, yellow boots, bandana on his head.
Tony Chimel: “Being accompanied to the ring by Jimmy Hart, from Venice Beach, California, weighing in at 303 pounds. He is ‘The Real American’, Hulk Hogan!”
Hogan then enters the ring, with Jimmy Hart staying at the ready at ringside.
DING DING DING
At the sound of the bell, the crowd here in attendance aboard the S.S. Revolution looks to already be building at a fever pitch, with Hulk Hogan looking to hype himself up, slapping himself across the chest a few times just to generate some noise, and perhaps some momentum as well. Meanwhile, as the two men circle one another, Jeff Jarrett takes a more methodical approach to things, each step being made in stride, all with a purpose…but when the two men lock up? Those strides are all for naught, as Hogan simply overpowers Jarrett, shoving him clean backwards with a display of raw power, forcing Jarrett to roll backwards onto his knees, giving the Hulkster plenty of time to show off his muscles to the fans!
Tom Phillips: ”Look at those twenty four inch pythons on display, folks! The power of the Hulkster really shining through so far in this matchup here on Revolution!”
Corey Graves: ”...Tom, all he did was shove him back on a lock-up. It wasn’t even anything impressive!”
Mauro Ranallo: ”Be that as it may, Corey, he has put Jeff Jarrett on the backfoot from the opening bell!”
Indeed it has, as Jarrett hesitates to approach Hulk for the second attempt at a collar-and-elbow, fearing it will go the exact same way. Unfortunately for him, Hogan is the one who approaches for the lockup…but this works in the favor of Jeff Jarrett, as he slips right behind Hogan on the attempted grapple, gives a nice slap across the back of the Hulkster’s head as a sign of mockery, and goes right into that trademark strut across the ring!
Corey Graves: ”Now you see that?! THAT is some trademark in-ring technique and prowess from J-E-Double F, J-A-Double R-E-Double T!”
Tom Phillips: ”But he didn’t even do anything technical! He just slapped Hulk Hogan across the back of the head and started strutting!”
Mauro Ranallo: ”Again, questionable tactics aside, that Jackie Fargo-inspired maneuver looks to have changed the momentum over into the corner of The Last Outlaw!”
And indeed it has, as the Hulkster has gotten all fired up from that disrespect shown by The Last Outlaw! With Hogan on the warpath, Jarrett is all too keen on fleeing the ring, escaping through the middle rope and beckoning for the Hulkster to follow him outside, only for the referee to try and hold the immortal one back. Taunting him still on the outside, Jarrett would call for, nay, he would DEMAND that the referee backs Hogan up so he can try and make a safe entry into the ring, and so Hulk is made to oblige. Yet, as Jarrett gets onto the apron, he looks apprehensively at his opponent…and hops back down, yelling that he doesn’t have enough distance to get back inside! Begrudgingly, the referee tries to get Hogan further back, and Jarrett hops onto the apron again…but it’s repeated a second time, with Jeff refusing to enter!
By now, Hogan has his back to the ropes on the opposite side of the ring, so it is not like the referee has much he can do, but Hulk? Hulk has something up his proverbial sleeves, brother, especially as Jarrett begins taunting about his brilliance in avoiding Hogan out on the floor. With his back turned to the ring, he is unable to see the Hulkster marching forward, only realizing something is amiss as Hulk reaches over the top rope and grabs Jeff by the little hair he has left, before yanking him straight up to the apron! Spinning him around, Hogan throws Jarrett into the ring with a hip toss, causing the Last Outlaw to holler out in pain.
That isn’t all that Hulk has, though, as he waits for Jarrett to get up before going for one of the most patented pieces of the immortal one’s offense…a BACK RAKE~! Digging his nails into the back, another yelp of pain comes from Jarrett off this offensive maneuver, and while the referee is having absolutely NONE of this blatantly illegal tactic, neither the Hulkster nor the fans in attendance care.
Corey Graves: ”Oh, come on! That isn’t even fair, that’s just blatantly cheating, ref! Do something about it!”
Tom Phillips: ”Wait, since when did YOU care about the rules being upheld, Corey?!”
Corey Graves: ”That’s none of your business, Phillips! I’m just trying to make sure that Jeff Jarrett has as fair a shot as anyone here!”
Corey’s bias aside, it appears that the referee’s warning has no clear effect on the Hulkster, as he is able to bring Jeff Jarrett into the corner, and with his back against the buckle, Jeff is helpless as Hogan climbs up to the second rope, and raises his fist to the sky! After a few seconds of stalling for the audience, Hogan drops a massive hammer shot from the heavens themselves onto Jarrett’s head!
ONE!
Another fist comes flying soon after, the crowd getting more invested into it!
TWO!
A third blow follows suit, connecting flush!
THREE!
Then a fourth shot comes crashing down!
FOUR!
And it’s starting to hurt inside for Jeff Jarrett!
FIVE
Hogan knew going into this match that he had to take a stand!
SIX!
And for The Last Outlaw, it clearly didn’t help to hide!
SEVEN!
Hulk has just gotta be a man, just like he’s doing right now!
EIGHT!
After two guitar shots cost him matches, he cannot let them slide!
NINE!
With Jimmy Hart on the outside, Hulk looks to feed off the energy of the crowd for the big, final, penultimate, match-deciding blow…but he just takes too damn long, as Jarrett reaches up and manages to daze Hogan with the dreaded counterpart of the back rake, the EYE RAKE~! Jeff then brings Hogan out of the corner and drops him with an Inverted Atomic Drop! With the Hulkster stunned, Jarrett looks to regain his bearings by bouncing off the ropes, and he manages to connect with a rarity in his moveset - a running crossbody! With Hulk down, he goes for the cover!
ONE!
NO!
The Hulkster POWERS out at one, as no crossbody is going to be able to keep the immortal one down! Jarrett looks in slight anger and disbelief, but still, he knows what needs to be done, as he starts doing what any good heel does to a man like Hulk Hogan - go for the leg! With repeated elbows being dropped onto the knee, Jarrett has Hogan down where he wants him, and is showcasing it by smack talking with the Hulkster, with Jimmy Hart at ringside, with the fans, the ref, with everybody!
Mauro Ranallo: ”Look at this brutal assault on the leg of Hogan from Jeff Jarrett!”
Corey Graves: ”All a part of the brilliant plan from The Last Outlaw, Mauro! He knows what it takes to beat a man like Hulk Hogan, and I’m not referring to a finger poke! This man is a cerebral wrestler, a true player of the game!”
Tom Phillips: ”...Where have I heard that before, Corey?”
Corey Graves: ”Shut your mouth, Tom! I’m talking about Jeff Jarrett here, and right now he has Hulk Hogan exactly where he wants him!”
Indeed he does, as Jarrett stands up with a proud grin, looking down at the damaged leg, before deciding that this still isn’t enough. So, with a loop around the leg, Jarrett drops down…and locks Hogan in a Figure Four Leglock! One of the oldest, yet most effective submission holds in the game, and he’s got Hulk Hogan trapped in it! The Hulkster is struggling, squirming, screaming out in pain, trying his hardest not to tap, to not disappoint all of the Hulkamaniacs here out on foreign waters! But it still is a difficult call for Hogan, as Jarrett wrenches on the hold, using as much leverage as he can for being in the dead center of the ring, but then…it comes to him. With some assistance from Jimmy Hart and some well-timed slams of the apron, the crowd begins to rally, pouring all their attention, all their love, all their devotion behind the American hero, and like a Phoenix rising from the ashes or the sun rising in the East, so too does the Hulkster, as he begins to power his way up and over, slowly rolling himself to try and reverse the pressure! Jarrett, struggling for control, tries to pull him back…but the power of the Hulkster is too much, and the Figure Four is reversed on the Outlaw! Now it is Jeff who is in excruciating agony, so much so that he has to crawl free from his own hold, trying not to tap out in such an embarrassing manner…yet still, he manages to get to his feet first. He had been on the wrong end of the hold for less time than Hogan, after all, and it gives him the advantage, charging up with a big shot across the temple of the Hulkster!
…But all this does is make the immortal one angry. And Jeff Jarrett, nor anyone in the UWF locker room, would like the Hulkster when he’s angry.
Tom Phillips: ”Guys, can you feel it?! Do you feel what’s happening right now?!”
Corey Graves: ”What, the boat rocking on the water?”
Tom Phillips: ”No, Corey…I’m talking about what’s happening in the ring! He’s hulking up, dude!”
And with that call, Jeff Jarrett looks to put a kibosh on this comeback, delivering another blow to the temple, but as Hogan shakes his way to a vertical basis, and another punch is delivered, all that can be heard booming from the ring, as well as from all throughout the audience, is one word and one word only.
YOU!
With a mighty point across the ring at The Last Outlaw, Jeff seems stunned by the ongoings, and throws another, this time much more desperate, blow…but Hulk blocks and counters! A big right hand rocks The Last Outlaw, and then comes another one! And another! Jeff’s back is up against the rope now, and Hogan whips him off…but the Big Boot doesn’t connect, as Jarrett slips out the back door and escapes under the bottom rope!
Incensed, the Hulkster looks to follow, with the referee helplessly coming along, pleading for Hogan to get back inside the ring with the action, but the two are far gone. With Hogan chasing after Jarrett, the two would make their way not just to the ringside area, but to an entirely different section of the boat, as fans gather round to watch the ongoing pursuit! With Jarrett unaware, he would only find out there’s a Hulkster on his trail when he’s spun around and met with a blow to the temple, then a second, and a third! As Jarrett backpedals, he finds himself rather dangerously close to the cruise ship’s on-deck pool, because if you’re already out in the middle of nothing but water, what else would you want to do than swim in cleaner, more chemically-controlled water? However, with nowhere else to go, there’s a pleading look on the face of Jeff Jarrett, with the Last Outlaw dropping to his knees to beg off! He apologizes for everything he did wrong - the guitar shot at the Royal Rumble, the guitar shot he did a week or so ago, the trash talking, the badmouthing behind the Hulkster’s back, everything! But the Hulkster…it’s not his decision on what to do here - it’s the FANS’ decision, as Hogan calls out to the crowd on if Jarrett deserves to go for a swim, brother!
A cacophony of cheers and “YES!” chants fill the open air, and so, without second thought, Hogan picks up Jarrett by his wrestling trunks and the scruff of his neck, turns him around…and sends him crashing into the ship’s pool!
Mauro Ranallo: ”MAMA MIA! THE HULKSTER JUST TURNED JEFF JARRETT’S WRESTLING TRUNKS INTO SWIMMING TRUNKS BY TOSSING HIM INTO THE S.S. REVOLUTION’S ON-DECK POOL!”
Corey Graves: ”Why do we even HAVE a pool on-deck?! WHO NEEDS TO GO SWIMMING WHEN THEY’RE OUT ON THE OCEAN?!”
Tom Phillips: ”Well, actually, I-”
Corey Graves: ”NOBODY CARES, TOM! And a better question - why isn’t the referee counting out Hogan?! He’s been outside of the ring for MINUTES now, Hogan should have been counted out!”
Mauro Ranallo: ”But didn’t Jeff Jarrett leave the ring first, Corey?”
Corey Graves: ”Jeff Jarrett is in the pool right now, Mauro, how is it fair for him to try and get back into the ring in that condition?!”
Thankfully (or unfortunately, depending whose side you’re on), Jarrett manages to pull himself out of the water and back onto the open deck, with the Hulkster waiting for him. Grabbing Jeff, he tries to bring him right back to ringside, the referee and Jimmy Hart following along…but out of seemingly nowhere, Jarrett surges back! Shoving Hogan forward, he sends the Hulkster’s skull ricocheting off the turnbuckle post, but Hulk simply remains staggered rather than dropping to the mat. Coughing up some chlorinated water, which is something NOBODY deserves no matter how much of a bastard they are, Jarrett looks to be left open as Hogan gets out of stunlock, and charges forward with an Axe Bomber, but at the last possible second, Jarrett ducks, and Hogan nails the referee instead!
With Jarrett rolling back inside the ring to escape the Hulkster, he would look conflicted, checking up on the referee while also realizing he still has a match to compete in…so he would leave it up to Jimmy Hart to revive the official, with the manager rushing to take over caretaker duties from Mr. Nanny himself. Freed from the confines of assisting the official, Hogan would bring himself back into the ring, looking at Jarrett trying desperately to crawl over to the corner, but Hulk? He’s seeing red, folks, he isn’t letting Jeff Jarrett run away like the scalded dog he is, so he approaches rather carelessly, wanting to get a piece of The Last Outlaw…
BUT INSTEAD, HE GETS A PIECE OF “THE ACOUSTIC EQUALIZER” BEING BLASTED OVER HIS HEAD, COURTESY OF JEFF JARRETT!
Tom Phillips: ”NO! NO, NOT THIS WAY!”
Corey Graves: ”YES! THE ACOUSTIC EQUALIZER COMING INTO EFFECT ONCE AGAIN!”
Mauro Ranallo: ”WHAT A GUITAR SHOT FROM JARRETT, AND THE REFEREE IS DOWN! THE REF DIDN’T SEE IT!”
With a wicked smirk on his face, Jarrett is nothing but jubilant at his own brilliance, tapping the side of his temple as he eyes the shattered remains of what lay before him, as well as the guitar handle still in his hands. Dropping it to the mat without a care, Jarrett stalks the immortal one, eyeing him up as he carefully, meticulously brings him to his feet…and drops him head-first to the mat with The Stroke! Hogan is down, and Jarrett goes for the cover!
...ONE!
...TWO!
...THREE!
...FOUR?
...FIVE?!
Jarrett looks up from the pin, clearly confused at the ongoing events. Where was the bell? There was supposed to be a match-shattering bell! Jarrett glances around the ring, trying to figure out what’s wrong…but then he realizes…THE REFEREE IS STILL DOWN!
In a frenzy, Jarrett leaves the ring, FURIOUS over the fact that this match is still going, all because of the referee being knocked out! He goes right over to Jimmy Hart, seeing that he is trying to tend to the referee, and yells at him for not moving fast enough, but Jimmy, he stands up for himself! He calls out Jarrett for ducking and causing this situation in the first place, but that? That just pisses Jarrett off, as one clean right hand damn near knocks Jimmy out of his boots!
Tom Phillips: ”Oh, how despicable! How deplorable! How VILE can Jeff Jarrett get?!”
Corey Graves: ”Hey, from where I’m sitting, that rat had it coming! Jeff Jarrett has a clear policy: don’t piss him off, and that slapnuts just pissed off The Last Outlaw!”
Mauro Ranallo: ”Yeah, but Corey, I think Jeff’s got bigger problems to worry about than Jimmy Hart right now!”
And indeed Mauro is correct, as inside the ring, the Hulkster has risen. He has sensed his manager, nay, his FRIEND is in peril, and on that distress beacon ringing out in his mind, the Hulkster rises up! Jarrett, not paying attention, gets back inside the ring…but as soon as he sees Hogan is back up, he is on the defensive! A big shot to the temple sends Jeff staggering, then a second, then a third! Jarrett is up against the ropes, and he’s shot off…right into a Big Boot from the Hulkster! He’s calling for the end! He’s cupping the ear to the crowd, could it be time?! Hogan bounces off the ropes…AND HE DROPS THE LEG, BROTHER! THE LEG DROP CONNECTS, JARRETT LOOKS DEAD TO RIGHTS, AND HOGAN GOES FOR THE COVER!
...ONE!
...TWO!
...THREE!
...FOUR?!
...FIVE?!?!
THE REFEREE IS STILL DOWN, HULK! He breaks the pin, looking down at the ringside area, and decides enough’s enough, brother! He scoops the referee up with those twenty four inch pythons, he tosses him clean into the ring, and heads back inside with murderous intent! The ref is on his feet! The fans are on their feet! They all know what’s coming next, as Hogan bounces off the ropes! One! More! Time! He goes to drop the leg…
BUT JARRETT ROLLS OUT OF THE WAY!
Hogan’s leg meets nothing but canvas, and as he cries in agony, Jarrett staggers to his feet. He looks at Hulk at first, but a shrill cry distracts him, as Jimmy Hart soars back to his feet, and hops onto the apron, megaphone in hand! He wants to clobber that there Jeff Jarrett, but the referee is through! He has been abused and battered in this match, it is time to lay down the law! The referee turns to ensure Jimmy Hart gets off the apron, taking his eye off the ball, but so did Jarrett, as Hogan grabs him from behind, looking for something to seal the match-
LOW BLOW! A LOW BLOW FROM JARRETT OFF THE MULE KICK!
Tom Phillips: ”OH COME ON! NOT THIS WAY, JEFF, NOT THIS WAY!”
With Hogan taking one right to the Hulksters, he is in no shape to defend himself as Jarrett reverses the waist lock, grabs both arms…AND DROPS HIM WITH THE STROKE! THE STROKE FROM JARRETT, FOR THE SECOND TIME, AND HE ROLLS INTO THE COVER! HART IS OFF THE APRON, AND THE REFEREE TURNS TO MAKE THE COUNT!
.....ONE!
.....TWO!
.....THREE!
DING DING DING
Tony Chimel: ”HERE IS YOUR WINNER…JEFF JARRETT!”
The fans are pissed. Jimmy Hart is pissed. Even the referee seems pissed. But you know who isn’t pissed off? Jeff Jarrett, as The Last Outlaw CACKLES upon his hands getting raised, two fingers on each hand raised to the sky to signify a V for VICTORY over Hulk Hogan!
Corey Graves: ”YES! YES! Jeff Jarrett has done it! Jeff Jarrett has PINNED Hulk Hogan, ONE-TWO-THREE, no questions left to be answered, no doubts about it!”
Tom Phillips: ”Wh-What do you MEAN no doubts about it?! Jeff Jarrett needed BOTH that guitar shot AND a low blow to put away Hulk Hogan here tonight! That match should have been won-”
Corey Graves: ”Should have been won off the first Stroke from Jarrett if that Slapnuts of a referee wasn’t acting like some soccer player, flopping around for attention outside the ring! Yes, my thoughts exactly, Tom! For once, the two of us are on the same page!”
Even with Phillips letting out an annoyed growl at Corey, the attention returns to Jarrett as he celebrates his major victory here tonight, while UWF Spring Break rolls on…
Spring Break rolls on. After our previous segment, the cameras panned backstage where a certain someone is waiting to talk.
LA Knight: Ladies and Gentlemen, dummies and incels alike...Let Me Talk To 'Ya!
The Spring Break objectively boos and groans at the self proclaimed "Million Dollar Megastar" and his trademark catchphrase.
LA Knight: It's Spring Break! We're on a boat with a bunch of drunk dummies; a clown and a silver spoon fed asshole are fightin' for a shot at the Intercontinental Championship, and L...A....Knight came into a brand new gift last week.
The camera pans down to see Knight wearing The Primetime Medal, which is currently owned by Kyle O'Reilly.
LA Knight: What lookin' at? L...A...Knight is talkin' bout the brand new 2023 Daytona SP3 Ferrari that he bought after Revolution last week.But 'ya were concerned about this? The Piss-Time Medal? I guess 'ya can say L...A....Knight lucked into this as well last week. 'Ya see, Kyle O'Reilly, 'ya shouldn't leave things lying around. Especially somethin' that 'ya claim is so valuable to 'ya. Now, to L...A...Knight, this little trinket is just as worthless as 'ya are. L...A....Knight has found more valuable items in the pockets of his $2,500 jeans when he does laundry.
LA Knight: And L...A...Knight hears what all of y'all are sayin'. "Mr. Knight, 'ya shouldn't antagonize a man that could kick the head of 'ya shoulders." Well here's the thing about that. L...A....Knight doesn't fear Kyle O'Reilly. L...A....Knight is in complete control of this situation and if Kyle O'Reilly wants this little Cracker Jack prize back, he will do what L...A...Knight wants. People keep saying L...A....Knight doesn't want to enter Kyle O'Reilly's world, But what 'ya don't realize is that is....Kyle O'Reilly is now playin' L...A....Knight's game. And that's not an insutl; that's just a fact of life. YEAH!
And with that, Knight walks off as Spring Break rolls on.
Tony Chimel: From Atlanta, Georgia, Making their way to the ring, the American Nightmare, Cody Rhodes!
The pryo goes off as the American Nightmare come out to a huge ovation from the roaring crowd and he has a huge smile on his face.
The lights begin to flash around the arena as thunder is heard in the background. The arena stage begins to be filled with smoke as everybody gets their expectations up the music takes a pause as the Demon King crawls out in his signature war body paint.
In his body paint you can see many variations of Cody Rhodes’ name including shots at Dusty Rhodes. With the Demon King playing mind games he certainly isn’t in the mood as he keeps a straight face and behinds to walk down the ramp. The Demon pauses on the ramp for a split second before throwing his hands out which caused the lights to change white.
After doing so once more the Demon King headed straight for the ring and make a turn to the stairs. After climbing up the stairs Demon Balor hopped straight onto the top turnbuckle after he throws his body down and springs himself back up causing the light to change to white once more. After hopping off of the turnbuckle the Demon King crawls into the other corner.
The camera cuts to the commentary trio of Mauro Ranallo, Tom Phillips and Corey Graves all sitting on the top deck of the cruise liner with mocktails in hand and a smile on their faces happy to be commentating Spring Break live from international waters. . .
Mauro Ranallo: "What an entrance, Shivers down my spine just watching the Demon, Finn Balor. . ."
Tom Phillips: "Balor whole demeanor has changed, This is a unique atmosphere going into this match especially since a storm seems to have rolled over the moment the Demon came out. . ."
Corey Graves: "Rhodes did show a darker side of himself when he took out Mafia Dom with a brutal attack. . ."
Mauro Ranallo: "Cody may need to tap into that anger and aggression to take out the Demon. . ."
Corey Graves: "If you look closely at the body paint of the demon he has the names of victims inscribed. . ."
The commentators await the match graphic and the ringing of the bell to begin the match after the pre-match pleasantries, as the referee searches for any foreign object that either man is trying to smuggle in, but nothing...
DING DING DING
Rhodes offers to go for the test of strength, Cody gets caught off guard by a charging demon, Who jumps sending both boots into the chest of Rhodes which sends Cody flying backwards into the turnbuckle. Cody doesn't have much time to get out of the corner as Balor comes charging at him again, Finn grabs the head trying for a sling blade but Cody catches Balor mid move before slamming him down into the mat with force, Cody puts all his weight into a pin fall attempt with both legs of Finn above his own head...
Tom Phillips: "Cody has recently had trouble with his opponents dictating the pace of the match early but tonight it looks like he has a game plan to keep a step ahead..."
Corey Graves: "Cody best be counting his blessings he isn't facing Mafia Dom for the title tonight, The Demon is scary but Mafia Dom is another level and these two work together."
Mauro Ranallo: "Cody took out Dominik Mysterio last week with some mind games even leaving Damien Priest on edge. . ."
1 . .
The Demon powers out...
Tom Phillips: "There is plenty of work to do if Cody wants to put away the Demon"
The Demon gets to his hands and knees as Cody is weary, The demon circles around the ring on all fours looking for a moment to attack like a beast hunting its prey. Cody stumbles over his on foot for a brief moment as Balor goes in for some strike but Rhodes ducks the attempt and plants a boot into the midsection of his opponent, Cody lifts Balor up by the waist as he turns and plants him hard into the canvas with a spine buster...
Corey Graves: "Lucky for Rhodes, Dom The Don is nowhere near. . ."
Tom Phillips: "Cody despite the very nature of the Demon is holding strong and facing this match head on."
Corey Graves: "Stupid if you ask me. . ."
Balor gets to his feet before even Cody can get to his, He cracks his neck as the circling begins once again. He begins crawling towards Rhodes trying to grab the leg, Rhodes delivers a big boot for his troubles, Almost as if nothing fazes him The Demon pops up to his feet he is put straight back down, yet again with another big boot aimed right to the side of Balors head. Rhodes seems pissed as he grabs the neck of the Demon before lifting and throwing him right into the steel post...
Tom Phillips: "Cody has had an answer for everything tonight but it's still not enough the Demon seems like it's enjoying the pain and suffering it's absorbing."
Mauro Ranallo: "Cody is trying to bait the Demon into a vulnerable state by not allowing Finn to start the offensive. . ."
Corey Graves: "The Demon isn't aquatic, The demon just needs to adjust to the small changes to wrestling in the middle of the ocean aboard the S.S Revolution"
The Demon almost no sells the steel post, It begins standing to it's feet as it turns its head towards Cody almost daring him to dish out more punishment, Cody obliges with a barrage of strikes that rock Balor back into the ropes where Cody uses his body weight advantage to whip the Demon across the ring, Cody leap-frogs the rebounding Demon. Cody turns for the second rebound where he grabs the arm of Finn and uses his momentum to drag him but the Demon lands on it's feet after being launched, Cody is already back on his feet though as the Demon rebounds for a third time right into Cody scooping and slamming it straight into the canvas, Cody makes the pin-fall attempt. . .
Mauro Ranallo: "Impressive agility by Cody trying to exhaust the Demon's stamina supply dry"
1. . .
No the Demon kicks out!
Corey Graves: "The demon is impenetrable to pain. . ."
Balor's breathing is heavy but once more he gets to his feet, He snarls towards Cody before running towards his nightmare, Cody grabs the head of Balor spins him around going for the cross Rhodes, but Balor keeps spinning through catching the head of Rhodes bringing the back of his neck down onto the knee before following up with a devastating elbow to the chest of Rhodes...
Tom Phillips: "Balor caught Rhodes with a neck breaker reversal, How do you overcome such adversity as the Demon?"
Corey Graves: "You don't Tom, This is different than just some face paint and a shot of tequila"
Cody begins to slowly to try and ascend to his feet as The Demon looks for another opening to take advantage, Balor grabs the leg and begins twisting ever so viciously, Finn is met with a boot for his troubles though as Cody quickly gets to his feet during the brief distraction, The two men lock horns, Balor even with the strength of the Demon seems to be struggling against the overwhelming tenacity of Rhodes. Rhodes gets the advantage using it to get Balor into a headlock, God knows why. Rhodes runs and jumps using Balors head as a basketball as he spikes the demon face first of the canvas. . .
Mauro Ranallo: "Balor leaving a mark on the canvas from Cody's Bulldog..."
Corey Graves: "But is it enough to put down the Demon? I'm not so sure."
Rhodes looks pissed at the Balor who points to the names on his chest, but he doesn't let this slide. He goes for a series of stomps to the chest of the Demon, but Balor catches his foot and trips him up. Balor quickly gets to his feet and delivers a kick to the side of Rhodes' head, stunning him. The Demon follows up with an arm around the neck bringing him crashing hard into the canvas, The Demon gets to his feet as he climbs to the top rope looking to end it...
Tom Phillips: "RHODES in the drop zone. . ."
The Demon leaps from his perch but Cody last moment rolls out of the way as Balor does a break fall both men get to their feet, quickly, they turn to each other and begin swinging wildly at each other, Balor goes to the ropes he ducks a lariat attempt he follows up on the rebound with a jumping forearm smash to the face of Rhodes bring the man to the canvas hard, Balor jumps mid air before sending both feet into the stomach of Rhodes softening him up. . .
Corey Graves: "This is more The Demon's pace quick and deadly. . ."
Rhodes sits up but is met with a basement dropkick to the face by Balor who isn't letting up with his relentless attack, The Demon gets to his feet as Cody struggles with the sudden assault. Balor lifts Rhodes to his feet locking the head as he tries to lock the arm for the 1916 he is spun around and places between the legs of Rhodes who lifts up Balor before spiking his head with a package pile driver. Rhodes goes for the pinfall again, hooking both legs of Balor tightly. The referee starts the count.
Mauro Ranallo: "The 1916 reversed into a package piledriver what innovation. . ."
1...
2...
The Demon kicks out with force, throwing Rhodes off of him. Balor gets back up to his feet, his eyes locked onto Rhodes. He charges at him with a ferociousness that is both terrifying and exhilarating.
Tom Phillips: "No Balor still has it in him to kick out what will it take?"
Rhodes tries to sidestep him, but Balor catches him with a dropkick to the midsection that sends him stumbling back into the ropes. Balor runs at him again, but Rhodes counters with a clothesline that sends the Demon over the top rope and crashing down to the floor below.
Tom Phillips: "What a move by Rhodes, he's really showing his strength here tonight!"
Corey Graves: "Don't count the Demon out just yet, he's still got a lot left in the tank."
Rhodes follows Balor out of the ring and begins laying into him with a series of punches and kicks. Balor fights back with some strikes of his own, and the two men continue to brawl on the outside.
Mauro Ranallo: "This match has spilled out of the ring, both men are going all out in this intense battle!"
Tom Phillips: "Rhodes is really taking it to the Demon, but he needs to be careful not to get too caught up in the moment."
As Rhodes and Balor continue to trade blows, the referee starts the count.
1...
2...
3...
4...
Neither man seems to care about the count, as they are both focused solely on beating each other down. Balor takes advantage of Rhodes being distracted and hits him with a running dropkick that sends him crashing into the barricade, Rhodes goes over with force, Balor jumps onto the Barricade and off it into Rhodes, Both men fall to the outside of the barricade, Balor is on Cody who is trying to stand, Strikes back and fourth they slowly make their way towards the rail guard, Both men continue their back and fourth...
5...
Tom Phillips: "Dangerously close to the edge, Neither man can make a mistake here..."
6...
The referee having followed the action is trying to get both men to get back into the ring but he is incidentally pushed to the side, which gives Cody enough time to lift Balor over the guard rail, Rhodes makes the choice to throw Balor over the Guard Rail into the see below...
Mauro Ranallo: "DEMON overboard!"
Corey Graves "Cody has just attempted to kill a man..."
The referee caught up with everything looking to help Balor back into the ring but they seem to have lost the Demon... Meanwhile in the ring Cody is already asking for his title, He knows Balor isn't coming back from that, The words that have been said crossed a line with Rhodes. Rhodes has his back turned to the man that entered the ring behind him, Cody turns into the big meaty hand of Damien Priest who lifts Rhodes up and plants him just about through the canvas with a chokeslam...
Tom Phillips: "SOUTH OF HEAVEN From the sky by Priest..."
The referee gets back into the ring, He didn't see Priest who came out with the South Of Heaven, Priest is halfway down the ramp as he smiles as if he knows something we don't. Priest points upwards atop the mast, As the storm rolls in thunder in the background crackles and strikes as the crowd look up in utter shock, ITS IMPOSSIBLE, HE SHOULD BE DEAD, IT'S THE DEMON ATOP THE MAST WITH A LOOK OF PURE ANGER ACROSS HIS FACE...
Mauro Ranallo: "WHAT HOW IN THE ---- DID HE GET UP THERE? HE JUST WENT OVERBOARD HE SHOULD BE LOST AT SEA..."
Balor takes the grandest leap from atop the mast, He brings both feet forwards as his feet impact right below the ribcage of Rhodes as the canvas below buckles and breaks from the height Balor striked from BOTH MEN LAY BROKEN AS THE DEMON IS THE FIRST TO MOVE, HE DOESN'T LOOK APPEASED WITH THE 18+ FOOT COUP DE GRACE
Mauro Ranallo: "Cody caught in the nuclear blast zone with that Coup De Grace"
Balor lifts up the carcus of the American Nightmare as he lifts him to his feet, The Demon hooks the left arm before lifting up Rhodes horizontally with his rock hard abs before bringing the head of Rhodes right into the canvas below, The Demon makes the cover. . .
Mauro Ranallo: "Bloody 1916"
1. . .
2. . .
3. . .
DING DING DING
Tony Chimel: "Here is your winner by pinfall and YOUR NEW UWF TELEVISION CHAMPION, Finn Balorrrrr"
Balor smiles as he stumbles to his feet, The coup de grace taking as much out of him as his opponent, Both men look empty from their explosive encounter, Balor lifts up the Television championship which is handed by his right hand man, Damien Priest who laid out everything we just witnessed...
The beautiful blue sky surrounding the cruise ship can be seen clearly, with the sounds of quiet talking in the background from cruise attendees, Will Ospreay takes up the middle portion of the frame, looking around the ship as he sips slowly from an Old Fashioned.
“The Commonwealth Kingpin” Will Ospreay
“What a beautiful vessel this is… Right? And a venue on top of that. Ethan’s really outdone himself on this one… But I didn’t grab your attention just to talk about the seas and EC3… No, I grabbed your attention for something much more important.”
He pauses, for dramatic effect.
“The Commonwealth Kingpin” Will Ospreay
“You see, there’s been a lot of buzz around the title scene as of late. And for good reason, I mean, there’s plenty of men fighting to be in contention right now. But I need to reassert myself and my stance here clearly. Sure, I’d love to be playing musical chairs for any number of championships, but I didn’t come all the way to the UWF just to slap-fight with dumb and dumber for a chance at the TV, IC, WHATEVER Championships. Hell, I didn’t even come just to bitch and moan about the World Championship until I got a shot either. I came here to put this roster in its goddamn place, bruv, and I think laying a man out on the floor who held the Intercontinental Championship for 6 months in only 4 weeks gives my goal some pretty good prospects.”
Ospreay begins walking away from the railing and closer towards a bar, his glass almost empty.
“The Commonwealth Kingpin” Will Ospreay
“And you can complain all you want about how I ‘needed help from Sami’ to put Ciampa in his place, but Ciampa didn’t lock in shit and you know it. And frankly, yes, I prefer to do things my own way… But you don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, especially not in this business, bruv. You can shove your complaints and petty little grievances up your arse. All of you pathetic marks can fight me one-on-one and I’ll give you something to cry about.”
Hearing the challenge whilst passing by the set of Ospreay’s promo, a drunken man stumbles up towards the Kingpin, placing a hand on his shoulder which alerts Ospreay, instantly turning and shoving the man off of him. The drunken man falls back first, still standing and without a reaction, against a wall. He slurs his speech as he talks.
Drunken Man
“Oh yeahhh? P-Put your money where your mouth is, Willy boy. Fight me, right here and now.”
Ospreay, maintaining his showmanship, turns back to the camera for a moment.
“The Commonwealth Kingpin” Will Ospreay
“Let this be an example.”
Will rolls up his cuffs. He lets the man stumble forward and swing a wild, missing strike at him before he kicks the man backwards, charging into his gut shoulder first and locking his arms around the drunkard’s legs. Ospreay lifts him onto his shoulder, before slamming him down against the wooden plank flooring of the deck. He pulls him up to his feet before turning the man back inside-out with a Rainham Maker and laying them both clean against the deck. Unsatisfied with himself however, Will immediately picks both himself and the man back up AGAIN and instead lifts him into a Falcon Arrow, but instead of following through with the move, Will holds the man upright for a few moments, carrying him towards the railing, before THROWING the man from the top deck into the deep blue ocean.
“The Commonwealth Kingpin” Will Ospreay
“Get off my ship.”
Worried spectators look on and so does the cameraman as his view pans from the Commonwealth Kingpin, who’s started to walk over to the bar, to the man now floating in the sea. A life-jacket can be seen being thrown as the scene fades to black and UWF, somehow, casually rolls on to the next segment.
While the non-stop thrillride they call "SPRING BREAK" is going down on the main deck, a couple of weary travelers take a moment to get away from it all, resting and relaxing in the lounge chairs by the open bar.
LeCavlier: I gotta tell ya buddy, this is exactly what we needed! After all the years we've been chasing down leads and sniffing up clues, and especially with al this recent Invisible trouble, we deserve a little break, huh?
Jones: You said it pal. Sometimes ya just gotta take that nose off the grindstone, sit back and smell the roses.
They both lean back and take deep breaths in. You should too!
Jones: Ya know, that fresh sea breeze always reminds me of a joke I heard once.
LeCavlier: Oh?
Jones: Yeah, so there's this ice cream truck guy and he works down by the beach, peddling his wears out of his big ice cream mobile to hot kids.
LeCavlier: TO WHO?
Jones: I mean kids that are hot.
LeCavlier: Oh. Right. Of course.
Jones: Anyway, forecast says it's gonna be blistering that day so he gets up early and starts on his route down the road by the beach. Maybe a little too early, in fact. He's driving down the way but can't see any customers yet, so he turns on the the speakers with the song that ice cream trucks play to attract attention.
LeCavlier: Scott Joplin's 1902 rag classic "The Entertainer"?
Jones: Exactly. The driver blasts it and looks in his rear view to see if anyone's chasing after him yet, but all he sees is this ice cream sandwich get up and start singing and dancing along!
LeCavlier: Well that's atypical!
Jones: Very much so! It freaks the ice cream man right out. He slams on the breaks. The ice cream sandwich falls over. Buddy turns around and reams out the freaky little desert. He says "hey man, I can't have you singing and dancing around like that and scaring off the custies. You need to stop that right now before anyone else sees it."
Dejected, the ice cream sandwich sits right back down. The ice cream man takes a deep breath, regains his composure, and carries on along the route. Still no kids in sight, so he hits the music again. He casts a weary glance in the rear view, still rattled by the bizarre event. Alas, no dancing, but customers either. So he keeps driving, minding his own business, until...
LeCavlier: Until?!?!
Jones: Until he hears hears the rap-tap-tapping of dance moves, followed by the quiet whispers of somebody crooning softly. He slowly turns his head around to see that ice cream sandwich singing and dancing again! So just like before, he slams the breaks and chastises the unholy treat. He says "Hey! I warned you once already - no singing and dancing! You're gonna scare everyone off and I can't have that. If I catch you doing it again, I'll throw you into the ocean!"
So the ice cream sandwich lays down. The ice cream man shakes his head. This hasn't been a good day. But off in the distance, he thinks he sees some people heading for the beach. Pedal the the metal. He speeds off in that direction, Joplin's banger blaring through the speakers. But sure as sure is sure, the ice cream sandwich can't help himself, and the little rascal hops right back up to sing and dance again. He isn't even being shy about it anymore.
The ice cream man is a man of his word - ya know, principled. He slams the breaks, reaches back, grabs the ice cream sandwich, rolls down the window and hucks it right into the ocean!
LeCavlier: Oh no!
McCallahan: Sounds like it was a real sing or swim kinda situation.
Scoops McCallahan lowers her magazine to reveal she was sitting right next to them the whole time! And she stole the punchline! Jaytherious is irate.
Jones: Scoops you spray-tanned slut! I oughta throw you in the ocean!
McCallahan: Jones, you little puke, I'd like to see you try.
LeCavlier: Who even invited you here, Scoops? This is a WRESTLING cruise. It goes without saying that this is practically a "No Girls Allowed" event.
McCallahan: I'm in between stolen passports right now. International Waters is the only place I can rest easy until I get the next one in.
Before Jones can crack wise about how a whore like her can never rest easy, the gang is interrupted by another group coming over their way to sit in three unoccupied chairs...
Heath Slater: Spring Break, baby! It sure was nice of EC3 to let us come aboard!
Rhino: Gore.
Heath Slater: What? Of course he knows we’re here!
Suddenly Heath and Rhino spot Jones and the gang.
Heath Slater: Well he’s definitely going to know once we throw these three another beating!
Rhino: Gore.
As the men get ready to throw hands, suddenly Yikes interjects.
Yikes Carumba: Now now, Rhi Rhi and Slatey. This is our getaway so let’s turn down the testosterone and give peace a chance.
Heath Slater: Yikes is right, there’s gotta be a more peaceful way to resolve this.
Jaytherious scans the area for options - some means of settling this score between frenemies. The tag team match at the last Rebellion was spoiled by Invisible Stan, but maybe there's a way they put this feud to bed on this cruise ship. Spotting a karaoke machine by one of the bars, he points to that.
LeCavlier: Didn't Slater used to be in a rock band? They kill us for sure.
Jones: Right. Yeah. Of course. Well what about...
Again Jones looks around the vessel for options while everyone else just stands around. Moondog beats him to the punch.
LeCavlier: What about limbo! There's always limbo on cruise ships!
Rhino: Gore.
McCallahan: Sorry fellas, but I haven't limbo'd since 9/11 and I'm not about to start now.
Nobody presses the issue further. More looking around. More humming and hawing. Its getting awkward. Then Yikes starts to get all hot and bothered. She's shaking like Linda Blair and sweating more than usual. It doesn't go unnoticed.
Jones: What's up with her?
McCallahan: Ugh. Not this again.
Carumba: My braces are tingling! I can feel a RUMOR coming on!
Yikes rubs her braces sensually. Her eyes roll back into her skull and her voice drops an octave with the prophecy of some hot gos.
Carumba: DID YOU HEAR WHAT HULK HOGAN SAID THIS TIME? NEW TWEETS HAVE RECENTLY BEEN UNNEARTHED WITH THE HULKSTER COMMENTING ON LAST YEARS KERFUFFLE AT THE OSCARS, WITH HOGAN SAYING THAT BOTH CHRIS ROCK AND WILL SMITH ARE A PAIR OF SPOILED, UNGRATEFUL, GOOD FOR NOTHING N-
Heath Slater: Hey, how about shuffleboard? I think I saw some shuffleboard going on over there.
Heath points across the deck to where there is, in fact, some shuffleboard. Yikes snaps out of her trance and starts typing her "news" into her phone while the gang heads in that direction. Spring Break sails on!
The pre-match buzz is palpable in the house when the blistering opening chords of a trash metal classic hit the PA, pulling a fair bit of heat from the stands.
Tony Chimel: Introducing, from Woodstock, Georgia and weighing in at 230 pounds, The Second-Generation Stud, Bronson STEINER!!!
Steiner wastes no time. There's money to be made, after all. The big man marches right down to the ring, jogs up the ring steps, walks along the apron and enters without scraping his boots. He foregoes all theatrics except a simple gesture as though he is snapping a piece of lumber, but it's clear the implication is he plans to break whatever opponent stands in the other corner when the bell rings.
Steiner then heads to his corner and does his pre-match stretches to limber up.
Steiner is in the ring awaiting the arrival of his bounty, Time passes as the sea is rough, The silence of waiting for something, a loud and omnious boat horn makes everyone but Steiner just about jump out of their skin, A ship sails up right next to the ship where Spring Break is hosted…
The all too familiar voice of Leyton Buzzard is broadcast across the sea from speakers hooked up to the ship opposite the ring as Steiner already knows somethings up as he begins pacing back and fourth questioning those ringside what the fuck is going on…
Leyton Buzzard: “Bronson ya dumb ass up here”
Bronson looks up atop the ship on its mast sits a lone Leyton Buzzard looking down upon the ring across from him, best seat off ship. Leyton smiles as the crowd projectiles fall short and probably get eaten by a turtle or something else fucked up…
Leyton Buzzard: “You see I did some thinkin’ this weeks show is special for more than one reason, The contract we had signed behind closed doors barred any physical interaction through the week, So I’ve had plenty of time to take in and understand what’s going on here. We’re out in international waters at this moment, I don’t think it takes Steiner math’s to see what this adds up to. I don’t have to contractually be in this match because who is going to police breaking contract law out here? Captain Jack Sparrow? Captain Hook? no, no maybe Capt’n Crunch. No matter which way you put it, El Capitan can do what he wants out on the high sea…”
Leyton Buzzard: “Big Boy I see you’re pissed off but not to worry, out of the kindness of my heart and being kinda sick of you, I put out my own bounty, One on you. You sack of shit, I mean you can’t hurt me buddy unless you want to test the waters and the ferocious sharks circling looking for dumb ape meat. I see you might be actually considering it, so to keep you’re goldfish attention span engaged, here is the man I am payin’ to bury you at sea, He had a few words he wanted to say before buryin’ you…”
A scratch is heard as the titantron on the Spring-break Ship comes to life, Non other than the ThrillBilly Silas Mason appears on the screen, He is covered in head to toe with the merican’ flag. Patriotic as heck…
THRILLBILLY SILAS MASON HEARD
THAT LEYTON BUZZARD WAS LOOKIN’ FO’ SOME MUSCLE
WELL DON’ LOOK NO FURTHA, DADDY
CUZ YOU DON’ FOUND IT
BECAUSE THE THRILLBILLY IS GUNNIN’
AN RUNNIN’ FOR STEINERS BOUNT-AYY! CUZ
I AM 6 FOOT 6 MADE OUTTA BRICKS
IM TWO-EIGHTY-FIVE,AN I DON’ PLAY TRICKS
YOR LOOKIN’ AT THE TITAN OF TENNESSE
THE RISIN’ SUN OF THE SOUTH
THE THRILLBILLY SILAS MASON
BECAUSE WHEN Y’ALL COMPLAIN
I GET PAID…
Mason removes his sunglasses gives a wink to the camera as he throws his hands through his gorgeous hair as he gyrates saying his ending phrase…
KACHOW
The titantron flicks to the name “Silas Mason” as a cover of Holy Diver begins emanating throughout the arena
Silas Mason walks out onto the stage, Face with wide eyes as he shakes his arms towards the crowd, Mason looks down at the ring as the 6’6 man made of bricks stares down directly into the soul of his opponent, Bronson Steiner. He points towards the ring as he makes his way to ring, He rolls into the ring and gets close face to face with Bronson Steiner…
DING DING!
As the ring bell sounds, Steiner headbutts Silas in the nose, causing him to take a few steps back as he holds where he was struck with both hands. Steiner goes low now, kicking his opponent square in the gut, as Silas hunches over and Bronson hooks his arm around his head, lifting him straight up and holding him there. As this goes on, Leyton is heard jeering from the ship he’s on.
Big meaty dummy does big meaty things. Ho hum.
Bronson completes the Delayed Vertical Suplex and then points over at Leyton, telling him he’s going to beat his ass. At this moment, Bronson is struck in the back of the head with a hard right, then spun around. Silas is up and doesn’t appreciate being ignored as he slaps Steiner across the face. This fires Bronson up as he returns the favor with a slap of his own. Silas goes for another slap but Bronson scouts it and uses it to pull him in, launching into a Belly-to-Belly Suplex into the turnbuckle.
Big deal. If Silas wanted a kiss, he’d ask your mother!
Again, this gets Steiner’s attention as he steps through the ropes and stands on the apron, pointing at Leyton again and telling him he’s a pussy and a dead man. And again, the distraction pays off as Silas kicks Bronson in the kidneys and knocks him into the ringside barricade. Silas exits the ring and delivers a stomp to his downed opponent, then grabs him and brings him to a vertical base where Bronson clobbers him with a stiff forearm, then grabs him and throws him into the ring post.
I think I’m getting sleepy watching you, Bronson. You don’t mind if I take a little nap, do ya?
Leyton starts making obnoxious sleeping noises as Bronson looks in his direction angrily. Silas gets up now and throws a punch but Steiner snaps back to looking in his direction and blocks it, then delivers another headbutt and guides Silas to the apron, rolling him back into the ring and sliding in after. Before Silas can get up, Bron stomps on his spine and then slaps on the Steiner Recliner. It isn’t long before Silas starts tapping and the ring bell sounds again.
DING DING DING!
Tony Chimel: Here is your winner, Bron Steiner!
At this, Leyton “wakes up” and is beside himself about the outcome. Bron celebrates his easy win but keeps his eyes on Buzzard as Spring Break continues elsewhere.
We cut to backstage of the boat and we see Homicide sitting in a room with dim lights. Homicide goes on and he talks.
Homicide: Last week I made my return, and this week is my in-ring return. You know I have been working my ass off to reach my goal of becoming the UWF world heavyweight champion. And that man Sami Zayn he tried to take it away from me. Now I’m not saying I was going to win the Royal Rumble, but I would have liked the fucking chance to wrestle in it, and that piece of shit took it away from me.
Homicide takes a moment to gather his thoughts. He sit’s there pondering for a bit before finally speaking again.
Homicide: You know it’s so annoying. No matter how hard I work I still get the stigma of the Cartel around me. Everyone thinks I am someone who is like them. That I want to cheat to win. That I want to use every little tactic to get to the top. Yet even when I was in the Cartel I was the odd man out. I was the man who was kicked out for fuck sakes. It was me who was kicked out because I didn’t agree with the tactics of the Cartel. Yet no matter what people want to always relate me to that. Let me ask this what do I have to do? WHAT DO I HAVE TO FUCKING DO?
Homicide hits the table in front of him in frustration and he looks pissed off.
Homicide: I DID EVERYTHING MY WAY! MY WAY!
Homicide takes a deep breath and he tries to reset himself and he speaks this time he is more calm.
Homicide: Reset… Reset… Reset… Just like Dan says. When you feel you’re out of control you need to reset. You see I did everything my way and yet for whatever reason people still think I am the old Homicide. I am not the old Homicide I am the new Homicide and it’s time to remind some of the people who forgot just who in the hell I am. I am the Notorious 187 Homicide. You get in the ring with me you should no it’s a fight for your life. I didn’t give myself this name it was given to me. They told me that’s my name because fighting me is like fighting death. You see I changed myself. I made myself better. Sami Zayn I want you to see this. The two goofs at ringside I want you to see that. I want YOU to realize this isn’t the same old Homicide. I am done letting people label me as something I am not anymore. I am Homicide and I am going to show that tonight.
The scene fades away with an angry looking Homicide
"Faint" hits the PA, carrying over the open ocean like the forever echos of "My Heat Will Go on". Kyle O'Reilly and Bayley walk out on to the deck. The step-siblings are greeted with cheers and applause from the sunburnt black-shirter's who haven't seen this much daylight probably ever.
Historically, being on a cruise ship is a fun thing unless you're a nameless Serbian call-girl doomed to get dumped overboard or get seasick. Also, it turns out, if you're there the week after your Prime Time Medal got stolen, its hard to enjoy yourself. Fan reports from aboard the vessel have indicated that Kyle has been stomping around the ship since its departure, looking high and low for LA Knight to no avail. Now that Spring Break has officially commenced, The Diabetic Dragon is taking things to the next-level by bringing this matter to the only court that matters in international waters - the wrestling ring.
The pair of 'em climb up through the ropes into the squared circle, where they are handed some microphones. Kyle doesn't beat around the bush - he gets straight to business cause he is one heck of a mood.
KO'R: LA KNIGHT! GET OUT HERE AND GIVE ME BACK MY MEDAL!
The call-out garners a big pop from the seafarers. Bayley has to lean over and remind Kyle that it's pronounced L-A Knight, not La Knight like "La Bamba". He barely even cares. When the thief doesn't show up in five seconds, the Human Swiss Army Knife continues his tirade.
KO'R: Dude... seriously? What's your problem? No. Nevermind. Scratch that. I'll tell you what your problem is. Your problem is that when I get my hands on you, I'm gonna rip into a trillion pieces. I'm gonna pull out your skull and beat you to death with it. Buddy, you think what I did to Batista or MJF was bad? We're on INTERNATIONAL WATERS - NOTHING I DO HERE IS ILLEGAL.
Bayley looks like she's about to correct him on that point but there's no time to discuss nautical law now. Kyle keeps rolling.
KO'R: If you don't show your ugly rat weasel face in ten seconds, I'm gonna -
Before he can even finish that thought, he is interrupted!
L...A....Knight!
"Knight Vision" begins to play and O'Reilly turns his attention towards the stage. The Hollywood Champion is seething as the "Million Dollar Megastar" saunters out with a huge smile on his face. Around his neck is Kyle's prized Primetime Medal. O'Reilly does not take his eye off what he affectionately calls the Pizz Tizz Mizzle. Knight does not head to the ring; choosing to stay on the ramp, as far away from the Diabetic Dragon as possible. As the music begins to fade, Knight pulls a microphone out of his back pocket and prepares to speak.
LA Knight: Kyle! Kyle! Kyle! Why so much hostility? I haven't seen 'ya this upset since I threw 'ya out the Rumble. Are 'ya sea sick? Need a barf bag? Must be trouble in paradise with 'ya and 'ya other half.
Knight chuckles as he paces across the stage.
LA Knight: Or is it the fact that the only valuable thing in 'ya pathetic life is around the neck of a real star, L...A....Knight.
LA Knight: That's gotta be it. All this huffin' and all this puffin' is over a Happy Meal Toy, Kyle? I'll make 'ya a deal, jack. I got five dollars in my back pocket right now. When we get back to shore, we'll go to McDonalds and I'll get 'ya another one. That way, 'ya won't be in such a bad mood anymore. That sound good to 'ya, little guy?
LA Knight's condescending attitude really is going to come back and bite him one day.
LA Knight: In all seriousness O'Reilly, this little trinket has serviced its purpose. L...A....Knight taking it got 'ya attention. 'Ya been so focused on Batista and Shark Boy and MJF, that 'ya have been overlooking UWF's hottest star. But now, since 'ya focus is all on L....A....Knight, it's kind of useless. Maybe L...A....Knight should just throw it overboard and let it sink to the bottom of the ocean.
O'Reilly mouths "You better F'N not" as Knight just smiles and contemplates doing it.
LA Knight: But...this obviously means something to 'ya. And L...A...Knight is a good guy. So I'm sure we can work something out and 'ya can have 'ya worthless prized possession back. It's cramping L..A...Knight's style anyway.
Knight lowers his mic and cedes the floor to O'Reilly. The Diabetic Dragon seems interested and responds.
KO'R: Yeah, I got a a deal for you - you come over here and give me my Prime Time Medal back right now and I won't knock your teeth out one punch a time.
The crowd pops for O'Reilly's trash talk. Knight just laughs it off. That doesn't sit well with the Canadian. Kyle starts over towards the ropes, sick and tired of all this chit chat. He's gonna take his PTM back by force. As he's stepping through the ropes, though, the Thursday Night Thriller cranks an arm back like he's about to launch the Medal into the ocean where it will forever be lost to the depths like sunken pirate treasure.
Bayley pulls Kyle back before he can do anything reckless and things get out of hand. The step-sister takes it from there.
Bayley: Okay tough guy, CLEARLY you're desperate for our attention because even you couldn't be stupid enough to pick a fight with the most dangerous man on the roster without a good reason. So what is it, huh? If you want a crack at the Prime Time Medal in an actual match, you got it, pal. Kyle will take on anyone, anywhere, any time.
O'Reilly confirms this with an enthusiastic nod. Heck, he's chomping at the bit for a fight.
Bayley: Or is it the Hollywood Championship you're after? Tell ya what, you find a way to get yourself cast in a movie, we'll make sure you get a H-Dub title match. Sound good?
The Diabetic Dragon taps the title belt he took off Batista and yells (off-mic) for Knight to come get some.
Bayley: No? Something else? Ransom money? Is EC3 not paying you enough. Pfft. Big surprise. Or maybe -
Before Bayley can speculate any further about what Knight's gunning for here, the dude cuts her off mid-sentence.
LA Knight: Hold up, let L...A....Knight stop 'ya there, sweet cheeks. This ain't about money. L...A....Knight is more than well off in that department. L...A....Knight doesn't want nor need 'ya money. L...A....Knight doesn't want the Hollywood Championship. And L...A...Knight certainly doesn't want this piece of crap...
Knight one more time holds the Pizz Tizz Mizzle overboard. O'Reilly is fuming and ready to strike but does not want to lose his precious medal. Knight continues.
LA Knight: What L...A....Knight wants...is you.
Bayley screams "What?!" at the top of her lungs. O'Reilly is visibly shocked by Knight's request as well. He starts shaking his head and telling the "Million Dollar Megastar" that it's never going to happen.
LA Knight: 'Ya see Bayley, let me talk to 'ya. We have been playing this little game of cat and mouse for a while now. And L...A....Knight thinks it's very obvious to the entire world that there's...some sexual tension here.
You can audibly hear Bayley saying "You disgust me"
LA Knight: So, what better way for the two of us to get everything out in the open and out of our systems than for the two of us to just get it over with. Hear me out, because this is the offer of a lifetime. I'm thinking Bayley goes out on a date with L...A....Knight! YEAH!
Everyone on the boat collectively groans. Bayley is in the ring dry heaving. O'Reilly is still trying to process this.
LA Knight: I know; I know. Going out with L...A....Knight? How could 'ya be so lucky? I'm talking 5 star restaurants, limo service, and the best Champagne money can buy. And if 'ya real good, after dinner, L...A....Knight might just feed 'ya dessert.
Okay. O'Reilly is ready to fight again. Bayley has to visibly hold him back from exiting the ring and charging the ramp. Bayley says she son't do it; there has to be another way.
LA Knight: Is that a no? Well, seems as though this Piss-Time Medal isn't that important to the two of 'ya. So, sayonara!
Knight cocks back and prepares to toss the medal as far into the ocean as he can. But before he does, he hears Bayley scream "WAIT!". Knight holds up.
Bayley looks from Knight to Kyle, then back to Knight, then back to Kyle. The crowd is shouting "DON'T DO IT". O'Reilly's just shaking his head. But what other option is there? Caught between a rock and a hard place, the step-sister bites the bullet and takes on for the team. Solemnly and ashamedly, she relents.
Bayley: Fine... fine... ONE date. And you're buying.
The crowd groans, absolutely defeated as their heroes in the ring. Knight smirks, having got exactly what he wants. Kyle's teeth are gritted and his fists clenched tight. He's pissed off as pissed off gets, watching the PTM thief revel in this moment.
KO'R: Okay creepo, you got what you want, now give me back the Prime Time Medal.
Kyle expects LA to bring him back his prized possession, but Knight wags a finger at him. Evidently, he has other plans.
LA Knight: Easy there, big fella! L...A....Knight is a lot of things, but L...A....Knight isn't an idiot. 'Ya think I don't see 'ya with 'ya balled up fists? 'Ya think L...A....Knight doesn't see the vein on the side of 'ya head? 'Ya want to get 'ya hands on ol' L...A....Knight but it ain't gonna happen, dummy! L...A....Knight is a man of his word, but if 'ya want 'ya little medal back...
Knight points towards Bayley...
LA Knight: She gotta come get it!
Bayley's obviously getting annoyed. She's already agreed to the date, but Knight is pushing it now. She sighs before leaving the ring and making her way up towards Knight.
LA Knight: That's right! Come to daddy!
It doesn't take long for Bayley to reach Knight at the top of the ramp. Her face tells the whole story. He makes her sick. Conversely, LA Knight is pleased with how everything has transpired. He simply holds the medal out in front of him, waiting for Bayley to take it. Cautiously, she does. Knight just smiles. With the medal now in her possession, Bayley heads back to the ring and her brother. But as she turns around, LA Knight can't help himself and slaps her right on the buttocks! The crowd gasps! Bayley can't believe it. LA Knight is disgusting, She stares back at him, he blows her a kiss and says "I'll see you soon" before backing up and heading to the back. Knight's music plays as Bayley takes the medal back to her brother, who is fuming and ready to strike. The segment ends with brother and sister standing in the ring, obviously annoyed by everything that has happened.
We cut to the docks where Shark Boy is standing alone talking on the phone.
Shark Boy: Hello is this the Oregon psychiatric hospital?, yeah hello this is uh... Mr. Boy, listen I'm looking for my friend he's in care at your facility you might know him, he's like 6'4, 6'5, he's English, talks real funny - oh you know him yeah?, that's great I was lookin' to speak to him real quick. What's that?, sorry you're breakin' up the line ain't great out here - he checked himself out? - when?, where'd he go? - hello?, hello? - cod damn piece of shrimp signal, cod damn AT&T
The phone line can be heard buzzing as the Spring Break cruise ship looms in the background. Shark Boy looks out to sea almost forlorn as he puts his phone back into his back pocket and makes his way towards the Spring Break ship ready for the night ahead...
Spring Break has been everything you have expected it to be and even more. The crowd are buzzing, the superstars are buzzing, just buzzing all around the place. The waters are calm and everyone is starting to get a little restless on the boat when the cameras flash to somewhere underneath the top deck where the ring is. The cameras show Bubba and D-Von Dudley, dressed in their usual cameo gear up top but Bubba Dudley has flip flops (Thongs for all the normal Australians out there) on with a inflatable flamingo to the side of him and some beautiful red board shorts. Very bright boardshorts with a little hint of sunburn on his head as well.
Bubba: Right D-Von, my brother. Let's get this out the way asap as I have a mojito and unlimited Nachos calling my name on the top deck. Those all inclusive tickets are a god sent.
D-Von: Just be patient Bubba, just be patient. The unlimited nachos aren't going anywhere.
Bubba: Oh they are going somewhere alright. They are going straight in my belly. No need for my throat either as I have chewed one of those suckers up either!!!
D-Von: Well that's just disturbing and an image I don't want playing in my head.
Bubba: Oh baby, you are in for something special because after we have done this, I got you tickets to the live action show. Get ready to be amazed.
D-Von: Can't wait...... anyway back to more important things. UWF Universe, I would like you to welcome you to "Wood or Not to Wood".....
Bubba: Still a L.A Knight name compared to "How Much Wood Would A Dudley Chuck If A Dudley Could Chuck Wood".
D-Von: A L.A Knight name?
Bubba: Yer, as in a S.....H.....I......T name compared to that one.
D-Von: Why L.A Knight and I actually think the dude is bloody damn good?
Bubba: Pfft who has he really beaten? Spike? Please that guy isn't great and I always drill him through the table at the annual Dudleyville Table Tornado Bonanza. Plus, I know our assignment was to watch movies this week and I got the idea from that Adam Sandler movie. You know the one with the Devlin.
D-Von: I will remind you that Spike is a former World Champion in UWF and did you ever win that?
Bubba: I was ETW World Champ.
D-Von: That's not UWF.
Bubba: You aren't UWF.
D-Von: That is correct, I'm not at the moment, either are you.
Bubba: Well why are we doing another "Wood or Not to Wood" for UWF?
D-Von: Argh yes, that is why we are here. Thank you Bubba, I got a bit distracted but I was in the middle of explaining why we are here. UWF welcome to "Wood or not to Wood" with the Dudley Boyz. So we are all this beautiful boat with the fellow UWF superstars because when our brother re-signed his contract to come back to UWF, it was stated that since this was a Supershow, that a Dudley had to be here for it. Now unfortunately for Spikey and all his Nieces and Nephews, he is currently back home in Dudleyville with the lovely Duchess, celebrating a belated Valentines Day as he had to work last week. Now because we like to honor our words and contracts, we managed to find a way around it and Bubba Ray and I have found our way onto UWF waters and get to sit in front of you before we go off to relax.
Bubba: So I'm retired yet Spike gets the week off and I have to come into work?
D-Von: Yes but you wouldn't get unlimited Nachos if you were back in Dudleyville.
Bubba: Fair Point... proceed.
D-Von: Thank you. Now, I think we have wasted enough time. What we would like to do this week is we have given ourselves the task of watching the movies of Hollywood Batista since he seems to have a little issue with our brother at the moment. No idea why, no care why as we aren't getting involved but we thought, hey this guy is a movie star, Spike isn't even recognizable in Dudleyville.....
Bubba: Just lucky everyone's related.
D-Von: Two totally different guys yet it seems on the path to something down the line but Bubba, let's get started on the movies. I'll let you review all of them so you can earn your food. Now let's start off with the Army of The Dead.
Bubba: Want my honest opinion? My honest opinion is I'm not a fan of Las Vegas ever since the Raw Roulette Wheel gave me some PTSD so I was happy that was the place that was taken over but honestly, I wasn't sure why they cast Batista as a Zombie? Like his a pretty big draw, why would they cast him as one of the plain, boring, slow, mumbling zombies?
D-Von: Umm Bubba, he wasn't cast as a Zombie? He was actually cast as the main guy and leader?
Bubba: Oh really? It must just be his acting then.
Bubba begins to piss himself laughing.... no pee comes out but just belly laughing which people tend to use that term for. He slaps his knees repeatedly, happy with his joke. D-Von just looks at him, not being drawn in as he speaks again.
Bubba: The best part of the movie was when Batista got shot and passed away.
D-Von: Fair enough, I suppose everyone is entitled to their opinion. Now we move onto Guardians of the Galaxy. What are your thoughts on this?
Bubba: You really think I saw anyone but Baby Groot in that movie?
D-Von: There was alot of scenes when he wasn't there.
Bubba: I had my head in the fridge when I couldn't hear him so next.
D-Von: Right, so I guess we move onto Stuber then?
Bubba: His the main guy in that and all I cared about was researching what an Uber is? What's an Uber D-Von?
D-Von: It's like a Taxi but it's people who drive their own cars.
Bubba: Interesting...... interesting. Maybe we need this is Dudleyville.
D-Von: Maybe we do but what did you think of the movie?
Bubba: Let's be honest, you really think I watched any of these movies? All of them were way to complex for me and wasn't the half an hour show like 'Is it Cake" or anything like that. Anyway brother, I think we have done our part. Can we go back upstairs and finish my nac.........................
It's at this stage, Bubba is interrupted.
”The Hollywood Animal” Batista: No nachos for you, fat boy.
Bubba brushes this off and goes to walk past Batista but he’s hit with a knee to the stomach. Batista then hoists him up but then D-Von comes running over so Big Dave throws Bubba into him and they land in a heap on the ground.
”The Hollywood Animal” Batista: You Dudleyz think you’re sneaky going into my office and wrecking up things. You think you’re so funny insulting my movie career. Well Bubba, I’m about to show you what a real bully does.
Batista grabs Bubba and throws him head first into a nearby porthole, getting him stuck. He then grabs D-Von and heads to the other side, making Bubba watch helplessly as he delivers a Batista Bomb onto the railing of the ship! He then slaps Bubba.
”The Hollywood Animal” Batista: Now, if I see any of you Dudleyz again, I’ll kill you.
Batista kicks the downed D-Von in the ribs and then walks away as Spring Break continues elsewhere.
Chimel: The following contest is set for one-fall!
"Homicide" by LL Cool J hits the PA System and out comes the "Notorious 187" Homicide!
Homicide comes out and the fans cheer. Homicide puts the gun signs up and than he fake shoots his pretend guns and makes his way down to the ring as the fans cheer him.
Chimel: Introducing first, from Cocunut Creek, Florida by way of Brooklyn New York this is the Notorious 187 Homicide!!!
Homicide enters the ring and gets to the top turnbuckle removing his bandana and throwing it to the fans. He throws up a gang sign representing his LAX days. Homicide than jumps down from the turnbuckle and is ready for the fight at hand.
The funky beat of Walk The Moon's "Headphones" plays and the crowd starts to boo as it means the arrival of the current? World Tag Team Champion Sami Zayn. He has the title in his hands and dances with it on the stage. He ends up calming down a bit but still walks with some swagger down the ramp, swinging his belt around like he's got a big one.
Chimel: And his opponent, from Montreal Quebec, Canada, weighing in at 212 pounds, The Dynamic Sami Zayn!!
Sami slides into the ring and continues to dance around with his belt much to the chagrin of the paying audience. Sami walks over and makes sure to show it off to all the fans before preparing for the match.
When Zayn catches the look Homicide is giving him, his mood sours immediately. His opponent is looking like he's about to live up to his namesake and Sami isn't looking so eager about dealing with that. Chimel steps out of the ring. Sami tries to stall, asking the Referee some unimportant questions about whatever but the third man just ignores him and calls for the bell.
DING DING
The instant the bell rings Homicide stomps on over to get himself a piece of Zayn. Sami's in no rush to engage. In fact, he looks like he doesn't want to be doing this at all. Hugging the ropes, he shouts at the Ref to get Homicide away from him before the Notorious 187 has even laid a finger on him.
With a heavy sigh, the Referee cuts the Cartel member off before he can reach Zayn, asking him to give Sami a second to get his head in the game before turning and warning Sami he better start taking this seriously. Keeping one weary eye on his opponent, the Canuck bends over and double checks his shoe laces, like that's the cause of the hold-up. When he starts to milk that a bit to much, the frustrated Official simply steps out of the way and lets Homicide at him.
Sami gasps and rolls out of the ring under the bottom ropes just as Homicide is about to stomp his head in. The Forever Champ is irate, screaming at both the Ref and his foe about conspiring against him. The Notorious 187 just shakes his head, already tired of all this malarky.
Graves: As far as I'm concerned, Sami Zayn should have got a Nobel Peace Prize for sending Homicide packing. It's just a shame him and his little cucaracha buddy came crawling back last week.
Ranallo: Sami cost Homicide his spot in the Royal Rumble. Anyone could understand why the Notorious 187 would be eager to put the hurt on Zayn, but he'll need to stay patient to avoid getting dragged down to Sami's level. It may seem like the self-described Forever Champ is a spineless coward, but trust me when I say this is all part of his gameplan.
Even as the Referee starts up his ten count, Sami isn't showing any signs of rushing to get back into the squared circle. As he strolls around the ring, casually looking for an opening, he gets distracted by a particularly mouth member of the audience, who has some less-than-savour words for the Qubecer. Whatever it was, it was enough to get Sami to turn around and argue with the guy. That's enough of an opening for the former-International Champion to strike, and while Zayn's back is facing him, Homicide moves into action.
Running across the ring, Homicide hits the ropes, bounces off, charges back then jumps through the middle and top cables with a sommersault plancha. He hits the unawares Zayn like a gosh dang cannonball, knocking him right into the front row! The fans - even those in the splash zone - pop big for the high-risk offense.
Phillips: Homicide throwing caution and himself to the wind with that one!
Ranallo: Zayn got caught up in a verbal altercation with that fan and it just cost him big time.
Sami is smeared all over the deck, but Homicide is quick to get back to his feet. The dude scrapes up his opponent and rolls him back into the ring. The fan from earlier tries to high-five the Cartel member and gets a cold-blooded glare in return, cause the New Yorker ain't about that nerd shit.
Following Zayn under the ropes, Homicide quickly sprawls and hooks a leg to make the cover...
1...
Zayn shoves him off after one, although a groan for the effort indicates he's pretty banged up. Homicide doesn't look too discouraged. In fact, he almost - ALMOST - cracks a smile as he now has the means and opportunity to go with his motive to lay the smack down on Sami.
Hoisting his foe up off the canvas, Homicide hooks an arm around his neck and grabs the tights with his other hand. He pops his hip to launch Zayn up and over with a suplex! Sami crashes into the canvas and Homicide just holds on to do it all over again. The fans catch the drift of what's going on as some homage is paid to a legendary luchador.
Phillips: Here comes Homicide with the Three Amigos!
Graves: Why does he even do this move? Eddie hates the Cartel almost as much as me. Plus Homicide isn't even Mexican.
Ranallo: Maybe he's doing it facetiously.
The Notorious 187 punctuates the trifecta with his own flourish - a monstrous Falcon's Arrow that absolutely pancakes Zayn on the mat. After that, Homicide rolls him over for another pin attempt...
1...
2...
Zayn kicks out at two this time. Homicide nods, psyching himself up while the fans inch their way towards the edges of their seats, anticipating something big to come next.
Once again, the Cartel member scoops Sami off the mat. This time, he hooks Zayn's arm with his own while going back-to-back, setting him up for a finale with the Gringo Killa. The slippery Canuck manages to slide out of the hold before its too late, though. Sami stumbles away from his opponent, but he's still dazed and kinda out of it. He winds up by the ropes, using those to brace himself while he shakes the cobwebs.
Homicide doesn't wait around for Sami to start feeling better. He sprints at his opponent and goes in for the kill with that BMF Running Flying Knee he picked up training at American Top Team.
Zayn moves out of the way right before taking a knee cap to the dome and Homicide breezes by, colliding with the ropes. Sami steps behind him and catches him bouncing back with a snap Exploder Suplex that just turns the dude inside out and then some! The New Yorker crunches against the ring neck-first and then tumbles over, half-dead. The tenacious Canadian dives on him to make a quick cover, shouting at the Ref to hustle over and count it...
1...
2...
Homicide kicks out in time! The fans cheer but Zayn isn't thrilled about it. He grabs his foe by the scruff of the neck and hauls him up to a vertical base, keeping him woozy with a stiff uppercut as he drags him towards one of the corners. The fans boo when Sami slams the dude face-first against the top turnbuckle. That just encourages him to do it again. And again. More boos each time. Its music to Zayn's ears.
Ranallo: Sami is like the Grinch Who Stole Christmas of Spring Break, except instead of his heart growing three sizes when he hears the people, its his ego.
Graves: What the hell are you even talking about?
Sami goes to the well one too many times and eventually Homicide retaliates with a back elbow to the jaw. Zayn stumbles away and after taking a second to catch his breath and compose himself, the Notorious 187 goes on the offensive again. Homicide swings for the fences when he comes over but the Canadian ducks the strike, lifts his opponent up and counters with a snappy and super effective Blue Thunder Bomb!
He dang near sends Homicide through the ring planks with the maneuver, and after planting him there, hook a leg to make the cover...
1...
2...
Homicide kicks out in the knick of time! Zayn can't believe it. Now, more than ever, the Forever Champ is sure there's some kinda conspiracy going on here. This Referee has gotta be on the take.
Ranallo: That was as near as a near fall gets but not quite enough to put the former International Champion away.
Graves: Isn't it amazing that Sami Zayn can find the time to take the likes of Generico and Luchadora and Ospreay under his wing while still beating the breaks off the competition? The man is an inspiration. Its just such a shame these Referee's all have it out for him.
Phillips: Maybe if he wasn't always pulling fast ones behind their backs they would like him more.
Zayn’s still got a trick up the sleeve. The pants sleeve, that is, cause its a kick. A Helluva Kick. Picking up Homicide, he endeavours to escort him towards the corner, only to get Gringo Cutter’d outta the blue! His little face slams off the canvas while D buys himself time to recover.
The Notorious 187 uses the ropes to get up, the lines up the stunned Sami for another crack at that BMF Knee. Zayn’s half-dead and had no idea what’s about to hit him
And then it does! I’m not gonna go into a lot of detail cause I’m typing this on a phone like Dres. Don’t expect to see any more commentary, either. The Knee hits the hear though. Real hard. Homicide rolls through and spins like he’s gonna crawl over for the sure-thing pin…
BOOM! HIDDEN BLADE TO THR BACK OF THE SKULL!
Will Ospreay has materialized out of thin air pretty much. The Assassin showed up from nowhere to take off Homicide’s head. He’s probably upset about last week. The Ref calls the whole thing off
YOUR WINNER BY DISQUALIFICATION…
HOMICIDE!
Ospreay keeps beating down on the victor while the crowd boos. Luchadora and Generico also pull up to join in, teaming uo to really take it to poor Homicide. Never before has there been such an injustice on the high seas.
Sin Cara rushes in to help out his Cartel hombre. He pulls Generico off and lands some good shots but then gets low-blowed by La Luchadora.
Things are looking real grim. Real grim. But OH SNAP, HERE COMES TOMMASO CIAMPA!
The Sicilian Psycho runs across the ship deck to join the fight! Luchadora charges him only to have her momentum turned against her when Tommy back body drops her over the ropes! Splat!
Generico backs up like a coward then gets clotheslined to the outside! Ospreay gets off Homicide to try his luck against the interloper. Ciampa cuts him off with a kick to the tummy to set up a Fairy Tale Ending, but Will manages to wiggle out and rscape the ring with a roll to the floor. Luchadora pulls Zayn out to safety by the ankle, so now its just the good guys in the ring and the bad guys on the outs. The fans love it.
Ciampa and them Cartel boys might not be besties, but he stands side-by-side-by-side with them once they recover. They dare the heels to come get some but Will and Sami and co. slink back below deck while harsh words are exchanged. Spring Break drifts along!
It was the small things, that where getting to him. This was meant to be the year, that he would leave his mark on the sport, the year where, in truth .. all of his hopes and his dreams would become the truth, but so far it has been like last year and the year before that, always close, but never close enough, with everyone around him, trying to do everything within there power, to take him down and end him once and for all, he felt like he was fighting, six different battles, all at the same time and in truth, that was the way he liked it.
“Not going to waste much time, you see this right here, this title right here, that has Danhausen and MJF all worked up and taking lumps out of one another …”
Yeah, they knew what he was talking about as he looked to his shoulder and whoop .. there it was, the grandest prize in all of the sport, it might not be the world title, but to him, it was and around him, it truly was the most sought after title that was out there and he was willing to lay it down, for anyone at all to step up and challenge him, he did not want to be a champion that would hide in the back, if Danhausen and MJF wanted a piece of him, they knew where he was and what they had to do, in order to capture his attention.
“This at the end of the day, is all that matters, because this right here, means you are the next guy in line and I know, right away Danhausen is going to say, he was robbed, that he is due a title match, that he has more than earned one as well, so if that is the case, then Danhausen , prove it to me, right here, tonight and mop the floor with that piece of shit MJF and speaking of him, MJF. You might feel, like you are the top of the world right now, that you are next in line, that you defeated me a few weeks ago, must feel good, but all you did, was light the fire back inside me, to go out there and murder Daddies boy Cody Rhodes, it is my favourite pastime, to smack that little blonde bitch around, so thanks for that MJF.”
As he would move the title, taking it by the strap and moving it upwards to look at it, this was what it was all about, this was what, everyone wanted and no one could have, this is why Danhausen and MJF where fighting one another, to be able to move up a little bit and be the one to challenge him, but the mad king, did not earn his name, but just sitting around, he wanted to fight, one of them and if he didn’t get his fucking way, fuck it, he would fight them both.
“You got lucky, that is the start and that is the end of it all, but since then, all it has been is the same old thing from you, and now here you are, going against Danhausen for the chance, the chance I know you want and Danhausen wants as well. If it where up to me, I would come down there, right now and kick the shit out of Danhausen first and then, kick the shit out of MJF next, I am not someone who likes waiting around, I am not someone who likes to guess who I am facing – I want to know, I feel like I have to know, sooner rather than later otherwise .. I might do something we all might regret and ruin this main event here tonight, because I need to lash out at someone, anyone at all and it has to be one of you two. So for the love of fuck, do whatever you can, to murder each other, no bullshit cheap ways out, I want one of you, to floor the other one and whomever does that .. gets this right here, a crack at the title and a chance, to see if they can overcome the mad king, will it be easy? Nothing in life is ever easy, winning this title has been two years in the making for me, so let that settle and rest within your mind for a moment, i had to work, two years to get this, do you really think, i am going to lose it in two months, to someone like .. You two idiots. Hardly, let that sink in when one of you defeat the other, because it would be a victory in name only tonight, one of you .. are a lamb being lead to the slaughter, at least you have the luxury, of knowing what is waiting for you, when this night is all said and done. Oh and yes .. congrats .. to whichever one of you, manage to win.”
As once more, he would move and hold the title up for both men to see, he was a fighting champion, he was going to fight with every single thing he had and he was not going to go down as a man who won the gold and lost it soon after, he was going to keep his word, keep his vow, keep his promises, he was going to make this title, mean something and if it had to be the murder of Danhausen and MJF to show people he was serious of being a champion like no other, then so be it, he will do, whatever he has to do, to keep this title around his waist.
While the rest of the passengers are sitting around the ring watching the matches, the shuffleboard courts(?) have been left wide open, which is just perfect for Moondog LeCavlier, J.J. Jones, Scoops McCallahan, Rhino, Heath Slater and Yikes Carumba. The sextet approaches the lanes (?) with the delicate curiosity of child holding a butterfly - all the parts and pieces look fascinating, but how does it all come together to work?
LeCavlier: So does anyone actually know how to play?
Rhino: Gore.
Slater: I think its like curling.
Jones: What the hell is "curling"?
Carumba: We could google it!
McCallahan: There's no service out here. We're too close to the Bermuda Triangle. I'll just go look a rulebook or something.
The ace investigator puts her tradecraft to work as he goes looking for clues. The remaining five stand around awkwardly, lingering hurt feelings from a certain spoiled wedding ceremony hanging heavy in the air.
Jones: Soooo.... how about a joke?
J.J. tries to break the ice a little. There isn't much enthusiasm from the others about it, but no protests either, so he carries on.
Jones: Okay, so there's this young couple. Just like you two!
Jaytherious gestures towards Rhino and Yikes.
Jones: And they go on a cruise ship, just like we did!
He then points to the boat they're all standing on.
Jones: Yeah, they've been going steady for a while now. In fact, the dude thinks its about time he pops the big question. So he gets a fancy diamond ring on a shiny gold band and he plans it all out - he takes his best girl out on to the front of the boat - I think they call it the bow - and he's gonna propose right there just as the sun sets over the horizon.
He gets down on one knee. She starts to tear up. But just as he's about to ask her to marry him, a big ol' trade wind howls across the deck and blows the ring box right out of his trembling hands! They rush to grab it... but its too late! The ring falls over the edge of the boat and spills into the ocean, lost forever.
The guy, well, he's devastated, cause that thing cost a pretty penny. But the girl just laughs it off and hugs him and says she doesn't need an expensive ring to marry him.
Carumba: Awwwwwwwwwwww.
Jones: But wait! There's more! See, he's already booked a reservation at the high-end restaurant on the ship. They go down and take their seats and the waiter comes over and he's french and poshe and he pours them some champagne and asks what they want to eat. The guy asks what's the best thing on the menu and garcon explains that since they're on a boat, he'd recommend the "Catch of the Day" - a nice fresh ocean fish!
They say they'll take that. Order goes to the back, the head chef sends out the fisherman to wrangle one in. A line is cast, a fish is hooked and reeled and caught and brought back to the kitchen. The chef begins to prepare the fish and what does he findd inside when he cuts it open?
McCallahan: The singing and dancing ice cream sandwich.
Scoops spoils the punchline again as she comes back over with a shuffleboard rulebook in hand.
Jones: How very dare you.
McCallahan: I never thought you'd be worse at anything then you are at journalism until I heard your jokes. Lets just hope you can shuffle.
With that, the gang launches into the game. Rhino goes first, shuffling just a bit too powerfully as the puck leaves the deck and goes flying through the air. Elsewhere, a UWF veteran can be seen performing for the patrons of the ship.
Elias: “I’m on a boat and, it’s going fast and, I’ve got a nautical themed Pashmena afghan!”
Suddenly Elias is hit with the puck, knocking him off his stool and to the ground.
Heath Slater: Ouch.
The game goes on montage style until Rhino is up again.
Rhino: Gore.
Despite giving it a lighter touch, Rhino still sends the puck flying off the deck as it hits a man in a suit in the back of the head. He turns around angrily.
Man: HOOLIGANS!
Heath Slater: Sorry, Mr. Moseby.
Moondog tries his best so score some points or whatever, but, in contrast to the past few shots, doesn't put nearly enough umph on it and comes up way short. Jaytherious' follow-up is even worse.
McCallhan: You two are an embarrassment. Get out of my way.
Scoops lines up her shot like somebody who's clearly done this before and pops it off in whichever way shuffleboard experts would agree is best. It's a perfect one. It lands right where its supposed to in a manner that is technically proficient as it is visually spectacular. It's worth either a lot of points or one point, or subtracts points if this game is like golf or darts. Any way you slice it, Scoops nailed it.
She turns around and dusts off her shoulder, stylin' on the rest of the gang who mumble among themselves about what a show-off she is. While McCallahan has her back turned though, something - or someone - creeps in and knocks her winning shot out of bounds! Scoops sees everyone's jaws drop about it.
McCallahan: What? What is is?
She spins and realizes that she has been sabotaged.
Carumba: I think the wind blew your shuffle off the board, Scoops. Its okay. We're all just having fu-
McCallahan: Stuff if, you tactless tramp. This is clearly the dirty work of Invisible Stan! Where is he?
Scoops runs over, reaching blindly through the air but can't find him anywhere. The criminal mastermind has already fled the scene, leaving a calamitous trail of catastrophe in his wake again. In a rare show of raw emotion, Scoops falls to her knees and curses his name to the gods. The others keep their distance and let her have her little moment.
Heath Slater: So maybe foosball next time?
Jones: Or air hockey or something.
Rhino: Gore.
LeCavlier: I still have all my Lego Basketball guys at home.
Carumba: I swallowed a lego once!
As the gang discusses options for the next outing, Scoops is like lying prostrate on the deck, pounding the wood with both fists as he she swears vengeance against Invisible Stan, who just made this case personal. Spring Break cruises forth!
As the stinging guitar note of "Gone Guru" by Lifeseeker opens things off, those in attendance know that things can and will only get worse from here...
"WWWWEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLL"
Upon that being shouted out around the whole arena, out walks onto the entrance stage none other than the "prophet" of Harlan, Kentucky, Lance Cade. With the same manic, downright unhinged smile on his face that he sported while delivering his debut beatdown to Shark Boy, Cade frantically shuffles down the ramp, seemingly jumping from side to side to try and proclaim to the fans all the glories that Harlan has to offer.
Tony Chimel: "From Harlan, Kentucky, weighing in at 262 lbs...he is 'The Prophet of Harlan', Lance Cade!"
With the fans clearly dismissive of Cade's fervent preaching, he would instead look to focus on the task at-hand, channeling all of his energy and excitement into one thing and one thing only - his opponent for the night. Hopping onto the apron, Lance enters the ring with a spin that takes him around quite a few times, until his eyes settle down onto the official inside the ring. Without any warning, Cade charges forward, nearly pinning the referee into the corner, before beginning to laugh it off like the joke it is and backing off, realizing that the man in stripes isn't his opponent...not tonight, anyways. With his attention re-focused, Cade would move to his side of the corner, and in an instant, the smile on Lance's face dissipates, all semblance of the delirious devotee reduced to a stone-faced glare.
GIVE ME A SHELL YEAH!
The raw guitar driven sound of Accept's 'Fast as a Shark' hits the PA system and the crowd begin to go wild. Shark Boy marches out onto the stage full of piss and vinegar, he's mouthing off at anyone and everyone, he has the UWF Championship belt firmly in his grasp as he does so. Shark Boy wastes no time storming down to ringside his eyes fixed on the task in hand his head bobbing side to side as he jaw jacks on his way to ringside as waves of fans reach out to their favourite masked man.
Tony Chimel: Introducing, from the Deep Blue Sea, weighing in at 205 pounds... he is the UWF Champion....SHARK BOY!
Shark Boy stomps up the steps and through the ropes into the ring, he makes a b-line for the corner where he heads to the top rope and throws out the fin-salute to the crowd before throwing his two fists high into the air, the belt also flung high into the air for all the Shark-o-holics out there. Shark Boy repeats this at the three other corners before taking off his vest and waiting for the bell to sound.
DING DING DING
Cade show his eagerness by rushing right at Shark Boy. He's perhaps a little too eager as Shark Boy jumps up and catches him with a Thez Press followed by some rights for good measure. Being the bigger of the two, Cade is able to roll away to the ropes but he wont find any place safe as Shark comes running at him and Clothesline to the deck below! The Harlan resident manages to land on his feet but he's stumbling around like he's trying to get his sea legs under him. He doesn't even notice that Shark Boy comes flying out with a Suicide Dive to knock him into the front row audience!
Mauro Ranallo: Shark Boy can fight from land, sea and the air as he just flew at Lance Cade!
Corey Graves: This is unfair. Your debut match happens against the UWF Champion out at sea where even the tiniest of waves can cause you to lose your balance. This is ridiculous.
Tom Phillips: What's ridiculous is this weird cult like following Trevor Lee has. Who would ever follow that man?
Corey Graves: People with gumption Phillips. You wouldn't know anything about that.
Shark Boy grabs Cade and throws him back into the ring. He slides in behind him and grabs him in a Side Headlock. He goes forward for the Bulldog but Cade ends up lifting him high into the air and gives him a Back Suplex! Cade grabs him by the arm and pulls him back up. He ends up twisting the arm and lifting him straight in the air. Shark Boy is kicking his feet from the pain and manages to kick the arm of Cade in the inside of the elbow to sending him falling down, catching him with a DDT on the way down! Shark Boy turns him over and hooks the leg.
1 . . .
It's not enough to keep Cade down for long as he gives a swift kickout. Shark Boy gets to his feet and brings Cade up along with him. Lance catches him by surprise with an Inverted Atomic Drop! Shark Boy slightly bounces up and down from pain as Cade laughs. He winds up for a big Clothesline but the UWF Champion ducks it and takes Cade's back, lifting him up with an Atomic Drop! Cade bounces forward holding his buttocks and turns around only to eat a Spinebuster! Shark Boy exits out onto the apron and ascends to the top rope. The fans get on their feet, eager to see what's about to happen. Lance gets to his feet but turns right into a Missile Dropkick. Simple yet effective! Shark Boy makes the pin!
1 . . .
2 . . .
Lance Cade kicks out!
Mauro Ranallo: Cade is going to have to do a bit more if he wants to soften up Shark Boy for Trevor Lee.
Corey Graves: Who's to say he's even doing this for Lee. He's just a guy who took advantage of a big opportunity.
Tom Phillips: Oh please, you don't really believe that do you Corey?
Corey Graves: I like to take people at their word and Lance seems like a stand up guy.
Shark Boy stalks Cade as he gets to his feet. He turns around and gets kicked in the gut. Shark Boy goes in for the Chummer but Cade ends up shoving him forward. Shark Boy hits the ropes and comes flying at Cade with a Crossbody. Lance ends up catching him and shakes his head. He lifts him overhead with a Military Press but Shark Boy falls behind him. Cade turns around and kicks him in the gut before grabbing him throwing him shoulder first into the steel ring post! You can't see Shark Boy's face the pain is still all over it. Cade pulls him out and turns him around, lifting him up into the Harlan Bomb into the pin!
1 . . .
2 . . .
Shark Boy gets the shoulder up at 2! Cade grabs Shark Boy by the mask and pulls him up. He brings him over to the corner where he sits him on the top rope. He gives him a few punches to keep him stunned long enough for him to climb up to the top rope. He grabs Shark Boy and prepares for a Superplex but the UWF Champion still has fight in him. He starts punching at the ribs of Cade and then goes to Bite him in the forehead! Cade yells out and ends up falling to the mat below! Shark Boy gets his feet situated on the top rope but suddenly The Butcher starts to make his way down to ringside.
Tom Phillips: What's he doing here?
Corey Graves: Probably just here to cheer his friend on. You sure don't mind when Grado would do that for Shark Boy.
Tom Phillips: Grado never got involved like The Butcher does unless it's to even the odds.
Corey Graves: It's not Andy's fault everyone finds him so intimidating. Shark Boy should just focus on his world class opponent instead.
But Shark Boy is not focused on his opponent. He looks over at The Butcher and yells for him to stay away. Cade however has gotten up and clobbers Shark Boy with a stiff punch to the face. He climbs right back up to the top rope with him and hoists the champion up into a Superplex! He makes the pin!
1 . . .
2 . . .
Shark Boy kicks out! The Prophet of Harlan gets to his feet and waits behind Shark Boy with a gleeful look on his face. The UWF Champion slowly stirs, unaware of what's waiting behind him. Cade grabs him from behind and looks to lock in the Million Dollar Dream but Shark Boy throws his head back and Headbutt Cade right in the nose. Lance turns away holding his nose, checking for blood but luckily there's none coming out. Shark Boy ends up grabbing him and launching off the ropes into a Tornado DDT! Instead of going for the pin, Shark Boy climbs to the top rope. Butcher goes to move in but this time Shark Boy jumps onto him with a Diving Crossbody to the outside! The Champion gets right back up and climbs to the top rope again. Cade is getting to his feet and Sharky comes off and hits the Shark-Canrana!
1 . . .
2 . . .
3 . . .
Tony Chimel: Here is your winner, the UWF Champion Shark Boy!
Shark Boy starts celebrating his victory but it's short lived as The Butcher comes in and gives him The Slice when he turns around! After the hard fought battle, the UWF is left laid out as Butcher helps Lance Cade up to his feet. Together they start to put the boots to the champion until Cade gets an idea. He exits out of the ring and pushes a fan out of his chair and takes it.
Tom Phillips: Oh on, what are these two planning to do here.
Corey Graves: Hey we're in international waters and Shark Boy brought this on himself.
Mauro Ranallo: Uhh isn't that boat getting a little too close to us?
There is another old school vessel passing by but pay no mind as Cade comes back into the ring with the chair. The Harlan residents place the chair around the arm to Shark Boy and Cade goes to climb onto the top rope. He pats his elbow, saying he's going to drive it into the chair but suddenly someone comes swinging in from the hull oh the passing ship and dropkicks him off the top rope!
Mauro Ranallo: It's Pirate Paul Burchill!
Corey Graves: Oh God!
Burchill lands in the center of the ring and The Butcher moves in to fight him off but Burchill unsheathes a sword and starts waving it at The Butcher. Andy is empty handed and decides to retreat as Shark Boy is starting to get to his feet. He walks over and helps Cade up and the duo leave to the cabins the two men in the ring reunite. The captain of the ship comes out and starts yelling about the boarding but Burchill grabs him and says "Look at me, I'm the captain now." and then throws him overboard! Shark Boy hands him a couple of Sharkweisers and the two have a good old fashioned beer bash as Revolution rolls on!
The titantron would cut to Ciampa pacing backstage, Renee would walk up to him, mic in hand.
Renee Young: Well Ciampa what should have been a relaxing cruise for you turns out to have some action involved. What made you get involved here tonight?
Being handed a mic, Ciampa would look at Renee and then at the mic before talking.
Ciampa: What made me get involved Renee, I hope you're going to ask Osperay the same questions. Clearly Sami's tutelage of being a rat has taken with Will because Homicide was mere moments away from planting that troll on the mat but I guess Will wanted to protect his meal ticket.
I decided I couldn't stand idle while Sami once again tried to take Homicide out. Now don't get it twisted, this isn't me trying to join the Cartel or even be friends with Homicide, this is me letting Sami know that I haven't forgotten what he did to DDP.
Renee would speak up.
Renee Young: Speaking of DDP, how is he doing?
A look of anger would wash across Ciampas face before disappearing.
Ciampa: He's doing better but is still recovering, thanks for asking. He even told me to not bother with Sami, that I need to remain focused on getting back in the title picture and that was my plan.
Then I saw Osperay come out and Sami once again used his rat tactics to get one over on someone, he used the numbers game and I realized, why should I let him continue on like this. When he took out my mentor. When he tried to take me out. I'm not standing for it anymore Renee. I’m not standing idly by while EC3 seems to be happy to let this guy run around and make a mockery of the UWF and be placated to.
Renee would nod and set up the final question
Renee Young: Finally Ciampa, whats next for you.
Smirking Ciampa would pick up the mic.
Ciampa: Whats next is what I said last week. I let Homicide have his time with Sami and while it didn’t go the way he wanted to. Its now time for me to finally step up to the plate. You saw Sami out there, as soon as I showed up he ran for the hills and thats because he knows he can’t beat me but you can’t outrun me as well Sami. Try as much as you want but soon, you’re going to be met with a roadblock under the name of Tommaso Ciampa and when that happens, you’re done.
With that Ciampa would pass the mic off to Renee and walk off. Renee is left with a slight concerned look on her face as the camera fades.
The Revolution logo splashes the screen before we cut away to a black screen, no visual. A voice cuts in as inspirational music starts playing softly in the background.
Chris Jericho: "If I could think of one word to describe Orange Cassidy..."
"The Bastard" PAC: "Yeah, just one word, innit?"
Larry Sweeney: "Orange Cassidy? There's only one word for him mama!"
Vinny Marseglia: "I fought him a few times, and really only one word comes to mind."
The music pauses. A shot of Cassidy giving a fan a slacker's "fist bump" appears on screen.
All together: "Lazy."
Jefferson Starship's "Jane" hits just as a clip montage of "Freshly Squeezed" flashes on the screen.
Tom Phillips: "Orange Punch!!!"
Corey Graves: "Orange Punch to Jericho and that could be it!"
Cutaway from the action to show O.C. lounching in the ring and enjoying some nosh. He gives a bit of a thumbs up to the hard camera.
And then the scene goes right to more in-ring action.
Mauro Ranallo: "MAMMA MIA! Stun Dog Millionaire! What a counter by Freshly Squeezed himself!"
A myriad other clips flash over the screen, sometimes punctuated with "Yeah," "All right," "No," or just "Hey," from the man himself. Shots of Orange Cassidy grinning, or spitting orange juice at foes, or theatrically placing his hands in his pockets. One very prolonged clip of the slowest sunset flip powerbomb ever. Finally, a clip of O.C. doing a slow shin kick routine with the legendary Stinger himself.
Corey Graves: "I hate this guy. He just doesn't take this business seriously."
As the clip show comes to an end, a big, bold graphic of OC himself splashes the screen, with the text: COMING... WHENEVER.
The Revolution graphic flashes on the screen again as the show heads elsewhere.
Suddenly the lights start to darken and flicker...
Cheers begin to ring all around the arena as the music plays and Danhausen takes to the stage. After a couple of slow spins around the stage area, Danhausen then raises his arms and gives out a determined yell as the crowd pops in appreciation.
Tony Chimel
Making his way to the ring, from Someplace Far Away, weighing at least 300lbs, Danhausen!!
Danhausen heads down the ramp, waving politely at some of the fanhausens in attendance before he hops up onto the apron and signals the nearby cameraman to get a close up shot of him. Danhausen then points directly into the camera lens and yells “Love That Danhausen!” before climbing through the middle rope and posing in the center of the ring with his arms held high once again.
"Better Than You" begins to play and there is a tidal wave of boos from the fans. After a few moments MJF begins to swagger out of the entrance way. Following behind him is Sir William Regal. MJF laughs at the fans who are trying to get under his skin as he walks towards the ring.
Tony Chimel: Making his way to the ring accompanied by Sir William Regal. Weighing in at 216 pounds from Plainview New York. He says he is better than you and you know it Maxwell Jacob Friedman, M...J...F!!!!
The fans erupt even louder and MJF doesn't pay them any mind. He walks into the ring and Regal opens the ropes for him. He stands in the middle of the ring flexing a bit and smirking as his music fades.
DING DING DING
MJF looks at Regal like he can't believe he's even wasting his time in the ring right now. Danhausen motions for MJF to come over so they can get this started. Maxwell instead turns his back to the former Intercontinental Champion and look out at the sea of fans booing him. Danhausen runs up behind him and rolls him up!
1 . . .
2 . . .
3 . . .
But MJF kicks out just in time! That was almost it for one of the hottest new acts in UWF. All his momentum just gone like that. While he's busy being shocked that he almost lost right there, Danhausen gives him a Boot to the side of the head. MJF goes down and Danhausen decides to just stomp the hell out of him. For however low he felt about Danhausen, he's looking like even more a bitch because of it. He rolls away to the outside to escape the onslaught of the so called clown. He comes over to his mentor Regal but Danhausen is hot on his trail. Regal ends up stepping in between the two and telling the former champion to back off. Danhausen takes a step back and begins to slowly raises his hand to curse Bill Royal but MJF comes out from behind him and blindsides him with a punch to the face!
Danhausen scurries away but MJF grabs him from behind and throws him into the steel ring post, his head bouncing off the cold hard steel! MJF walks away and grabs a fans beer out of his hand and tosses it into his face just for the hell of it before coming back into the ring and telling the ref to make the count. At just a 1 count, MJF yells for the ref to count faster. He reaches the count of 4 before Danhausen is back on his feet. He slides into the ring but MJF is all over him, giving him a punches of kicks as he's entering the ring. He grabs him at the waist and delivers a Gutwrench Powerbomb! He makes the pin!
1 . . .
2 . . .
Danhausen kicks out! MJF grabs his arm turns him over onto his stomach. He got the arm pinned to the mat and lifts his legs in the air before driving his knees into the arm! Danhausen cries out in pain but that just makes MJF do it again. Danhasen pulls his arm away and holds it close to his chest as he rolls away to the ropes to get a breather. MJF tries to pull him away but the ref is on him since Danhausen is in the ropes. MJF pushes him out of the way and goes to do more damage but this time the ref pulls him away and gets in his face. While they're arguing, Royal Bill comes over to Danhausen and lays a couple of shots in himself, causing Danhausen to roll away to the center of the ring. Message me on discord if you read this. MJF shoves the ref out of the way and picks up Danhausen now that he's away from the ropes. He hooks the arms and executes a Double Underhook Shoulder Breaker! The ref drops down to count the pin.
1 . . .
2 . . .
Danhausen kicks out!
Corey Graves: Danhausen should go ahead and quit if he knows what's good for him.
Tom Phillips: Never. Danhausen has been underestimated his whole career and he's succeeded in spite of all the disrespectthausen thrown his way.
Corey Graves: That's all well and good but this is MJF we're talking about here. Even if he was to miraculously win here tonight, that arm won't be at 100% come Wrestlemania.
Tom Phillips: So you agree, there's a chance.
Corey Graves: Hell no. I'm just trying to find some way to get through to you delusional people.
MJF picks up Danhausen and leans him back, getting him set up for the Double Cross. Danhausen ends up bringing his knee up and nailing the Salt of the Earth right on the top of the dome. It's enough to stun him a bit and a second knee causing him to release the Very Nice one. Two knee's ain't enough though and Danhausen scoops MJF onto his shoulders. It's time to put this little bitch to sleep and so Danhausen throws him up and connects with the Very Nice, Very Kneevil! MJF looks like he's knocked completely out and Danhausen waste no time in making the pin!
1 . . .
2 . . .
MJF gets the shoulder up at 2! Danhausen walks over to his corner and reaches for the jar of teeth but Lord Regal ends up snatching the jar away. To make matters worse, he smashes the jar onto the ground! Teeth and glass is spread all over the deck and Regal smirks at Danhausen who's hot his head in his hands. He didn't see that behind him, MJF has got back to his feet and runs over to Clothesline him over the ropes! Danhausen hangs on and grabs MJF's head, hanging him on the top rope! MJF walks away choking but still wants to see Danhausen punished. He runs over to knock him off the apron but Danhausen goes low with a Shoulder Block between the ropes. MJF has this scouted and hits him with a knee to the face instead. Danhausen is stunned and MJF sets him up for the Heat Seeker but Danhausen instead lifts him up and over with a Back Body Drop, MJF landing on the deck into all the broken glass and teeth!
Corey Graves: What the hell that should be a DQ right there!
Mauro Ranallo: Regal's the one who decided to break the glass there.
Corey Graves: How that jar of teeth doesn't immediately call for a DQ the second he brings it out here will always be a mystery to me.
MJF sits up hyperventilating as glass, teeth and blood drip down his back. The fans are chanting "You deserve it!" at him but MJF can't even focus on them, instead just drowning in the pain. Regal is quick to pull out a handkerchief and try and pick the glass and teeth out of his protege's back but MJF shoos him away. He gets back to his feet and tries to just move on with the match but he doesn't see that Danhausen in on the apron and gives him a phased kick. The crowd is singing "Tequila" at the top of their lungs like a group of drunken sailors as Danhausen continues to kick him in tune before finally delivering the final kick as the crowd yells out "Danhausen!". MJF fall right back onto the teeth and glass but Danhausen picks him up right away and rolls him into the ring to make the cover.
1 . . .
2 . . .
MJF gets his shoulder up! Danhausen brings the young upstart up to his feet and hooks both arms to set him up for the Goodnighthausen. MJF rushes forward and rams Danhausen back first into the turnbuckles. MJF gives him a few extra Shoulder Thrusts before he pulls him out and gives him a Powerbomb into the turnbuckles! Danhausen falls to his knees from the impact and MJF grabs his face and yells about his dumb jar of teeth. He pulls the former champion up and places his face on the top rope. He rubs his head across the rope, wiping off paint and trying to burn his skin. Danhausen falls to the middle rope and MJF places his knee on the back of his head, choking him out until the ref counts to 4. MJF yells at the ref about his back, saying Danhausen should be disqualified for that instead.
Corey Graves: He's right. MJF should get free reign to do whatever for the rest of this match.
Tom Phillips: He gets away with a lot more in every single match he's had in UWF. If I was the referee, I would have disqualified him already.
Corey Graves: The ref better not if he values his job.
The referee doesn't back down and MJF gets tired of dealing with him, instead going back to his opponent. Danhausen catches him with a punch to the gut followed by a Jawbreaker! MJF turns away holding his chin like he just got clocked. Danhausen grabs him from behind and bends him back to set up the Double Cross! MJF spins free however and levels Danhausen with a Superkick! The Evil One falls to all fours and MJF walks up to him looking cocky. He grabs Danhausen and pulls him into a DDT position but Danhausen flips him back into a Northern Lights Suplex with a bridge!
1 . . .
2 . . .
MJF kicks out! Danhausen gets to his feet and grabs MJF by the arm, bringing him back up. MJF ends up pulling Danhausen down with the same arm and forces him to the mat, locking in the Salt of the Earth! Danhausen yells out in pain but MJF has got him firmly in the middle of the ring.
Mauro Ranallo: Danhausen may just have to tap outhausen if he wants to make it to Wrestlemania.
Tom Phillips: But if he does that he won't be competing for the Intercontinental Championship.
Corey Graves: Good, it's time for him to just ride off into the sunset if you ask me.
It looks like Danhausen might just go ahead and call it a night here before anymore damage happens to his arm. Best to keep on fighting another day but by some sheer force of God or another almighty deity. The ship gets hit with a big wave. The boat shakes and tilts causing the crowd to fall out of their seats and MJF to lose his footing and slip up letting go of the hold. MJF yells at the ref, thinking maybe he did something but twas only an act of God.
Corey Graves: What the hell, who's captaining this ship!
Mauro Ranallo: Well I think Pirate Paul Burchill may have taken over.
Corey Graves: Of course that idiot would do something like this! He just wants to help out Shark Boy to embarrass the hottest act in the business right now.
Mauro Ranallo: Don't you think he'd want to let MJF win so he doesn't come for the UWF Championship?
Corey Graves: I never said it was a smart plan.
While MJF is busy with the ref, Danhausen exits out onto the deck. Out of view from both people, Danhausen scoops up some of the teeth into his hand. He slides back into the ring and MJF notices him. He runs at him but Danhausen ducks a Clothesline attempt and when Friedman turns around he gets kicked in the gut. The wind is knocked out of him and he tries to gasp for breath but Danhausen pours the teeth into his mouth and gives him a Big Boot! The teeth go flying out and Danhausen goes for the pin!
1. . .
2 . . .
MJF kicks out! Back and forth these two go but Danhausen grabs at his arm, still clearly feeling the effects of this match. He goes to pick up MJF but his left arm is practically useless. MJF punches him in the gut a few times but Danhausen isn't going to give up that easily. He fights back with his good arm and soon enough the two you wouldn't think to be brawlers are slugging it out. The crowd cheers for every Danhausen punch and boo every MJF retaliation. There's suddenly a commotion in the crowd but the two warrior don't care as they continue to brawl. They probably should have looked though as Eddie Kingston slides into the ring and takes them both down with a Double Clothesline! Eddie starts stomping on both of them and the ref calls for the bell.
Tony Chimel: Ladies and gentlemen the referee has called this a No Contest!
The crowd boos but Eddie doesn't care. Regal however creeps into the ring behind him. He's got the brass knuckles in hand and he moves in to strike but Eddie turns around and kicks him right in the gut! The former World Champion falls to his knees and Eddie yanks the knuckles out his his hand and puts them on instead before deliver the Power of the Punch to Lord Regal! There's a mixed emotion form the crowd but mostly shock. Eddie takes the knucks off and throws them out into the sea. He's got his title in hand and the clocks MJF in the back of the head with it as he's getting up. He tosses the title on the mat and then goes towards Danhausen and picks him up. He gives him a Piledriver on the IC title. Blood begins to pour out of the Evil One's head and Eddie dips his fingers in it and rubs it down his face like warrior face paint. The crowd is booing the holy hell out of him as Revolution comes to a close.
END OF SHOW
Credits
Silas vs Steiner - Dresden
Balor vs Rhodes - Jye
Hogan vs Jarrett - Leedles
Zayn vs Homicide - Fauche
MJF vs Danhausen/ Shark Boy vs Cade - Danny
