Post by crann on Oct 30, 2018 13:30:34 GMT -6
-----STATIC-----
*Interference fills the airwaves before Resistance can go live the feed is getting hacked into and the picture finally clears on three new faces to the UWF Universe.*
'Bad Boy' Tama Tonga: Ay ay ay boys lookit what we got right over here, its la resistance aka; the UWF aka: the mother fuckin big time!
'The Silverback' Tanga Loa: Heyy Tama Tama good brotha, I don't think they allow that type a language on this kinda show, ya know hows it go down with t.v. programs like this one, violence is ok but use better watch that mouth of yours, ya know cause of all the kids and shit.
*Tama Tongas mouth goes all wide slappin his cheeks doin the home alone face.*
'Bad Boy' Tama Tonga: Oooo I'm so so so soooo sorry, I don wanta offend the little childrens watching UWF live tonight. We aint not savages or somshit like that, na na we can behave ourselves and keep it clean cuz we know how the bidness works. Cuz above it all we all know how we feel about all the viewing audience, don't we Fale? Tell em how we feel brotha
'The Underboss' Bad Luck Fale: FUCK EM!
*The boys burst into laughter: Tanga got on the biggest shit eatin grin and Tama be cacklin like a hyena while he runs in place.*
'Bad Boy' Tama Tonga: Aahaha Shit! Fuck yeah do you even know who the Fuck we are? Do you bitches. Know who the fuck. We is? Shiiiit the three of us right here, if yall don't know shit about who we is then all of yal better start lookin it up cuz I know all you little internet nerds love acting like you know whatsup. Na see here imma nice guy, imma save ya some trouble and let you know what ya need to know right now b. We be the O mother fuckin Gs, da Bullet Club that made the club what it is. We wrote the fuckin book on doin this thing, this lil' thing called, what's it called? its on the tip a da tongue, Tanga
'The Silverback' Tanga Loa: Whatever the fuck we want!
'Bad Boy' Tama Tonga: There, the fuck, it is. an we arent gonna fit the U W F mold no sir, we fixin to fuck some shit up in this motha fucka. Gettin in line, following the rules Fuck we make the goddamn rules. Playin ball is for fuckin baseball players, and we may be a buncha fucking playas OG son but we aint no fucking baseball players are we?
'The Silverback' Tanga Loa: Naa looky here, what we are is three guys ready to fucking take over. Heres what we we're not: we aint no new signings, we aint no fun tag team, and we sure as fuck aint no fuckin product for the ultimate wrestlin federation to sell. We're in this motha fucka to bust up some motha fuckas, got it?
'The Underboss' Bad Luck Fale: EY! LISTEN UP u sons of bitches cuz Fale isn't gona say it again. New Japan? FUCK EM! Bullet Club? FUCK EM! UWF? FUUUUCK EM!
'The Silverback' Tanga Loa: We got tired of new Japans little bitchass traditions, we don't play that homie we about what makes us money, not respect. Ay and ya know we got fed up with being labeled OG or fucking firing squad all this fucking name bidness with those elite bitches. If they wanna be the golden elite super kliq, then be our fuckin guest cuz the reeeeal bullet club is right here.
'Bad Boy' Tama Tonga: Guerrillas of destiny G.O.D. is comin to UWF to make some mother fuckin monayy and ay guess what, most importantly we comin to fuck some shit up for erryone. Drake Maverick you betta get ready cause we aint gonna be any roster fillers. Naa we are gonna do whatever we want and take whatever we want, and if you have a problem with that, ay bitch I wish you would step up so we can show you just who the fuck we really are. Ay, we now return you to your regularly scheduled bullshit, but dont worry nooo no no dont worry cuz very fuckin soon things are gonna get a lot more fun around here for sure. An that, ya know that is mother fuckin too sweeeeeeeeeeet!
-----STATIC-----
The opening pyro for Resistance pops off all around the stage and along the ramp as the fans cheer wildly for the new episode of the Ultimate Wrestling Federation's newest brand! The cameras sweep the crowd, showing cheering fans sporting merchandise belonging to various superstars and more than a few signs proclaiming one or the other of Resistance's many athletes to be its best. Finally, the scene comes to rest on the commentary table where Mauro Ranallo and Matt Striker are standing by.
Mauro Ranallo: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm here with my broadcast partner Matt Striker LIVE from the Spokane Arena in Spokane, Washington and welcome back to Resistance!
Matt Striker: This city claims to be "creative by nature" and the Resistance performers competing tonight will need to show some creativity!
Mauro Ranallo: That's right, Matt. We've got a pair of main events in Kenny Omega versus Seth Rollins and Jeff Hardy versus Samoa Joe that could bring this house down.
Matt Striker: Not to mention a fight between Vinny Marseglia and Drew McIntyre for a berth on Team Resistance at Survivor Series. Marseglia could defeat a second champion of this brand in as many weeks!
Mauro Ranallo: Vampiro will look to continue his reign of terror with a victory over Constable Corbin.
Matt Striker: We'll also see Juventud in action against Marty Scurll, and Jimmy Uso attempting to claim a spot on Team Resistance in a match against newcomer Bo Dallas, who was impressive last week!
Mauro Ranallo: But first things first, we have a contract to sign!
Matt Striker: And just about to join us now in the ring is, of course, the General Manager of Resistance, Drake Maverick, who will be overseeing this prestigious event.
From the back emerges the General Manager of Resistance, no music nor fanfare as he heads down to the ring. The fans are cheering and Maverick looks over them with an optimistic smile.
When he hits the foot of the ramp, Maverick slides directly into the ring and, using the microphone already in his hand, begins to address the audience.
DRAKE MAVERICK
Ladies and gentlemen, you have all sat through enough of these to know what is coming, so rather than waste further time, let’s get right down to business. Without further ado, I would like to welcome the challenger to the UWF European Champion, Billy Gunn!
With actual warning this time, the lights dim down, and the opening notes of “Smooth” by Neil Cicierega play, the crowd cheering even before the song properly kicks in, and once it does kick in with the lights flaring back on, the fans are on their feet, their applause roaring as out run Billy Gunn and his fellow Bill, the two as usual taken aback by the support of the crowd but not as fazed as before, the two somewhat-calmly making their way down the ramp and walking up the steel steps to get into the ring, Gunn sitting down at the table with a smile on his face while Kidman is awkwardly forced to stand up due to a lack of a third chair...seems Drake either didn’t plan this properly or just didn’t care enough for Kidman to sit down as well?
After Maverick takes a moment to look over Gunn and Kidman, almost as if sizing them up, he turns back toward the crowd to address them once again.
DRAKE MAVERICK
And now, the Champion…
Drake lowers the microphone as the fans start to boo in advance and anticipation of the arrival of the Velveteen Dream. There is an awkward pause as their contempt gradually fades, Dream nowhere to be seen and his music not teeing off over the soundsystem. Maverick begins to hesitate, unsure how to react. He raises the microphone back up.
Let’s try this again… and now, the Champion…
Another wave of heat. Another no-show. Maverick is visibly frustrated as Dream once again fails to appear. He turns toward Gunn and Kidman, shaking his head.
Gunn: “So uh...where's my opponent? Thought the entire purpose of the contract signing was for BOTH participants to sign the contract?
The crowd actually laugh at that. Maverick’s face turns a soft red with the embarrassment. Still, he sets his jaw and raises his hand, imploring the audience for silence. They eventually give it to him as he raises the microphone to speak.
DRAKE MAVERICK
Yes. That is usually the intention. But it seems obvious to me now that the Velveteen Dream has come to a point in his career where he thinks he is above the rules, and frankly that pisses me off! For wee--
Drake, suddenly, is cut off.
YOW!
The voice of the Velveteen Dream voice makes his way through the arena. He comes out from gorilla with microphone in hand.
Velveteen Dream: Mr. Maverick, you can't be serious? The Dream honestly thought this whole thing with the Dream defending his European championship against Gunn was a joke, but clearly this is happening. You must forgive the Velveteen Dream, since he was in the back taking care of some things with my much more important matters “Dream Enterprises,” but some guy came and started rushing me to come out here, so here the Dream is. The Dream is here to do another contract signing against another victim to the five stages of D.R.E.A.M. Where's the real competition, Maverick? Cause if Scurll couldn't beat the Dream, Gunn certainly can't.
The Dream finally makes his way to the ring apron.
Velveteen Dream: I mean look at him! This is seriously who's contending for the Dream's title? A person who needs to feed his ego by giving himself a fake tag team championship? It's really a shame. Cause instead of embarrassing yourself at Survivor Series, you should've just went back to the indies living in your van where you belong when you still had the chance. Billy Gunn, you are building yourself up for disappointment and a whole lotta pain. When this elbow hits that sternum of yours for the 1-2-3, you're going to need to experience a lot more than your girlfriend's love to heal your broken pride. At Survivor Series, it's DREAM OV-
As the Dream was about to say his signature catch phrase he gets cut off.
DRAKE MAVERICK
You want a challenge, Dream? OK. I’ve got a few for you. First and foremost, next week on Resistance, you’ll have a real challenge: a non-title, no holds barred match against none other than Vinny Marseglia.
The crowd react in a mixed way to this announcement, not being fans of either man, but definitely appreciating the potential for violence.
As for your match-up at Survivor Series, if you’re so convinced that you’ve got an advantage over Mr. Gunn, fine. How about we allow him to even the odds? Mr. Gunn, that contract in front of you contains a paragraph detailing the stipulation under which yourself and the Velveteen Dream will compete. Feel free to cross out “Singles match - one fall” and replace it with whatever you like.
Gunn does so with gusto, and is about to scribble in his stipulation but Kidman walks over, and starts discussing with Gunn about the possibilities. The two form a mini-huddle and talk things over for a few minutes before finally Gunn turns around and raises up the microphone.
Gunn: “Well, after discussing this over with my partner over here, I believe I’ve come to a proper decision and, well, why just have it be one stipulation? Why can’t I do like, a lot of them? Then I remembered a little something that my old quote-unquote friend Triple H fought in before, and now I’m bringing it back! That’s right, this match is going to be...”
After a few seconds of careful writing from Gunn, he puts the pen down and lets the camera zoom in on the paper, Gunn reading out the stipulation at the same time as the feed is able to showcase what he had written down.
Gunn: “Three Stages of Hell! Stage one will be a Tables match, then stage two is No Holds Barred, and stage three, if needed, is a ladder match! See? It’s ingenius!”
Gunn hands the contract over to Drake with pride in his “creativity”, and sits back down in the chair, now spinning around in it in delight of what could be the match that inadvertently ends his career. Drake eyes the document as he listens to Gunn discussing the details and nods along.
DRAKE MAVERICK
If that is really what you want, I’m certainly not going to say no. Frankly, Mr. Gunn, if there were someone on this Resistance Roster who I think could teach Dream a lesson, it might be you. So consider it done. Billy Gunn and Velveteen Dream… in Three Stages of Hell! And not that it matters now, considering it no longer applies… but I like the sound of it anyway: for the purposes of this match, there will be no Champion’s Advantage!
Gunn actually nearly jumps up out of his chair when hearing this, rolling himself in the chair to Kidman in order to hug him and shouting out audible enough even without the microphone Gunn: “YES! NO CHAMPION’S ADVANTAGE! THE TAG DIVISION IS GONNA BE BACK BAYBEEEEE!”
The Dream jolts back with a face of shock before going to anger.
Velveteen Dream: You… YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS?! NOT ONLY DO YOU AGREE TO THAT ABOMINATION OF NOT ONE, NOT TWO, BUT THREE STIPULATIONS, YOU'RE ALSO TAKING AWAY THE DREAM'S CHAMPIONSHIP ADVANTAGE?
The Dream starts to pace left and right in the ring struggling to keep his cool, but after a few moments he contains some of his anger.
Velveteen Dream: The Dream knew there was a bias. You never liked me the minute the Dream won this title, and it's clear as day you've been trying to rid of the Dream. First, you force the Dream to team with Scurll, knowing he's one of the worst on the roster, to get a shot for the International title, then you insert yourself into my championship against Scurll as a special guest referee to try and screw the Dream out of the title, but now you're letting the Should be Retired Gunn choose the stipulation(s), and not only that, you're stripping the Dream out of his championship advantage? It's ludicrous, Drake Maverick. Absolutely sickening.
The Dream picks up the contract in disgust and hesitantly signs it, but he certainly is not happy about it.
Velveteen Dream: You don't know who you're messing with Gunn, cause the pain is gonna be so so much worse. Instead of a quick 5 minute match, the Dream is going to make sure you have to breathe through a tube by the end of it.
The Dream raises his title before eyeing Maverick and making his exit backstage. Drake frowns, but the fans pop loudly -- not only at the harsh treatment of the champion, but also over the prospect of a returning tag division. Maverick has nothing else to say as he signs his dotted line, then nods to Gunn and Kidman. Their business seemingly concluded, he moves to exit the ring.
As Drake leaves, The Gunns can be seen celebrating along with the sections of fans still cheering them, the camera feed focusing on them for a brief amount of time before moving onwards with the show.
A loud crash of thunder booms around the arena and the lights cut out. Static appears on the big screen followed by a picture of a man, nailed to a cross.
After a few moments the picture disappears and is replaced with a dark night sky, the rain pouring from the heavens above. A faint laughter can be heard in the background, making its way closer to the camera. The camera shakes as someone takes hold of it, then the face of Vampiro appears, with a wide smile going across his face. He laughs hysterically into the camera for a few seconds then almost instantly, his face reverts to being more dark and more sinister. He begins to speak....
Vampiro:Last week, I handed Joe Hendry the beating of his life. I pummelled him to the floor and disposed of him quickly and efficiently. As I stood over him, administering blow after blow, I saw his eyes beg me to stop, beg me to end it and release him from the pain and suffering. I had forgotten how good that felt. To have a person completely helpless in front of you. Their heart racing uncontrollably. Tears falling silently from their eyes. Joe Hendry left the arena in an ambulance that night and much like Dowie, he will never be seen here in the UWF again.
For the past two weeks I have gave you all a preview of what to expect from my return. I didn’t rise from Hell once more to be a bit part player looking to coast off of former glories like many of these other men. I will systematically pick apart the bones of every single wrestler here until I reach the summit. I don’t care if you’re Leyton Buzzard or Samoa Joe. One by one I will get you all. One by one, you all shall fall.....
The camera falls to the ground and the screen goes blank.
The feed brings us to the ring where both competitors for the opening matchup are standing by.
Michael Buffer: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from San Francisco, Calif. and weighing 240 pounds... Jimmy USO!
There's a mixed reaction from the crowd as Jimmy simply glares coldly at his opponent for the evening. There's a lot on the line and he wants to get down to business.
Michael Buffer: And the opponent. From Brooksville, Florida and weighing 225 pounds... Bo DALLAS!
The Bo-sen one parades around the ring like an idiot with his arms up, people cheering him on. He finally comes to rest in his corner and notices his shoelaces are undone on his boots. He bends over to tie them up.
-VERSUS- 
DING! DING! DING!
The bell has rung and this match is underway. Jimmy Uso charges Dallas, who was fixing his boot before starting. Dallas crashes backwards into the corner where Jimmy continues the assault, delivering an uppercut that damn near sends Bo right up and over the ropes and to the floor. He drops to the mat completely out of sorts while the referee pushes him backwards, warning him.
MATT STRIKER: That a boy Uce! Show no remorse for that pipsqueak.
Dallas rolls out of the ring and to the arena floor, trying to walk off the attack, but Jimmy gives chase, grabbing Bo by the hair, and slamming his head right on to the steel steps. Bo's head bounces off the steps like a bouncy ball and he stumbles away, dropping to a knee as he walks, trying to get away from Jimmy. Once again Jimmy grabs Bo and slams his head on to the ring apron. Then Jimmy lifts his opponent up over his shoulder, and gets a running start, tossing Bo head first into the ring corner.
MAURO RANALLO: What a destructive side to Jimmy this evening.
MATT STRIKER: YES! I love it!
Jimmy grabs Bo and tosses him into the ring, and he follows, rolling him over into a pin attempt.
1...
2...
KICKOUT!
Bo Dallas gets the shoulder up just in time. Jimmy hops back up to his feet, staring at Bo letting him crawl his way to the corner. Uso gets a running start and slams his hip right into the head of Bo Dallas, who rolls out of the corner and lays motionless on the mat. Jimmy quickly climbs up on to the top rope and leaps off, connecting with a top rope splash that is sure to finish off Bo...
1...
2...
3...!
DING! DING! DING!
HERE IS YOUR WINNER, JIMMY UUUUUUSSSSSOOOOOOO!
MAURO RANALLO: Jimmy Uso snaps a losing skid by getting a HUGE victory here tonight, Matt, and he'll join the rest of Team Resistance at Survivor Series!
MATT STRIKER: Uso brings an element of unpredictability to the team; he's a wildcard. I'm excited to see what he can do and if he can get his hands on one of those favors the survivors will receive should Resistance win.
Resistance moves on to some street were Grado and Boar are walking as Grado wolfing down a Jimmy Johns sandwhich.
Grado:” Ay so ye heard anything from Ki? Ay still can’t believe he just up an left.”
The Proletariat Boar:” I can, I mean he thinks he’s one of the best but he kept losing so he got mad and left. Hell you know how many companies he just up and left? Alot, a fucking lot, at least this time he said he’ll be back one day. But we got nothing better to do so I guess we can try searching for him.”
Grado:”You think he’s gonna be around here?”
The Proletariat Boar:” No but there is a sweet store that sells shit I can’t find any where else. Plus I ordered us custom varsity jackets.”
Grado:” Will they fit meh? Oh nevermind you ordered dem, I know you would neveh get my size wrong. Let’s go and i guess Loch for Ki. Heheh.”
The two cross the street turn a corner and walk into the store.
The Proletariat Boar: “Three Jackets for The Proletariat Boar.”
Cashier:” I am sorry that order was cancelled by a Mr Low Ki. Instead he shipped a statue of Mrs.Claus to Parts Unknown.”
The Proletariat Boar:”Parts Unknown? That’s not a real place! Man I was really looking forward to my damn jacket. Well lets go Grado.”
Cashier:”Oh he aslo left a message for you. It says “This is the first clue to find me I’ll be sending more, PS Grado congrats on beating Jimmy, too bad you lost to a nobody like Bo Dallas, Sincerely Low Ki.”
Grado: “Why does he got to hurt mah feelings. Didn’t even get a sweet jacket! Boar lets go back to Jimmy Johns.”
The two exit as they take the clues and try to figure things out and the scene moves on to something else.
The camera fades into Patrick sitting next to his rock house with a can in his hand as SpongeBob approaches him.
SpongeBob:
Hey Patrick! What's that?
The sponge scratches his head in confusion.
Patrick:
It's Schmillain Energy. I've been drinking it all day and I don't really feel so good.
SpongeBob gasps as he hits the can out of Patrick's hand.
Patrick?! How could you? You know that stuff can kill you? You should drink the much better alternative, Dream Energy FK!
SpongeBob then faces the camera.
Dream Energy FK?
Yes, Dream Energy for Kids! It has 80% less sugar than Dream Energy, but also it doesn't have all those awful chemicals those other businesses have like Villain- I mean Schmillain Energy.
Wow! Where can I get some?
You can get a whole six pack of Dream Energy from your local grocery stores or single cans from your participating convenience stores.
Wow, I'm gonna go get a pack, right now!
You should! It is very good!
As SpongeBob says this, a evil person that resembles Marty Scurll greatly but he's a giant evil chicken.
OH NO! IT'S BARFY HURL!
As hope has been lost and Patrick and SpongeBob wait their demise a beam comes out of the Dream Energy! It makes Scurll- Curl explode and as the dust settle, the Velveteen Dream emerges doing his signature pose.
Velveteen Dream:
NO FEAR! Your saviour is here!
The Dream winks at the camera with his title.
Thanks, VELVETEEN DREA-
The Dream cuts off SpongeBob.
That's right talking sponge! For just $1.99 you can get yourself a Dream Energy FK right now, and for $11.99 you can get a whole six pack of Dream Energy FK! Go on get your parents so you can experience the best energy you'll ever have! It'll make you run faster, jump higher, and best of all make all your rivals jealous! So go on! Get your parents to get Dream Energy FK and if you like seeing the Dream destroying bad guys like Barfy Hurl than you'll definitely enjoy watching the Dream wrestle on UWF Resistance. Every Monday! Don't miss it!
All three of cartoons take a sip of Dream Energy FK while a narrator lists all the things Dream Energy FK can do to your health and how Dream Enterprises is not liable. The commercial then ends and the camera fades out.
DING DING!
Michael Buffer: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first...
The arena becomes dark as all of a sudden hellish flames appear on the tron a dark noise is heard and all of a sudden the the guitar riffs hard and out from the darkness come one man. The eyes, and ears of the UWF Constable Baron Corbin. Fans in the arena boo as Constable Corbin comes out. Corbin has a smug look on his face as he comes out in his dress clothes.
Michael Buffer: From Kansas City, Missouri. Weighing in at two hundred and eighty-five pounds. He is the, “Eyes and Ears of the UWF”, Constable Baron Corbin!
Corbin is bobbing his head to the entrance music and as he raises the dark backgrund behind him and lights raise. The fans are just letting Corbin hear it but he doesn't care as he is soaking in the moment and looking arrogant doing so. Corbing gets in the ring, and he takes the center of the ring and raises his arms as fans boo. Corbins music dies down and Corbin is ready for his match to begin.
Michael Buffer: And the opponent...
Suddenly the lights cut out and the arena in plunged into darkness. A cool chill grips the the audience tightly as a disturbing video begins to play on the big screen.....
After a few moments of this, Vampiro himself appears through the curtain and begins to make his way to the ring.
Michael Buffer: From Mexico City. Weighing in at two hundred and fifty pounds. He is the “Demon”, Vampiro!
Vampiro continues down the ramp and enters the ring as the lights come up and the opening bell sounds.
-VERSUS- 
DING DING!
Corbin looks at Vampiro and outstretches his arms to each side, laughing at him as Vampiro just stands there with his arms at his sides, eyeing Corbin coldly. Baron walks up and leans down to Vampiro’s level, cockily sticking his chin out and pointing to it, daring Vampiro to strike him.
Vampiro smacks his hand away and sprays a red mist into Corbin’s eyes, the crowd cheering as the Constable falls to the mat, clutching at his eyes with his hands and rolling around on the mat kicking his feet. Vampiro watches this for a moment as a small smile appears at one corner of his mouth.
Matt Striker: Well I thought maybe Baron would be a different fight than what Vampiro got out of Dowie James and Joe Hendry but this may be another domination for the, “Demon”.
Mauro Ranallo: Follow up is everything, Matt. So I don’t know if I agree with you until I see what happens either when Vampiro strikes again or Corbin gets up, whichever comes first.
Vampiro goes to rain down a punch but as he does, Corbin manages to get his right arm in the way, effectively blocking the punch with the side of his wrist. Corbin delivers a punch to the gut of Vampiro with his other hand and this allows him to get to his feet as he shoves Vampiro into the corner and rolls up his sleeves, looking to start teeing off but as he walks towards the corner, Vampiro comes out of the corner and throws another punch of his own that catches Corbin in the midsection.
As Corbin flinches and hunches a bit, Vampiro kicks him in the same place and hooks his head quickly, bringing him to the mat with a quick DDT. Vampiro stares down at Corbin after doing this before beginning to put the boots to him. As Corbin absorbs the punishment he can be seen reaching for the necklace he’s wearing as with one pull, he removes it and rolls over, throwing the necklace at Vampiro before he can connect with another stomp and coming off the mat with a fearsome spear-like tackle.
Mauro Ranallo: Mama Mia, Vampiro may have just been taken out of his boots!
Matt Striker: An effective tackle from the former football player.
Corbin now gets to his feet and dusts himself off before stomping on Vampiro the way the, “Demon” was stomping on him before. As this goes on, Vampiro sits up and shoots Corbin a cold gaze as his offense comes to a screeching halt. Vampiro grabs the necklace that’s sitting in his lap and rises to his feet, wrapping it around his fist as Corbin puts his hands up, trying to reason with him to stay back.
As the referee approaches, Vampiro slides the necklace off of his fist and holds it up in front of Corbin, who seemingly can’t understand how he’s impervious to the silver as Vampiro holds his other hand beneath it and gradually lets the necklace fall into it from the hand already holding it. Vampiro now closes his hand once the necklace is in it and makes a tight fist for a moment.
After a few seconds, he opens his hand to reveal he crushed the necklace into dust as he blows it in Corbin’s distraction but the Constable sidesteps it and charges, laying into Vampiro’s face with a big boot. Corbin laughs as Vampiro’s head bounces off of the mat but then the, “Demon” sits up.
Mauro Ranallo: I don’t like the looks of this for Constable Corbin. Vampiro’s taking everything he can dish out and immediately bouncing back from it.
Matt Striker: I guess when you deal with the morbidity that fills Vampiro’s life, you don’t have to shake off the cobwebs because they’re part of you.
Vampiro climbs to his feet and begins walking towards Corbin who raises his foot and takes off his dress shoe, throwing it at Vampiro but Vampiro smacks it out of the way. Corbin does the same with his other shoe but this time Vampiro lunges with his head like a snake and catches it in his mouth. Corbin looks horrified as Vampiro spits it to the mat, a noticeable part of it missing as Vampiro looks at Corbin and chews the piece of shoe he bit off like it’s nothing out of the ordinary.
Vampiro suddenly spits it at Corbin but he falls to the mat to avoid it and rolls out of the ring under the bottom rope as he flips up the apron and leans in underneath it.
Matt Striker: What is he doing? Trying to get disqualified?
Mauro Ranallo: Maybe he’s trying to seek refuge. I’d be careful going under that ring though as there’s a certain, “King” that may be dwelling down there right now.
Corbin emerges soon after with what appears to be a necklace of garlic and a cross in one hand and a Bible and what appears to be a cologne bottle in the other as he rolls back into the ring and gets to his feet before Vampiro can attack him. Corbin gestures for Vampiro to bring it on and as Vampiro does, the Constable throws the garlic over his head as it rests around his neck and delivers a headbutt.
Baron continues to laugh and smile but the smile disappears again as Vampiro shoots him another cold glare and rips off the garlic necklace, again unphased as he drops it to the mat and stomps on it. Corbin sees this and grabs the cologne bottle, quickly removing the top and splashing a bit of the contents on Vampiro, which only seems to anger him. As Vampiro approaches, Corbin splashes more and more of the contents before Vampiro punches him in the stomach and causes him to drop everything he’s holding as Corbin falls to his knees.
Vampiro grabs the cross from off the mat and holds it in front of Corbin, shaking his head to let him know it isn’t going to work before throwing it out of the ring. He then picks up the Bible and flips through it, stopping his finger on a random page as Corbin looks down to see what it is. As he does, Vampiro clasps it shut and shakes his head again, once more informing Corbin non-verbally that it isn’t going to work before slamming it into his opponent’s chest and returning to his feet.
Corbin sets the book down and returns to his feet himself, looking beside himself that none of his vampire stopping tricks have worked. The Constable puts his hands on his head in frustration, seemingly pondering and as he does, Vampiro begins to approach him.
Mauro Ranallo: Corbin can’t believe his plan isn’t working out.
Matt Striker: Well he better figure something else out soon, the “Demon” is on the move!
Vampiro grabs Corbin by the throat with both hands and starts squeezing as Corbin, eyes wide and mouth agape, starts flailing his arms about and is put back on his knees. As soon as he ends up there however he throws a straight punch directly into Vampiro’s groin and then comes up from the mat with an uppercut. Vampiro staggers back into the ropes, his head rocking back in a whiplash, before coming off of them and staggering back forward where Corbin nearly takes his head off with a lariat.
Corbin grabs Vampiro, staying on him, and pulls him back to his feet as he sets up for the End of Days but before he can follow through, Vampiro bites him in the bicep, forcing the Constable to put him back on his feet. As Corbin holds his bicep in pain, Vampiro hits him with a standing dropkick that sends him through the ropes to the outside.
Mauro Ranallo: The End of Days has been reversed!
Matt Striker: After that string of offense from Corbin, I thought this one was just about over but the “Demon” has shown his resilience and hung in there.
An angry Corbin climbs onto the apron but Vampiro is there to meet him with a jumping shoulder block as Corbin is sent off the apron and crashes back first into the ringside barricade. Corbin rolls onto his elbows and knees as he tries to get a breather but Vampiro is on the top rope and leaps off, connecting flush with a vertical missile dropkick that resembles a sort of modified double foot stomp with the angle Vampiro comes down at.
As Corbin now lays flat on the floor, Vampiro tears at his dress shirt with his bare hands, ripping a wide hole in it before stomping on Baron’s now prone back. Corbin cries out in pain and uses the barricade to gradually climb to his feet but when he gets there, Vampiro hits him flush in the head with a spin kick. Corbin looks out on his feet as Vampiro grabs him and forcefully guides him toward the ring before rolling him into it. Vampiro now perched himself on the top turnbuckle.
Matt Striker: What’s he got planned now?
Mauro Ranallo: This is do or die territory, Matt.
Vampiro leaps off the top and connects with a flying elbow drop, the point of his elbow hitting Corbin directly in the sternum. As Corbin sits up coughing, Vampiro makes a cutthroat gesture and leads him to his feet before hoisting him up and driving him down with the Nail in the Coffin! Vampiro covers.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
DING DING DING!
Michael Buffer: Here is your winner, Vampiro!
The Dark Angel takes to his feet and stares down at Corbin, a sadistic grin creasing his lip. He starts to perform his cut-throat gesture, but as he does, Corbin kicks him straight in the groin! Vampiro grabs his midsection as Baron gets to his feet, then grabs Vampiro by the shoulder and waist and throws him straight over the top rope to the outside! Baron then stretches out his arms in his victory pose as the fans boo him, but he doesn't seem to care much as he has made his point. The feed moves along.
Fans in the arena see an image of Constable Corbin and Drake Maverick together backstage. They boo as Corbin begins to speak to the General Manager.
Constable Corbin: Drake I know right now I am the last guy you want to to see.... but look I am sorry. Last week I let you down, and then this week I couldn't stop Vampiro for you... and look Drake I want to make it up to you. So all I am saying is put me on Team Resistance. I know-
Drake raises a hand and interrupts.
Drake Maverick: No, Baron. I'm not going to include you on Team Resistance because, frankly, after what you did to Scott Steiner a few weeks ago it's clear to me that you're not really a team player. More of a... Lone Wolf, really. That slot on Team Resistance is actually going to be occupied by someone who has proven himself a loyal friend and a hard worker with lots of heart. Grado!
There's a pop for that announcement as Drake stares directly at Corbin, who is visibly disappointed.
Drake Maverick: But I've got a plan better suited to your... talents... if you'd like to hear it.
Constable Corbin: Yes Drake I will do anything. Look Drake I am supposed to be your eyes, and ears. A couple of losses isn't going to change my goal. I just don't want you to give up on me. I am here for you regardless. What do I always say? Your best interest is my best interest. I am a team player. You think I made it to the NFL because I gave up? No I kept fighting and scratching and that is why I am here today so I will do anything..
Drake Maverick: Anything? OK then, Baron, I've got the perfect job for you. Revolution's resident "Drifter," Elias, has decided to issue an open challenge to the Resistance roster, and who better than my eyes and ears to shut his big, fat mouth up?
Corbin smiles at the idea and he speaks.
Constable Corbin: Drake I love it absolutely wonderful. Yes I am the eyes and ears of resistance, and what better way of showing it then shutting up that con artist known as Elias. Drake this is why you're the GM this is why they pay you the big bucks. You come up with briliant ideas like this time after time. Look i'll make up for tonight when you wanted me to take down Vampiro. When you wanted me to teach those degenerates the Usos a lesson I did it, and well Drake I am going to show Revolution there is a new top show in town. Elias has nothing on me, and at Survivor Series Drake the only tune people are going to be hearing is the tune of victory for the resistance brand. Thank you so much Drake I promise to not let you down.
Drake Maverick: I certainly hope not.
Corbin and Drake shake hands and Corbin walks away.
*Interference fills the airwaves before Resistance can go live the feed is getting hacked into and the picture finally clears on three new faces to the UWF Universe.*
'Bad Boy' Tama Tonga: Ay ay ay boys lookit what we got right over here, its la resistance aka; the UWF aka: the mother fuckin big time!
'The Silverback' Tanga Loa: Heyy Tama Tama good brotha, I don't think they allow that type a language on this kinda show, ya know hows it go down with t.v. programs like this one, violence is ok but use better watch that mouth of yours, ya know cause of all the kids and shit.
*Tama Tongas mouth goes all wide slappin his cheeks doin the home alone face.*
'Bad Boy' Tama Tonga: Oooo I'm so so so soooo sorry, I don wanta offend the little childrens watching UWF live tonight. We aint not savages or somshit like that, na na we can behave ourselves and keep it clean cuz we know how the bidness works. Cuz above it all we all know how we feel about all the viewing audience, don't we Fale? Tell em how we feel brotha
'The Underboss' Bad Luck Fale: FUCK EM!
*The boys burst into laughter: Tanga got on the biggest shit eatin grin and Tama be cacklin like a hyena while he runs in place.*
'Bad Boy' Tama Tonga: Aahaha Shit! Fuck yeah do you even know who the Fuck we are? Do you bitches. Know who the fuck. We is? Shiiiit the three of us right here, if yall don't know shit about who we is then all of yal better start lookin it up cuz I know all you little internet nerds love acting like you know whatsup. Na see here imma nice guy, imma save ya some trouble and let you know what ya need to know right now b. We be the O mother fuckin Gs, da Bullet Club that made the club what it is. We wrote the fuckin book on doin this thing, this lil' thing called, what's it called? its on the tip a da tongue, Tanga
'The Silverback' Tanga Loa: Whatever the fuck we want!
'Bad Boy' Tama Tonga: There, the fuck, it is. an we arent gonna fit the U W F mold no sir, we fixin to fuck some shit up in this motha fucka. Gettin in line, following the rules Fuck we make the goddamn rules. Playin ball is for fuckin baseball players, and we may be a buncha fucking playas OG son but we aint no fucking baseball players are we?
'The Silverback' Tanga Loa: Naa looky here, what we are is three guys ready to fucking take over. Heres what we we're not: we aint no new signings, we aint no fun tag team, and we sure as fuck aint no fuckin product for the ultimate wrestlin federation to sell. We're in this motha fucka to bust up some motha fuckas, got it?
'The Underboss' Bad Luck Fale: EY! LISTEN UP u sons of bitches cuz Fale isn't gona say it again. New Japan? FUCK EM! Bullet Club? FUCK EM! UWF? FUUUUCK EM!
'The Silverback' Tanga Loa: We got tired of new Japans little bitchass traditions, we don't play that homie we about what makes us money, not respect. Ay and ya know we got fed up with being labeled OG or fucking firing squad all this fucking name bidness with those elite bitches. If they wanna be the golden elite super kliq, then be our fuckin guest cuz the reeeeal bullet club is right here.
'Bad Boy' Tama Tonga: Guerrillas of destiny G.O.D. is comin to UWF to make some mother fuckin monayy and ay guess what, most importantly we comin to fuck some shit up for erryone. Drake Maverick you betta get ready cause we aint gonna be any roster fillers. Naa we are gonna do whatever we want and take whatever we want, and if you have a problem with that, ay bitch I wish you would step up so we can show you just who the fuck we really are. Ay, we now return you to your regularly scheduled bullshit, but dont worry nooo no no dont worry cuz very fuckin soon things are gonna get a lot more fun around here for sure. An that, ya know that is mother fuckin too sweeeeeeeeeeet!
-----STATIC-----
The opening pyro for Resistance pops off all around the stage and along the ramp as the fans cheer wildly for the new episode of the Ultimate Wrestling Federation's newest brand! The cameras sweep the crowd, showing cheering fans sporting merchandise belonging to various superstars and more than a few signs proclaiming one or the other of Resistance's many athletes to be its best. Finally, the scene comes to rest on the commentary table where Mauro Ranallo and Matt Striker are standing by.
Mauro Ranallo: Ladies and gentlemen, I'm here with my broadcast partner Matt Striker LIVE from the Spokane Arena in Spokane, Washington and welcome back to Resistance!
Matt Striker: This city claims to be "creative by nature" and the Resistance performers competing tonight will need to show some creativity!
Mauro Ranallo: That's right, Matt. We've got a pair of main events in Kenny Omega versus Seth Rollins and Jeff Hardy versus Samoa Joe that could bring this house down.
Matt Striker: Not to mention a fight between Vinny Marseglia and Drew McIntyre for a berth on Team Resistance at Survivor Series. Marseglia could defeat a second champion of this brand in as many weeks!
Mauro Ranallo: Vampiro will look to continue his reign of terror with a victory over Constable Corbin.
Matt Striker: We'll also see Juventud in action against Marty Scurll, and Jimmy Uso attempting to claim a spot on Team Resistance in a match against newcomer Bo Dallas, who was impressive last week!
Mauro Ranallo: But first things first, we have a contract to sign!
Matt Striker: And just about to join us now in the ring is, of course, the General Manager of Resistance, Drake Maverick, who will be overseeing this prestigious event.
From the back emerges the General Manager of Resistance, no music nor fanfare as he heads down to the ring. The fans are cheering and Maverick looks over them with an optimistic smile.
When he hits the foot of the ramp, Maverick slides directly into the ring and, using the microphone already in his hand, begins to address the audience.
DRAKE MAVERICK
Ladies and gentlemen, you have all sat through enough of these to know what is coming, so rather than waste further time, let’s get right down to business. Without further ado, I would like to welcome the challenger to the UWF European Champion, Billy Gunn!
With actual warning this time, the lights dim down, and the opening notes of “Smooth” by Neil Cicierega play, the crowd cheering even before the song properly kicks in, and once it does kick in with the lights flaring back on, the fans are on their feet, their applause roaring as out run Billy Gunn and his fellow Bill, the two as usual taken aback by the support of the crowd but not as fazed as before, the two somewhat-calmly making their way down the ramp and walking up the steel steps to get into the ring, Gunn sitting down at the table with a smile on his face while Kidman is awkwardly forced to stand up due to a lack of a third chair...seems Drake either didn’t plan this properly or just didn’t care enough for Kidman to sit down as well?
After Maverick takes a moment to look over Gunn and Kidman, almost as if sizing them up, he turns back toward the crowd to address them once again.
DRAKE MAVERICK
And now, the Champion…
Drake lowers the microphone as the fans start to boo in advance and anticipation of the arrival of the Velveteen Dream. There is an awkward pause as their contempt gradually fades, Dream nowhere to be seen and his music not teeing off over the soundsystem. Maverick begins to hesitate, unsure how to react. He raises the microphone back up.
Let’s try this again… and now, the Champion…
Another wave of heat. Another no-show. Maverick is visibly frustrated as Dream once again fails to appear. He turns toward Gunn and Kidman, shaking his head.
Gunn: “So uh...where's my opponent? Thought the entire purpose of the contract signing was for BOTH participants to sign the contract?
The crowd actually laugh at that. Maverick’s face turns a soft red with the embarrassment. Still, he sets his jaw and raises his hand, imploring the audience for silence. They eventually give it to him as he raises the microphone to speak.
DRAKE MAVERICK
Yes. That is usually the intention. But it seems obvious to me now that the Velveteen Dream has come to a point in his career where he thinks he is above the rules, and frankly that pisses me off! For wee--
Drake, suddenly, is cut off.
YOW!
The voice of the Velveteen Dream voice makes his way through the arena. He comes out from gorilla with microphone in hand.
Velveteen Dream: Mr. Maverick, you can't be serious? The Dream honestly thought this whole thing with the Dream defending his European championship against Gunn was a joke, but clearly this is happening. You must forgive the Velveteen Dream, since he was in the back taking care of some things with my much more important matters “Dream Enterprises,” but some guy came and started rushing me to come out here, so here the Dream is. The Dream is here to do another contract signing against another victim to the five stages of D.R.E.A.M. Where's the real competition, Maverick? Cause if Scurll couldn't beat the Dream, Gunn certainly can't.
The Dream finally makes his way to the ring apron.
Velveteen Dream: I mean look at him! This is seriously who's contending for the Dream's title? A person who needs to feed his ego by giving himself a fake tag team championship? It's really a shame. Cause instead of embarrassing yourself at Survivor Series, you should've just went back to the indies living in your van where you belong when you still had the chance. Billy Gunn, you are building yourself up for disappointment and a whole lotta pain. When this elbow hits that sternum of yours for the 1-2-3, you're going to need to experience a lot more than your girlfriend's love to heal your broken pride. At Survivor Series, it's DREAM OV-
As the Dream was about to say his signature catch phrase he gets cut off.
DRAKE MAVERICK
You want a challenge, Dream? OK. I’ve got a few for you. First and foremost, next week on Resistance, you’ll have a real challenge: a non-title, no holds barred match against none other than Vinny Marseglia.
The crowd react in a mixed way to this announcement, not being fans of either man, but definitely appreciating the potential for violence.
As for your match-up at Survivor Series, if you’re so convinced that you’ve got an advantage over Mr. Gunn, fine. How about we allow him to even the odds? Mr. Gunn, that contract in front of you contains a paragraph detailing the stipulation under which yourself and the Velveteen Dream will compete. Feel free to cross out “Singles match - one fall” and replace it with whatever you like.
Gunn does so with gusto, and is about to scribble in his stipulation but Kidman walks over, and starts discussing with Gunn about the possibilities. The two form a mini-huddle and talk things over for a few minutes before finally Gunn turns around and raises up the microphone.
Gunn: “Well, after discussing this over with my partner over here, I believe I’ve come to a proper decision and, well, why just have it be one stipulation? Why can’t I do like, a lot of them? Then I remembered a little something that my old quote-unquote friend Triple H fought in before, and now I’m bringing it back! That’s right, this match is going to be...”
After a few seconds of careful writing from Gunn, he puts the pen down and lets the camera zoom in on the paper, Gunn reading out the stipulation at the same time as the feed is able to showcase what he had written down.
Gunn: “Three Stages of Hell! Stage one will be a Tables match, then stage two is No Holds Barred, and stage three, if needed, is a ladder match! See? It’s ingenius!”
Gunn hands the contract over to Drake with pride in his “creativity”, and sits back down in the chair, now spinning around in it in delight of what could be the match that inadvertently ends his career. Drake eyes the document as he listens to Gunn discussing the details and nods along.
DRAKE MAVERICK
If that is really what you want, I’m certainly not going to say no. Frankly, Mr. Gunn, if there were someone on this Resistance Roster who I think could teach Dream a lesson, it might be you. So consider it done. Billy Gunn and Velveteen Dream… in Three Stages of Hell! And not that it matters now, considering it no longer applies… but I like the sound of it anyway: for the purposes of this match, there will be no Champion’s Advantage!
Gunn actually nearly jumps up out of his chair when hearing this, rolling himself in the chair to Kidman in order to hug him and shouting out audible enough even without the microphone Gunn: “YES! NO CHAMPION’S ADVANTAGE! THE TAG DIVISION IS GONNA BE BACK BAYBEEEEE!”
The Dream jolts back with a face of shock before going to anger.
Velveteen Dream: You… YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS?! NOT ONLY DO YOU AGREE TO THAT ABOMINATION OF NOT ONE, NOT TWO, BUT THREE STIPULATIONS, YOU'RE ALSO TAKING AWAY THE DREAM'S CHAMPIONSHIP ADVANTAGE?
The Dream starts to pace left and right in the ring struggling to keep his cool, but after a few moments he contains some of his anger.
Velveteen Dream: The Dream knew there was a bias. You never liked me the minute the Dream won this title, and it's clear as day you've been trying to rid of the Dream. First, you force the Dream to team with Scurll, knowing he's one of the worst on the roster, to get a shot for the International title, then you insert yourself into my championship against Scurll as a special guest referee to try and screw the Dream out of the title, but now you're letting the Should be Retired Gunn choose the stipulation(s), and not only that, you're stripping the Dream out of his championship advantage? It's ludicrous, Drake Maverick. Absolutely sickening.
The Dream picks up the contract in disgust and hesitantly signs it, but he certainly is not happy about it.
Velveteen Dream: You don't know who you're messing with Gunn, cause the pain is gonna be so so much worse. Instead of a quick 5 minute match, the Dream is going to make sure you have to breathe through a tube by the end of it.
The Dream raises his title before eyeing Maverick and making his exit backstage. Drake frowns, but the fans pop loudly -- not only at the harsh treatment of the champion, but also over the prospect of a returning tag division. Maverick has nothing else to say as he signs his dotted line, then nods to Gunn and Kidman. Their business seemingly concluded, he moves to exit the ring.
As Drake leaves, The Gunns can be seen celebrating along with the sections of fans still cheering them, the camera feed focusing on them for a brief amount of time before moving onwards with the show.
A loud crash of thunder booms around the arena and the lights cut out. Static appears on the big screen followed by a picture of a man, nailed to a cross.
After a few moments the picture disappears and is replaced with a dark night sky, the rain pouring from the heavens above. A faint laughter can be heard in the background, making its way closer to the camera. The camera shakes as someone takes hold of it, then the face of Vampiro appears, with a wide smile going across his face. He laughs hysterically into the camera for a few seconds then almost instantly, his face reverts to being more dark and more sinister. He begins to speak....
Vampiro:Last week, I handed Joe Hendry the beating of his life. I pummelled him to the floor and disposed of him quickly and efficiently. As I stood over him, administering blow after blow, I saw his eyes beg me to stop, beg me to end it and release him from the pain and suffering. I had forgotten how good that felt. To have a person completely helpless in front of you. Their heart racing uncontrollably. Tears falling silently from their eyes. Joe Hendry left the arena in an ambulance that night and much like Dowie, he will never be seen here in the UWF again.
For the past two weeks I have gave you all a preview of what to expect from my return. I didn’t rise from Hell once more to be a bit part player looking to coast off of former glories like many of these other men. I will systematically pick apart the bones of every single wrestler here until I reach the summit. I don’t care if you’re Leyton Buzzard or Samoa Joe. One by one I will get you all. One by one, you all shall fall.....
The camera falls to the ground and the screen goes blank.
The feed brings us to the ring where both competitors for the opening matchup are standing by.
Michael Buffer: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from San Francisco, Calif. and weighing 240 pounds... Jimmy USO!
There's a mixed reaction from the crowd as Jimmy simply glares coldly at his opponent for the evening. There's a lot on the line and he wants to get down to business.
Michael Buffer: And the opponent. From Brooksville, Florida and weighing 225 pounds... Bo DALLAS!
The Bo-sen one parades around the ring like an idiot with his arms up, people cheering him on. He finally comes to rest in his corner and notices his shoelaces are undone on his boots. He bends over to tie them up.
-VERSUS- DING! DING! DING!
The bell has rung and this match is underway. Jimmy Uso charges Dallas, who was fixing his boot before starting. Dallas crashes backwards into the corner where Jimmy continues the assault, delivering an uppercut that damn near sends Bo right up and over the ropes and to the floor. He drops to the mat completely out of sorts while the referee pushes him backwards, warning him.
MATT STRIKER: That a boy Uce! Show no remorse for that pipsqueak.
Dallas rolls out of the ring and to the arena floor, trying to walk off the attack, but Jimmy gives chase, grabbing Bo by the hair, and slamming his head right on to the steel steps. Bo's head bounces off the steps like a bouncy ball and he stumbles away, dropping to a knee as he walks, trying to get away from Jimmy. Once again Jimmy grabs Bo and slams his head on to the ring apron. Then Jimmy lifts his opponent up over his shoulder, and gets a running start, tossing Bo head first into the ring corner.
MAURO RANALLO: What a destructive side to Jimmy this evening.
MATT STRIKER: YES! I love it!
Jimmy grabs Bo and tosses him into the ring, and he follows, rolling him over into a pin attempt.
1...
2...
KICKOUT!
Bo Dallas gets the shoulder up just in time. Jimmy hops back up to his feet, staring at Bo letting him crawl his way to the corner. Uso gets a running start and slams his hip right into the head of Bo Dallas, who rolls out of the corner and lays motionless on the mat. Jimmy quickly climbs up on to the top rope and leaps off, connecting with a top rope splash that is sure to finish off Bo...
1...
2...
3...!
DING! DING! DING!
HERE IS YOUR WINNER, JIMMY UUUUUUSSSSSOOOOOOO!
MAURO RANALLO: Jimmy Uso snaps a losing skid by getting a HUGE victory here tonight, Matt, and he'll join the rest of Team Resistance at Survivor Series!
MATT STRIKER: Uso brings an element of unpredictability to the team; he's a wildcard. I'm excited to see what he can do and if he can get his hands on one of those favors the survivors will receive should Resistance win.
Resistance moves on to some street were Grado and Boar are walking as Grado wolfing down a Jimmy Johns sandwhich.
Grado:” Ay so ye heard anything from Ki? Ay still can’t believe he just up an left.”
The Proletariat Boar:” I can, I mean he thinks he’s one of the best but he kept losing so he got mad and left. Hell you know how many companies he just up and left? Alot, a fucking lot, at least this time he said he’ll be back one day. But we got nothing better to do so I guess we can try searching for him.”
Grado:”You think he’s gonna be around here?”
The Proletariat Boar:” No but there is a sweet store that sells shit I can’t find any where else. Plus I ordered us custom varsity jackets.”
Grado:” Will they fit meh? Oh nevermind you ordered dem, I know you would neveh get my size wrong. Let’s go and i guess Loch for Ki. Heheh.”
The two cross the street turn a corner and walk into the store.
The Proletariat Boar: “Three Jackets for The Proletariat Boar.”
Cashier:” I am sorry that order was cancelled by a Mr Low Ki. Instead he shipped a statue of Mrs.Claus to Parts Unknown.”
The Proletariat Boar:”Parts Unknown? That’s not a real place! Man I was really looking forward to my damn jacket. Well lets go Grado.”
Cashier:”Oh he aslo left a message for you. It says “This is the first clue to find me I’ll be sending more, PS Grado congrats on beating Jimmy, too bad you lost to a nobody like Bo Dallas, Sincerely Low Ki.”
Grado: “Why does he got to hurt mah feelings. Didn’t even get a sweet jacket! Boar lets go back to Jimmy Johns.”
The two exit as they take the clues and try to figure things out and the scene moves on to something else.
The camera fades into Patrick sitting next to his rock house with a can in his hand as SpongeBob approaches him.
SpongeBob:
Hey Patrick! What's that?
The sponge scratches his head in confusion.
Patrick:
It's Schmillain Energy. I've been drinking it all day and I don't really feel so good.
SpongeBob gasps as he hits the can out of Patrick's hand.
Patrick?! How could you? You know that stuff can kill you? You should drink the much better alternative, Dream Energy FK!
SpongeBob then faces the camera.
Dream Energy FK?
Yes, Dream Energy for Kids! It has 80% less sugar than Dream Energy, but also it doesn't have all those awful chemicals those other businesses have like Villain- I mean Schmillain Energy.
Wow! Where can I get some?
You can get a whole six pack of Dream Energy from your local grocery stores or single cans from your participating convenience stores.
Wow, I'm gonna go get a pack, right now!
You should! It is very good!
As SpongeBob says this, a evil person that resembles Marty Scurll greatly but he's a giant evil chicken.
OH NO! IT'S BARFY HURL!
As hope has been lost and Patrick and SpongeBob wait their demise a beam comes out of the Dream Energy! It makes Scurll- Curl explode and as the dust settle, the Velveteen Dream emerges doing his signature pose.
Velveteen Dream:
NO FEAR! Your saviour is here!
The Dream winks at the camera with his title.
Thanks, VELVETEEN DREA-
The Dream cuts off SpongeBob.
That's right talking sponge! For just $1.99 you can get yourself a Dream Energy FK right now, and for $11.99 you can get a whole six pack of Dream Energy FK! Go on get your parents so you can experience the best energy you'll ever have! It'll make you run faster, jump higher, and best of all make all your rivals jealous! So go on! Get your parents to get Dream Energy FK and if you like seeing the Dream destroying bad guys like Barfy Hurl than you'll definitely enjoy watching the Dream wrestle on UWF Resistance. Every Monday! Don't miss it!
All three of cartoons take a sip of Dream Energy FK while a narrator lists all the things Dream Energy FK can do to your health and how Dream Enterprises is not liable. The commercial then ends and the camera fades out.
DING DING!
Michael Buffer: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first...
The arena becomes dark as all of a sudden hellish flames appear on the tron a dark noise is heard and all of a sudden the the guitar riffs hard and out from the darkness come one man. The eyes, and ears of the UWF Constable Baron Corbin. Fans in the arena boo as Constable Corbin comes out. Corbin has a smug look on his face as he comes out in his dress clothes.
Michael Buffer: From Kansas City, Missouri. Weighing in at two hundred and eighty-five pounds. He is the, “Eyes and Ears of the UWF”, Constable Baron Corbin!
Corbin is bobbing his head to the entrance music and as he raises the dark backgrund behind him and lights raise. The fans are just letting Corbin hear it but he doesn't care as he is soaking in the moment and looking arrogant doing so. Corbing gets in the ring, and he takes the center of the ring and raises his arms as fans boo. Corbins music dies down and Corbin is ready for his match to begin.
Michael Buffer: And the opponent...
Suddenly the lights cut out and the arena in plunged into darkness. A cool chill grips the the audience tightly as a disturbing video begins to play on the big screen.....
After a few moments of this, Vampiro himself appears through the curtain and begins to make his way to the ring.
Michael Buffer: From Mexico City. Weighing in at two hundred and fifty pounds. He is the “Demon”, Vampiro!
Vampiro continues down the ramp and enters the ring as the lights come up and the opening bell sounds.
-VERSUS- DING DING!
Corbin looks at Vampiro and outstretches his arms to each side, laughing at him as Vampiro just stands there with his arms at his sides, eyeing Corbin coldly. Baron walks up and leans down to Vampiro’s level, cockily sticking his chin out and pointing to it, daring Vampiro to strike him.
Vampiro smacks his hand away and sprays a red mist into Corbin’s eyes, the crowd cheering as the Constable falls to the mat, clutching at his eyes with his hands and rolling around on the mat kicking his feet. Vampiro watches this for a moment as a small smile appears at one corner of his mouth.
Matt Striker: Well I thought maybe Baron would be a different fight than what Vampiro got out of Dowie James and Joe Hendry but this may be another domination for the, “Demon”.
Mauro Ranallo: Follow up is everything, Matt. So I don’t know if I agree with you until I see what happens either when Vampiro strikes again or Corbin gets up, whichever comes first.
Vampiro goes to rain down a punch but as he does, Corbin manages to get his right arm in the way, effectively blocking the punch with the side of his wrist. Corbin delivers a punch to the gut of Vampiro with his other hand and this allows him to get to his feet as he shoves Vampiro into the corner and rolls up his sleeves, looking to start teeing off but as he walks towards the corner, Vampiro comes out of the corner and throws another punch of his own that catches Corbin in the midsection.
As Corbin flinches and hunches a bit, Vampiro kicks him in the same place and hooks his head quickly, bringing him to the mat with a quick DDT. Vampiro stares down at Corbin after doing this before beginning to put the boots to him. As Corbin absorbs the punishment he can be seen reaching for the necklace he’s wearing as with one pull, he removes it and rolls over, throwing the necklace at Vampiro before he can connect with another stomp and coming off the mat with a fearsome spear-like tackle.
Mauro Ranallo: Mama Mia, Vampiro may have just been taken out of his boots!
Matt Striker: An effective tackle from the former football player.
Corbin now gets to his feet and dusts himself off before stomping on Vampiro the way the, “Demon” was stomping on him before. As this goes on, Vampiro sits up and shoots Corbin a cold gaze as his offense comes to a screeching halt. Vampiro grabs the necklace that’s sitting in his lap and rises to his feet, wrapping it around his fist as Corbin puts his hands up, trying to reason with him to stay back.
As the referee approaches, Vampiro slides the necklace off of his fist and holds it up in front of Corbin, who seemingly can’t understand how he’s impervious to the silver as Vampiro holds his other hand beneath it and gradually lets the necklace fall into it from the hand already holding it. Vampiro now closes his hand once the necklace is in it and makes a tight fist for a moment.
After a few seconds, he opens his hand to reveal he crushed the necklace into dust as he blows it in Corbin’s distraction but the Constable sidesteps it and charges, laying into Vampiro’s face with a big boot. Corbin laughs as Vampiro’s head bounces off of the mat but then the, “Demon” sits up.
Mauro Ranallo: I don’t like the looks of this for Constable Corbin. Vampiro’s taking everything he can dish out and immediately bouncing back from it.
Matt Striker: I guess when you deal with the morbidity that fills Vampiro’s life, you don’t have to shake off the cobwebs because they’re part of you.
Vampiro climbs to his feet and begins walking towards Corbin who raises his foot and takes off his dress shoe, throwing it at Vampiro but Vampiro smacks it out of the way. Corbin does the same with his other shoe but this time Vampiro lunges with his head like a snake and catches it in his mouth. Corbin looks horrified as Vampiro spits it to the mat, a noticeable part of it missing as Vampiro looks at Corbin and chews the piece of shoe he bit off like it’s nothing out of the ordinary.
Vampiro suddenly spits it at Corbin but he falls to the mat to avoid it and rolls out of the ring under the bottom rope as he flips up the apron and leans in underneath it.
Matt Striker: What is he doing? Trying to get disqualified?
Mauro Ranallo: Maybe he’s trying to seek refuge. I’d be careful going under that ring though as there’s a certain, “King” that may be dwelling down there right now.
Corbin emerges soon after with what appears to be a necklace of garlic and a cross in one hand and a Bible and what appears to be a cologne bottle in the other as he rolls back into the ring and gets to his feet before Vampiro can attack him. Corbin gestures for Vampiro to bring it on and as Vampiro does, the Constable throws the garlic over his head as it rests around his neck and delivers a headbutt.
Baron continues to laugh and smile but the smile disappears again as Vampiro shoots him another cold glare and rips off the garlic necklace, again unphased as he drops it to the mat and stomps on it. Corbin sees this and grabs the cologne bottle, quickly removing the top and splashing a bit of the contents on Vampiro, which only seems to anger him. As Vampiro approaches, Corbin splashes more and more of the contents before Vampiro punches him in the stomach and causes him to drop everything he’s holding as Corbin falls to his knees.
Vampiro grabs the cross from off the mat and holds it in front of Corbin, shaking his head to let him know it isn’t going to work before throwing it out of the ring. He then picks up the Bible and flips through it, stopping his finger on a random page as Corbin looks down to see what it is. As he does, Vampiro clasps it shut and shakes his head again, once more informing Corbin non-verbally that it isn’t going to work before slamming it into his opponent’s chest and returning to his feet.
Corbin sets the book down and returns to his feet himself, looking beside himself that none of his vampire stopping tricks have worked. The Constable puts his hands on his head in frustration, seemingly pondering and as he does, Vampiro begins to approach him.
Mauro Ranallo: Corbin can’t believe his plan isn’t working out.
Matt Striker: Well he better figure something else out soon, the “Demon” is on the move!
Vampiro grabs Corbin by the throat with both hands and starts squeezing as Corbin, eyes wide and mouth agape, starts flailing his arms about and is put back on his knees. As soon as he ends up there however he throws a straight punch directly into Vampiro’s groin and then comes up from the mat with an uppercut. Vampiro staggers back into the ropes, his head rocking back in a whiplash, before coming off of them and staggering back forward where Corbin nearly takes his head off with a lariat.
Corbin grabs Vampiro, staying on him, and pulls him back to his feet as he sets up for the End of Days but before he can follow through, Vampiro bites him in the bicep, forcing the Constable to put him back on his feet. As Corbin holds his bicep in pain, Vampiro hits him with a standing dropkick that sends him through the ropes to the outside.
Mauro Ranallo: The End of Days has been reversed!
Matt Striker: After that string of offense from Corbin, I thought this one was just about over but the “Demon” has shown his resilience and hung in there.
An angry Corbin climbs onto the apron but Vampiro is there to meet him with a jumping shoulder block as Corbin is sent off the apron and crashes back first into the ringside barricade. Corbin rolls onto his elbows and knees as he tries to get a breather but Vampiro is on the top rope and leaps off, connecting flush with a vertical missile dropkick that resembles a sort of modified double foot stomp with the angle Vampiro comes down at.
As Corbin now lays flat on the floor, Vampiro tears at his dress shirt with his bare hands, ripping a wide hole in it before stomping on Baron’s now prone back. Corbin cries out in pain and uses the barricade to gradually climb to his feet but when he gets there, Vampiro hits him flush in the head with a spin kick. Corbin looks out on his feet as Vampiro grabs him and forcefully guides him toward the ring before rolling him into it. Vampiro now perched himself on the top turnbuckle.
Matt Striker: What’s he got planned now?
Mauro Ranallo: This is do or die territory, Matt.
Vampiro leaps off the top and connects with a flying elbow drop, the point of his elbow hitting Corbin directly in the sternum. As Corbin sits up coughing, Vampiro makes a cutthroat gesture and leads him to his feet before hoisting him up and driving him down with the Nail in the Coffin! Vampiro covers.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
DING DING DING!
Michael Buffer: Here is your winner, Vampiro!
The Dark Angel takes to his feet and stares down at Corbin, a sadistic grin creasing his lip. He starts to perform his cut-throat gesture, but as he does, Corbin kicks him straight in the groin! Vampiro grabs his midsection as Baron gets to his feet, then grabs Vampiro by the shoulder and waist and throws him straight over the top rope to the outside! Baron then stretches out his arms in his victory pose as the fans boo him, but he doesn't seem to care much as he has made his point. The feed moves along.
Fans in the arena see an image of Constable Corbin and Drake Maverick together backstage. They boo as Corbin begins to speak to the General Manager.
Constable Corbin: Drake I know right now I am the last guy you want to to see.... but look I am sorry. Last week I let you down, and then this week I couldn't stop Vampiro for you... and look Drake I want to make it up to you. So all I am saying is put me on Team Resistance. I know-
Drake raises a hand and interrupts.
Drake Maverick: No, Baron. I'm not going to include you on Team Resistance because, frankly, after what you did to Scott Steiner a few weeks ago it's clear to me that you're not really a team player. More of a... Lone Wolf, really. That slot on Team Resistance is actually going to be occupied by someone who has proven himself a loyal friend and a hard worker with lots of heart. Grado!
There's a pop for that announcement as Drake stares directly at Corbin, who is visibly disappointed.
Drake Maverick: But I've got a plan better suited to your... talents... if you'd like to hear it.
Constable Corbin: Yes Drake I will do anything. Look Drake I am supposed to be your eyes, and ears. A couple of losses isn't going to change my goal. I just don't want you to give up on me. I am here for you regardless. What do I always say? Your best interest is my best interest. I am a team player. You think I made it to the NFL because I gave up? No I kept fighting and scratching and that is why I am here today so I will do anything..
Drake Maverick: Anything? OK then, Baron, I've got the perfect job for you. Revolution's resident "Drifter," Elias, has decided to issue an open challenge to the Resistance roster, and who better than my eyes and ears to shut his big, fat mouth up?
Corbin smiles at the idea and he speaks.
Constable Corbin: Drake I love it absolutely wonderful. Yes I am the eyes and ears of resistance, and what better way of showing it then shutting up that con artist known as Elias. Drake this is why you're the GM this is why they pay you the big bucks. You come up with briliant ideas like this time after time. Look i'll make up for tonight when you wanted me to take down Vampiro. When you wanted me to teach those degenerates the Usos a lesson I did it, and well Drake I am going to show Revolution there is a new top show in town. Elias has nothing on me, and at Survivor Series Drake the only tune people are going to be hearing is the tune of victory for the resistance brand. Thank you so much Drake I promise to not let you down.
Drake Maverick: I certainly hope not.
Corbin and Drake shake hands and Corbin walks away.
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