The Patriarch Arrives

[Dres]

As the lights in the arena dim, the anticipation is at an all time high. What could be coming next? Soon a countdown begins on the screen as a familiar theme follows.



As the theme plays, none other than Christian Cage makes his way out onto the stage with a microphone in hand as he motions for his music to be cut.



Christian Cage: You’re probably wondering to yourselves right now why I’m here. Not only that, but why the name reads, ‘Christian Cage’ instead of just ‘Christian’. Well the reason for that is simple: see, when you think of ‘Christian’ you think of the guy that struggled against Stone Cold over the UWF Championship. You also think of the guy that made an idiot of himself alongside Edge for all those years. ‘Christian Cage’, on the other hand, he has no legacy in the UWF. ‘Christian Cage’ can come into this place with a clean slate, and that’s exactly what I’m doing. So if you saw me come out here and thought that deadweight, “Rated R Stupid Star” wasn’t far behind me or you thought I was going to join Kyle O’Reilly and Rick Rude in getting the NWO back together, guess what, you thought wrong and I, for one, am happy to disappoint you.

The crowd boos.

You can boo all you want. In fact, get used to booing Christian Cage because Christian Cage is about to do a lot of things in the UWF that you aren’t going to like. You’ll have to watch and see what those things are but I’m going to leave you with one question: Who’s Your Daddy?

[mattchewie]

COME GET ON THE....HOOOOOOOOOOO TRAIN!

To be fair, Cage asked, he just didn't specify which daddy he was referring to.  Anyways, everybody's favorite pimp daddy starts making his way down the ramp, sauntering as only a true pimp daddy can with that much swag.  Halfway down, he pauses...places his hand on his chin as if he has forgotten something.  OH YEAH!  DA HOS!  He starts motioning for them to come on out!

They join The Godfather and they pimp walk the rest of the way to the ring.  The Godfather is first up the steps and steps on the bottom rope as he holds up the middle, to allow the...hos to enter the ring.  As each one bends down to enter the ring, The Godfather winces in delight as he watches them enter the ring.  After the last one enters the ring, The Godfather enters the ring, himself.  The music is still blaring on, Christian Cage is looking on with utter disgust.  Everyone is in the ring now, only one thing left to do...

Once the song dies down, The Godfather goes and asks for a microphone.

The Godfather:  First thing I gotta know is, they any pimps up in dis houuuuuuuuuuse?

Huge cheer from the crowd.

The Godfather: Glad I ain't the only one.  Bruh, I know you ain't gon' stand out here and pretend like you got some kind of pimp cane stuck all the way up yo' azz.  We cool, bruh!  Now, I know you people ain't gon' believe me when I tell ya, but this man used to be a certified PIMP!  He may not act like it that much these days, but even an ol' Pimp Daddy can see just what is wrong witchu.  Now, I'm feelin' pretty generous tonight, Chris...I'm willin' to offer up TWO of these fine looking young ladies to accompany you tonight if you feel like kickin' it like it's 98?!

The crowd cheers at this.


The Godfather:  Man, I dunno....you just seem all uptight, nam sayin'?  Maybe, you just needa cut loose a little, right?  And I think I got just watchu need!

The Godfather reaches into his vest and reveals a small bag with a peculiar green substance inside.  He reaches into the vest once again and procures a few small pieces of paper, you know what kind.  The crowd absolutely blows the roof off the place at this.


The Godfather:  Man, now I know you remember us sitting in the back, tokin' just like it was yesterday.  So, how's about we head on back to the back with these hos, smoke a few, and talk about ol' times, huh?

The Godfather looks at Christian for a long moment before turning to the crowd for support.

The Godfather:  I don't think he heard me, ya'll.  Maybe ya'll need to gimme a hand.  How's about ya'll tell him?  Ya'll tell him that he needs to just chill, come on to the back.  Then, he just needs to roll up a fatty, with this pimp daddy, light one up and sayyyyyy-

Crowd:  PIMPIN' AIN'T EASY!


  

[Dres]

Christian looks absolutely disgusted by the arrival of The Godfather as well as his proposal.



Christian Cage: Talk about old times? I’ve got bigger and better things to do than talk about the glory days like I’m some shriveled up hack with my best days behind him like you! In fact, since you want to insult me with a stupid proposition, I should walk over there and slap those glasses right off your face! Face it, Grandpa, you can take medicine to give these skanks what they want but there’s not a prescription out there to help you face Christian Cage!