Post by Danny on Aug 24, 2024 14:52:28 GMT -6
As the logo is seen, things go live to the inside of the arena as pyrotechnics go off from the stage and the camera pans around to get a shot of the fans from all around the world gathered for the UWF's newest show, Rebellion! The camera pans over to the commentary team where Corey Graves, Mauro Ranallo, and Tom Phillips are standing by.
Mauro Ranallo: Hello and welcome to another edition of Rebellion! I'm Mauro Ranallo and with me as always, former International Champion Corey Graves and Tom Phillips!
Tom Phillips: It's the show where anything can happen and anyone could walk through those curtains.
Corey Graves: I can't wait to see what chumps think they can make it here only to get promptly put back in their place. Only the best of the best work here you idiots!
Mauro Ranallo:The hardest working wrestlers always end up making their presence known for these shows and also always seem to make it to the top. Weird how that works out? Anyways we've got some big things set for tonight starting with a very special segment. Let's head down to the ring for that right now!
All eyes back on the ring! What's this? The squared circle isn't set for an athletic contest. Not at all! It’s being perverted by what might could be called a talk / variety show set. Sofa cushions. Potted plants. End tables. The works.
In the middle of it all, a white door, and on that white, a sign that reads "DING DONG, HELLO!" The camera zooms in on it just as some showbiz jazz fusion hits the PA, and who comes bursting through that door if not The "Good Guy" herself?
DING DONG
Bayley: HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLO~!
The fans give it up for the Doctor of Huganomics, who dressed to the nines for the occasion. Its been a lot less long since the gap between previous installments graced the UWF Universe, but this? The eve of the Biggest Party of the Summer? This is a special occasion!
With cue cards in one hand and a microphone in the other, Bayley gets right to work.
Bayley: Hello everybody and welcome back to the Ding Dong, Hello Show!
Her high spirits are downright infectious. She was born for this. Move over, Rivers. Kick rocks, Barrymore.
Bayley: Folks, unfortunately I've got to kick off today's program with some pretty tragic news.
The fans "Awwww", bracing themselves for the worst. The "Good Guy" looks forlorn. Real forlorn. Fivelorn, even.
Bayley: Yeah... I uh... well, there's just no way to sugarcoat it. Just this morning, I went to the doctor, cause see, I've been feeling pretty strange for a little while now. Something wasn't quite right - not in here, here, or even here.
She points to her stomach, her head, and her heart, respectively.
Bayley: They ran a battery of tests. Spare no expense. Sent me over to the Specialist. Yeah... yeah... and because things were looking so drastic, they rushed to get the results back and they all came in a hundred-percent positively conclusive...
Her head hangs low...
Bayley: Turns out I've got an incurable case...
Then snaps right back up!
Bayley: Of Summertime Fever, pals! Ahahahaha! Yep, you heard that right! Ain't no medicine - no pills, syrups, needles or exercises they can do about it. I'm just doomed to a life of having fun in the mother effing sun! The doctors were stumped! Stupefied! They'd never seen a case so severe in all their careers! They wanted to write about me for a medical journal but I said to them "fellas, there's no time for that crap cause I've got a show to get too! Summerslam is coming!"
Now when I point at you, you guys throw your hands up and say "WOOP WOOP". Okay, here we go!
Biggest Party...
The fans shout back "WOOP WOOP"
Bayley: Of the Summah!
WOOP WOOP
Bayley: Swimsuits! Cocktails!
WOOP WOOP
Bayley: Beaches! Sports!
WOOP WOOP
Bayley: Convertables!
WOOP WOOP
Bayley: Margaritas!
WOOP WOOP
Bayley: Suntans! Beaches!
WOOP WOOP
Bayley: Lots of beaches!
WOOP WOOP
She ends her little song there to a big pop from the crowd who is just thrilled to have been included in the call-and-response. She takes a deep breath and gets back to work.
Bayley: Right. Well, like I said, I'm just riddled with that whole vibe. I'm ready to get down and sandy with it and have myself a heck of a time at the Biggest Party of the Summer, which shouldn't even be too hard considering my boyfriend's about to be one briefcase richer and Eve Torres has been ducking me like Daffy and Donald.
Besides all that, though, Kyle O'Reilly - my stepbrother and your reigning, defending, fighting Intercontinental Champion - will be putting his belt on the line against a guy who might just be the single most decorated competitor in the history of UWF Revolution. Seth Rollins...
She pauses for boos and gets them, but then simmers those same booer's down.
Bayley: Oh, well, hey, come on now! Can't argue with the CV, can we? UWF Champ. Rumble Winner. Main-Evented Wrestlemania. He's been there. He's done that. And after a storied, dare I say legendary career, what's Rollins want next? Nothing else but a crack at The Diabetic Dragon.
At least... that's the word on the street...
The Hostess scratches the back of her head sheepishly.
Bayley: Thing is... Seth, who, need I remind you, love the sound of his own voice more than anyone I've ever met, has been pretty much radio silent since the boss man hooked him up with this golden opportunity. The man who spent months playing mindgames with Roman Reigns - the same man who twice attempted murder just to get at CM Punk - turns out that maybe he actually doesn't want that much to do with Kyle after all.
Now maybe that's cause he just watched Kyle demolish the UWF Champ a couple weeks back. Maybe that's cause he's dumber than his outfits and isn't taking the Canadian Psycho seriously. I dunno. I'd ask him myself, but the dude has been terminally unavailable for comment.
Nevertheless, we've got a show to put on and I travelled to the ends of the Earth - which is to say, the Midwest - to find a guest who could offer some expert insight on the mental status of Seth Freakin' Rollins. This person is a former stablemate of the Architect. These two go way, way, waaaaaaay back to the dark ages of the UWF. Beyond that, even. We had a helluva time getting him cleared to leave his home state to be here tonight, but we're sure that its all gonna be worth it, so ladies and gents and everyone else, please give a seasonally extra-warm welcome to former UWF Superstar... Jimmy Jacobs!
"...Hello,
Again,
Friend of a friend,
I knew, you when...
Our common goal,
Was waiting for,
The World, too end..."
The self-described "Unprofessional Zombie Princess" walks out on to the stage to some of the most spiteful boos you'll hear tonight. Boy oh boy, have the fans not forgotten about how much they hate this guy. Jacobs waves and smiles like its all water off a duck's back. Bayley welcomes him into the ring and offers him a seat across from her own. Jimmy takes it and once the jeers finally quiet down, the talk-show gets rolling.
Bayley: Wow. How about that, huh? Still striking nerves in 2024.
Jacobs: What can I say, I -
Bayley: We're here to talk about Seth Rollins though, aren't we? So Jimmy, sweetie, first things first, let's set the record straight, shall we? Paroxysm. What the hell was that about?
Jacobs: Well the dictionary defines Paroxysm as "a sudden attack or violent expression of a particular emotion or activity."
Bayley: And what could be more appropriate because watching as fan back then, Age of the Fall matches made me so angry I wanted to puke.
Jacobs: Then I'd say our mission was a success.
Bayley: Hmm. Your "mission", huh? Lets dig into that a bit. Guys like you and Seth are always wrapped up in schemes, aren't you? Like, there's always a master plan, or, well, maybe that's too grand of a title... you've got these little projects going on and its you against the world and then there's the messaging and its usually quite dark and well... it never ever adds up to much, does it?
Jacobs: We're still talking about it now, aren't we? And Seth Rollins is still here. He's still working towards the -
Bayley: Yeah yeah yeah, and you're still here too and that may or may not be because nobody wanted to hear that creepshow Joey Ryan talk about Bulletproof. Tell me, what is it about Seth that he always wants to surround himself with factions? Total lack of confidence?
Jacobs: Interesting question...
Bayley: Literally my job.
Jacobs: I think that Seth knows when its time to get his hands dirty and when he's better served by having someone else do the heavy lifting. I'd like to believe that was a lesson he learned from me.
Bayley: I bet you'd like to believe that. Moving on - last time Seth Rollins competed at Summerslam, he dropped the UWF Championship. I would argue that he was firing on all cylinders at that point and that he lost anyway. This year, he's sputtering into the B.P.O.T.S. on fumes and he's up against the most dangerous wrestler on the planet. As someone who's sort of an expert at getting nearly-murdered at this event, what do you think Seth's chances of survival are?
Jacobs: I see what you're doing here. You think that by insulting me and my old friend, you're effectively waging mental warfare against Seth Rollins and let me tell you -
Bayley: Ennnnh. Wrong-o. First of all, I think playing mind games with a guy like showing a dog a magic trick. Second, I was hoping you'd have some better intel to give the crowd on Rollins but after I got one look at ya I knew I was wasting our time. Thirdly, that's about when I decided I was gonna try and pick a fight instead.
Jacobs: A fight? With me? Are you serious?
Bayley: If I was a monkey, they'd call me Serious George. Yeah, I am.
Jacobs: You have no idea how dangerous I am. I nearly ended Kevin Steen's career.
Bayley: Never heard of him. We doing this? Can we get a Referee down here?
The "Good Guy" stands up, takes of her glasses, and kicks the chair back out of the way. An Official hustles down the ramp while the Zombie Princess cackles.
Jacobs: Have it your way. Chimel! Ring that bell!
It isn't Tony's job, but the person who sits next to him over there does it.
VS 
DING DING
The bell sounds just as the Referee is sliding into the ring. That gives Bayley enough time to grab a handful of soil from one of the potted plants and throw it into her opponent's eyes (like pocket sand) unnoticed. Jimmy howls in pain then Bayley levels him with a Clothesline from Hell.
Ranallo: Ooof! What a lariat from the Doctor of Huganomics.
Phillips: This whole thing sure went off the rails quickly. Even after that cheap shot, I'm worried Bayley might have bitten off more than she can chew here, though. In his time, Jimmy Jacobs was a force to be reckoned with.
Graves: My mom wanted me to be a dentist. I insisted on going to wrestling school and somehow, horrendously, that's landed me in this chair, watching this garbage.
Bayley pulls the blinded and battered Jacobs up off the canvas. She wraps him in a sideways bear hug, then rolls over backwards like she's gonna do a Chaos Theory but instead punctuates the sequence with her cool new maneuver which she's calling Atlas Hugged. It turns Jacobs into smithereens and she rolls up a leg for the cover...
1...
2...
3...
DING DING
YOUR WINNER...
BAYLEY!
The Good Guy sits up while Earth, Wind and Fire hit the PA. She finds her microphone lying on the mat and addresses the fans as the Referee raises her hand.
Bayley: That's gonna be a wrap for today, folks, but don't forget to tune into Summerslam cause Kyle O'Reilly is gonna putting the biggest beatdown of the Summer on Seth Rollins!
She tosses the mic and heads up the ramp, leaving her set and Jimmy Jacobs in shambles as Rebellion rolls on.
The feed cuts to a grainy, yet familiar black and white logo.
Now that the feed has cut to the classic, grainy, black and white, it shows an empty arena, apparently right before the show is starting. We see several ladders already standing in the ring, as well as outside of the ring. Seated atop the top turnbuckle in the ring is Eric Bischoff. The camera slowly zooms in towards Bischoff, but he just points up. The camera slowly pans up and around to show “Ravishing” Rick Rude seated on top of the tallest ladder with a microphone in hand.
Rude: We’re just a few short days away from one of the biggest moments of my lengthy career. Throughout my years in this business, I have held many accolades, won various titles, set various records. Although, it has been close to three decades since I last held the big belt, and I think that it is about time for me to get my hands on the title that has eluded me for years in this company.
Rude brushes his mustache with his hand before continuing.
Rude: Eric knows, Kyle knows, hell…the entire nWo knows that I have all the respect in the world for Larry Sweeney. But, I know there was a reason that he allied with me in the first place, and that was just to keep me at his side, rather than across from him in the ring. Coming to that realization was a hard pill to swallow, but here we are. Now, Kyle has the Intercontinental title, and there’s no one else in the nWo to snatch up the world title just to keep it from me. There is literally nothing standing in my way, but six other men. 5 of which I will face at Summerslam. The other, be it Knight or be it Nakamura will be on down the line.
Rude stands, steadying himself atop the ladder.
Rude: And only because Vincent made a comment about my age…
Rude leaps off of the ladder and lands on his feet.
Rude: Allow me to help the rest of the world envision exactly how I will become Mr. Money in the Bank at Summerslam.
Rude places a foot on the ladder and slowly begins to climb.
Rude: First, I’ll start out the match just like everyone else will, with absolute carnage and destruction on my mind. After I’ve bloodied a few of my opponents, then I will start picking them apart limb by limb.
Rude is now about a third of the way up.
Rude: Now, I’m not saying that in some sadistic way just to let Vinny get all hot and bothered. I’m merely saying it so that my opponents will know just how meticulously I will pick them apart during this match. I would venture to guess that Ciampa, being the odd man out and the one who is vastly out of his league will be the first to attempt the climb on the ladder. But I’ll be right there to pull him off and drop him with a Rude Awakening. Orton being the….opportunist that he is will most likely be the next to attempt the climb. Bad news for Orton, though, as the only legend that will be killed will be his opportunity to win this match.
A little over halfway, now.
Rude: The Mighty Caleb will be too busy screaming Valhalla and duking it out with Vincent to really pose much more of an issue. Granted, he is one of the only two men to hold a victory over me in this match, I still just see him getting completely distracted by Vincent’s need for revenge.
Three quarters of the way.
Rude: Now, that just leaves Drew and Vincent. I highly doubt that Vincent has his eyes solely on the prize for this match, he’ll get too carried away with causing as much mayhem during this match to actually capitalize on achieving the win. Drew, on the other hand, is so self-centered that the only thing on his mind is to win this match so that he’ll get yet another chance at the title that he lost. Drew, I get your drive, believe me. But, I think your head is too far up your own ass to truly be able to pay attention to any other issues occurring in this match.
So, that just leaves me to climb this ladder. Rung by damn rung. And whenever I have my hands on that briefcase and remove it from its cable, the only thing left for me to do is to absolutely knock the everloving piss out of each one of you with it. Orton said that my rise to the top had been impressive, but what I don’t think Orton has truly realized is that “Ravishing” Rick Rude has aways been at the top of this company.
Rude is now at the top of the ladder as he pantomimes retrieving the briefcase. He leans over the top of the ladder, facing the camera as it slowly zooms in on his face.
Rude: The only question that I have left is for the fans watching at home. Sure, I’ve had my days in which the fans truly hated me. However, I believe we’ve transpired that love/hate relationship status into the fans of the UWF truly respecting me. Granted, I’ve had my fair share of shady moments in order to pull off a win, but I believe the people can easily overlook that as they know that I will be a champion worthy of holding the UWF championship and a champion worthy of their praise. So, who would you rather have winning this match and having the opportunity to win the UWF championship? Would you be ok with having more dark days under the banner of Drew? Would you be ok with some nappy-haired trailer park trash sporting the UWF championship with Vincent? Would you be ok with a man who is so delusional that he believes he is an Asgardian warrior? How about having a snake sporting your championship in Orton? Would you be satisfied with a part-timer such as Ciampa holding that title? Or would you rather have The Franchise himself holding that championship and bringing it back to its former glory? I believe that it is high time that the UWF championship is brought back to the nWo, and the perfect opportunity to do that is winning this Money in the Bank ladder match. Whenever I walk away with that briefcase, it is only a matter of time before I’m walking away with the UWF championship, too. Where it will stay….for…life.
Rude does the classic hand signal as he says the final words. The feed begins cutting to static as the camera zooms away.
Tony Chimel: Ladies and gentlemen, the following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first and already in the ring, Sammy Guevara!
The fans pop for Guevara as he jogs on the spot in the ring, watching the 'tron and the stage like a hawk. He knows what's coming and he has worked hard to be prepared for it, determined to stand up for his one-time associate and friend.
Chimel: And the opponent...
The driving riff of Malevolence's "Self Supremacy" hits the PA and the fans buzz, unsure of who the theme heralds. From the back emerges William Regal, sporting a well-tailored blazer, much to the chagrin of the crowd who immediately erupt with considerable heat. As Regal steps to the side, his son — Charlie Dempsey — steps out of the back with a smirk on his face, the resemblance to his father clear as day as he poses at the top of the ramp for the benefit of the cameras.
Chimel: From Blackpool, Lancashire, England, he is the Modern-Day Villain... Charlie... DEMPSEY!
After his pose, Dempsey heads down the ramp, flanked by Regal. The former World Heavyweight Champion takes a station at ringside as Dempsey rolls in under the bottom rope and heads to a corner for some pre-match stretches as he awaits the action to follow.
VS 
DING DING DING!
The bell rings and Guevara wastes no time going on the offensive as he charges straight at Charlie Dempsey. Dempsey tries to unload with a vicious chop at the oncoming opponent, but Guevara ducks under and runs the ropes, rebounding into a quick crossbody to bring the Brit down. Sammy gets up to his feet with a cocky grin as the fans pop, but Dempsey is also quick to his own and this time, when Guevara rushes him, the Blackpool Bastard instead steps into the charge and lifts his knee to catch and wind the faster man, doubling him over. Dempsey then borrows a trick from the old man as he viciously rakes Guevara's back, vintage heel style.
Tom Phillips: Charlie Dempsey did not endear himself to the fans with that move!
Corey Graves: I don't think he cares!
Guevara stumbles for the ropes with a grimace on his face and his guard lowered from the dirty move. Dempsey capitalizes by catching him in a rear naked choke! The Brit wrenches and torques the hold, threatening to ragdoll his opponent nice and early for a few seconds before Sammy plants his feet and actually manages to turn in the hold, shifting until it's more of a side headlock and then slipping free as he sends Charlie into the ropes this time. But rather than buying himself any reprieve, Dempsey actually throws it into a higher gear, coming off the ropes at a tear and absolutely devastating Guevara with a STIFF running European uppercut! The fans boo as Guevara is brought crashing to the canvas!
Mauro Ranallo: Charlie Dempsey nearly took his opponent's head off with that homing missile of an uppercut!
Before Guevara even has any chance to regain his wits, Dempsey pulls him back to his feet in a knuckle lock and manipulates him into a bad position as he slings one of his opponent's arms up around his shoulders, then lifts him into a swinging backbreaker, never releasing the knuckles! As Guevara hits the canvas with a thud, craning his back after it caught the knee. Dempsey capitalizes fully as he locks Sammy into a Fujiwara armbar, continuing to manipulate the joints on the hand he had in a knuckle lock as he does it to double the suffering.
Phillips: He's being absolutely merciless with that hold.
Guevara is clawing at open air and his hair with the free hand before he reaches and tries to rake at Dempsey's eyes. The Blackpool Bastard opts to release the hold instead of risking the attack, then thumbing Sammy in the eye in the exchange as the official is momentarily distracted by Regal protesting on the outside. The dirty move draws another wave of heat from the stands as Dempsey pulls away and rises to his feet, then savagely delivers a stomp to the spine where he had dropped Guevara for the backbreaker earlier. Before Sammy can react, Dempsey is on him, catching him round the neck and the ankle and pulling him into that absolutely vicious Modified Bow and Arrow!
Ranallo: He's folding him nearly in half!
Graves: Well, Sammy Guevara can cancel his appointment with the chiropractor, because I'm sure his spine has been adjusted here tonight!
Guevara cries out in the hold as Dempsey torques it viciously. He does, indeed, nearly fold Sammy in half with it as the man is left unable to resist. Soon, Guevara is pounding the Brit's forearm to tap out, and the official calls for the bell!
DING DING DING!
Here is your winner, by Submission:
Charlie Dempsey!
But Dempsey shows no sign of releasing the hold as he just keeps torquing. The fans get very heated as they watch the Blackpool Bastard utterly bullying Guevara.
Ranallo: Oh, come on now! Get security out here! This is completely unnecessary!
Phillips: This is how careers are ended!
Graves: This is about sending a message.
The heat turns to a massive pop as Leyton Buzzard comes tearing out of the back, dressed to fight, and starts rushing down the ramp. For a moment it looks like Guevara is about to be saved by his former associate, but Buzzard is cut short as he's blindsided at the bottom of the apron by an absolutely brutal, brass knuckle-enhanced Power of the Punch by William Regal, who had been lying in wait! The fans get even more rabid now, tossing boxes of popcorn and half-finished drinks into the ring and at William as he lays a few boots into Buzzard, then grabs the man by the hair and drags him to the ring apron, pulling him up into a sleeper hold and forcing him to watch as blood trickles down his forehead.
Phillips: Son of a bitch! Where's security?!?
Dempsey, meanwhile, finally releases the torturous hold on Guevara, but not so that he can let up on the pain. Instead, he manipulates Guevara into a Fujiwara armbar, making intense and angry eye contact with the bloodied Buzzard on the outside as he works the hold to devastating effect. Guevara is practically screaming for mercy as Dempsey grins at Buzzard, shouting the words (just barely audible on the hard cam): "Tap out or snap out!"
Ranallo: No!
...there's no option to tap when there's no match being had, so Guevara is left only with the one that Dempsey wholeheartedly intended as his arm is snapped in the hold! There's a sickening crack as Sammy screams in even further agony, the fans going nearly nuclear as Dempsey finally laughs and releases, the official quickly interposing himself between the now clearly injured superstar and the Blackpool Bastard. Dempsey simply sits and glares at Buzzard, who by now has been reduced to nearly passing out in the sleeper, no longer thrashing. Regal discards him to the floor as Dempsey rolls out of the ring, and the pair stand tall over Charlie's ruined Summerslam opponent as the show moves along.
Bray Wyatt had been an otherworldly presence in the company. Much of the roster had known him as a man willing to lead the world with wisdom, a man ready to welcome the greenest members of the roster into the big leagues, to take them under his wing and teach them even the smallest parts of the business...even how to set up a table. They had all known that part of his brother. The part of him he showed to the world, carefully curated with a smile behind the scenes even when he was struggling with his own demons. Demons only Bo could understand. And then, there's the true version, the Bray Wyatt that Bo had worshipped for his entire life. Bo had always known his brother was special. From the furthest back he can remember, he had always spun stories that only Stephen King could have dreamed of, stories that left him afraid to sleep at night, convinced that the shadows on the wall were there for his soul. Stories that filled his dreams of men and monsters that sought to find truth and justice for the weak, the afraid, the abused...the scared.
He hadn't known that those stories would shape everything he would become. The memory of the day Bray faded still haunts him. Nothing had seemed real. It had been as if he was trapped in a movie, stuck in a nightmare. Everything the doctors said seemed to come through a web of mesh, and it had been impossible to process at first. He can remember the wails of his family, the breath leaving his body, his heart seeming to stop as reality set in and the world moved back to normal speed instead of slow motion. And for days, it was as though he was on the outside looking in because he couldn't operate anyway except for autopilot. He doesn't know when autopilot ended. But at some point, he'd come back down to earth, a shell of the man he'd been. A different entity with baggage that he couldn't explain to anyone. He's not sure anyone would understand. He's trying to show the world what's important, trying to build a legacy for his brother in the hopes that maybe he can make a difference, remind everyone that they needed to appreciate everything they had because in an instant it could be torn from them.
It's because of that, that he tries so hard to hide the grief from his face, holding his shoulders back and his head high while pulling others through their grief, their pain. If he can help them through that door, through the loss and abandonment ... then maybe he can fight through his own, make sense of why the universe had chosen him. And if that means shouldering pain... it would be worth it. Uncle Howdy can aid him, he is far too kind, much too loved to feel so much pain. He can feel his hand on his shoulder and a soft, genuine smile pulls to his lips at the gesture. In their own pain, their concern is with his own. There's a reason Howdy is so loved. They are one of the most genuine people he's ever met, kind to a fault, never putting themselves first.
“Life doesn't get easier, no, it gets harder... but you find reasons to push through and then you somehow think about the worst a little less. The smallest things remind you... but that isn't so bad once the memories are happy. At first... all I could remember was staring at the floor of the hospital. But that memory only comes on the worst nights. If it hurts... it means they're worth missing. It means that I have to continue on without him, and become what he had dreamed of for me, no more hiding, no more games, it is time to be the brother I was meant to be, for everyone else, it means only one thing... it is time to... run.”
He whispered the words for the moment and then, he turns and looks right at the camera, Bo Dallas, through the pain and sorrow, was ready to unleash all of this onto those who will dare stand within his way.
We head back to the ring where everyone is eagerly awaiting the next match until...
The funky beat of Walk The Moon's "Headphones" plays and the crowd starts to boo as it means the arrival of the current? World Tag Team Champion Sami Zayn. He has the title in his hands and dances with it on the stage. He ends up calming down a bit but still walks with some swagger down the ramp, swinging his belt around like he's got a big one.
Tony Chimel: From Montreal Quebec, Canada, weighing in at 212 pounds, The Dynamic Sami Zayn!!
Sami slides into the ring and continues to dance around with his belt much to the chagrin of the paying audience. Sami walks over and makes sure to show it off to all the fans before preparing for the match.
Tony Chimel: And his opponent.
Sami laughs as out comes a real "Don", Little Guido himself, Nunzio. He walks to the ring like a man with a purpose. He climbs right in and doesn't take his eyes of of Zayn as he waits for the bell to ring.
Tony Chimel: From Little Italy, New York, Nunzio!
DING DING DING
Zayn is all smiles as he looks at the man known as Little Guido. Nunzio doesn't back down, coming out of the corner with his fists up doing a little shadow boxing. Zayn backs away with his hands up, pretending to be scared by the showing. Nunzio takes this as a win and decides to pumps his hands over his head but Sami rushes forward and Clotheslines him. Nunzio rolls to the outside and looms dazed. Sami runs over and dives out with a Somersault Senton but Nunzio actually just moves out of the way on accident, stumbling around and Sami lands with a sickening thud on the outside!
Mauro Ranallo: Sometimes you've been in this business for so long that your body reacts to danger without your mind even knowing. That may be what he just saw right there.
Corey Graves: What are you talking about? That was pure luck!
Nunzio comes to and sees Zayn down. He picks him up and rolls him back into the ring before heading to the top rope. Zayn slowly gets to his feet holding his back when Nunzio comes off with a Crossbody! Sami actually manages to catch him and does some curls with him, showing off his strength as if his opponent wasn't a small man. He then gives him a standard Body Slam before flexing out to the crowd. Guido goes over to the corner and picks himself up but Sami sees he's in perfect position. He rushes forward with the Helluva Kick but Nunzio ducks and catches Sami with a Schoolboy and a handful of tights!
1 . . .
2 . . .
3 . . .
But Zayn kicks out just in time! He looks shocked and puts up two fingers just to make sure but he's suddenly dropkicked by Nunzio! Sami goes down to all fours and Guido follows up with the Sicilian Slice! He makes another pin!
1. . .
This time it's quick kickout by Sami. He brings up Sami right away and locks his arms beneath him, looking for the Sicilian Drop. He spins out but Sami however rushes backwards and smashes Nunzio into the corner chest first. He breaks free and turns around, beating him over the head over and over with punches. He walks away leaving Nunzio dazed in the corner before he charges forward and delivers the Helluva Kick! Little Guido goes down and Zayn pulls him away from the ropes before making the pin.
1 . . .
2 . ..
3 . . .
Tony Chimel: Here is your winner, the Television Champion, Sami Zayn!
Zayn gets to his feet and kicks Guido out of his ring. He takes the Television Championship and looks directly at the camera and tells D'Angelo that that's his future. He walks off with a big smile on his face and heads to the back as Revolution rolls on.
“The following segment is brought to you by Skittles… Skittles, taste the mutha-fuckin' rainbow!”
In an undisclosed location, the camera zones in on a familiar individual who has not been seen for quite some time…
Danhausen: Hello, yes, it is I, Danhausen! You remember Danhausen, yes? Very nice, very evil, so on and so forth… Ehh, Danhausen must first apologize for the cursing just heard from his sponsor. The makers of Skittlehausen’s clearly didn’t get the memo that we do not swear on Danhausen’s television show!.. Anyhow, on the eve of Sunnyslamarama, and with Danhausen still unable to compete in official Ultimate Wrestling eventhausens, Danhausen is live from someplace far away to present the official event predictions in association with Skittlehausens. As Danhausen understands it, if he correctly predicts all seven matches then he will be rewarded with a lifetime supply of Skittlehausens, so without further ado, let’s go make a sweet dealhausen!
A little graphic appears at the bottom of the screen with the faces of Chase U and The Guerreros on show, indicating that this is the first match that Danhausen will be predicting.
Danhausen: So we start with the last minute addition to the cardhausen, Chasing You versus Edward and Evelyn… Danhausen admits this is a tricky one, as whilst the marital tension on one side is at the highest it’s ever been, the prize of victory could potentially kick the spark back into what’s currently looking like a dying relationship. Danhausen is a big believer of making love over warhausen, so for that reason he’s going to keep the faith and go for an Edward and Evelyn victory here.
The graphic now changes to show Jamie Hayter and Logan Paul.
Danhausen: Ahh, the battle of the sugar lovers! Danhausen feels inclined to point out that both of their chosen beverages would taste better when accompanied by a bag of Skittlehausens, but in order to enjoy such a tasty treat they must first show how far anything can go in this anything goes contest… Danhausen predicts a messy affair, and as much as Logging Pool loves his Primehausen, he is not ready for the complete Monster that is James Lover!
With a Jamie Hayter victory predicted, the graphic changes to now show Charlie Dempsey and Leyton Buzzard.
Danhausen: Now Danhausen feels this one is going to have lots of unorthodox twists, on account of the fact that it is a submission match. Although Danhausen is more familiar with the antics of Birdman having met him inside that ring previously, Danhausen reckons the technical prowess of young Charles Regal does give him the edge on this occasion, so with a degree of reluctance, Danhausen selects a Charles Regal victory, with the hope that not too many bonehausens will be broken in the process.
Next up on the graphics front is Sami Zayn and Tony D’Angelo.
Danhausen: Aha, this one Danhausen has a vested interest in because it’s for the right to be called Champion of Television in the absence of Danhausen, who is not being regularly featured on television currently. Nobody likes Samuel Insane, including Danhausen, and so both the prediction and the hope is that Tony Macaroni comes in, wipes the floorhausen with him and becomes the new champion, because if that happens then it’s guaranteed to be a good night for everybody watching, regardless of how the other matches play out!
The screen becomes a big more cramped as the next graphic features the Money in the Bank ladder match participants.
Danhausen: Perhaps the toughest prediction to make on account of there being multiple souls to choose from. Danhausen would have also liked to have been a part of this considering that there is a solid sack of money on offer! Danhausen does however envisage a far greater chance of bonehausens being broken in this one, but as long as most of them belong to Drew McAsswipe or Tom Champion then that’s fine by him. Danhausen doesn’t particularly want Randall Knockout or Richard Profanity to win but could unfortunately see it happening. He’d like to think though that either Norseman Caleb or the Vinny Horror Picture Show will be the ones to prevail instead. Of the two, Danhausen is going to go for the Norseman to retrieve the money on this occasion, in the hopes that he might be so kind as to share some of it with Danhausen.
The next graphic change shows Kyle O’Reilly and Seth Rollins.
Danhausen: Another contest that Danhausen has great interest on account of the fact that he is a former Intercointinental Champion himself. Whilst Danhausen cannot stand Samuel Insane, he does think the world of Mr Diabesity and would love to spend a weekend with him playing video games and watching The Simpsons at some point. He is also very talented in the ring, and although he’s going up against Seth Rogen, who is also talented in the ring, Seth Rogen is a complete jackass, and because of that, Mr Diabesity is going to defeat him and hold on to the gold this weekend.
Last up is the graphic for the main event between LA Knight and Shinsuke Nakamura.
Danhausen: And lastly, we have the battle for the right to be called Ultimate Wrestling Champion. Danhausen will have the popcorn to hand for this one as he anticipates a very gruelling encounter between two vicious predators, with whoever ends up being the most vicious ultimately coming away with the prize. Everyone knows that Danhausen has never been Al Soldier’s biggest fanhausen, and as much as he wishes that he was going to be the one to take the title off of him in this instance, fatehausen was not that kind, and so he’s going to have to settle for Shakespeare Nakamura doing it instead. Then Danhausen predicts that Norseman Caleb will come out, split half of his money with Danhausen, then use the other half to challenge for the title in an additional match, take it from Shakespeare instantly, and then everybody leaves the firebird city happy.
As the final graphics disappear, Danhausen prepares to give a final parting message.
Danhausen: So there you have it, Danhausen’s quest to earn unlimited Skittlehausens and a truckload of money. If you’d like to provide assistance in Danhausen’s quest then you can of course continue to buy his very nice, very evil merchandise from Ultimate Wrestling Shop dot com and help contribute towards some of his ongoing medical expenses, as for all Danhausen is capable of many things, finding good, reliable, trustworthy healthcare still alludes him! But Danhausen hopes that you all enjoy Sunnyslamarama, and if you too would like to make predictions then you can do via the Skittlehausens website, although Danhausen cannot guarantee that you too will receive a hefty supply if you manage to get everything correct like Danhausen will. But until our paths cross again... Love that Danhausen! See you later!
The feed then fades out and opens up in another part of the arena for Rebellion to continue.
As the show moves along, we are taken backstage where the UWF's most respected backstage interviewer has caught up with "The Villain" himself, William Regal.
Renee Young: Mr. Regal! May I have a moment of your time?
William turns to face Renee, looking slightly amused by her audacity as his son proceeds toward their car. Regal adjusts the cuffs of his shirt and nods.
William Regal: If you must insist on disturbing myself and my son as we prepare to head back home to the gym so that he can finish preparing for Leyton Buzzard at Summerslam, so be it, Ms. Young. How might I assist you?
Renee rolls her eyes at his remark, but she's got a job to do, so she locks it down quickly and launches into her questions.
We just witnessed what could only be described as a systemic dismantling of a former UWF Superstar and I really have to ask: was all of what yourself and your son just did truly necessary?
Regal laughs off-mic, but when the stick is directed his way, his face goes stone cold serious.
Allow me to ask you that very same question, Ms. Young. You see — this was not a fight that my son picked. Mr. Guevara came to us last week on Revolution — against the wishes of his former friend, I might add — to demand a contest with myself. But I am an old man. I've made no secret of the fact that my years as a competitor have well and truly passed. This is why my son is now the man in the ring, and myself the man in his corner. So Mr. Guevara knew that by coming to me, he was essentially seeking a match with my son. I don't know what possessed him to pull such a stunt. He had to know how it would end. After all — Charlie is the man who beat the Intercontinental Champion. Charlie is the man who embarassed his former friend, Mr. Buzzard. Charlie is the future of this company. And still, he persisted.
Regal looks like he might be finished, so Renee looks like she's going to follow up, but then he cuts back in to expand on his thoughts.
That's not to say that I would like to offer any apologies. As far as I'm concerned, Mr. Guevara and Mr. Buzzard have gotten and will continue to get exactly what they deserve, until they both get out of my son's way. You see, Charlie isn't playing any games. He may be young, but this life is still too short to waste time playing in the mud. Time and again, my boy has proven that he stands head and shoulders above the riff-raff of this company. In the very least he has put himself in the discussion as a contender for championships, which elevates him above Mr. Buzzard. And he will prove that with finality at Summerslam.
Renee's got a mischievous grin on her lips as she follows up on something Regal just said.
Mr. Regal, for a man who says his days of competition are behind him, you certainly haven't had any trouble inserting yourself into the action these past few weeks on behalf of your son...
Regal lifts a hand and waves dismissively at her remark.
Ms. Young, I'm going to spare us the pretense of this being an interview and not an attack. We are done here. Have a good night.
With that, he turns his back on her and stalks off to his car, leaving Renee to wrap things up as the show moves along.
DING DING!
Tony Chimel: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first…
”HOLLER IF YA HEAR ME”
As the sirens sound and the theme music begin to blare over the PA system, out walks the former European Champion to a mixed reaction.
Tony Chimel: From Bay City, Michigan. Weighing in at two hundred and seventy-six pounds. He is “Big Poppa Pump”, Scott…Steiner!
Scott enters the ring and ascends the nearest turnbuckle, posing as he awaits the arrival of his opponent.
Tony Chimel: And the opponent…
As the lights in the arena go out, an unfamiliar theme begins to play.
”I guess the way I feel is the way that I felt before
High tide, salt in my cut, these are things that I can't ignore
But should I collapse in on myself like an iron core?
Don't count me out just yet.”
The words, ‘just yet’ repeat three more times, with the vocalist screaming ‘yet’ on the third. As he does, the lights come up and there stands Vincent at the top of the ramp as he then starts making his way to the ring.
Tony Chimel: From Warwick, Rhode Island. Weighing in at one hundred and eighty-nine pounds. VINCENT!
Vincent enters the ring now, his gaze as sadistic as ever as he readies for the match ahead.
DING DING!
As the ring bell sounds, Scott nearly takes Vincent’s head off with a stiff Clothesline. As the, “Horror King” lies there seeing stars, Scott starts doing push-ups next to him. Vincent sees this and sits up, climbing back to a vertical base as he delivers a stomp to the back of Steiner as he’s in the middle of a push-up in the raised position as he’s knocked down flat. Vincent leaps up now, tucking his legs back as he lands with both knees into the kidney area of, “Big Poppa Pump”. The holder of the Prime Time Medal, which isn’t on the line tonight, gets up and brings his arms together, falling forward and driving the point of both elbows into the kidney area of his opponent.
Tom Phillips: Well it’s well documented that Scott Steiner has a bad back and Vincent is definitely capitalizing on that fact.
Mauro Ranallo: Let’s not forget, Scott had some words for Vincent on Revolution and that’s what lead to this match.
Corey Graves: Vincent needs to put Scott down as quickly as possible because in just a few short nights, he’ll be in the Money in the Bank match.
As Scott winces in pain, Vincent delivers a kick to the head, then applies a move not commonly seen in his arsenal: the Sharpshooter. Ordinarily Steiner would power out of this move easily but Vincent struck all the right points on his back and the pain is too excruciating as he begins to tap out.
DING DING DING!
Tony Chimel: Here is your winner, Vincent!
As Vincent breaks the hold, he takes the microphone from Tony Chimel.
Vincent: See this? A broken affiliate of the New World Order left with his body broken at the hands of yours truly! Get used to the sight, because Sunday it’s going to be Rick Rude, and in the near future it’s going to be Kyle O’Reilly!
Vincent throws the microphone down now and smiles as he stares down the lens of the camera, a haunting image as the show comes to a close.
END OF SHOW
Credits
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