Post by Dres on Dec 15, 2018 19:14:39 GMT -6
As the logo is seen, things go live to the inside of the arena as pyrotechnics go off from the stage and the camera pans around to get a shot of the Revolution fans in attendance before panning to the commentary table where Corey Graves and Tom Phillips are standing by.
Tom Phillips: Hello ladies and gentlemen and welcome to another great edition of Revolution. I’m Tom Phillips.
Corey Graves: And I’m Corey Graves. Well Tom, last week ended on a bit of a cliffhanger, wouldn’t you say?
Tom Phillips: Certainly more questions than answers, Corey. How does Austin plan to decide the new contenders? And more than that, what did he mean about implementing the Sweet ‘n Sour Invitational on his terms?
Corey Graves: I suppose we’ll find out when Stone Cold wants us to. Until then, we’ve got four compelling matches in store.
Tom Phillips: A triple threat, a tag match, a singles match, and a Champion versus Champion main event. Sounds good to me
Corey Graves: But before we get to that, I understand Eric Bischoff has asked for some time to say something.
W-W-W-W-WE ARE IN CONTROL!
Eric Bischoff steps out from behind the curtain, saluting the fans as they leap to their feet to boo him out of the arena. Bischoff simply points to his smiling and dimples as he adores the fans that hate him so dearly. Bischoff wastes no time entering the ring and soaking in all of the hate.
Bischoff: Wow! Just, wow! I have nothing but love for you people! Each and every week you show me your support and love, and I’m not sure that I can ever repay you for that. But, I do have some more pressing matters to address here tonight.
Bischoff lowers the microphone and rubs his hand over his face as his expression changes to that of a very serious nature.
Bischoff: There is a poison running rampant through the veins of the UWF. It is a toxin that I’m not sure can be cured so easily. It’s more like a cancer, eating away at the very flesh and bones of Revolution. It is none other than your beloved General Manager, Stone Cold Steve Austin.
The fans pop at the mention of Stone Cold. It takes them a minute to settle down before Bischoff can continue.
Bischoff: Look at you people. It’s disgusting. You are all so blind and ignorant to what is happening before your very eyes. All you care about is having some degenerate come out here, guzzle a few beers, flip the bird, and take off back to the back. What kind of authority figure does that present you with? What does that say about our brand here? I’ll be the first to admit that Ethan Carter III was perhaps one of the worst people in a management position in this business that I have ever worked with. And I worked with Vince Russo, come on!
But seriously, you all truly think that Stone Cold Steve Austin is the right person for the job?
Crowd:WHAT?!
Bischoff rolls his eyes.
Bischoff: The man has a blatant disrespect for any notion of a true authority figure!
Crowd:WHAT?!
Bischoff: He is abusing his power simply because he can!
Crowd:WHAT?!
Bischoff: He makes bogus matches and gives title opportunities to people who clearly don’t even deserve it!
Crowd:WHAT?!]
Bischoff: SHUT UP!
Crowd:WHAT?!
Bischoff covers his hand over his eyes and shakes his head.
Bischoff: And here I thought that I could come out here and have an actual intelligent conversation with you people. Boy, was I wrong. So, with that being said, I’m not going to give you the opportunity to say your little chant. I am going to keep talking until I say what I need to say.
Allow me to enlighten each of you about a few little things. First and foremost, do you know how many title defenses that my client “Ravishing” Rick Rude is obligated by his contract per month?
Bischoff holds up one finger.
Bischoff: That’s exactly right. One! But you all know Rick and the workhorse that he is, he will continue to come out here each day and defend his title if he is needed to...well...he would have, at least.
You see, if Stone Cold Steve Austin thinks that he is being cute by throwing his weight around with his new position, well then...I guess that leaves us with no other option. Seeing as Rick has obliged his contractual requirement for this month, twice over, Rick has decided to take some personal wellness days and some mental health days to rest for the remainder of the month.
The crowd boos.
Bischoff: I know, I know. I know that each and every one of you are just so devastated by not being able to see your favorite champion on TV for the next couple of weeks..but save that hate and disdain for the man that is truly responsible for all of this.
Stone Cold, I hope you’re nice and cozy in your office back there, throwing back a couple of beers. I want you to listen carefully to these next words. “Ravishing” Rick Rude will defend his title whenever he damn well pleases. You do not have the authority, only the board of the directors have the authority to force him to compete in a match if he chooses to take some personal time off from the ring. That’s why “Ravishing” Rick Rude has decided that during this time of duress under a fascist and harsh regime, he will be taking off until the end of next month.
The crowd cheers. Bischoff is baffled.
Bischoff: How dare you?! You people are no better than that beer guzzling idiot that calls himself our General Manager. If Rick wants to take off until the Royal Rumble, that’s his prerogative! And there’s not a damn thing that you or anybody can do about it! Right here, tonight, in front of the world...I, Eric Bischoff start the Anti-Austin Alliance!
Bischoff raises a fist in the air as the crowd boos.
Bischoff: Pretty soon, people are going to start lining out the door of my locker room to join our cause! Austin, your time is over! We are in control! Who’s with me?
The crowd continues to boo.
Bischoff: Say it with me! Will we work for Austin? Gimme a hell no!
With that, Stone Cold comes walking out with a microphone in his hand.
Stone Cold: I shoulda’ known you an’ I bein’ on the same damn show again was gonna be a headache. You wanna stand out here in Stone Cold’s ring and flap yer little gums about the kinda job I’m doin’ and what I do and don’t have the authority ta’ do and start yer little Anti-Austin Alliance, it’s a free country but yer wastin’ precious air time that could be goin’ ta’ somethin’ these people actually wanna see.
Rick wants ta’ take some time off, who gives a shit but I’ll tell ya this, he won’t be sittin’ out ‘til the Royal Rumble. There’s a pay-per-view before that ya dumb sumbitch called Judgment Day, and if Rick Rude doesn’t defend the Intercontinental Championship at it I’m gonna strip him of it. As for who he’s gonna face, well, that title match last week was supposed ta’ be two outta three falls but as we all know, it only went one.
So at Judgment Day, I’m gonna make this right, AND keep my word ta’ give a fresh contender a shot. Rick Rude WILL defend the Intercontinental Championship, against Elix Skipper! And THAT’S the bottom line...
Austin kicks Bischoff in the stomach and drops him with a Stunner as the crowd goes wild. He gets up and gives the Stone Cold Salute as Revolution heads elsewhere.
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Be sure to check out Danny’s podcast, “Five Things”!
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We cut to a medical facility near the arena, Brian Lee is there with Elix waiting
Brian: I don't remember anything from last week, nothing at all - what exactly happened?
Elix: you got Piledrivered onto the 4 star Dragonball - you got spiked - for a while we were concerned you might not be able to fight again
Brian: well, I'm certainly not in any condition to fight for a bit.... My head..... it constantly aches and I get flashes.....
Elix: Flashes?
Brian: yeah.... I can't tell what it is but I see myself lying face down in the ring and what looks like a younger version of me coming out to the ring - maybe my memories are linking together
Elix: maybe its best that you rest for a while Big man, let me take care of the work for a while - let me show everyone what I've got in the tank - remember how good I did in that halloween battle royale?
Brian: yeah you did great buddy, and I'd appreciate the....AHHHHHhhhhhhhcchhhchch
Brian writhes in pain and holds his head
Elix: Doctor TAICHI - I think Brian needs some more pain relief
TAICHI in a doctors outfit comes out and attends to Brian who then falls
Elix: rest up big man, we'll need you soon enough okay
Things pan to the ring where Tony Chimel is standing by as the opening bell sounds.
DING DING!
Tony Chimel: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first...
Out comes the former titleholder and number one contender to the UWF Championship, the Best in the World, Chris Jericho. The typical fireworks display briefly illuminates the stage before all goes dark. Everyone, from attendees to cameramen, are focused on the top of the ramp, but when the lights come back on, the aforementioned Chris Jericho is found halfway down the ramp, ignoring all of the theatrics involved with his entrance.
Tony Chimel: From Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. Weighing in at two hundred and twenty-seven pounds. Chris...Jericho!
As he arrives at the end of the ramp, he heads over to the steel steps and walks up them as he makes his way along the apron and steps through the ropes. He stands there and looks blankly at the stage as he awaits the arrival of his opponent.
Tony Chimel: And the opponent...
The lights fade to black as the familiar guitar riff of Aleister Black's entrance music breaks the silent suspense of the crowd. Mist begins cascading across the stage as nothing exists to light the stage other than the candles lining it and the light from the titantron.
The drums begin slowly building up to Aleister Black's inevitable entrance. Various shots of the occult; summoning circles and the like, appear on the titantron, along with Aleister Black sitting cross-legged in the light of a stained glass window. Finally, the drums crescendo to the guitars. Then, Aleister slowly begins rising from the mist.
He stands there for a moment, before calmly walking to the middle of the middle of the stage, staring out into the crowd blankly.
He then starts walking down to the ring with a purpose, his nameplate appearing on-screen.
Tony Chimel: Making his way to the ring, weighing in at 215 pounds, from Amsterdam, Holland... Aleister... Black!
He pauses for a bit before the ring. He starts surveying his surroundings; the crowd, the ring, and the ringside area. He then takes a turn around the side of the ring opposite hardcam, climbing the stairs and launching himself over the top rope, landing in his signature seated position. He sits there for a couple of seconds, before getting back to his feet and moving to his own corner.
DING DING!
The bell rings, and Jericho runs straight towards Black. He then gets stopped by a spinning elbow, knocking Jericho back down to the mat and sitting him flat down in the middle of the ring. Black then jumps up and drops down on the top of Jericho’s head with a harsh stomp.
Tom Phillips: “Damn, one must think that Jericho didn’t really expect for it to go this way, eh Corey?”
Corey Graves: “Positive, Tom.”
Black then jumps up again and drops down upon Jericho’s head with another hard stomp squashing his head down into the mat. Black then jumps up for another one, and another one, and another one, and an- the referee pulls Black away as the referee goes to check if Jericho can still compete.
Tom Phillips: “Holy hell, I think Aleister Black just killed Chris Jericho… in record time also!”
Out of instinct Jericho throws his arm up to say for the referee to leave him alone. Black then heads back over to Jericho and jumps up with another stomp once more driving down upon the head of Jericho, and another one, and another one.
Seemingly bored of doing the same thing over and over again, Aleister heads up to the top rope and dives off with a double foot stomp driving into the chest of Jericho, who winces up in pain to his chest.
Corey Graves: “I don’t think he’s touched him yet Tom! Jesus. This is a true massacre from Aleister Black right here, it’s impressive. Very at that. We’ve seen him tear through people, but not this harshly.”
Then Aleister sits cross legged in the middle of the ring, not even bothering to cover Jericho, as he knows that he’s vulnerable. Jericho crawls into the corner and scrapes his way up, trying desperately to get back up to his feet.
Jericho eventually gets up to his feet, in a stable form. Black then runs over to the corner and hits a running dropkick, sending Jericho crashing down to a seated position. Aleister then stands still in front of Jericho and begins to swing his left knee at the dome of Jericho’s head. Over and over and over and over and over.
Tom Phillips: “Someone please call the medics! Black is going to end up leaving some damaging long term effects on Jericho’s body, a former UWF Champion may I remind you!”
Corey Graves: “Uh-nuh. Leave it Tom, I’m actually enjoying this. In a weird way, I didn’t know I was so excited to see these two… wait no that’s just me being weird.”
The referee pulls Aleister away from Jericho as he continues his hunt for his blood. Aleister then backs over to the opposite corner and sits down cross legged once more. Seeing that Jericho has been gave the thumbs up, Aleister drags Jericho away from the corner into the middle of the ring.
He then places his foot underneath Jericho’s chin and raises him slowly to his feet, Aleister then removes his foot, takes a step back and then spins round and connects stiffly with the Black Mass. He then hooks both of Jericho’s legs and the referee counts the fall.
Tom Phillips: “Done, finished, he’s dead, I’m certain.”
One…
Two…
Three!
DING! DING!
Tony Chimel: “Here is your winner via pinfall, Aleister Black!”
Aleister just sits still in the middle of the ring looking around into the audience as they look back around at him in pure shock that he’s just been able to do that to someone like the former UWF Champion, Chris Jericho.
The UWF titantron switches from it’s banner to video was taken days prior to the show. Lights, glimmer, and everything else anyone can hope for, as sparking pyro flames up a black screen, spelling out the initials “C.H.”, before blasting into a logo!
Sup, hosers, losers, and all other listeners out there! It’s that time of the week for the one and only “Instant Classic” in the UWF, that’s right! Revolution proudly presents to you “The Peeple’s Podcast” brought to you in part by Totino's Pizza Rolls! They might be gushy and confusing to make, but they do the job for any quick meal. Here is your host, Christian! Otherwise known as, me!
The graphic fades into a “studio” of sorts, with Christian sitting at a desk. He’s got it all, a coffee mug with “No. 1 Wrestler Alive” printed on it, his own bobblehead as per usual. He takes a big swig of his coffee before clapping his hands and getting this thing underway.
Christian: 1-2-3! To all of the Peeps and Edgeheads out there, we’re on three whole episodes bay-bay!
Speak of the Canadian Devil, Edge is sitting across from Christian, with a glorious set of locks and a big ol’ cup of soda pop, a bendy straw and all.
Edge: Watch it partner, Adam Cole’s gonna raise out of his grave for a third time.
Christian: And he’ll still be as fat as ever. Folks, I’m honored for the UWF to have given us such a platform to present to you all my talents.
Edge: Because like Kennedy or Jericho, God knows you can’t wrestle!
Christian: Low bro! I can outwrestle an Asshole and fellow Canuck any day of the week, and I can out podcast anyone. Three episodes and plenty more are on the way my Peeple. We’ve been making more headlines than any duo these last few weeks, and it’s paying off.
Edge: You’re right Christian, after totally destroying Aleister Black before he got a cheap kick in, and showing El Jobberanio the first spear of my return, we’ve been awarded a match against the one and only Elix Skipper!
There’s a quiet pause between the duo as they stare at one another before they burst out in laughter.
Christian: As if! Potty Time himself made an absolute dork of himself out there, but I gotta admit, I had fun picking on the little guy!
Edge: And it’s just him, it’s almost too good to be true, ya know? He’ll fight and fight all he wants, but at the end of the day Rated ChaRisma’s getting the W.
Christian: Darn right, and afterwards, we’ll be celebrating with an all time favorite-
Suddenly, he whips out the most powerful instrument known to man, woman, and everything in between!
Edge: Alright! Rule to the Zoo!
Christian: It totally rules! I’d play it, but this puppy is saved for only special occasions. Sh*tter, whoops, Skipper, is not ready for this, that’s for sure. While he’s licking his wounds and shuffling around in the locker room, we’ll just further up our status.
Edge: A status is cool and all but uh, what about the pay-per-view?
Christian: Judgement Day? Well duh, we’re totally gonna rule it no matter what match. No sweat, two wins in a row ain’t easy stuff, says the W.F.L.L.
Edge: Well, that’s the thing. I’m not a skeptic, but we’ve been kinda going in circles. Over hoops, ya know. Not knowing if we’re on the pay-per-view is kinda sketchy.
As Edge says this, Christian, getting a bright idea, pushes a button his trusty keyboard for an image to pop up.
Christian: Sketchy indeed! No sweating over the small stuff, we’ve shown we’re more than capable in being on that show.
Edge: What a nose! That drawing put Triple H to shame! Ha! You’re right my Canadian Amigo.
Christian: As usual. Peeps and Peepetts, pay attention this week because what we do to this little pip-squeak is only a thing to come for Revolution! Imagine it Edge, just a couple of Canadians doing our country proud. It’s like we should have a third man, and call ourselves the UnAmericans!
Edge: If only! Too bad the only other Canucks are either psychos, weeaboos, or they suck! Canuck Suck!
Christian: Ha! That ruled!
With that, the logo plays them off, and we go back to the regular UWF programming.
DING DING!
Tony Chimel: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first...
The arena becomes dark as all of a sudden hellish flames appear on the tron a dark noise is heard and all of a sudden the the guitar riffs hard and out from the darkness come one man. The eyes, and ears of the UWF Constable Baron Corbin. Fans in the arena boo as Constable Corbin comes out. Corbin has a smug look on his face as he comes out in his dress clothes.
Tony Chimel: From Kansas City, Missouri. Weighing in at two hundred and eighty-five pounds. He is the eyes and ears of the UWF, Constable Baron...Corbin!
Corbin is bobbing his head to the entrance music and as he raises the dark backgrund behind him and lights raise. The fans are just letting Corbin hear it but he doesn't care as he is soaking in the moment and looking arrogant doing so. Corbing gets in the ring, and he takes the center of the ring and raises his arms as fans boo. Corbins music dies down and Corbin is ready for his match to begin.
Corbin is taunting to the crowd as he waits for his opponents music to begin playing, Corbin turns around to turn to his corner, He is met with a boot to the abdomen, He topples over himself as Jay White grabs onto his head before doing taunting with his hand in a razor blade slashing at his neck to the crowd in attendance, White plants Corbin with a swinging reverse STO, White looks pleased as Corbin looks out cold. . .
Tom Phillips: Corbin planted with the Blade Runner what a despicable action from White taking out one of his opponents before the bell had even rung, Gargano isn't even out here yet. . .
Corey Graves: Jay did the smart thing Tom, Why fight two guys when you can have a 1 on 1 match. . .
Jay looks down to Corbin who is pushing to his hands and knees, White yanks Corbin to his feet as he places his head in position for another Blade Runner, Jay steps back a little towards the turnbuckles. White plants Corbins head into the turn buckles with another Blade Runner. .
Tom Phillips: Oh my god what has White done he is trying to kill Corbin before this match can even start, One wasn't enough for his sick and twisted mind...
White looks happy as he smiles to his associate, Veda Scott, makes her way towards the ring. Jay looks pleased as he notices the medical staff rush to Corbin as...
Tony Chimel: And his other opponent...
“Rebel Heart" Starts playing out. The crowd are on their feet for the arrival of Johnny Wrestling. Johnny walks out from the back and takes in the incredible atmosphere of the UWF Universe. He pauses, standing still on the stage, feeding off the energy of the people.
Tony Chimel: Making his way to ring, from Cleveland, Ohio, weighing in at 200 pounds, Johnny Gargano!
A wide smiles comes across his face, and he starts to make his way to the ring, over flowing with the emotion and energy of the moment. He takes another long look around the arena before climbing the stairs and entering the ring. He takes his place on the turnbuckle and starts yelling out back to the UWF Universe, showing them his love and appreciation.
Gargano steps off the turn buckle and removes his jacket, ready for his match. White removes his jacket as he looks rearing to fight Gargano, Who looks either way not sure which way to look. . .
DING DING!
Gargano quickly attempts to move into the dangerous looking White, He quickly grabs at the leg before attempting a take down which is blocked, He is pushed away with the boot as Jay quickly sends an elbow to the jaw of his opponent, Gargano is forced to step back as he holds his jaw in pain as White quickly lifts him to his shoulders, Gargano can't escape as Jay runs forward before planting him on the top of his head with a running death valley driver...
Tom Phillips: Gargano being planted right on his head by White here, This match hasn't started the way Gargano had thought...
White pops to his feet as Gargano slowly rolls over to his stomach, Gargano quickly pops up with energy as he wraps his legs around the head of White, Both men begin to spin around as Gargano attempts to move around for the Gargano escape, White stops this movement half way releasing his head from the scissor lock, Gargano falls to his feet into position for a reverse STO, White swings wildly with the STO as he spikes Gargano on the top of the head, White attempts the pinfall...
Tom Phillips: What a reversal by White stopping the momentum of Gargano in it's tracks and reversing it into the devastating Blade Runner which took out Corbin in what I call a smart strategy by the Switchblade...
Tom Phillips: White going for the pinfall this has to be it!...
...One!
...Two!
...Three!
DING! DING! DING!
Tony Chimel: Here is your winner by way of Pinfall... Switch Blade Jay White!!
Veda Scott joins White in the ring as his music plays over the arena as the crowd sit in silence over the shocking outcome of this match, White looks pleased as he motions towards his throats with his hands in a razor blade like position as the crowd rain down boos...
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Get your TLC Pick ‘Ems in!
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As things head backstage, Stone Cold is seen walking down the hallway taking a sip of the beer he’s carrying as suddenly, someone knocks it out of his hand. Austin reaches down to get it but the person stomps on it with their foot as Stone Cold raises up quickly.
Stone Cold: What in the hell do you think you’re...
Austin is now face-to-face with The Miz.
Oh it’s you. Look if this is about last week...
Miz cuts him off.
Miz: It IS about last week. I had my shoulder up at 2 and yet the referee still counted the three. Now, I know you are quite the busy man, having to take Ethan's place and all, but I'd like to ask what's going to be done to make sure that this type of travesty doesn't happen again.
Austin looks down at the crushed beer again before returning his focus to Miz.
Well I’ll be honest, the way you knocked my damn beer outta my hands and stomped on it, the only thing I feel like doin’ is whippin’ yer ass. I mean Jesus Christ, kid, have some respect for your boss and someone that paved the way for your sorry ass in the You Dubya Eff, would ya?
Miz goes to speak but Austin cuts him off.
Shut up. It’s like this. The ref not seeing you get the shoulder up means you got screwed over. But you gettin’ involved in the main event screwed Triple H over. That’s another reason I’m pissed off that you got your panties in a twist like this, because you’re just as much in the wrong. Stone Cold’s come up with a solution though, but yer gonna have ta’ wait and find out what it is. I’ll say this, you may wanna spend tonight and the rest of the week off that bad leg.
Miz is about to speak again, but stops himself, trying to hold in whatever anger he has.
Y'know what? Alright, I'll take the week off. Thank you, Mr. Austin.
And just like that, Miz walks off, still ticked off at having to wait for Austin's solution as Revolution heads elsewhere.
DING DING!
Tony Chimel: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first...
”You Think You Know Me?"
Tony Chimel: From Toronto, Ontario, Canada. Weighing in at two hundred and forty-one pounds. He is the, “Rated R Superstar”, Edge!
Edge gets goosebumps from the ovation and the sounds. Everything coming back to him like it never left. He runs from the ramp down to the ring, and slides in, laying stomach first to bare his teeth to the fans with a toothy grin, before standing up and removing his jacket as he hands it off to the referee who takes it over to a ringside official.
Tony Chimel: And the partner...
Waterproof Blonde's rendition of "Just Close Your Eyes" hits the PA System, and after a few moments of the song kicking in, out comes "Captain Charisma" Christian! He comes out with a steady pace, checking his wrists and shrugging his shoulders to get the feeling in his body, with a smirk that oozes, you guessed it, Charisma. He walks down the entrance ramp and blows a kiss on his index and middle fingers, shooting it off to the crowd on on his left, than to his right.
Tony Chimel: From Toronto, Ontario, Canada, weighing in at 212 pounds, he is "Captain Charisma", Christian!
Christian takes his sweet time stepping up the steel steps and into the ring, leaping onto the middle turnbuckles and pointing at his eyes, only to point back to the fans, slapping his chest, and putting a hand over his forehead to scout out his Peeps. He goes over to the oppisite turnbuckle and does the very same, smiling a confident smile before leaping down and getting ready.
Tony Chimel: And the opponent...
As the theme music of Elix Skipper plays, the Primetime Player makes his way excitedly out from the back and starts heading down the ramp, a smile on his face and his eyes on the ring.
Tony Chimel: From Roosevelt, New York. Weighing in at two hundred and twenty-two pounds. Elix...Skipper!
Elix arrives at the end of the ramp and enters the ring, emitting a passionate cry of, “Primetime!” as he gets to his feet as he gets ready for the match ahead.
DING DING!
As Edge steps through the ropes onto the apron, allowing Christian to begin the match, Elix takes off across the ring like he was shot out of a cannon and connects with a flying forearm that sends Christian back into the corner. Elix connects with a clubbing forearm to the face of Edge to stun him, then starts teeing off on Christian but after a few shots throw in heated succession, Edge grabs Elix’s wrist to stop the next punch. As Skipper looks over at Edge, Christian connects with a toe kick to the abdominal area as he steps forward out of the corner and throws his opponent into it, now teeing off with punches himself.
After a few connect, he backs away and puts his hands up as he and Edge double high five each other. As he turns to go back on the offensive, Elix comes connects flush with a superkick right on the jaw as Christian stands there dazed for a moment before falling over. Elix then turns and blasts Edge between the eyes with a punch to daze him as he hooks his arm around the, “Rated R Superstar”’s head and lifts him up and over, suplexing him directly onto Christian.
Elix is to his feet as he yells out an emphatic, “PRIMETIME!” as both men get to their feet and he takes them down with a double clothesline. Both men are up again quickly as Elix turns around and hits them with a double clothesline from the other direction. As Edge and Christian get up this time, Elix throws a standing dropkick to Edge that sends him backward through the ropes. As Elix gets up, Christian comes up behind him and grabs his wrists, turning him over as he looks for the Killswitch.
Tom Phillips: Uh oh. Look out, Elix!
Christian successfully connects with the move as he gets up and rolls Elix over, but as he goes down for the cover, Skipper kips up and curls his arms inward at his sides, his fists balled up as he screams.
Tom Phillips: Looks like he’s powering up! What’s the scouter say about his power level, Graves?
Corey Graves: I’m asking Shenron for a new broadcast partner.
As Elix powers up, Christian throws a punch directly to the abdomen but it doesn’t seem to have any effect as Skipper doesn’t even flinch. Christian looks on in disbelief as he pulls back his hand, cocking his fist further away than before, but as he throws the punch Elix puts his own hand up and catches Captain Charisma’s fist. Christian throws a punch with the other hand but Elix uses his other hand to catch that fist as well.
Skipper pulls Christian in briefly before pushing away, breaking the hold he has on his opponent’s fists as he brings his right leg up and kicks Christian in the middle of his left arm, the impact’s brutality evident by the way the arm bends and the sound of Christian screaming as well as the expression on his face.
Tom Phillips: Where have I seen that before?
Corey Graves: When the Z-Fighters fought the Androids, you idiot! I thought you said you do your research!
Tom Phillips: Not ringing any bells.
Corey Graves: Someone in the production truck put that image on the screen.
Tom Phillips: Oh.
As Christian winces from this, Skipper hits him in the chest with a forceful palm strike that sends him into the ropes. Edge, who is back on the apron, catches Christian as he tags himself in, the two men trading places as Edge makes his way over to Elix, smirking as though he’s trying not to bust out laughing.
Tony Chimel: From Toronto, Ontario, Canada, weighing in at 212 pounds, he is "Captain Charisma", Christian!
Christian takes his sweet time stepping up the steel steps and into the ring, leaping onto the middle turnbuckles and pointing at his eyes, only to point back to the fans, slapping his chest, and putting a hand over his forehead to scout out his Peeps. He goes over to the oppisite turnbuckle and does the very same, smiling a confident smile before leaping down and getting ready.
Tony Chimel: And the opponent...
As the theme music of Elix Skipper plays, the Primetime Player makes his way excitedly out from the back and starts heading down the ramp, a smile on his face and his eyes on the ring.
Tony Chimel: From Roosevelt, New York. Weighing in at two hundred and twenty-two pounds. Elix...Skipper!
Elix arrives at the end of the ramp and enters the ring, emitting a passionate cry of, “Primetime!” as he gets to his feet as he gets ready for the match ahead.
DING DING!
As Edge steps through the ropes onto the apron, allowing Christian to begin the match, Elix takes off across the ring like he was shot out of a cannon and connects with a flying forearm that sends Christian back into the corner. Elix connects with a clubbing forearm to the face of Edge to stun him, then starts teeing off on Christian but after a few shots throw in heated succession, Edge grabs Elix’s wrist to stop the next punch. As Skipper looks over at Edge, Christian connects with a toe kick to the abdominal area as he steps forward out of the corner and throws his opponent into it, now teeing off with punches himself.
After a few connect, he backs away and puts his hands up as he and Edge double high five each other. As he turns to go back on the offensive, Elix comes connects flush with a superkick right on the jaw as Christian stands there dazed for a moment before falling over. Elix then turns and blasts Edge between the eyes with a punch to daze him as he hooks his arm around the, “Rated R Superstar”’s head and lifts him up and over, suplexing him directly onto Christian.
Elix is to his feet as he yells out an emphatic, “PRIMETIME!” as both men get to their feet and he takes them down with a double clothesline. Both men are up again quickly as Elix turns around and hits them with a double clothesline from the other direction. As Edge and Christian get up this time, Elix throws a standing dropkick to Edge that sends him backward through the ropes. As Elix gets up, Christian comes up behind him and grabs his wrists, turning him over as he looks for the Killswitch.
Tom Phillips: Uh oh. Look out, Elix!
Christian successfully connects with the move as he gets up and rolls Elix over, but as he goes down for the cover, Skipper kips up and curls his arms inward at his sides, his fists balled up as he screams.
Tom Phillips: Looks like he’s powering up! What’s the scouter say about his power level, Graves?
Corey Graves: I’m asking Shenron for a new broadcast partner.
As Elix powers up, Christian throws a punch directly to the abdomen but it doesn’t seem to have any effect as Skipper doesn’t even flinch. Christian looks on in disbelief as he pulls back his hand, cocking his fist further away than before, but as he throws the punch Elix puts his own hand up and catches Captain Charisma’s fist. Christian throws a punch with the other hand but Elix uses his other hand to catch that fist as well.
Skipper pulls Christian in briefly before pushing away, breaking the hold he has on his opponent’s fists as he brings his right leg up and kicks Christian in the middle of his left arm, the impact’s brutality evident by the way the arm bends and the sound of Christian screaming as well as the expression on his face.
Tom Phillips: Where have I seen that before?
Corey Graves: When the Z-Fighters fought the Androids, you idiot! I thought you said you do your research!
Tom Phillips: Not ringing any bells.
Corey Graves: Someone in the production truck put that image on the screen.
Tom Phillips: Oh.
As Christian winces from this, Skipper hits him in the chest with a forceful palm strike that sends him into the ropes. Edge, who is back on the apron, catches Christian as he tags himself in, the two men trading places as Edge makes his way over to Elix, smirking as though he’s trying not to bust out laughing.
Skipper doesn’t take too kindly to being taken lightly as he smacks Edge across the face. As Edge’s head turns with the hit, he suddenly snaps forward as he looks at Elix furiously, his smirk long gone. The Primetime Player goes to power up again but Edge decks him in the mouth with a hard right, sending him staggering backward towards the ropes.
As Elix comes off the ropes, he stops suddenly and goes for a punch but Edge sidesteps and slips around and behind his opponent as he hits him with an Edge ‘O Matic! Edge crouches down in the nearest corner now as he sizes Skipper up.
Corey Graves: Edge looking at Elix like Frieza looking at Goku right now.
Tom Phillips: Isn’t Frieza bald though?
Corey Graves: I’d tell you to stop overthinking it, but you barely break even as it is.
As Edge motions for him to get up, Elix kips up to his feet and turns to face the, “Rated R Superstar”, his hands meeting at the palms as he holds them out and to the side.
“Kaaaaa”
“Meeeee”
“Haaaaaa”
As Elix looks to use Brian’s signature move, suddenly Christian enters the ring.
“Meeeeee”
Christian spins Elix around but as he does, he’s met with an unpleasant surprise.
“Haaaaaaa!!!!!”
The lights in the arena flicker violently as Christian is launched backward through the ropes. As the lights return to normal, Skipper turns back to face Edge but when he does, he gets hit with a Spear! Edge hooks the leg.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
DING DING DING!
Tony Chimel: Here are your winners, Edge and Christian!
The titantron switches from the UWF graphic to a feed from the parking lot outside the arena. There's a metal trash can, and inside the trash can, a fire. A group of Christmas Carolers stand off to the side, softly crooning "Deck the Halls". Kyle O'Reilly (who is wearing an adorable little elf toque) is stoking said trash fire when Larry Sweeney walks into the shot. He's sporting a horrendous Christmas sweater - on it, a knitted Rudolph with a flashing red bulb for a nose. The high-spirited Triple Champ is at his jolliest as the snow flakes doth fall around him.
Sweeney: Hahahaha! Or should I say Hohohohohoho! Merry Christmas and a Happy Holidays to all my fans out there in the UWF Universe tonight!
'Tis the Season, they say, and you'd better believe that Ol' Larry is all about the Christmas Spirit! Turkeys, carols, trees, lights, presents, you name, I love it all! What kinda red-blooded, honest-to-God American doesn't enjoy this time o' year anyway? Huh? Here at Sweet n' Sour Inc., we take pride in taking a little bit of time out of our tremendously hectic schedules to observe the occasion. When the snow starts to gather on the window sills and the sleigh bells chime, I can't help but feel altruistic. That's why tonight, I'm defending my Technically Unified UWF Television Championship for the very first time against a poor soul who couldn't be less deserving of the opportunity!
Drew Gulak. Too bland an unremarkable to make it on to any list naughty or nice, I've made it my mission to include that miserable can in my holiday plans by granting him the match of a lifetime. Now I've beat him before, and even though he still shamelessly caries that fake title belt around just to spite me, I'm turning the other cheek and giving him a Christmas preset he'll never forget! Ha! Ain't I swell?
The carolers switch things up and move on to "Hark, the Herald".
But before that, it's time for a the annual Sweet n' Sour Holiday Bonfire! It's a tradition we like to observe where we take out all the trash from the year that was and burn it so we can enjoy Christmas and then start the new year fresh! And you're all invited! So let's get to it! Ahaha! No time to waste!
Larry hums along with the song as he walks over to the trash fire, a certain spring in his step.
Sweeney: Kyle, hand me item number one!
K'OR:: You got it!
The Canadian Dragon reaches over and gives Larry a piece of paper. Larry looks at it, chuckles, and turns it around to show the camera. It just reads "TRIPLE H AS A VIABLE CONTENDER". Larry crumples it up and tosses it into the open flame.
Sweeney: Ha! Won't be needing that in 2019! I'm three-and-oh against the overrated, overbearing, overpaid piece of work! There isn't a reason on God's green earth why he should ever get another match against me! I'm over it! Sayanora, Trips! Have fun in divorce court!
K'OR I hate him so much I want to hit him with my car.
Sweeney: Wow! Okay! Next up...
Kyle then hands Larry a clear plastic case with what appears to be a DVD inside.
Sweeney: Ah yes... I've been lookin' forward to this for months now! Earlier this week, I had Kyle here break into UWF HQ to steal this little sucker.
K'OR: I choked a security guard. For a while.
Sweeney: It's the master copy of the footage of the King of the Ring finals where Vinny Marseglia was erroneously declared the winner, a call which still hasn't been "officially" rescinded despite all evidence showing that not only did that freakshow cheat and commit attempted murder, but also that he was and is mentally unfit to compete in the UWF. But with this outta the way, there's no need to ever dispute the moral and, by all rights, better result - that is, my winning. See ya!
Larry slam drunks that DVD into the fire, where is slowly but surely melts away.
Sweeney: And finally...
Kyle picks up the last item. It's the UFC World Heavyweight Championship, or, at least, a replica belt probably bought online. He doesn't pass it to Sweeney, though. He holds it in both hands, looking down at it with a sense of reverence, even longing, until Larry simply snatches it away.
Sweeney: This right here could be the fourth belt in my collection. After all, I beat Minoru Suzuki fair and square, which makes me the Baddest Man on the Planet, as they say. But everyone knows double-M A is faker than boxing - an unevolved mess of human cockfighting and you wouldn't catch me dead representing it, let alone celebrating it. Minoru Suzuki is a fake champion and that's embarrassing. What kind of man walks around with a made up title that doesn't mean anything? It's with great pleasure that I -
K'OR: Wait!
Right before Larry adds it to the bonfire, Kyle stops him. Larry raises and eyebrow and slowly turns to his partner.
Sweeney: Yes Kyle?
K'OR: Well it's just that... I mean... you've got three belts... and they're really cool... and I don't have any... so like... I was thinking... I mean... maybe like... I could... have that one? For Christmas?
Larry looks at Kyle with the eyes of a proud father, then at the UFC World Heavyweight Championship belt, and then he tosses it over his shoulder into the fire and laughs maniacally.
Sweeney: Ahaahahahahahahahah! Ha! Good one Kyle! You really had me goin' there! Haha! That's a knee-slapper! A real gut-buster! Ha! Yep! You! The UFC Heavyweight Champ! Oh! Hahaha! That's hilarious pal! It's nice to see that comic side come out around the holidays! You're always so serious! So.... death-threaty. But man, you've got a funny bone in there somewhere! Alright! Well, it's cold. I gotta go warm up! Big match tonight! Main event baby! Hahaha!
Larry laughs again and heads inside. With the carolers still singing nearby, Kyle stares down into the trash fire at the UFC belt as it melts and distorts in the merciless, stinky heat. He mumbles to himself in the quietest, most broken voice...
K'OR: Yeah... haha... I was just kidding... that was a big joke... hahaha....
Sweeney: Hey! You coming or what pal?
Larry calls after him from out of the screen. Kyle takes one last look at the belt and the goes after Larry. The fire burns. The carolers sing. Revolution continues elsewhere.
DING DING!
Tony Chimel: The following contest is scheduled for one fall! Introducing first...
The opening bars of the song play in showing Drew Gulak delivering speeches interspersed with people in submissions on the titantron. When the song kicks into full gear he walks out in a robe and wrestling gear holding up a sign with a logo promoting one of his various poilicies.
Tony Chimel: Coming down to the ring weighing at 193 lbs, from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania he is The Master of 1000 Powerpoint Presentations, Drew Gulak!
He places the sign against the steel steps and climbs up to the apron and after wiping his feet on the apron. He goes in through the middle rope and slowly dresses down to his ring gear making sure to hand it in a neat pile to someone from the ring crew. From there he gets into his corner, and begins stretching waiting for the bell to ring.
Tony Chimel: And the opponent...
SWEET N' SOUR INC.
The titantron flashes the words in neon colouring as the legendary funk groove snarls through the PA. Hard Times are coming. The first and only ever Triple Champion struts out on the ramp, smiling from ear to ear. A stunning pink boa decorates his neck, he's wearing shades inside and his boots are made for walkin'. He's the tallest cigarette in the pack. If looks could kill, the match would already be over. He's Larry Sweeney - the new face of classic professional wrestling.
Tony Chimel: Ladies and gentlemen... weighing in at Championship Weight... from Chicago, Illionis... Larry Sweeney!
As Sweeney strolls down the ramp, Kyle O'Reilly comes out behind him, holding all three of his title belts - the linear UWF Championship, the linear UWF Television Championship, and, of course, the UWF Transatlantic Championship. The uncrowned King of the Ring climbs into the squared circle as Kyle heads over to their corner. Larry tans in the spot light while the fans make a lot of noise - he tunes out the specifics. Whatever they're saying, its loud. Loud means money. Ditching the boa, shades and other accessories, Larry prepares for the match to come.
DING DING!
The two lock up in the middle of the ring, standing tight together. Sweeney leans into Gulak and tries to push him backwards, eventually Gulak gives way and takes a step back but remains in a powerful stature.
Corey Graves: “In every good wrestling bout, there is always a good solid lock up… not saying that it makes the match of course.”
Suddenly Sweeney pushes Gulak’s arm off and then gains Gulak’s back and locks him tight with a waistlock. Sweeney wrenches in and slightly lifts Gulak off his feet. Sweeney then gives off a face that he’s really tightening in on Gulak and picks Gulak up, to slam Gulak face first down onto the mat.
Sweeney slides up Gulak’s body and gains a grounded headlock in tight on him. The world champ is looking strong early on in this match. Sweeney pushes back into Gulak and tightens in on the hold on Gulak.
Gulak then sees the opening on Sweeney and gains a headscissors on him and keeps him locked down to the mat. Gulak then sees that Sweeney is trying to reverse this move quickly, so he lets go and rolls back to his feet, where Sweeney meets him.
Tom Phillips: “A nice little sequence to get us underway in this champion vs champion bout.”
Corey Graves: “Let me remind you Tom, these men have faced off before, and one must think that they might have an idea for each other’s game. We’ll see how that works as the match progresses.”
Sweeney straight off the bat hits Gulak with a punch… and then another… and then another… and now that Gulak is leaning against the ropes, Sweeney hits him with a chop lighting up Gulak’s chest.
Corey Graves: “You could’ve heard that the other side of the world Tom!”
Gulak falls down to his knees and Sweeney throws in a boot into the back of Gulak sending him crashing down to the mat. He lays in another boot for good measure as he lays there flat out on the mat and Gulak takes a little step back for a runup.
Sweeney runs up to Gulak and drops a knee on the top of his head. Sweeney rolls through and gets to his feet. Seeing that Gulak is now slightly drained, Gulak gets him up to his feet and then takes a step back.
Sweeney throws a punch… and then another… and then he drops the Bionic Elbow on the top of Gulak’s head. Gulak crashes down to the mat and Sweeney covers Gulak.
One…
Two…
Gulak kicks out from the Bionic Elbow! Sweeney looks down in disdain for this man who just dared to kick out of his elbow. Sweeney then gets up and spits down on Gulak laying down on the ground staring at the lights.
Tom Phillips: “Blatant disrespect from Sweeney right there. How cruel.”
Sweeney drags Gulak up to his feet slowly and then turns him around in a hangman’s neckbreaker position. He then drops the neckbreaker and then follows it up with a DDT finishing up the ‘68 Comeback Special.
Tom Phillips: “Boom, nailed him with that one.”
Sweeney then chooses not to cover Gulak, but to head to the top rope and make sure he’s finished off for good. He then dives off the top and delivers the 12 Large Elbow landing smackdown on the middle of Gulak. He hooks the leg and the referee counts the fall.
One…
Two…
Three!
DING! DING!
Tony Chimel: “Here is your winner via pinfall, Larry Sweeney!”
Larry then asks for his UWF belt from ringside, and upon gaining possession of it climbs the top turnbuckle and celebrates to himself with not so much support from the audience in attendance.
END SHOW
CREDITS
Promos- Respective TT’ers
Corbin/White/Gargano- Jye
Black/Jericho, Sweeney/Gulak- Semi
Everything else- Dresden
CONFIRMED FOR JUDGMENT DAY
Intercontinental Championship
Rick Rude(c) vs. Elix Skipper
NOTE FROM DRESDEN: Wasn’t a good week for trash talking. Chase had computer problems, Wasabi had personal things come up, Tapout was out of town, etc. It’s unfortunate but it happens, I’m not upset with you guys about it. Life happens to you the same way it happens to all of us, myself included. Sorry you guys had to wait on the show again but my wife and children come first, as does work, that’ll always be the case.[/center]
