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Post by mrleedles on Jul 23, 2020 18:31:51 GMT -6
Out walks Curtis Axel, a smile on his face as he motions down to the Television Title wrapped around his waist before making his way down to the ring. Walking up the steps and entering the ring, he takes a microphone. Curtis Axel: This...this is it. Money in the bank. Honestly, when I got announced to be in this matchup, I was a tad surprised. I mean...they put the Television Champion in this? Then I saw who else was in this and realized...they designed this to be my platform. My launchpad to the top of the company.Axel smiles. Curtis Axel: Let me explain. Yes, I know there are five other men in this match who you could try and fail to make a case for winning, but let’s actually look into them. First we have the other champion in this match, the so-called “Beast Incarnate” Brock Lesnar. Brock, what the hell makes you think you actually are going to win this? The fact that you are a Scott Steiner clone with half the personality? The fact that happy Heyman is at ringside to try and cost someone the match when they weren’t going to win it in the first place? You barely are good enough to be intercontinental Champion because that is a tertiary title. I know people will try and deflect, call the TV TItle a tertiary title but Curtis Axel does not settle for tertiary. He does not sit there and go “yes, i am fine being the third best champion”, no. I go and kill a man to take a title and turn it into something better than the IC Title ever could be with you at the helm of its division. I mean, sure it is cool to share the ring with someone who was a Minnesota Viking for all of five minutes before they realized you were garbage at football just like you are at wrestling and couldn’t be coached by the walking cancer known as Paul Heyman like you have been in the UWF, but being apart of Skol Nation won’t earn you any brownie points here.Axel paces. Curtis Axel: Then there are WARHORSE and Strowman, who I am lumping together because they are about equally as important to the UWF which spoilers...ain’t a whole lot. You two are bodies to fill this match out, a way to make this seem more impressive when people look back in the record books and think “wow, Curtis Axel beat WARHORSE and Braun Strowman on top of these other three former wrestlers to win the Money In The Bank that ushered the UWF into a golden age”! You two are barely worth my time, so I’m not going to waste it and just move on to someone who believes themself to matter a hell of a lot more than they really do…
Minoru Suzuki.Axel stops pacing and chuckles. Curtis Axel: You want to talk about egos? You want to talk about guys who are all smoke and no fire? You want to talk about guys who think themselves far more of a badass than they really are? Minoru Suzuki is the textbook definition of all of those and a ton more negatives than I can think of. Suzuki, I’m going to be blunt, I hate you. I hate you believing yourself to be a wrestler, I hate you having El Desperado carry you to victories that you cannot achieve time and time again. I know that the little masked barking bitch of Kyle O’Reilly is going to come out here and try to make fun of me by saying “oh you lost to Suzuki and you will do it again” or something stupid like that but really Despy, for everyone in the UWF, shut the fuck up and go act like a good little husbando for Kyle. Nobody wants to see you, nobody needs to hear your voice every week. When people pay money to see someone actually worthwhile like me and have to be subjected to seeing MInoru Suzuki fight, they want to see Suzuki lose like he ALWAYS does in these big matches not hear you yap and play the guitar. Go fucking do a concert somewhere else K.K. Slider and stay away from the ring, and hopefully the door hits your ass on your way out!Axel stops to pause, but isn’t done ranting. Curtis Axel: Now then, why don’t I focus on the actual person in this match instead of his lapdog? Suzuki, you try to seem all threatening all the time. Talking about how the wind blows and having it name dropped every time you get announced for a match that you are the UFC World Champion. Here’s a thought, go defend that paper title. When was the last time you actually bothered to work for that joke of an organization? A year, two years ago? You are the exact goddamn same as Jimmy Havoc - all talk and no bite. You threaten people like some mid-boss in a Yakuza game and do a few submissions to make people think “wow this guy actually can wrestle” but when it boils down to a match, you don’t wrestle! You fight for your life as if anyone would want the dishonor of killing a worthless person such as yourself and then claim victory when you prey on the weak like you did with Velveteen Dream! You are a complete and utter joke who couldn’t even beat Larry Sweeney or NEVILLE, Suzuki. Yeah, not just Sweeney, you couldn’t beat Neville because just like always you choked it. Hell if you were half as good as choking opponents out as you were at choking away big matches maybe I would actually be threatened by you! But no, you are going to blow it...again...and then you’re going to talk about the wind changing and get all upset...again...and then Desperado is going to sing your praises till the end of time or until Kyle O’Reilly comes calling...again. Hey, at least you got something in common with Despy there - Sweet and Sour Inc own the both of you.Axel finally finishes ranting, and for a moment collects his thoughts. Curtis Axel: But then...there is a beacon of light in this dark dark match. And no I am not talking about myself. I am talking about the only man who has truly beaten me in the UWF, the only wrestler outside of my friend circle who I would ever consider teaming up with, Der Ringgeneral WALTER! I must say, if I for some stupid reason have to lose this Money In The Bank Ladder Match then I hope and pray you are the one who ends up winning it because christ, you’re the only one here who I can even stomach the sight of! You are a wrestler, you are actually a good enough competitor for me to praise, you are worthy enough to carry this company alongside me as the twin pillars supporting this entire title structure! You are deserving of so much more than what you have gotten whether it be because for some reason you couldn’t understand the gameplan Paul Heyman created which is titled and only contains the words “suplex” and occasionally “F-5” and “Kimura Lock” or because you just have to deal with two other idiots in a triple threat match, you are the only person in this match who I would even consider losing to. That is how good of a wrestler you are, but when it comes down to us two being in the ring as the only ones even capable of winning this match...it is always going to be the best wrestler who comes out on top.Axel gives another smile, one of self-pride. Curtis Axel: And as I am sure all of you have found out already, I am the best wrestler in this company. Not only that, but even with the argument of who has the most experience in these hardcore environments...who was it that killed Jimmy Havoc? Me. Oh sure, Minoru Suzuki has wrestled some hardcore matches and Braun Strowman wrestled in a wherever the hell that match was at Heatwave, but this isn’t about the past it is about what you have done recently and I am the only one with recent hardcore experience! If I have to delve into my dark side again to become Mr. Money In The Bank then I will as long as it prevents you idiots or WALTER from winning that briefcase!Axel stands in the ring, unstraps the TV Title around his waist and holds it up with pride.
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Post by Dres on Jul 24, 2020 6:44:37 GMT -6
With no music or fanfare, out walks Simon Dean and out limps Braun Strowman as they both make their way to the ring with microphones in their hand.
Simon Dean: I’m not going to stand here and act like the House of Havoc wasn’t a lot to go through because I watched it happen and have no doubt that it was. In fact if you won the briefcase and faced Shibata for the UWF Championship you’d have something in common since he went through a similar stipulation with gold on the line recently. Now, you’re not going to win the briefcase I just felt you might enjoy getting to imagine it one more time before your dreams get crushed. A questionable decision I’ll admit, not because of what you might do in retaliation but because with the way you’ve been inflating your own ego, me adding to it could’ve burst that head of yours. And I don’t want to do that with words, because I know how much Braun wants to do it with his bare hands.
Because you may not think you’re being all that delusional, but trust me, you’re as delusional as this whale of a fan base that convinces themselves one more slice of cake won’t hurt or they can put down the bag after just one chip. In both cases, there’s a severe lack of self-control and a lack of awareness regarding just what kind of hot water that kind of negligence can lead to. In their case it’s continued obesity, cholesterol issues, heart problems, and the like. For you it’s an incredible amount of pain, a beating that not only knocks the wind and smugness out of you in one swoop but knocks that silver spoon down your throat.
Like I said, House of Havoc was a lot to go through. But letting it convince you that there’s no one more qualified for this match because of that match? Put down the Kool-Aid and give the back patting a rest, kid, because you’re just as qualified as the rest of the participants in this match and not a smidge more. Do you know why? Because EC3 signing off on it is what qualifies you. You said it yourself, it’s about what you’ve done recently so it doesn’t matter what kind of match you’ve gone through against who or what you get to dress your shoulder with because of it, it’s whether you can put up or shut up in this match.
Braun Strowman: You talk about having a dark side like it’s something that I should be worried about, but the way I see it, I’ve seen pieces of toast with a scarier dark side. So you can take your hardcore experience and stick it up your ass, Perfect Junior, because it doesn’t mean squat to me. You want to consider me a non-factor in this match just like Despy and Suzuki, you want to downplay my worth to the company and in the company, and that pisses me off. I might not have run off the boogeyman like you did and I might not have a championship like you did but in case you didn’t understand me earlier, that doesn’t mean a damn thing. I’m the, “Monster Among Men” and you fools refusing to see the danger being in the way of a monster puts you in will be your own undoing, because I’m going to step on each of your bodies one by one just like when I’ll climb that ladder rung by rung.
Speaking of Braun being considered a non-factor, even if he wasn’t my friend and client and I was just a spectator on the outside looking in, that would puzzle me. Why wouldn’t you bank, no pun intended, on a specimen like this? Because I don’t see anyone else in this match that I, as a man of logic, would find more threatening if I were just a man or hell, if I had to take my pick of who to wrestle. But that’s fine, cling to your stupidity like you cling to your other habits that are destroying you because soon, it’s Braun that’s going to be destroying you, and there’s nothing you can say to convince me otherwise!
What about when WARHORSE comes out here screaming like a coked out caffeine addict?
Won’t be convinced.
What about when Curtis responds to us and keeps talking about Perfection like he’s the second coming of Cody Rhodes?
Won’t be convinced.
Good, because me neither, not by anything any other participant has to say. Or what their little puppet has to say.
Seriously, the relationship between Despy and Suzuki is the most pathetic and mind boggling thing I’ve ever witnessed. In case you didn’t hear me the first time, Despy, Suzuki is not unstoppable. He’s been getting his old, tired, wrinkled, chink ass handed to him bout after bout after bout FOR YEARS in this company and you still talk about him like he’s this ultimate being. Suzuki Gun couldn’t save his old ass from getting kicked, him putting a fake championship on couldn’t save his old ass from getting kicked, you can’t save his old ass from getting kicked, and neither can the damage he did to Braun’s leg!
It’s healing up nicely.
Earlier I was talking about delusional Curtis and the delusional fatties we call our audience. Well you, Despy, you take the cake from all of them. But you have a chance to redeem yourself and prove you’re more than a stupid puppet. For once let Suzuki speak for himself. Don’t come out here strumming your guitar, don’t say a word, and just stay away from this match. Suzuki, Braun and I are calling you out to be a man.
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Post by bodor on Jul 24, 2020 15:21:42 GMT -6
With a lot of music and fanfare Despy enters the arena, he walks out of the curtain playing his guitar and carrying his boss's UFC world heavyweight championship pretending to not be hearing the roaring fans booing him Despy walks down the ramp while playing his guitar and he's very happy, he stops in the middle of the ramp and pulls out a microphone from his tights and begins talkingCome on Curtis, Dean, Braun, I thought you were slightly better than this, there's no use in crying: "oh El Desperado this, El Desperado that, he always talks for Suzuki, he has a fulfilling and happy marriage which I am jealous of because every person I meet wants to kill himself after one sentence from me, boo hoo I'm Curtis Axel"Obviously Despy did all of that in a baby voice. Despy enters the ring and he doesn't bother going too far instead opting to stay in a cornerWell perhaps you WERE better than this but then you met Minoru Suzuki in the ring and came out talking and WALKING like this.Despy emphasizes the word WALKING and while doing so turns his head towards BraunYeah big guy we all saw the limp you had going on and your match with Shibata, but it's all good right? you said it's healing up nicely and it's not like you lie each and every week you come on television to up your stock right? you definitely don't try to hype yourself up by claiming to use some weird system that is supposed to make you better than everybody else right? oh and your lie ABSOLUTLEY doesn't get revealed every other week or so when you lose, right? I feel like I'm losing you so in short, you're lying about the leg like you're lying the Simon System being effective and just like Suzuki proved the Simon System is a hoax when he beat you so much you needed the ref to bail you out, he'll prove that "it's healing up nicely" is another lie, only this time you won't have the ref to save youDespy smirksBut your leg isn't the only thing that Suzuki fucked up Braun, it was your brain too apparently, would you tell an eagle to be a pigeon? a lion to be a house cat? because that's what you're asking of Suzuki, the thing you "called him out" for, he is above you that's why he's not here, he has proven himself better than you, better than Axel, better than WARHORSE, better than WALTER and better than Lesnar, you're asking a god to be a man and speak to you, why would he lower himself to that level? he would gladly demolish you in the ring just as he did before, but speaking to you? no way.Despy keeps the smirk on as he turns his attention to Axel, after a few seconds he can't contain himself and starts laughing, he takes a moment to collect himself and continuesSorry sorry, I just had to remind myself what you said cause you know it's been a minute and just wow, WOW, you make Braun seem like a logical human being with how much nonsense your broken brain is spewing out, and no before you come out with "yes! it is broken because I've in the House of Havoc! I know hardcore matches! and that is why I will win this ladder match!" no sweety your brain got destroyed by Suzuki when he choked your life out, you know like he did to Neville thus beating him just like Suzuki beat you, I seem to find a lot of resemblance between you and Neville, nevermind it's probably just because almost everyone in this company has had Suzuki choke their life out and beat them, including you and WALTER
Yes the WALTER you just had a masturbation session to lost to Suzuki, it just a week ago you don't remember? see I told you the brain damage Suzuki gave you was severe, I advise you just accept the fact that Suzuki damaged your brain in an irreversible way in your singles match that meant nothing and try to comprehend what he will do to you in the MITB match, a match that actually matters, when it's all set and done you may not be the best wrestler in the company any more! just kidding you never was, not even closeDespy takes a second to let the fans guess who is the best wrestler in the company, 99% come to the conclusion that it's JimmyWe all know the best wrestler in the company is Minoru Suzuki, just look at his record and how decisively, brutally and inhumanly he destroys his opponents, and before you jump in you're not second either Axel, that honor belongs to Brock Lesnar but that is what he'll always be, second, his MMA skills are second to Suzuki, his brutality is second to Suzuki and everything about him is second to Suzuki, just look at the times they've teamed up, Suzuki scored the win for their teams on both times proving he is simply the better man out of the two of them, Brock has been carried to victory by Suzuki on two different occasions but in MITB he'll feel what it's like to be on the other side of the ring with Suzuki, he'll beg to switch sides again when it's overDespy chucklesSo we talked about Braun's weak physical and mental shape going into the match, Axel's HORRIBLE condition and Brock's nonexistent chance, only people left are WARHORSE and WALTER and I have nothing to say to them that I haven't said just a week ago, they're nothing, they are the ones least exposed to Suzuki yet in the little time they were they got man-handled, can you imagine a full match where Suzuki gets his hands on them? I can.Despy licks his lips in anticipationIf you managed to imagine that, add Braun, Lesnar, and Axel to the equation, more people for Suzuki to smash, to dominate, to absolutely destroy, at the end there will be five unconscious bodies on the ring, with Suzuki, the uncrowned champion of this company, the absolute god, standing on top, and in the aftermath the wind will blow harder than ever.
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Post by cliffwalk on Jul 24, 2020 17:32:37 GMT -6
As if the ring wasn't already filled with quite an array of talent, the all so familiar melody of the Intercontinental Champion. The crowd waits in anticipation of being able to boo Brock and of course Brock could care less. He makes everyone wait a minute before he strolls out from the back, with Paul Heyman just a step behind. Brock looks extremely serious tonight, staring daggers right into the eyes of his opponents, meanwhile Heyman is looking at his client and smirking. Both men leisurely make their way down towards the ring, avoiding soda cups being thrown at them. Brock enters the ring, and stands directly in the middle of everyone, showing absolutely no fear, as if almost daring someone to step up. Heyman carefully steps in the ring as everyone stares him down, and for a moment Heyman looks frightened until he stands beside Lesnar.PAUL HEYMANLadies and Gentlemen, my name is Paul Heyman, and I am the advocate for the REIGNING, DEFENDING, UNDISPUTED UWF Intercontinental Champion, BROCK LESNAR!The crowd shows its ultimate distain as Brock Lesnar holds his title up in the air proudly.Well here we are, the match everyone is talking about. Arguable the most important match on the card tonight, because it definitively changed the career of the victor, to which it is only fitting that such a match take place at such a venue like Summerslam. Just as it is only fitting that the men in this match were selected very carefully. You see this match isn't for the average Joe in the back, this is a match that is for people that wish to push themselves and grab that brass ring, as my client is prepared to do here tonight. If I didn't know any better...id say there was some hostility in the air this evening. Could it be perhaps that some of you think my client should not be included in this match this evening? Do we not think he is worthy enough? Do we not think he has what it takes to ascend the ladder and take what in reality is already rightfully his? Or maybe...just maybe...you are all intimidated by my client being here, and to that I would say, good. Paul Heyman glances over at Curtis Axel.You sir are the only one here tonight to not cross paths with my client, and maybe that works to your advantage, and maybe it doesn't. I can assure you that without a shadow of a doubt, that sharp tongue in no way, shape or form will give you an ounce of mental advantage against my client, or anyone here really tonight. You see my boy, and far be it from me to speak for these fine men, but I think that they would all agree that you can talk until you're blue in the face...it's what you do to back those words up that means anything. Your intellectual mind simply will not get the job done here tonight, as I'm sure you very well know, it might even be your downfall. You see when a young kid like you that is up and coming and doing very well for yourself so far here comes out here talking all that crap you did when the ring was completely empty? Well that my friend looks like weakness to me. I wonder if you have the testicular fortitude to say that when you are surrounded by five other men that now taking you out is a priority tonight? Making false accusations about my clients character is not the brightest, and for the record, Brock Lesnar is nothing like Scott Steiner, because that make has absolutely NO personality. You come out here parading that Television Title around like you have made your mark in this business. Let me tell you something about your little belt Curtis...it's merely a toy in a man's game. Sure you have beaten some people, but what have you really done with that belt? You aren't exactly a fighting champion, where as my client has been subjected to defending his title on what seems like a weekly basis. You if you want to come out here and compare, I'm afraid you are fighting a losing battle. Make no mistake you have earned respect by becoming champion, but defending it and backing up everything you say is what keeps that respect. That my friend is why you will not be victorious tonight. It takes a certain individual that knows what it takes to get the job done, and that is Brock Lesnar. He can 100% back up all he says and he knows damn well how to be THE GUY, which is what will happen after he takes that briefcase. Paul Heyman looks over to Brock Lesnar, and nods his head, which was a signal to Brock. He grabs Despy and pins him against the ropes.PAUL HEYMANSo Suzuki seems to think he's better than all of us eh? Sending his lapdog out here to do his dirty work...a sign of a true coward. That is upsetting to Brock and I, because they have somewhat of a history around here as of late. Brock lets go of Despy, and backs off as he looks his way laughing. You see Suzuki and Brock Lesnar have seem to found some mutual ground over the course of the last few months, so much so that he has put my client in the same category as him being two of the best. The only problem my friend is that Brock Lesnar takes a backseat to NOBODY. Sir I know you are watching in the back so I want you to take a good hard look at Brock Lesnar, and realize that you will always be just a place behind Brock Lesnar in line. There is no algorithm in the world that would ever seat you ahead of my client. My client possesses the animal instinct that you simply lack. The idea that you seem to think you have carried my client along is absolutely ridiculous. Think about it for a second Suzuki, if it was you...wouldn't you let your lesser do all of the work for you? Because that's EXACTLY what my client did. You fell for it hook, line, and sinker. He knew you could get the job done, so why would he risk putting himself at anything less than 100%. Up until now there has been no animosity, but then last week you know just as well as Brock does, that you were going to take a shot at him. Do you think he is that stupid? I told you that he keeps his friends close, and his enemies closer, and that is you. We should have taken the victory and been happy, but you almost crossed that line and made it very bad for yourself.
Lesnar nudges Heyman and asks for the microphone.BROCK LESNARWALTER! Heh where you at you little bitch? How's your head? You know after I straight knocked you out cold with a SINGLE PUNCH last week. You and your little pet pony WARHORSE got exactly what was coming to you last week, and tonight I'm gunna serve up some more round trip tickets to Suplex City for both of you clowns. Maybe you should both take a good hard look in the mirror and ask yourself if you still have what it takes to do something around here. The both of you combined couldn't take me or Suzuki out last week so how the hell do you anticipate claiming victory tonight? If you ask me you both should cool your jets, maybe use some lowercase letters for your stupid names, and back the hell out of this match. This is a match for men, not boys. You come out here and try me, I will have no issue putting you both to sleep.Brock walks over to Strowman, and looks him directly in the eyes.You know the smarter thing to do would have been to pull me aside and figure out how to survive in this match. See you and I are the biggest threats tonight, so you can sure as shit bet they will be trying to take us out first, because so long as we are standing, we pose an imminent threat...well maybe not you, but most certainly me. You know Braun for such a big powerful guy, when I look at the facts, you have really not accomplished a whole hell of a lot around here huh? The biggest win you has was against me and you couldn't even get the job done by your self. Axel is right, most of you guys haven't really done shit around here, and yet here you go being put in a position to earn something that you don't even deserve. Do you all realize that this isn't just a match? This is the boss man giving me permission to HURT people. I have ladders at my disposal, as well as any other thing I can get my hands on. Hell if Simon Dean gets in my way I'll use his goofy ass as a weapon. You are all in for a real fucking hurtin because your all going to Suplex City, courtesy of me.
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Post by Fauche on Jul 25, 2020 16:13:37 GMT -6
SWEET N' SOUR INC.That boom-bop funk groove rumbles through the PA, riling up the capacity crowd into a tenacious frenzy. It's HARD TIMES, mama, and that can only mean one thing - Sweet n' Sour Inc. is in the house!
Larry Sweeney and Kyle O'Reilly march out on to the ramp, zestier than lemon juice and ready for action. The duumvirate heads on down the ramp, with their new friend Asuka following close behind. Where some see a ring made of steel, wood and fabric, in the eyes of this faction, the squared circle is a land of opportunity. It's a cheque just waiting to be cashed. And when they scale the stairs and step through the ropes, it's done with pomp and purpose, like it's always been part of the plan. Of course, the execution is all accented with flawless style. So when they climb those turnbuckles to pose, it's right when that chorus line hits. The temperature rises. The atmosphere electrifies. The moment is realized.
After tanning in that spotlight and soaking in the roars of the crowd, the team collects a set of mics and rallies in the middle of the ring. When the music fades and the crowd comes down off that high, the talking starts.Sweeney: Summerslam, Mama! Oooooooh yeah! Ahahaha! He throws back his head and howls like a dog at the moon. Kyle flashes a cocky smirk that's somewhere between Danny Ocean and Hannibal Lecter. The SLUMLORD Asuka is cool as a cucumber. No sweat for the newcomer. She was made for times like these. Sweeney: Mmmhhhhmmm, you can practically taste it, can'tcha? The Biggest Party of the Summer! Yeah, that goes down nice and easy. Real refreshing. Like, it's refreshing to know that after all we've been through, the valleys and the shadows and the down-and-dirty gutters of this business, we're finally back where we belong, and that's in the championship scene, brother!
They say two's company and three's a crowd - I'm not sure there's a word for it when you get all the best tag teams in the world and then some in the same place at the same time fightin' for the same thing, but this is gonna be that. An honest-to-God rumble, folks. While some would tell ya that a big shebang like this means long odds for a cupla plucky scrappers like us, I say that we've never been more ready for an opportunity quite like this exact one right here.
You can't make an omelette without breaking eggs. Any chef will tell ya that. But us? We've broken ours and had ours broken. For months it was nothin' but! Aye-aye-aye, I tell ya! No respect! No love! No nothin' except the blues, see? The black-and-blues, at that. We took our lickins, but all those broken eggs weren't for nothin', so sir, cause we took 'em all and now we're ready to scramble 'em up and serve up a nice big dish of the Sweet n' Sour special! Larry rubs his belly. Kyle licks his lips. Asuka is also there.Sweeney:Yep, a Championship Scramble suits us just about right. It's been a long time now of hearin' these other bums run our name through the dirt. There isn't a tandem on this roster that hasn't taken a pot shot at us! And hey, all's fair in love and war but understand this, people - what goes around comes around and the train has come back around in a big way. What we've got prepared for all you mooks is something unlike anything you've seen outta us before. Some fresh spices, a few new tricks, not to mention our not-so-secret-secret recipe. Larry steps aside and gestures to Asuka, whose despicable grin spells all sorts of trouble for the division.Sweeney:The lovely landlady, UWF's very own SLUMLORD and Empress of Tomorrow, is a talent unlike anything seen on American television up to this point. And she's just the tip of the iceberg. We're on the up-and-up, riding high and pretty on a brand new, shiny, undefeated streak. Like the good ol days, but even better! New and improved! Now ain't that just the crux of this, huh? New. Improved. Fresh. We were busted up and broken, we took a step back, greased up the axle, adjusted course and have been speeding down the road ever since.
No need to try and cover up the obvious. We've taken an "L" to about every team in town. But we've changed. This ain't the same thing, now, understand? And when I look around, I see a buncha jabronies resting on their laurels. I see complacency. I see easy pick'ens. I see the teams that beat us thinking that it's just gonna be a repeat come Summerslam. Ha! Fine boys, that's just fine and dandy with us. Settle into that feeling. Rest easy with that been-there-done-that, laissez-faire crap. We know our truth. We're survivors of what the scientists call natural selection. We've adapted. Evolved. It's the rest of ya's that can go extinct, cause you're the same today as you were last week and the week before that.
So it's our humble pleasure to offer up the same great taste with a brand new recipe. We've given a few samples, but at Summerslam... ahaha... yeah, at Summerslam, you can feast your eyes and your bellies on the full shebang, brother! Tell 'em Kyle!Kyle is about to tell'em all about it when someone else's music hits the PA! Rude!
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Post by George on Jul 25, 2020 17:34:35 GMT -6
The screeches and pounds of the infamous Slayer song, representing the man known as WARHORSE, Raining Blood blasts through into the arena with incredible intensity. The man who has made quite an impact for himself lately, and has shown himself to be a rather formidable force despite not being one of the most previously well known superstars in the UWF history, and his stature not being as tall and jacked as some other wrestlers in the UWF landscape. He’s made a path for himself, made out of RAW HEAVY METAL.WARHORSE blasts through the curtain with a whole heck of a lot of steam with the Slayer riff backing his entrance into the arena, he looks side to side around the arena. He has a microphone already in his hand so he doesn’t have to grab one from the ringside area. Everyone knew that the Warhorse would be out here speaking his mind on this momentous matchup coming up at Summerslam this year. A match that could practically determine a future UWF Champion. He slides up to the ring apron, climbing through to stand in the middle of the ring with microphone in hand. He looks up and around at all of the men standing around him in the ring.WARHORSE: EVER SINCE I’VE CAME HERE TO THE UWF IT’S BEEN AN UPHILL BATTLE. IT’S BEEN A HELLUVA JOURNEY, WALKING FORWARD, RULING ASS, REGULAR DAILY ROUTINE THINGS TO GO AROUND. YET THE WARHORSE IS CONSISTENTLY BURDENED WITH HAVING TO PROVE HIMSELF TO THE DOUBTERS, BUT THEY NEVER ARE SATISFIED. IT’S A BATTLE NOBODY CAN WIN, SO AT THE END OF THE DAY, THE WARHORSE SAID FUCK ‘EM, THE WARHORSE KNOWS WHERE THE HELL HE’S GOING, WHAT THE HELL HE’S DOING, AND WHO’S ASS HE’S GONNA RULE.
TO FIND GAPS IN THE WARHORSE’S GAME IS LIKE FINDING A FLY OUTDOORS, IT DOESN’T GODDAMN MATTER BECAUSE YOU CAN’T DO SHIT ABOUT IT. I SEE WE’VE GOT SO CALLED “FORMIDABLE” OPPOSITION HERE TONIGHT, YEAH I GUESS THAT’S PRETTY RESPECTABLE IN MOST CASES, IT WOULD BE IF YOU ALL WEREN’T SOME BIG FUCKIN’ BABIES WHO DIDN’T KNOW WHAT THE HELL THEY’RE I FOR. NAIVE INTO BELIEVING THEY HAVE THE SKILL, THEY HAVE THE WILL, THEY HAVE THE ABILITY TO WIN THIS MATCH.
BOYS, NEWSFLASH IT AIN’T A GAME OF WHO CAN THROW SOMEONE AROUND THE RING FOR TWENTY ODD MINUTES. IT AIN’T A GAME OF WHO CAN WRESTLE CIRCLES AROUND THEIR OPPOSITION. IT’S A GAME OF WIT, IT’S A GAME OF OPPORTUNITY, AND IT’S A GAME OF TIMING, BECAUSE BUD, AS SOME OF US WOULD KNOW, THE OPPORTUNITY MAY BE THERE ALL THE TIME, BUT IF YOU TAKE IT AT THE WRONG TIME, WHO GIVES A SHIT. THE WARHORSE KNOWS HE DOESN’T, BECAUSE THAT SHIT LEAVES INTO FAILURE AND FAILURE AIN’T THE WAY OF MOVING FORWARD.WARHORSE walks forward to one side of the ring by the ropes so he can like prove a point or something.IN BETWEEN THESE ROPES AT MONEY IN THE BANK ALL THAT MATTERS IS ABOVE THE RING. A SHOT, A CONTRACT, AND AN OPPORTUNITY THAT GRANTS YOU A WAY UP IN THIS WORLD. A LOT OF PEOPLE AROUND HERE SEEM TO BE WAITING FOR THIS, BUT THE WARHORSE HAS BEEN CLAMOURING FOR IT THE SECOND HE WALKED INTO THIS COMPANY, TO BE ABLE TO GRAB THE OPPORTUNITY THAT I’VE BEEN WORKING FOR AND ASCEND FURTHER. ASCEND TO BE ASS RULER THE UWF DESERVES.
COME OUT HERE AND ATTACK EVERYONE LIKE THIS SHIT IS PERSONAL, IT AIN’T TO THE WARHORSE, FRANKLY ALL I SEE ARE FAMILIAR FACES IN BUSINESS. BUSINESS THAT’LL BE OVER WITH ONCE THE WARHORSE GETS HIS BRIEFCASE FROM ABOVE THE RING, GOES HOME, AND PLACES HIS ORDER FOR HIS THRONE MADE OUT OF RAW HEAVY METAL. BUT GO AHEAD, GET TIED UP IN THE PERSONAL TIES, THE WARHORSE DOESN’T GIVE A SHIT, SINCE IT’LL BE JUST ANOTHER DISTRACTION IN THE MOUNTAIN OF ‘EM FOR YOU. GO POST YOUR FAN CAMS ON TWITTER AND GET OVER IT, I’VE GOT A MATCH TO WIN, AND A THRONE TO ORDER PAL. Warhorse lowers his microphone.
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Post by yoloisfox on Jul 30, 2020 20:05:35 GMT -6
Hathaway Enterprises walk out with Trent? strutting in front while OC slowly makes up the rear. Hathaway himself lets Trent holds the ropes for him while he gets in. OC just rolls under the bottom ropes. Soon Trent? and Stokely have mics.
Stokely Hathaway:”You winning this match? HAHAHA! That’s a good joke WARHORSE! A good joke, maybe even a great joke, because you aren’t winning! You can’t even headband your way out of a paper bag , what makes you think you can win this match? Let me tell you something HORSE, this match is too much for you because the moment you have a chance to win your dumb metal brain is gonna tell you to jump off the ladder and stomp some chump on the outside because THAT’S SO METAL! Then Orange Cassidy’s gonna sneak up the ladder and win! BOOM! That’s it all of you can go home you’ve lost, Hathaway Enterprises has already won!
Stokely Hathaway:”I mean seriously who in this match is a threat? It’s not the metalhead poser, it’s definitely not the Toddler Among Men, I mean seriously yea he’s strong but he’s the dumbest person I’ve ever met! Not only that but Team DDT can’t help you win this match, you’re alone, and not temper tantrums will be able to help you overgrown child! Hell the only reason you're even in this match is because of the expert mangering of Sanshiro Takagi, you haven’t earned this Braun, and Simon shut up and let the real managers talk, and I’m not talking about Doctor Eggman!”
Stokely Hathaway:”Now we finally get to the man who has so much to say but none of what you said actually matters Paul! We get it, you have a giant wall of meat as a client, very cool, very nice who cares? OH, he’s the IC champ wow, so he won it with Spikes help right? Oh wait he did? Wow that’s not impressive. My client Orange Cassidy, now he is a someone to be impressed by, the things he does in that ring are so breathtaking but for him it’s simply effortless, and come SummerSlam he’s gonna conquer your pet puppy Paul, along with all the other chumps, oh and Paul that’s not a prediction it’s a spoiler!”
Trent?:”YEAH, and where is Minoru Suzuki anyway huh? I thought he was in this match not El Dorado! Wait? Is it maybe that, Suzuki FEARS ORANGE?! I mean I get it, OC and I are super pissed about how Suzuki killed our friend Chuck on live television, but that’s not gonna save him! OC’s still gonna give him hell, whip his ass for Chuckie, then he’s gonna climb the ladder and win him that briefcase!”
Trent?:”Oh and Axel, uh I don’t know what to say, uhm, well no offense but what have you really done here dude? I mean ya beat Jimmy Havoc in a real brutal match but like uh anyone could have done that, I mean it’s Jimmy Havoc dude. So yea have fun getting bronze dude!”
Stokely Hathaway:”See Orange Cassidy, is what you’d call a wild card, a man who wasn’t scheduled for this match but thanks to Suzuki’s attack he’s in the match now. Thank you Suzuki, you just confirmed your loss! HAHA! Orange Cassidy isn’t someone to overlook, because he has actually been in this situation before, WrestleMania, Ultimate X, and spoiler he won, but now he’s improved tenfold, so this match won’t be a problem in fact, this match is what you might call easy peasy, Freshly Squeezed!”
OC goes to whisper something in Hathaway’s ear.
Stokely Hathaway:”What do you mean you don’t know how to climb a ladder!”
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Post by mrleedles on Jul 30, 2020 21:32:21 GMT -6
Axel starts laughing as Stokely finishes, and keeps going for a few seconds before raising the microphone up. Curtis Axel: Look at your boy, Stokely! Look at your goddamn boy! Dude is in a ladder match and doesn’t even know how to climb a ladder! What, do you think you and Trent are going to carry him up the ladder? When has that ever worked in a ladder match?Axel finally finishes laughing, and gets to a more serious face. I mean, the worst part is that you probably weren’t the only one thinking that you could cheat to win this. Simon Dean, El Desperado, Paul Heyman, all three of you useless wastes of time probably thought about climbing the ladder yourselves to grab the briefcase because you know that your clients can’t do it themselves. You all probably believe yourselves to be so smart as to have a “backup plan” like that just in case your clients do happen to fail considering how god-like you see them in your eyes, but there is no plan you or anyone in the UWF can have to defeat me. And speaking of gods…Axel turns to Desperado. If Suzuki is a god, then why exactly does he need you? Wouldn’t he be able to use his supposed godly power to just win himself matches without the help of posers like yourself? Hell, wouldn’t he have been able to beat Sweeney for the World Title if he was a god? Seems to me that the so-called god has a pretty big achilles heel, and that is the inability to win matches when they count. I mean, look at the triple threat I brought up. Now, it is pretty damn clear that you didn’t understand me whether it be because you just refused to acknowledge the truth or because O’Reilly had been a bit too rough with you last night, so let me say this in clear concise wording. Minoru Suzuki LOST to Larry Sweeney in a triple threat match, which also involved Neville, for the UWF Championship. When I was saying that he couldn’t even beat Neville I meant that the moron couldn’t make the thornless rose tap out, or pass out or whatever the hell you want to call his fake victories, so he could win the UWF Championship. Do you understand now what I was saying? Or are you just going to misconstrue that again to protect the image of the false god you worship?Axel then begins mocking Suzuki with the “we’re not worthy” posing before laughing again. And Simon, let me just say this to you. I appreciate you and Braun trying to agree with me on Minoru Suzuki actually showing up, but as a general note maybe you shouldn’t be throwing rocks in that glass house of yours? You are sitting there, calling out Suzuki to be a “man”...and yet when Braun came down here to the ring you followed him? Here’s a thought - if you want to make a point about someone being a man, why don’t you stay in the back and be a good little wifey for Braun by planning out his diet or something? Seriously, between you Heyman and whatever the fuck Stokely and Trent said I feel like I should have brought out Luke Gallows to speak alongside me. At least then when there is someone speaking nonsense on a competitor’s behalf, the excuse can be made that they are 99% likely to be drunk off their ass. What are your excuses?With that, he stands for a moment before turning to WARHORSE. I can’t believe I am even saying this, but at least Warhorse has the balls to come out here on his own just like I did. He didn’t need someone to come out beside him and speak stupidity on his behalf, because he does that well enough himself! Really man, what you were saying is completely ridiculous? This match isn’t personal to you? That is because you don’t have anything personal about you! You are an eternal midlife crisis who could use a text-to-speech app for his promos and come up with the exact same results: no personality, no emphasis, no context to the match, and no brains. Just meaningless words being shouted because you left the phone’s volume on max. You are a joke of not just a “wrestler”, but a person with the punchline being that you got into this match and expect to win it.Axel stands in the middle of the ring, the nine men in the ring circled around him. He turns to Heyman. So, do you think I got “testicular fortitude” now? Considering that you were standing all high and mighty saying that I would be a coward and refuse to shittalk everyone in this match when they were in the ring? Because honestly, this just makes it easier for me to say how horrible each of you are. Then again, sometimes I don’t even have to say anything. Heyman for example proved my point exactly. I don’t know if you caught it when you said it Heyman, but Steiner having no personality was exactly what I was getting at with your knockoff Broly there. He talks all big and thinks himself to be a major threat, to be the big bad of this matchup, but really you know what he is? He is an American version of Minoru Suzuki - a former MMA star well past his prime and now relying on his manager constantly buying him victories. Brock Lesnar is just as big of a useless waste of space in this match as Minoru Suzuki is and I cannot wait for the show to end and for both of you to be doing the exact same thing - bitching and moaning at how your boys lost to the “third place” of the UWF.Finally, Axel goes to Braun. Oh, and Braun..the reason I ignored you as a competitor in this match is because you deserved to be. You think you are high and mighty, that the nickname you got is worth a damn...but that is all it is. A nickname. A slogan you can throw onto a T-shirt. With you, I can’t even say what have you done lately because since you joined the UWF you have done nothing! There is nothing to go over with you, you are a hype machine missing half of the pieces required to actually produce something talented, a factory without any workers. You are a nobody, Braun, and you are going to stay that way for your entire career.With that said, he backs away from the larger man and raises his TV Title once more. You guys want to call this belt a toy because I haven’t had the chance to defend it yet? You want to call me the bronze, the third place of the company? You want to say I am brain damaged or that I got an overinflated ego? Fine, say whatever lies you want to try and convince yourselves that you have a snowball’s chance in hell at winning this match. At the end of the night though, there is only one thing you all will be calling me…
Mister Money In The Bank.Axel lowers the title, hoisting the title over his shoulder as he steps back for someone else to speak.
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Post by Dres on Jul 31, 2020 17:51:59 GMT -6
Simon Dean: Well Suzuki declined our invitation. And that’s not us crying or whining that he didn’t, it’s not complaining or hoping,
Braun Strowman: It’s us saying he’s a scared little bitch!
Right. But Despy, you keep soldiering on like a good little puppet and defend his honor the best you can. No one’s going to believe any of it, but that seems to be your calling in life, the role you’ve chosen.
You say I’m making it up about my leg, but actions speak louder than words and regardless of what you think of The Dudleyz, I beat them. Injured leg and all, I picked up the pinfall so if you think it’s going to stop me from climbing a ladder, you’re wrong. But as Simon said, you’re wrong about a lot of things, in fact the lot of you are.
Like Brock over here. You talk about Braun not being able to beat you on his own but the fact is, he beat you. And if a man can beat you once, he can beat you again so that ticket to Suplex City is as good as garbage because even if Braun takes the trip, you aren’t getting the briefcase because of it. See you two are right, there’s common ground between you and Suzuki. You both like to posture about like you’re the most threatening thing God ever breathed breath into even though it’s been proven that you’re not. Well the cat nap is over with and it’s time to leave Dreamland and wake up to the fact that neither of you measure up in the grand scheme.
Speaking of measuring up, Perfect Junior’s still over here shooting his mouth off about me being nothing.
That’s a shame. Not so much that you’re saying all that, Curtis, but that you think you’re the measuring stick that determines everyone else’s worth. Well you’re no more perfect than your father was, Curtis, so just like I advised Brock and Suzuki it’s time to get honest with yourself about your real worth. The Television Championship doesn’t show you’re a great performer, it’s little more than a gift for what the name says, that you’re on television. It’s like one of those commemorative ribbons you get for working somewhere a number of years or a pen with the company’s name on it. I know the word toy is being thrown around but it means less than that. Sure I still admit you went through hell to get it but does that mean anything? No, because it means nothing and you mean nothing.
In other words, you did what anyone could’ve done. Hell, that fat lardo stuffing his face with beer and pork rinds in the second row could be Television Champion. So congrats, you’re perfect all right, the perfect dud.
And on the subject of duds, EC3 threw someone else you’ve beaten before, Braun. WARHORSE.
Really? You angsty son of a bitch, I should’ve known that was you yelling!
I shouldn’t have to say it but I will. WARHORSE, you fit into the self-hype all the others believe in. Brock thinks he’s a beast, Suzuki thinks he’s a god, Curtis thinks he’s perfect, and you think you rule. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. You can turn your music up as loud as you want and feel edgy and feel metal but you need to remember, up against Braun that edge dulls and that metal becomes putty.
You’re gonna cry your face paint off, boy!
And as for the charity addition to this line-up, take what I said about the Television Championship and remember that Orange couldn’t even win that and that sums up his chances of winning.
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Post by bodor on Aug 1, 2020 13:51:56 GMT -6
Despy takes a step out of the corner, he eyes up everyone with a small smile on his face, he stops and eyes up Curtis Axel as he raises the mic
Axel before we get into whatever it is you just said I'd like to take you to last week's Revolution, no not the fact that you lost but don't worry we'll get there, I happened to watch the show right when your interview with Byron came along and I have to say, "ah I woke up right after I lost my match so you know my opponent's bad!" such a sad brag, also weird logic but we know that your brain's still fucked up from the Suzuki match so I'll skip over it, anyway back to the present where you keep bringing up the past! maybe Minoru Suzuki wasn't able to submit Neville during his triple threat match with Larry Sweeney, so obviously he "choked" right? well, what about how you weren't able to beat Bray Wyatt at all? or WALTER? or Minoru Suzuki, the god amongst men who you claim can't claim matches when they count? surprise Axel, you can't win matches at all, and Talking like this won't make you less of a loser, nor will it make you: Mister Money In The Bank but I do admit that it feels good.
Despy turns his attention to Braun
And if we're on the subject on things that supposedly feel good, how's the leg? I didn't really see you use it last week as most of the work as done by Takagi's mouth and Ultramatis's... Ultramantisness, and yet you secured the win so OBVIOUSLY Suzuki's scared of you, he's scared senseless of the one-legged sloppy mountain of talentless meat who's claim to fame is nothing! yeah Braun, nothing! what exactly did you do in the UWF that supports your claim to being this "monster"? did you guard UWF's honor by beating up an invading force? no, did you lose to said invading force and humiliated yourself by joining them? yes, did you win any major titles, have you beat any champions? no, so tell me, who's the one posturing about like he's the most threatening thing God ever created even though it’s been proven time and time and time again that you’re not? you
Despy smirks
But as much as you like to hype yourself up without anything to back that up, you're not WARHORSE over there who's in desperate need for a reality check, thrones are for kings, for emperors, for masters of their crafts, people above the average person in just about everything, they are for Minoru Suzuki, not for you, someone who's got a mediocre record at best, whose only ability IS TO SCREAM REAL LOUD AND LOOK I CAN DO THAT TOO GUESS YOU'RE EVEN MORE WORTHLESS NOW, Suzuki beat you up badly once, he'll do it again at Revolution, and he'll do it one last time at MITB, each one will be more destructive than the one before it
Despy again smirks, it's his default reaction to everything basically but what can ya do
And from physical destruction, we'll move to psychological destruction or in other words the thing that is in Brock Lesnar and his advocate Paul Heyman's brains right now, they're terrified of Minoru Suzuki and it's understandable, they've been in the trenches with him, they know what he's capable of and they can't fathom it happening to them so they lock themselves in this fantasy where Suzuki is their lesser who's only done their dirty work for them because they wanted it and it's fine, everyone needs a coping mechanism of some sorts, just be ready when it explodes in your face by the force of a jaw-breaking slap
Despy, you guessed it, smirks! but this time he also lowers the mic and takes a look around, eyeing every opponent and smiling, the smile stops when his eye reaches OC
Oh, wait who are you? I know WALTER met his fate earlier than the others and got medically suspended and that EC3 found a replacement, but wasn't the replacement supposed to be someone qualified? someone who's got a chance? ok, none of the people here are like that let's lower the bar, someone everyone knows? either way, Suzuki will beat him badly, very badly, the few people who recognized you earlier wouldn't recognize you after the match, I'm sure Chuckie would have still recognized you since you seem to be such great friends, too bad he's dead
Despy laughs super loudly, being mean is fun to him, what isn't fun to him is hearing everyone's response to the truth bombs he just dropped so when he realizes that's what he's gotta do now he relaxes and leans back in the corner, waiting
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